(no subject)
WHO: Cannonball
WHERE: The City, then somewhere in Kentucky
WHEN: After Jay's post
WARNINGS: ANGST AND MAN TEARS
SUMMARY: Sam cannot deal with his immortality.
FORMAT: Solo
There were very few things in the world that could set Sam Guthrie off like this. Actually, it was a number below five. Family, friends and that god dang part of him he wished would just go away. Not his mutant powers, of course, but his immortality. Sam was sick of having it hang over his head like a cloud he didn’t want to acknowledge. Sure, he had some details about it now, but this was a gift he couldn’t deal with or accept. Sam was a person so very connected to the people he loved, and knowing they would all eventually be torn away from him was a constant kick in the gut. He tried not to think about it, really, but the fact was that this power was hanging over him. He couldn’t get rid of it, not ever. Just like his mutation, Sam’s immortality was part of him forever.
That power was something he liked to keep to himself, along with his worries and his fears. He could explain it briefly to whoever he needed to, and he could talk about it with a group of select people, but for the most part he kept it private. There were a lot of folks who didn’t need to know. They didn’t need to hear that he didn’t actually care if he died or not anymore. It was no more pain than being knocked out, really. Well, sometimes it hurt more, but he dealt with it. Being dead only lasted so long and he always got right back up in the best shape. He’d die if the mission needed to, he’d die if it meant snapping someone out of a trance, and he’d die if it meant protecting people he loved. There wasn't a good soul alive Sam Guthrie wouldn't kill himself for.
But then his little brother went and posted to the network about just how awful he was.
Jay was such a brat.
Sam took all the guilt and bad feelings towards Jay pretty easily. He accepted his brother treating him like crap only because all he could see when he talked to Jay--was his dead brother. Sam had been nice to him and tried to keep an eye out. Of course he still would, but right now he’d had enough of that kid. After everything he’d done, Jay went and posted to the network about something so personal. Sam was beyond pissed about it, too. It wasn’t something he wanted the whole world to know about, especially since his immortality was only just being figured out. He could talk about it to people he trusted, but that was it. He didn’t want anyone to make a dang post about it! It was complicated, a little. Sam could tell anyone he was unable to die, but when it came to actually talking about it, he didn’t want to. It just was something he wanted to avoid.
So, after he was done on Jay’s post, Sam took right off. He didn’t care if he was grounded, because Cable could do without yelling at him for a little while. Sam just put on his goggles and blasted off into the sky. He went so fast he couldn’t even feel anything after awhile, just flying and flying until he ended up somewhere that wasn’t the city. He wanted to be away from his problems and away from his issues for a little while. Subconsciously, he started in a direction he knew all too well. He flew faster as his thoughts raged, trying to keep himself in control. It was when his emotions were a mess that he really needed to keep an eye on what he was doing. He didn’t want to break anything, or crash!
It was times like this that he wished to hell Bobby was here. Bobby wasn’t one to really say the right thing at the right time, but Sam needed his best friend. If there was one thing Bobby was good at, it was taking a guy’s mind of his problems and just letting loose. Sam couldn’t help but wish he was there at that moment. Bobby wouldn’t know the right thing to say, but he would know the right thing to do. He was the one person who knew Sam better than anyone; not Tabby, or Cable or anyone else could compare. Roberto DaCosta, despite some instances, was Sam’s best friend. And now? Now Sam needed him more than he ever had. For a second he wished he could go inside the porter building and demand that Bobby get brought here. Sure, Roberto couldn’t fix this, but he could help in a way no one else knew how to.
Sam blinked a little as he flew on. He was so upset and angry that he hadn’t even bothered to tell Tabitha he’d taken off. She could yell at him for it later, but for now he needed to get the hell away from everyone he knew. Jay hadn’t said anything Sam was keeping secret, but it still freaked him out to know all of that was available for the network to see. t didn’t help that Jay was just going on about how bad of a brother Sam was, either. It wasn’t fair. Sam tried and tried and tried to keep contact with his family. He tried to be a good brother and a good son, but he couldn’t always be there. It was impossible!
