Varian 'Douchebag' Wrynn AKA Lo'Gosh
I'm sure a majority of non-human players will agree with me that his middle name is, infact, douchebag. Anyway. Onto why he's a Sue. Behind an LJ-Cut for spoiler reasons for characters who have not leveled enough to play out Battle For Undercity and also people who haven't read the comic or WoWwiki. Interestingly enough, Thrall is the target of Varian's douchebaggery as the dialogue in BFU suggests, yet they're both voiced by Chris Metzen. Stop hitting yourself, indeed.
Title of Work: World of Warcraft (no other name given)
Author: Walter Simonson
Full Name, including titles: Lo’Gosh (King Varian Wrynn of Stormwind)
Full Species(es): Human
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Black in game and in several pictures, appears brown in some lighting in the actual comic, though.
Eye Colour: Either black or blue, I really can’t make heads or tails of it, I’m going to read ‘Arthas’ later, maybe that will describe his eye colour in more detail.
Unusual Markings/Colourations: He has a few scars, most prominently one across his nose.
Special Possessions/Pets: His dead wife, Queen Tiffin. Seriously, she’s such a useless stupid twat who does absolutely nothing from what I’ve seen that she may as well be labeled a pet. But now she’s dead, so maybe she doesn’t count. Her death is also hilarious.
Annoying Sidekicks: Valeera Sanguinar and Broll Bearmantle, both of whom had the potential to be incredibly interesting if the authors would give them more of a spotlight besides helping Lo’Gosh. Seriously, any scene depicting solely Valeera, she is doing something to find or help him and any scene depicting Broll is either him angsting about his daughter’s death or, you guessed it, helping Lo’Gosh.
Annoying Origin: He’s got amnesia, but later on he finds out he’s King Varian Wrynn of Stormwind, son(don't you hate typos?) of Llane Wrynn and father of Anduin Wrynn, he was born in Stormwind but lived in Lordaeron as Arthas’ buddy for a while, but Arthas was bitter that Varian was stronger than he was despite being friends, how he got amnesia, though? I haven’t finished the second graphic novel yet, but assassins, I assume sent by Onyxia since she’s important to the story, attacked his boat en route to Theramore, shit went down and he ended up croc-bait somewhere in Kalimdor, presumably not too far from Orgrimmar since it takes, like, no time to get there from the moment he’s picked up.
Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: Making it center around him, being stronger and more important than everyone, just in general being an obnoxious stupid douche who won’t listen to reason. The story really had potential if it had centered around Broll and Valeera, they really didn’t seem like bad characters to me, I kind of liked them personally. Also now that he’s the Alliance leader, the Alliance is closer to all out, full on war with the Horde than ever because unlike Jaina Proudmoore who has a brain in her head and sees both sides, Varian is too busy nursing his victim complex ‘Ooooh, the orcs were mean to me and made me be a gladiator, it must be totally Thrall’s fault besides him never appearing in the story and it’s also his fault Putress and Varimathras by extension killed my butt-buddy Bolvar Fordragon. BAWWW!’
Annoying Special Abilities: He’s apparently stronger than just about everybody, including Arthas and the comic would lead you to believe he’s the only person in all of Azeroth who can actually fight considering despite Valeera and Broll being described as ‘a good team’ when they’re not bickering, because Valeera and Broll always get conveniently removed from the equation so Lo’Gosh can shine.
Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: No one I have spoken to in game or in roleplays likes him. He’s a stupid racist douche. Jaina Proudmoore was at least interesting and willing to work with other races and see the good in them.
Redeeming Qualities: Um….Chris Metzen has a nice voice and Lo’Gosh is….I guess….in a kind of Mitsurugi rip off way, cute? And honestly, his reasons are stupid and jerk-assy but somewhat legitimate, since not only did Reghar Earthfury, and orc, enslave him, but Garona, a half-orc, killed his father. Still, it’s no excuse.
Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:
Basically the whole battle for Undercity segment of the game and the entirety of the comic series that I’ve read so far. Here’s the battle for Undercity snippet courtesy of WoWwiki:
Reporting for duty, your majesty! Let the assault begin!
5 minutes until the manhunt begins:
King Varian Wrynn yells: Heroes of the Alliance, your King calls! Gather behind me at the entrance to the sewers of the Undercity!
King Varian Wrynn yells: Hidden inside this defiled city is the wretch responsible for murdering our brothers and sisters at the Wrathgate! He must be brought to justice!
3 minutes:
King Varian Wrynn yells: Soon we march upon this cursed place and cleanse it of its evil taint!
