you cant go home again
well here i am. its all said and done. i am livin in milwaukee for the rest of summer/school year. its cool, i guess, but I feel like i just up and left and a lot of people feel bad that i didnt want to hang out the last few days. Knop talked to me online today and said that he was gonna miss me and us hanging out at his house all the time. i think i didnt really tell anyone that i was moving really. I feel really bad about it, but i kinda have a good reason. i think deep inside, i didnt really want to think about me being away from the best summer of my life. no, i am not affraid of being here, i love it, it is just that i feel like i was ripped away suddenly and without warning... if that makes sense. it didnt hit me till i got here, but i love it here still. confusing if u arent me. it is just gonna be wierd not being able to hang out with friends as much as i could at home. i could stay out at webbs or at someones house till 3... but now, for instance, with work friends, i will have to make a decision.... to come home or to hang out. i loved getting a call at 11 am, taking a shower, and hanging out all day with people. and now, i feel i will be left out of a lot of things during our last month "together." I dont have closure with some people, and i dont think i will get a chance to. i just feel like i have moved, and i have been erased off of everyones lists of people to hang out with. more or less obandoned. just jitters i think.
after we moved, amber beck dan and I went to the kerry rally. we had fun yelling at bush supporters, and the speech was awesome. anyone who thinks kerry flip-flops on the issues needed to hear the speech today. he even explain all of that, which wasnt a big deal at all. it was cool seing steve there with erika, basically because steve used to be a big bush supporter.... i think. He was wearing an anti-bush button today. made me smile.
as i am sitting here, i keep remembering i dont live at home anymore. my parents basically are cleaning out my room and repainting it... and when i said i would be staying over when i was working or wanted to hang out with friends, they kinda just said "no."
anyone reading this, please come hang out with me in milwaukee. that means all of u - denyse, amber, becky, angela... everyone but those people who make me feel terrible about myself by leaving anymonous comments.
tonight i am gonna pull an allnighter and put together my bed and such... maybe watch a dvd. i want to surround myself with pictures. i need to take this step by step. i need people to stop by and eat my food and drink my coffee. :-D . Let's do lunch reader, call me on my cell phone. it would make my day/week.
it seems that everywhere around me people are in relationships... it makes me sad. i see dustin and sharyn at work in a movie, and she is resting her head on his... i see erika and steve... amber and ryan... katie and knop... i just want someone who can walk around milwaukee with me and keep me company. someone to take to the lake and to the bistro, or have coffee with. i dont want a summer fling, i want a long term thing. i never go into one without seeing us being together for a long time either. "east side lovers living on the west end" -rhcp. be sure to send me warm and fuzzys. call me.
after we moved, amber beck dan and I went to the kerry rally. we had fun yelling at bush supporters, and the speech was awesome. anyone who thinks kerry flip-flops on the issues needed to hear the speech today. he even explain all of that, which wasnt a big deal at all. it was cool seing steve there with erika, basically because steve used to be a big bush supporter.... i think. He was wearing an anti-bush button today. made me smile.
as i am sitting here, i keep remembering i dont live at home anymore. my parents basically are cleaning out my room and repainting it... and when i said i would be staying over when i was working or wanted to hang out with friends, they kinda just said "no."
anyone reading this, please come hang out with me in milwaukee. that means all of u - denyse, amber, becky, angela... everyone but those people who make me feel terrible about myself by leaving anymonous comments.
tonight i am gonna pull an allnighter and put together my bed and such... maybe watch a dvd. i want to surround myself with pictures. i need to take this step by step. i need people to stop by and eat my food and drink my coffee. :-D . Let's do lunch reader, call me on my cell phone. it would make my day/week.
it seems that everywhere around me people are in relationships... it makes me sad. i see dustin and sharyn at work in a movie, and she is resting her head on his... i see erika and steve... amber and ryan... katie and knop... i just want someone who can walk around milwaukee with me and keep me company. someone to take to the lake and to the bistro, or have coffee with. i dont want a summer fling, i want a long term thing. i never go into one without seeing us being together for a long time either. "east side lovers living on the west end" -rhcp. be sure to send me warm and fuzzys. call me.