i have a dachshund on my shoulders.....really, i have a freakin dachshund on my shoulders.
life is funny. funny in a way that it can throw multiple curve balls at you before you even knew the first one hit you. one day you can be fine and a few weeks later things are totally different. I like life though. Not just because LIFE is what I do, what I have and that's all and to say I hate it would only change things to a bitter shade of bleak. Nah. Rather, I enjoy the curveballs. Can you enjoy something by hating it? What am I talking about?
I'll never be a writer because I analyze things too damn much.
my grandmother's dog "Angel" is asleep on my shoulders while I type. I'm beginning to like this dog. I miss her so much. If I saw her right now, I would take every piece of clothing I had and throw it in the mud so she could wash them all (because she loved to wash our clothes because she loved helping us *my family* out).
school is crazy. spanish and statistics=not cool. religion, fiction, and film class= awesome.
i'll leave it at that.
So, I started training to be a phone counselor for the Baton Rouge Crisis Intervention Center aka the suicide hotline. (actually not many people who call are actually suicidal. i don't know the percentage but it's less than you would think). It's the first thing I've done that's got something to do with my major/ what I think I want to do for the rest of my life. It's rather interesting. I didn't know that there was a method to talking to people that were going through crap. They're training us to talk to people in a very methodical manner so as to lead them to a better way to cope with whatever they're going through. I wonder if things will get harder once we actually start going on the lines....
they talk about how if we have a particularly emotionally draining call, there's this number we call that connects to a counselor for phone counselor's that we can talk to. It sounds pretty hardcore. I feel good though. I don't think I've ever done something like that to help people and thought it was the wrong thing to do or nor where I'm supposed to be at that moment in my life. I'm glad that this vague answer to "what do you want to do with your life?" which is "i don't know, just help people for the rest of it" is becoming at least a bit clearer.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........i feel a classic Coleman Wilson relationship rant coming on.
I wouldn't call it a rant though. I'm very far away from a ranting mood right now. I've just been thinking alot about how to go about relationships these days...in a different way. Kinda more pro-active.
One of my friends recently met a girl. He was at a store and the girl walked up to him (she worked at the store by the way) she complemented him on his shirt and said she liked the CD he was buying. As he was walking out, he suddenly got this electric burst of courage to go back inside and ask the girl to have coffee with him sometime. The girl said she had a boyfriend but she was flattered. He said, "that's perfectly fine" and left. There is no defeat in this story because in asking her to coffee ( or whatever venue he might have chosen) he was breaking his comfort zone rules and taking a risk, which is how all relationships start --- by that I mean by taking a risk. He (my friend) normally didn't do this...neither do I. This sparked inspiration in me which led me to trying it for myself.
In my phone hotline training sessions, there are several girls I'm attracted to. One inparticular, because i have no idea , the way she dresses, looks, presents her personality? So i copy my friends actions and after a session one night, I walked up to her and asked her to coffee. Something I don't do practically ever by the way. I got the same response my friend did " I have a boyfriend" which suprised me seeming that the question was "I would love to get coffee with you sometime, would you like to join me?" I guess it makes sense, it just suprised me that she said that right off the bat. I said, "that's cool. I would still like to get coffee with you sometime" and she said that would be cool and we left.
I wasn't sad at all afterwards. Even though I got "shot down" or whatever you call it. I never considered it that. I was stoked that I actually did it.
In the midst of all of this, one of my friends (name omitted) had confronted me a few days back of her feelings for me having surpassed the FRIEND ZONE. and yet again, as fate would have it, I wasn't attracted to her thus had to tell her that it wasn't going to happen.
With all this happening at once, I felt really really confused about relationships and why I'm still alone (not that I have a time limit or anything. Nor that I don't like being alone and see it as a bad thing SEE:MOTORCYCLE DRIVE BY by 3RD EYE BLIND)
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: there really isn't a moral, but the main thing I got from all this mess and new-ness and going out on a limb and getting turned down and turning down other people is what happened when I was laying in my bed the night I asked the phone girl (who coincidentally is named Kelly....strange? at least it's not spelled with an "i" at the end). I was talking to God and I said,
"God, I like to think the reason you keep me away from being with these girls or A girl so far is that you have this girl that you made for me and I for her and you're waiting to let us meet. Like everytime for don't allow for a relationship to happen either by communicating it to my heart in the form of just taking away those feelings or by having that girl straight up tell me it's not going to happen, you're right behind me saying "I know it sucks, I know...but I'm telling you, you'll understand when you meet her. Just wait my precious, precious son. You'll see why." I know that sounds cliche Lord in the ears of my peers but the idealistic romantic in me hopes that it's true. That lovesick shmuck hopes it's true....thanks for not laughing at me and criticizing me by the way."
way too many run on sentences in this entry.