2 minutes:
King Varian Wrynn yells: The hour of our redemption is close at hand! Prepare yourselves!
The manhunt begins:
King Varian Wrynn yells: The march upon the Undercity begins now! Be empowered by your King's strength! Follow me, heroes! FOR THE GLORY OF THE ALLIANCE!
Varian buffs all nearby allies with "Strength of Wrynn", adding 30,000 HP, and a 10k healing on damage taken buff.
King Varian Wrynn yells: Onward, brothers and sisters! Destiny awaits!
The party reaches the sewer entrance.
King Varian Wrynn says: Our descent into the depths of depravity begins! Be on guard! Jaina, lend us your strength!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: Right away, your majesty!
Jaina casts "Improved Brilliance Aura", which regenerates more mana/rage/energy/RP that can possibly be used and a runspeed buff. At the bottom of the tunnel, the party stops as waves upon waves of enemies are unleashed.
King Varian Wrynn says: What is this?! Stand your ground! Do not give them an inch!
Eventually, Putress unleashes the Engorged Blight Worm, which has 5 million HP. After the worm is defeated...
King Varian Wrynn yells: Solders, fall in! Guard the halls!
King Varian Wrynn yells: Your aberrations are no match for the Alliance, Putress! We're coming for you!
The party reaches the canals and the corpse of Khanok the Impassable.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: What's happened here? There are corpses everywhere... the stench... overwhelming...
King Varian Wrynn says: Horde. By the looks of the struggle, they are here in force - somewhere.
King Varian Wrynn says: Stay alert and on guard. There's no telling what horrors await us.
King Varian Wrynn says: ONWARD!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: Do not let them pass, minions!
The party fights a large group of Treacherous Guardians.
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: KILL THEM! My work must not be interrupted!
King Varian Wrynn says: The main chamber is this way! Let's go!
The party fights their way through a large group of Perfidious Dreadlords to get to the bottom of the Apothecarium.
King Varian Wrynn says: THERE!
King Varian Wrynn yells: There's nowhere to run, monster!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: Stare into the abyss and watch as it blackens your souls!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: You are no match for my creations!
Putress spawns untold numbers of failed experiments.
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: This cannot be happening!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: It will not end like this! I've worked too hard! So many years... I... I will consume more energy!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: The power washes through me! I see... EVERTHING!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: MORE SUFFERING AWAITS!
Putress joins the fight with a 7.4M HP pool. Let Varian tank him. He also throws blight barrels for 10k a tick as the failed experiments keep spawning, though not as quickly as before. Eventually he is defeated.
King Varian Wrynn yells: And justice is served!
Varian loots Putress's corpse.
King Varian Wrynn says: What say you now, Putress?
King Varian Wrynn says: Look around you, brothers and sisters. Open your eyes! Look at what they have done to our kingdom!
King Varian Wrynn says: How much longer will we allow these savages free reign in our world?
King Varian Wrynn says: I have seen the Horde's world. I have been inside their cities. Inside their minds...
King Varian Wrynn says: I know what evil lies in the hearts of orcs.
Thrall yells [Orcish]: Mog Osh'kazil gul'rok il mog Ro'th zaga maza TOV'OSH (The Undercity belongs to the Horde once more! LOK'TAR!)
King Varian Wrynn says: THRALL! HERE?
King Varian Wrynn says: ONWARD! We end this now!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: Varian, stop! I won't help you do this!
Jaina stays behind as the party moves on. Varian and the remainder of the party reach the throne room, where Thrall, Sylvanas and a host of Warsong Battleguards await.
King Varian Wrynn says: The orcs have a battle cry: LOK'TAR OGAR! It means "victory or death." Fitting...
King Varian Wrynn says: To the throne room!
The king and his group walks in.
King Varian Wrynn says: I was away for too long. My absence cost us the lives of some of our greatest heroes. Trash like you and this evil witch were allowed to roam free -- unchecked.
King Varian Wrynn says: The time has come to make things right. To disband your treacherous kingdom of murderers and thieves. Putress was the first strike. Many more will come.
King Varian Wrynn says: I've waited a long time for this, Thrall. For every time I was thrown into one of your damned arenas... for every time I killed a green-skinned aberration like you... I could only think of one thing.
King Varian Wrynn says: What our world could be without you and your twisted Horde... It ends now, Warchief. <---WORST. KING. EVER.
King Varian Wrynn says: ATTACK! FOR STORMWIND! FOR BOLVAR! FOR THE ALLIANCE!