Besides, he wasn’t a kid anymore. He couldn’t stay at home forever, no matter how much a small part of him would like to. He had responsibilities to the world and to every team that needed him. He’d never regret joining up with that crew; he’d saved so many lives and done so much good that there was no use feeling sorry about it. Sure, he’d like to be there for his family more than possible, but he knew very well they could take care of themselves. He knew his siblings were good at everything they did, good at taking care of---
Sam evenutally landed, wobbling just a little as he did. He’d ended up on some side road in Kentucky. After breathing in the air around hiim, Sam ripped off his goggles and tossed them into the dirt. He fell on his knees from exhaustion and looked open sadly at the nothing in front of him. He didn’t even try fighting the tears that fell down his face as he clawed at the dirt around him. This was supposed to be home. This was supposed to be where the farm was and where his-
He missed his mom.
Lord, he wished she was here for only a second. Just so he could give her such a hug and say sorry. To tell her he was trying his best with Jay, even if none of it was working. He wanted to apologize for everything he didn’t do and everything he did. He wanted to tell her Jay was okay and he’d look out for him, even if it meant keeping his distance. Lord, he wanted to see her so badly.
But she wasn’t here. Neither was Paige, or Melody, or Jeb, or ANYONE. Sam couldn’t deal with this anymore. He covered his face with his hands, sobbing quietly as he sat there. He wanted to fucking go home. He wanted to see his mom. He didn’t want Jay to be dead anymore. HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE IMMORTAL. Good lord, how he was sick of all this. He was going to get yelled at when he got back, but he wouldn't be moving for awhile. He couldn’t listen and he didn’t want to move.
He couldn't live like this for much longer. He couldn't go on not caring that he couldn't die and being told constantly that he wasn't good at even keeping a connection with his family. It just made the fact he was an External so much more real. He couldn't do this. Everything either hurt so much or didn't hurt at all; he couldn't do it anymore. There was no way in hell anyone would ever understand, either.
“Lord of mercy.” He bent his head forward, remaining still. “Someone help me.”
Despite everything he felt, right here and then was the only time he'd ever mutter those words.
WHERE: The City, then somewhere in Kentucky
WHEN: After Jay's post
WARNINGS: ANGST AND MAN TEARS
SUMMARY: Sam cannot deal with his immortality.
FORMAT: Solo
There were very few things in the world that could set Sam Guthrie off like this. Actually, it was a number below five. Family, friends and that god dang part of him he wished would just go away. Not his mutant powers, of course, but his immortality. Sam was sick of having it hang over his head like a cloud he didn’t want to acknowledge. Sure, he had some details about it now, but this was a gift he couldn’t deal with or accept. Sam was a person so very connected to the people he loved, and knowing they would all eventually be torn away from him was a constant kick in the gut. He tried not to think about it, really, but the fact was that this power was hanging over him. He couldn’t get rid of it, not ever. Just like his mutation, Sam’s immortality was part of him forever.
That power was something he liked to keep to himself, along with his worries and his fears. He could explain it briefly to whoever he needed to, and he could talk about it with a group of select people, but for the most part he kept it private. There were a lot of folks who didn’t need to know. They didn’t need to hear that he didn’t actually care if he died or not anymore. It was no more pain than being knocked out, really. Well, sometimes it hurt more, but he dealt with it. Being dead only lasted so long and he always got right back up in the best shape. He’d die if the mission needed to, he’d die if it meant snapping someone out of a trance, and he’d die if it meant protecting people he loved. There wasn't a good soul alive Sam Guthrie wouldn't kill himself for.
But then his little brother went and posted to the network about just how awful he was.
Jay was such a brat.
Sam took all the guilt and bad feelings towards Jay pretty easily. He accepted his brother treating him like crap only because all he could see when he talked to Jay--was his dead brother. Sam had been nice to him and tried to keep an eye out. Of course he still would, but right now he’d had enough of that kid. After everything he’d done, Jay went and posted to the network about something so personal. Sam was beyond pissed about it, too. It wasn’t something he wanted the whole world to know about, especially since his immortality was only just being figured out. He could talk about it to people he trusted, but that was it. He didn’t want anyone to make a dang post about it! It was complicated, a little. Sam could tell anyone he was unable to die, but when it came to actually talking about it, he didn’t want to. It just was something he wanted to avoid.
