it could take my whole damn life to make this right

[logan_echolls]

I can't say waking up in a hospital, with an IV feeding you wonder drugs that are some weak attempt to sedate you from wondering what the hell has happened or why your entire body just aches, is the best way in the world to come to some sort of consciousness. Personally, waking up next to Veronica would have been first choice, but this is the sort

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[logan_echolls]

It really, inevitably, didn't stop Veronica from being controlling in the end to point it out to her. And it didn't really help that she suddenly decided to point out that we had problems communication. Points for Ms. Obvious with a side of attitude we all know and love. This was one of those times that I didn't really find it so endearing.

"I'm not saying any of that," I start, but stop all over again because I feel tired and winded from being yelled at, from yelling, from all of the crap I went through this evening. Mostly, I just don't want to deal, but I can't even get started about any of the stuff that we're going through - that I'm going through and that she's going through. It's exhausting.

"I'm not going to tell you to get lost or anything like that, Veronica. I'm just really not." Shaking my head toward her briefly, I let out a breath. "And I'm sorry that you've been worried over me. I'm sorry that I really don't help that. I'm just.... I'm so freaking exhausted right now. I just need to wake up tomorrow and be less injured and be less sore than I am right now."

"... Because I feel horrible," I start, my throat closing in on me. I was finding it hard to begin to breathe again and I couldn't stop it. "I feel horrible and I got shot and I almost freaking died today. And, Veronica, I didn't want to die because I love you and you make everything out there worth it when it's never been."

[renewedsoul_v]

"Well, personally, I'm very glad I didn't piss you off to the point of you breaking up with me... I kinda need someone around who gets me most of the time." I teased softly, trying to move past all the fighting. The last thing either of us wanted was to waste energy being angry and I knew that. One of those things I need to actually work on, like thinking things through before I do something.

"Hey...shhh." I whispered when I see the look on his face, the same one he had at the Neptune Grand after the fight with Trina... when it hit that his mom was really gone. He's scared, and he's hurt and I'm being this total spastic bitch? Right.

I suck.

He says he didn't want to die because he loves me and I make everything worth it, and my automatic impulse is to hold him, make sure he knew I was there if he needed to cry, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I carefully settled on the edge of his bed and press a soft kiss to his lips. For a change I want to be the one comforting him, reassuring him that everything's going to be okay.

He really didn't have to act all brave for me, but he probably didn't even know that from the way I'd been carrying on, did he? "Logan, it's okay..." I promised gently, caressing his cheek softly, "I'm right here. You're stuck with me. You're totally safe here, it's just us." In other words 'you know it's okay to cry here'. He just wasn't because I was so scared before. I'd bet money on that.

"I love you so much. I don't even have the words to explain to you how much, but I don't remember what it's like to not feel so loved, and safe and whole as I do with you. You know that, right?" I asked him, lacing our fingers again, "And I know you don't want me fussing over you, but at least lean on me, okay? I'm not gonna break and you don't have to hold everything in." God knows if I did that I'd probably go supernova if tonight's any indication.

[logan_echolls]

I wanted to bring Veronica closer to just hold her close to me or something, but all I had now were the brief moments she bent over to kiss me and her fingers intertwined tightly with mine. And despite the tightness in my chest and her being so close to me all I knew she'd get were just a few tears discarded that couldn't be held back. I wipe them away anyway, the paper patient's bracelet brushing my cheek as I did that.

I break to give her a small smile even though it's forced after all of this. "You know, I really loved it here. I really thought everything could work out here and I just forgot that everything else existed. It's kinda a crappy way of ending the stay. I ran away with my girlfriend to Virginia Beach and all I got was this lousy bullet hole."

I shook my head slightly to her. "It feels like I don't even know what's going to happen next."

Other than the fact that I'm pretty sure that they don't let patients with bullet holes go without an overnight stay or two, our life back in Neptune had gone on without us. Everything just went on without us.

"Oh my god, you two! Do you know how worried I've been?"

I have to give an external groan at that voice because without a doubt I knew who Keith Mars had called at some point, who apparent was eager to get on a plane and play the concerned older sister. "You've got to be kidding me," I breathed, mostly to myself.

"And you. You really need a lecture, don't you?"

"Yeah, probably, but I sure hope it happens when I have the ability to run away from it."

"And here I thought there'd been enough running away for you," she chastised.

"Not from you," I countered. "Trina, what are you even doing here? Don't you have some movie or high school play."

"The show will go on!

Really? Without her. Let me feign disbelief. I see Keith Mars standing in the doorway with this apologetic look on his face that he didn't mean to unleash my sister on me and her being here is merely an accident. I believe it. I'm sure he's dealt with Trina at least for the past few months for what Veronica told me every time she got off the phone.

"Well, I'm sure Logan could use some rest." He intervenes. "We all could use some probably. It's been a long day."

"Too long." I say, dully, my fingers still laced with Veronica's.