The fight is joined.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore yells: VARIAN, NO! STOP!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore incapacitates all units with a freeze spell.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: It did not have to be like this...
Lady Jaina Proudmoore teleports all Alliance forces back to Stormwind.
Title of Work: World of Warcraft (no other name given)
Author: Walter Simonson
Full Name, including titles: Lo’Gosh (King Varian Wrynn of Stormwind)
Full Species(es): Human
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Black in game and in several pictures, appears brown in some lighting in the actual comic, though.
Eye Colour: Either black or blue, I really can’t make heads or tails of it, I’m going to read ‘Arthas’ later, maybe that will describe his eye colour in more detail.
Unusual Markings/Colourations: He has a few scars, most prominently one across his nose.
Special Possessions/Pets: His dead wife, Queen Tiffin. Seriously, she’s such a useless stupid twat who does absolutely nothing from what I’ve seen that she may as well be labeled a pet. But now she’s dead, so maybe she doesn’t count. Her death is also hilarious.
Annoying Sidekicks: Valeera Sanguinar and Broll Bearmantle, both of whom had the potential to be incredibly interesting if the authors would give them more of a spotlight besides helping Lo’Gosh. Seriously, any scene depicting solely Valeera, she is doing something to find or help him and any scene depicting Broll is either him angsting about his daughter’s death or, you guessed it, helping Lo’Gosh.
Annoying Origin: He’s got amnesia, but later on he finds out he’s King Varian Wrynn of Stormwind, son(don't you hate typos?) of Llane Wrynn and father of Anduin Wrynn, he was born in Stormwind but lived in Lordaeron as Arthas’ buddy for a while, but Arthas was bitter that Varian was stronger than he was despite being friends, how he got amnesia, though? I haven’t finished the second graphic novel yet, but assassins, I assume sent by Onyxia since she’s important to the story, attacked his boat en route to Theramore, shit went down and he ended up croc-bait somewhere in Kalimdor, presumably not too far from Orgrimmar since it takes, like, no time to get there from the moment he’s picked up.
Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: Making it center around him, being stronger and more important than everyone, just in general being an obnoxious stupid douche who won’t listen to reason. The story really had potential if it had centered around Broll and Valeera, they really didn’t seem like bad characters to me, I kind of liked them personally. Also now that he’s the Alliance leader, the Alliance is closer to all out, full on war with the Horde than ever because unlike Jaina Proudmoore who has a brain in her head and sees both sides, Varian is too busy nursing his victim complex ‘Ooooh, the orcs were mean to me and made me be a gladiator, it must be totally Thrall’s fault besides him never appearing in the story and it’s also his fault Putress and Varimathras by extension killed my butt-buddy Bolvar Fordragon. BAWWW!’
Annoying Special Abilities: He’s apparently stronger than just about everybody, including Arthas and the comic would lead you to believe he’s the only person in all of Azeroth who can actually fight considering despite Valeera and Broll being described as ‘a good team’ when they’re not bickering, because Valeera and Broll always get conveniently removed from the equation so Lo’Gosh can shine.
Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: No one I have spoken to in game or in roleplays likes him. He’s a stupid racist douche. Jaina Proudmoore was at least interesting and willing to work with other races and see the good in them.
Redeeming Qualities: Um….Chris Metzen has a nice voice and Lo’Gosh is….I guess….in a kind of Mitsurugi rip off way, cute? And honestly, his reasons are stupid and jerk-assy but somewhat legitimate, since not only did Reghar Earthfury, and orc, enslave him, but Garona, a half-orc, killed his father. Still, it’s no excuse.
Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:
Basically the whole battle for Undercity segment of the game and the entirety of the comic series that I’ve read so far. Here’s the battle for Undercity snippet courtesy of WoWwiki:
Reporting for duty, your majesty! Let the assault begin!
5 minutes until the manhunt begins:
King Varian Wrynn yells: Heroes of the Alliance, your King calls! Gather behind me at the entrance to the sewers of the Undercity!
King Varian Wrynn yells: Hidden inside this defiled city is the wretch responsible for murdering our brothers and sisters at the Wrathgate! He must be brought to justice!
3 minutes:
King Varian Wrynn yells: Soon we march upon this cursed place and cleanse it of its evil taint!
2 minutes:
King Varian Wrynn yells: The hour of our redemption is close at hand! Prepare yourselves!
The manhunt begins:
King Varian Wrynn yells: The march upon the Undercity begins now! Be empowered by your King's strength! Follow me, heroes! FOR THE GLORY OF THE ALLIANCE!