So, after he was done on Jay’s post, Sam took right off. He didn’t care if he was grounded, because Cable could do without yelling at him for a little while. Sam just put on his goggles and blasted off into the sky. He went so fast he couldn’t even feel anything after awhile, just flying and flying until he ended up somewhere that wasn’t the city. He wanted to be away from his problems and away from his issues for a little while. Subconsciously, he started in a direction he knew all too well. He flew faster as his thoughts raged, trying to keep himself in control. It was when his emotions were a mess that he really needed to keep an eye on what he was doing. He didn’t want to break anything, or crash!
It was times like this that he wished to hell Bobby was here. Bobby wasn’t one to really say the right thing at the right time, but Sam needed his best friend. If there was one thing Bobby was good at, it was taking a guy’s mind of his problems and just letting loose. Sam couldn’t help but wish he was there at that moment. Bobby wouldn’t know the right thing to say, but he would know the right thing to do. He was the one person who knew Sam better than anyone; not Tabby, or Cable or anyone else could compare. Roberto DaCosta, despite some instances, was Sam’s best friend. And now? Now Sam needed him more than he ever had. For a second he wished he could go inside the porter building and demand that Bobby get brought here. Sure, Roberto couldn’t fix this, but he could help in a way no one else knew how to.
Sam blinked a little as he flew on. He was so upset and angry that he hadn’t even bothered to tell Tabitha he’d taken off. She could yell at him for it later, but for now he needed to get the hell away from everyone he knew. Jay hadn’t said anything Sam was keeping secret, but it still freaked him out to know all of that was available for the network to see. t didn’t help that Jay was just going on about how bad of a brother Sam was, either. It wasn’t fair. Sam tried and tried and tried to keep contact with his family. He tried to be a good brother and a good son, but he couldn’t always be there. It was impossible!
Besides, he wasn’t a kid anymore. He couldn’t stay at home forever, no matter how much a small part of him would like to. He had responsibilities to the world and to every team that needed him. He’d never regret joining up with that crew; he’d saved so many lives and done so much good that there was no use feeling sorry about it. Sure, he’d like to be there for his family more than possible, but he knew very well they could take care of themselves. He knew his siblings were good at everything they did, good at taking care of---
Sam evenutally landed, wobbling just a little as he did. He’d ended up on some side road in Kentucky. After breathing in the air around hiim, Sam ripped off his goggles and tossed them into the dirt. He fell on his knees from exhaustion and looked open sadly at the nothing in front of him. He didn’t even try fighting the tears that fell down his face as he clawed at the dirt around him. This was supposed to be home. This was supposed to be where the farm was and where his-
He missed his mom.
Lord, he wished she was here for only a second. Just so he could give her such a hug and say sorry. To tell her he was trying his best with Jay, even if none of it was working. He wanted to apologize for everything he didn’t do and everything he did. He wanted to tell her Jay was okay and he’d look out for him, even if it meant keeping his distance. Lord, he wanted to see her so badly.
But she wasn’t here. Neither was Paige, or Melody, or Jeb, or ANYONE. Sam couldn’t deal with this anymore. He covered his face with his hands, sobbing quietly as he sat there. He wanted to fucking go home. He wanted to see his mom. He didn’t want Jay to be dead anymore. HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE IMMORTAL. Good lord, how he was sick of all this. He was going to get yelled at when he got back, but he wouldn't be moving for awhile. He couldn’t listen and he didn’t want to move.
He couldn't live like this for much longer. He couldn't go on not caring that he couldn't die and being told constantly that he wasn't good at even keeping a connection with his family. It just made the fact he was an External so much more real. He couldn't do this. Everything either hurt so much or didn't hurt at all; he couldn't do it anymore. There was no way in hell anyone would ever understand, either.
“Lord of mercy.” He bent his head forward, remaining still. “Someone help me.”
Despite everything he felt, right here and then was the only time he'd ever mutter those words.