Your baby ain't sweet like mine

[saucy_regent]

WHO: The Condiment King, Cleric John Preston
WHERE: A fast food place near the police station no really
WHEN: March 1st afternoon
WARNINGS: PUNS and emotional blankness.
SUMMARY: Condiment King has had time to get used to the City and decides it's about time he started his reign of spicy terror by robbing a fast food joint. Cleric Preston is there

Comments

[guncleric]

[Preston is still just boggled by the entire concept of fast food - it's terrible for you, tastes disturbing, and these diners are too cheerful and plastic for anyone's good. Alas, he's kind of an easy sell for probationary cops and lab techs who can make puppy eyes to go get them tacos. And donuts. (To duplicate, maybe, he has no idea.)

When the ... action ... begins, he's staring at the list of things he's supposed to order, and looks up in time to catch the mustard assault. ... Well this is.. new. After a moment of sharing a common thread of humanity with the other patrons and just staring in incredulous confusion, Preston puts his phone away and steps over.]

Stop.

[saucy_regent]

[The servers take the opportunity to duck behind the counter and out of the line of any more... sauce... as the Condiment King turns to stare at the oddly unnerving figure addressing him. He shakes off the momentary feeling that there should be looming happening and points his ketcup gun at Preston.]

What pea-on dares interrupt the Condiment King? [He hops down off the counter, raising one hand clenched into a fist.] If you get salty with me, be prepared to taste my saucy fury!

[And he fires a stream of ketchup at Preston's face.]

[guncleric]

[Preston holds up his right hand to stop the ketchup from hitting him in the face and then takes a moment to blink at his now sticky, red glove. ...]

[ ........ Anyway, he looks back up. ]

I am a police officer. Put down your weapon and place your hands on the counter.

[saucy_regent]

[Oh noooo, he did not just try to rob a place with a police officer already there. Weren't there only like twenty of these guys in the whole city?]

Aww skittles.

[He shook his head and reminded himself - just one cop, and he was from Gotham, he could take this guy. YEAH.]

You won't steak me in so easily, cop! Try this on for supersize!

[Next is that mustard gun. SPLORTCH.]

[guncleric]

[You're just lucky. Preston blinks, startled by the mustard hit to the chest - hey, that could have been mildly irritating if he got any in his eyes - and finds himself irrationally annoyed at the thought of his jacket getting totally wrecked by this. The phenomenon of material attachment is something he can inspect later, however, and a moment later there's a gun in his left hand pointed at Condiment King's head.]

Surrender immediately.

[saucy_regent]

[There's a split second of realisation that a gun is being pointed at him, and a gun will really hurt at this range, and he's not a good dodger at all - and then he's reflexively throwing up his hands with an "eep!" noise.

Which would be where it ended most days, except that this time something feels different.

To his complete surprise, a wave of salsa and barbecue sauce and nacho cheese erupts from behind the counter with a rumble, pouring out of the dispensers and swirling around him into a red and yellow bubble of a shield.]

... Christ on a cracker!

[guncleric]

[Most of the patrons have skittered out, but plenty have hung around to watch through the windows - they've got quite a crowd now with this new development. A beat, and Preston lets out what might be a sigh before lowering his gun and then socking this nutjob in the face. Through the shield, yeah.]

[saucy_regent]

[Condiment king completely expects the shield to impenetrable, like he's seen Green Lanterns do with light - just green light! - and when Preston's fist easily travels through the shield of sauce, his face changes from a wide grin to one of shocked despair in a way that would surely get a slow motion sequence, if this were a movie.

And if he weren't hidden by entirely penetrable sauce.

He doesn't roll with the punch at all, and he's about as good at taking punches as he is at dodging, so he crumples to floor from the single hit, the shield losing all animation and splattering onto the floor around and all over him.]

[guncleric]

[There's a smattering of applause from a few patrons outside and at least one employee as Preston tries to shake mustard off his arm before looking down to make sure this guy doesn't drown in his own --projectile discharge.

That done, he finally places the order for Greg and Lucy's food, and goes about getting the Condiment King to holding.]