Varian buffs all nearby allies with "Strength of Wrynn", adding 30,000 HP, and a 10k healing on damage taken buff.
King Varian Wrynn yells: Onward, brothers and sisters! Destiny awaits!
The party reaches the sewer entrance.
King Varian Wrynn says: Our descent into the depths of depravity begins! Be on guard! Jaina, lend us your strength!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: Right away, your majesty!
Jaina casts "Improved Brilliance Aura", which regenerates more mana/rage/energy/RP that can possibly be used and a runspeed buff. At the bottom of the tunnel, the party stops as waves upon waves of enemies are unleashed.
King Varian Wrynn says: What is this?! Stand your ground! Do not give them an inch!
Eventually, Putress unleashes the Engorged Blight Worm, which has 5 million HP. After the worm is defeated...
King Varian Wrynn yells: Solders, fall in! Guard the halls!
King Varian Wrynn yells: Your aberrations are no match for the Alliance, Putress! We're coming for you!
The party reaches the canals and the corpse of Khanok the Impassable.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: What's happened here? There are corpses everywhere... the stench... overwhelming...
King Varian Wrynn says: Horde. By the looks of the struggle, they are here in force - somewhere.
King Varian Wrynn says: Stay alert and on guard. There's no telling what horrors await us.
King Varian Wrynn says: ONWARD!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: Do not let them pass, minions!
The party fights a large group of Treacherous Guardians.
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: KILL THEM! My work must not be interrupted!
King Varian Wrynn says: The main chamber is this way! Let's go!
The party fights their way through a large group of Perfidious Dreadlords to get to the bottom of the Apothecarium.
King Varian Wrynn says: THERE!
King Varian Wrynn yells: There's nowhere to run, monster!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: Stare into the abyss and watch as it blackens your souls!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: You are no match for my creations!
Putress spawns untold numbers of failed experiments.
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: This cannot be happening!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: It will not end like this! I've worked too hard! So many years... I... I will consume more energy!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: The power washes through me! I see... EVERTHING!
Grand Apothecary Putress yells: MORE SUFFERING AWAITS!
Putress joins the fight with a 7.4M HP pool. Let Varian tank him. He also throws blight barrels for 10k a tick as the failed experiments keep spawning, though not as quickly as before. Eventually he is defeated.
King Varian Wrynn yells: And justice is served!
Varian loots Putress's corpse.
King Varian Wrynn says: What say you now, Putress?
King Varian Wrynn says: Look around you, brothers and sisters. Open your eyes! Look at what they have done to our kingdom!
King Varian Wrynn says: How much longer will we allow these savages free reign in our world?
King Varian Wrynn says: I have seen the Horde's world. I have been inside their cities. Inside their minds...
King Varian Wrynn says: I know what evil lies in the hearts of orcs.
Thrall yells [Orcish]: Mog Osh'kazil gul'rok il mog Ro'th zaga maza TOV'OSH (The Undercity belongs to the Horde once more! LOK'TAR!)
King Varian Wrynn says: THRALL! HERE?
King Varian Wrynn says: ONWARD! We end this now!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: Varian, stop! I won't help you do this!
Jaina stays behind as the party moves on. Varian and the remainder of the party reach the throne room, where Thrall, Sylvanas and a host of Warsong Battleguards await.
King Varian Wrynn says: The orcs have a battle cry: LOK'TAR OGAR! It means "victory or death." Fitting...
King Varian Wrynn says: To the throne room!
The king and his group walks in.
King Varian Wrynn says: I was away for too long. My absence cost us the lives of some of our greatest heroes. Trash like you and this evil witch were allowed to roam free -- unchecked.
King Varian Wrynn says: The time has come to make things right. To disband your treacherous kingdom of murderers and thieves. Putress was the first strike. Many more will come.
King Varian Wrynn says: I've waited a long time for this, Thrall. For every time I was thrown into one of your damned arenas... for every time I killed a green-skinned aberration like you... I could only think of one thing.
King Varian Wrynn says: What our world could be without you and your twisted Horde... It ends now, Warchief. <---WORST. KING. EVER.
King Varian Wrynn says: ATTACK! FOR STORMWIND! FOR BOLVAR! FOR THE ALLIANCE!
The fight is joined.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore yells: VARIAN, NO! STOP!
Lady Jaina Proudmoore incapacitates all units with a freeze spell.
Lady Jaina Proudmoore says: It did not have to be like this...
Lady Jaina Proudmoore teleports all Alliance forces back to Stormwind.