it's sort of like an essay, but less coherent and interesting and more whiny.
In which I ramble about the point in canon Shuro is taken from and why it's giving me problems. Already. orz
So. This is my first time playing a character who dies in canon... er, not counting Hyatt. It's my first time playing a character who dies in canon in a non-comedic fashion, anyway. So the logical thing to do, in such a case, would be to take the character from after their death, right? Post-death Shuro wouldn't have to worry about getting back home to help Aya and would be more or less okay about being separated from her friends (since she was going to be anyway); I wouldn't have to figure out what to do about the whole thing where she's slowly dying; and I also wouldn't have to feel like if I ever dropped her I'd be sending her to her death. Yes, this upsets me. ... okay, I admit it, I am overly invested in the wellbeing of a fictional character. Shut up. So, you know, that'd be the logical way to go. It seems to be what most people playing characters who die in canon do.
... But I didn't! And here's why: post-death Shuro has nothing to hide. She would be perfectly open about being female, and possibly about being a ten'nyo as well, having revealed both to all her fans immediately before her death. Which worked very well! It was nice closure, very touching and everything. I cried buckets, though I like to blame that on the fact that I was feverish at the time. But it also means that... well, post-death Shuro isn't quite the same Shuro we see through most of the series, because that Shuro is trying to. I don't know, maybe it wouldn't make that much of a difference in how she behaves/interacts with people, but... I feel like it would, at least, and I think if I were to have Shuro come in and be completely open about the things she spends most of the series hiding, I would have some voice issues stemming from that. Maybe I'm overthinking it! Maybe how she behaves around Aya, who knows about both secrets from early volume 6 on, is all the canon I need on this front! But it still wasn't something I felt totally comfortable doing, and I thought "well, if I start her off pre-death, I can canon-update her to post-death if it doesn't work out, whereas the other way round obviously wouldn't work." Also, I confess I thought it would be interesting to play with the whole "pretending to be male" thing, at least for a while. It's probably the closest I'll ever get to having a male character, at this rate.
All that being said, well... see the first paragraph for the cons to this! And so I've been second-guessing myself on this decision... pretty much since making said decision. Did I mention I didn't even make up my mind about this until after I got in? Yeah. I am conflicted! And I wish I could have it both ways somehow (i.e. technically taken from after her death but still behaving as she would have before), but I really don't think I can. Actually, I've realized that technically this is what I am doing with Sara, minus the death part (I'm taking her post-canon but still having her keep secrets she should technically have no reason to keep anymore), and probably only getting away with it because so few other people know her canon. One of these days I ought to work that one out too. Oh, how I fail.
My current thought is to canon-update her to after her death after she's been in camp for a while, but I'm not entirely sure about this either -- I mean, it wouldn't be something I could go back on, and I have no idea how long I should wait before doing it, and... argh, I don't know, this is frustrating. I generally take my characters from Some Nebulous Unspecified Point In Canon, which worked fine for most of the others, but I really can't do it for Shuro, so this is all very new and confusing and stuff.
... I should maybe have talked this out with someone before I introposted, or something. Because if I change my mind now, I can't exactly canon-update her immediately, since she just got here. Way to fail, me.
So. This is my first time playing a character who dies in canon... er, not counting Hyatt. It's my first time playing a character who dies in canon in a non-comedic fashion, anyway. So the logical thing to do, in such a case, would be to take the character from after their death, right? Post-death Shuro wouldn't have to worry about getting back home to help Aya and would be more or less okay about being separated from her friends (since she was going to be anyway); I wouldn't have to figure out what to do about the whole thing where she's slowly dying; and I also wouldn't have to feel like if I ever dropped her I'd be sending her to her death. Yes, this upsets me. ... okay, I admit it, I am overly invested in the wellbeing of a fictional character. Shut up. So, you know, that'd be the logical way to go. It seems to be what most people playing characters who die in canon do.
... But I didn't! And here's why: post-death Shuro has nothing to hide. She would be perfectly open about being female, and possibly about being a ten'nyo as well, having revealed both to all her fans immediately before her death. Which worked very well! It was nice closure, very touching and everything. I cried buckets, though I like to blame that on the fact that I was feverish at the time. But it also means that... well, post-death Shuro isn't quite the same Shuro we see through most of the series, because that Shuro is trying to. I don't know, maybe it wouldn't make that much of a difference in how she behaves/interacts with people, but... I feel like it would, at least, and I think if I were to have Shuro come in and be completely open about the things she spends most of the series hiding, I would have some voice issues stemming from that. Maybe I'm overthinking it! Maybe how she behaves around Aya, who knows about both secrets from early volume 6 on, is all the canon I need on this front! But it still wasn't something I felt totally comfortable doing, and I thought "well, if I start her off pre-death, I can canon-update her to post-death if it doesn't work out, whereas the other way round obviously wouldn't work." Also, I confess I thought it would be interesting to play with the whole "pretending to be male" thing, at least for a while. It's probably the closest I'll ever get to having a male character, at this rate.
All that being said, well... see the first paragraph for the cons to this! And so I've been second-guessing myself on this decision... pretty much since making said decision. Did I mention I didn't even make up my mind about this until after I got in? Yeah. I am conflicted! And I wish I could have it both ways somehow (i.e. technically taken from after her death but still behaving as she would have before), but I really don't think I can. Actually, I've realized that technically this is what I am doing with Sara, minus the death part (I'm taking her post-canon but still having her keep secrets she should technically have no reason to keep anymore), and probably only getting away with it because so few other people know her canon. One of these days I ought to work that one out too. Oh, how I fail.
My current thought is to canon-update her to after her death after she's been in camp for a while, but I'm not entirely sure about this either -- I mean, it wouldn't be something I could go back on, and I have no idea how long I should wait before doing it, and... argh, I don't know, this is frustrating. I generally take my characters from Some Nebulous Unspecified Point In Canon, which worked fine for most of the others, but I really can't do it for Shuro, so this is all very new and confusing and stuff.
... I should maybe have talked this out with someone before I introposted, or something. Because if I change my mind now, I can't exactly canon-update her immediately, since she just got here. Way to fail, me.