(no subject)
Is it wrong of me to be mad about some of the friends I have lost. Not really lost, but I guess not friends with anymore. It seems to be not fair, or right, since I did my best to try to stay friends with said people.
One, a guy, we'll call him P, now has a gf, has had the gf for a while. I think even if he wanted to see me/talk to me he wouldn't be allowed to. I believe it also has something to do with Caitlin, also. The fact I had a child, and a boyfriend, and maybe h's mad it wasn't him. Well goddammit, I gave him every chance. I just wasn't oing to make that final move. I couldn't. I loved him more then anything as a friend and as something more. I was there for him, he was there for me. And now because he found a gf, and I have someone he won't even talk to me. GOOD LORD, we'd been friends for like 5 years. It just makes me so upset.
Another, S., a girl this time is so fake. She's a friend that will immediately be your bff, then blow you off after 6 months for a new one. Call and say, hey I miss you, we should do lunch, but when a date is set she stands you up.
I don't get it. I know people are mean, or they suck or whatever. But the second they need someone to talk to they come running back to me, knowig that I'll listen and give advice. But where are they when I need them? Gone.
I'm not really in abad mood or depressed right now. Just thinking about a lot of things. It's sad when I look back hw many people I considered to be good friends won't even talk to me anymore. Some of it is legit, such as the ex, but others I think are bullshit.
I also am having an inner debate on whether or not to go to Connecticut this weekend with Caitlin. Mom, of course is saying no. But that's because she hates dad. I just don't understand why when she pulls this guilt trip and ranting and raving at me about him, it puts me n the middle AGAIN. All I hear is about how horrble he is. No shit, but I still want to try to have some semblence of a relationship, as superficial as it may be, with him. And yes, I understand you don't like his wife. She's not aways my favorite person either, but damn, woman shut the hell up! I am about to scream. Why don't you think about how much pressure and stress thi is putting on me. How much it's put on me my entire life. How I ahd to hide the fact I wanted to see my father. How I wasn't allowed to ask for more time with him. How I feel guilty for loving him. He's not perfect, I don't make excues for him anymore, but he's my dad. I'm not the one who decided to fuck him, so it's not something I have control over. I know mom does so mucmore for me then he ever will. But I am about at my limit with what I can handle. I tried to tell her today, but I couldn't come up with diplomatic enough words, plus all the yelling was upsetting Caitlin.
I hate being torn between two people. My family pulls this shit on me all the time.
Maybe I am a little broody tonight. I apologize for all the whining. I don't know why I'm apologizing since no one reads this..lol
C
One, a guy, we'll call him P, now has a gf, has had the gf for a while. I think even if he wanted to see me/talk to me he wouldn't be allowed to. I believe it also has something to do with Caitlin, also. The fact I had a child, and a boyfriend, and maybe h's mad it wasn't him. Well goddammit, I gave him every chance. I just wasn't oing to make that final move. I couldn't. I loved him more then anything as a friend and as something more. I was there for him, he was there for me. And now because he found a gf, and I have someone he won't even talk to me. GOOD LORD, we'd been friends for like 5 years. It just makes me so upset.
Another, S., a girl this time is so fake. She's a friend that will immediately be your bff, then blow you off after 6 months for a new one. Call and say, hey I miss you, we should do lunch, but when a date is set she stands you up.
I don't get it. I know people are mean, or they suck or whatever. But the second they need someone to talk to they come running back to me, knowig that I'll listen and give advice. But where are they when I need them? Gone.
I'm not really in abad mood or depressed right now. Just thinking about a lot of things. It's sad when I look back hw many people I considered to be good friends won't even talk to me anymore. Some of it is legit, such as the ex, but others I think are bullshit.
I also am having an inner debate on whether or not to go to Connecticut this weekend with Caitlin. Mom, of course is saying no. But that's because she hates dad. I just don't understand why when she pulls this guilt trip and ranting and raving at me about him, it puts me n the middle AGAIN. All I hear is about how horrble he is. No shit, but I still want to try to have some semblence of a relationship, as superficial as it may be, with him. And yes, I understand you don't like his wife. She's not aways my favorite person either, but damn, woman shut the hell up! I am about to scream. Why don't you think about how much pressure and stress thi is putting on me. How much it's put on me my entire life. How I ahd to hide the fact I wanted to see my father. How I wasn't allowed to ask for more time with him. How I feel guilty for loving him. He's not perfect, I don't make excues for him anymore, but he's my dad. I'm not the one who decided to fuck him, so it's not something I have control over. I know mom does so mucmore for me then he ever will. But I am about at my limit with what I can handle. I tried to tell her today, but I couldn't come up with diplomatic enough words, plus all the yelling was upsetting Caitlin.
I hate being torn between two people. My family pulls this shit on me all the time.
Maybe I am a little broody tonight. I apologize for all the whining. I don't know why I'm apologizing since no one reads this..lol
C