I miss my Dad.
New DETHKLOK album comes out Tuesday. I can't wait to hear MER-MAIDER ( a song about mermaid - murder) and BRIEFCASE FULL OF GUTS full -length.
that's about it.
I'll never be a writer because I analyze things too damn much.
my grandmother's dog "Angel" is asleep on my shoulders while I type. I'm beginning to like this dog. I miss her so much. If I saw her right now, I would take every piece of clothing I had and throw it in the mud so she could wash them all (because she loved to wash our clothes because she loved helping us *my family* out).
school is crazy. spanish and statistics=not cool. religion, fiction, and film class= awesome.
i'll leave it at that.
So, I started training to be a phone counselor for the Baton Rouge Crisis Intervention Center aka the suicide hotline. (actually not many people who call are actually suicidal. i don't know the percentage but it's less than you would think). It's the first thing I've done that's got something to do with my major/ what I think I want to do for the rest of my life. It's rather interesting. I didn't know that there was a method to talking to people that were going through crap. They're training us to talk to people in a very methodical manner so as to lead them to a better way to cope with whatever they're going through. I wonder if things will get harder once we actually start going on the lines....
they talk about how if we have a particularly emotionally draining call, there's this number we call that connects to a counselor for phone counselor's that we can talk to. It sounds pretty hardcore. I feel good though. I don't think I've ever done something like that to help people and thought it was the wrong thing to do or nor where I'm supposed to be at that moment in my life. I'm glad that this vague answer to "what do you want to do with your life?" which is "i don't know, just help people for the rest of it" is becoming at least a bit clearer.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........i feel a classic Coleman Wilson relationship rant coming on.
I wouldn't call it a rant though. I'm very far away from a ranting mood right now. I've just been thinking alot about how to go about relationships these days...in a different way. Kinda more pro-active.
One of my friends recently met a girl. He was at a store and the girl walked up to him (she worked at the store by the way) she complemented him on his shirt and said she liked the CD he was buying. As he was walking out, he suddenly got this electric burst of courage to go back inside and ask the girl to have coffee with him sometime. The girl said she had a boyfriend but she was flattered. He said, "that's perfectly fine" and left. There is no defeat in this story because in asking her to coffee ( or whatever venue he might have chosen) he was breaking his comfort zone rules and taking a risk, which is how all relationships start --- by that I mean by taking a risk. He (my friend) normally didn't do this...neither do I. This sparked inspiration in me which led me to trying it for myself.
In my phone hotline training sessions, there are several girls I'm attracted to. One inparticular, because i have no idea , the way she dresses, looks, presents her personality? So i copy my friends actions and after a session one night, I walked up to her and asked her to coffee. Something I don't do practically ever by the way. I got the same response my friend did " I have a boyfriend" which suprised me seeming that the question was "I would love to get coffee with you sometime, would you like to join me?" I guess it makes sense, it just suprised me that she said that right off the bat. I said, "that's cool. I would still like to get coffee with you sometime" and she said that would be cool and we left.
I wasn't sad at all afterwards. Even though I got "shot down" or whatever you call it. I never considered it that. I was stoked that I actually did it.
In the midst of all of this, one of my friends (name omitted) had confronted me a few days back of her feelings for me having surpassed the FRIEND ZONE. and yet again, as fate would have it, I wasn't attracted to her thus had to tell her that it wasn't going to happen.
With all this happening at once, I felt really really confused about relationships and why I'm still alone (not that I have a time limit or anything. Nor that I don't like being alone and see it as a bad thing SEE:MOTORCYCLE DRIVE BY by 3RD EYE BLIND)
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: there really isn't a moral, but the main thing I got from all this mess and new-ness and going out on a limb and getting turned down and turning down other people is what happened when I was laying in my bed the night I asked the phone girl (who coincidentally is named Kelly....strange? at least it's not spelled with an "i" at the end). I was talking to God and I said,
"God, I like to think the reason you keep me away from being with these girls or A girl so far is that you have this girl that you made for me and I for her and you're waiting to let us meet. Like everytime for don't allow for a relationship to happen either by communicating it to my heart in the form of just taking away those feelings or by having that girl straight up tell me it's not going to happen, you're right behind me saying "I know it sucks, I know...but I'm telling you, you'll understand when you meet her. Just wait my precious, precious son. You'll see why." I know that sounds cliche Lord in the ears of my peers but the idealistic romantic in me hopes that it's true. That lovesick shmuck hopes it's true....thanks for not laughing at me and criticizing me by the way."
way too many run on sentences in this entry.
I miss my Dad.
New DETHKLOK album comes out Tuesday. I can't wait to hear MER-MAIDER ( a song about mermaid - murder) and BRIEFCASE FULL OF GUTS full -length.
that's about it.