Emo!Deedee: the Sequel
I apologize for my lack of upbeat posts lately, but I seriously feel like I'm back in Junior High: the level of Hell so gruesome Dante felt he had to omit for the sake of his readers! And yes, my self-esteem has reached a record low!
This has been the story of my life since the onset of puberty: the more I love people, the more eager they are to drop me out of their lives at the first chance they get! All I've ever wanted in life was a friend on the same plane of permanence as I. And yet, maintaining a close, lasting friendship has been the only aspect of life (besides Mathematics... then again, when was Math ever my friend?) that has slipped through my fingers like Nile silt! I never wanted many friends; just a handful of really good ones! Quality always triumphs over quantity. I remember my best friend from elementary school: we were inseperable. The ammount and calibre of trouble we got ourselves she got me into rivaled anything of which the Weasley Twins could be capable. Unlike other estranged friendships from early youth, we never switched schools or moved away. No... she simply found a crowd that suited her sense of fun more than I did. But at age 24, I assumed we were beyond that! Apparently not.
The one thing I pride myself on is that I am aggressively loyal to a fault! However, if I hurt someone's feelings, I am rarely aware of it as any antagonism on my behalf is purely unintentional. I like to be made aware of this rather than recieve the evasive cold shoulder. As part of the ADHD/Asperger's Syndrome package, I do and say objectional things without realizing them. When I do, I am profusely sorry.
Twelve years later, the issues haven't changed. I have reached the epiphany that I am doomed to wander the planet alone for the rest of my hopefully short life: abandoned by those closest to me outside the genetic parameters.
I'm not going to mention any names. They the names of those who, with the advent of Ecstacy and other such mind-altering narcotics, bring out dead skelletons form their long-lost closets... absurd skelletons revived about a decade too late, dating back to when we were in the early stages of emotional developments. Those who accuse me of sexual harrassment. Those who enslave themeselves in unhealthy marraiges. Those who I have hurt with honesty and parental behavior out of my love for them; because I refuse to see them continuing into adulthood as a bunch of loafing brats. And then there are those who have become distant and cold from one day to the next for no explicable reason at all! I pray this is a temporary phase!
This has been the story of my life since the onset of puberty: the more I love people, the more eager they are to drop me out of their lives at the first chance they get! All I've ever wanted in life was a friend on the same plane of permanence as I. And yet, maintaining a close, lasting friendship has been the only aspect of life (besides Mathematics... then again, when was Math ever my friend?) that has slipped through my fingers like Nile silt! I never wanted many friends; just a handful of really good ones! Quality always triumphs over quantity. I remember my best friend from elementary school: we were inseperable. The ammount and calibre of trouble we got ourselves she got me into rivaled anything of which the Weasley Twins could be capable. Unlike other estranged friendships from early youth, we never switched schools or moved away. No... she simply found a crowd that suited her sense of fun more than I did. But at age 24, I assumed we were beyond that! Apparently not.
The one thing I pride myself on is that I am aggressively loyal to a fault! However, if I hurt someone's feelings, I am rarely aware of it as any antagonism on my behalf is purely unintentional. I like to be made aware of this rather than recieve the evasive cold shoulder. As part of the ADHD/Asperger's Syndrome package, I do and say objectional things without realizing them. When I do, I am profusely sorry.
Twelve years later, the issues haven't changed. I have reached the epiphany that I am doomed to wander the planet alone for the rest of my hopefully short life: abandoned by those closest to me outside the genetic parameters.
I'm not going to mention any names. They the names of those who, with the advent of Ecstacy and other such mind-altering narcotics, bring out dead skelletons form their long-lost closets... absurd skelletons revived about a decade too late, dating back to when we were in the early stages of emotional developments. Those who accuse me of sexual harrassment. Those who enslave themeselves in unhealthy marraiges. Those who I have hurt with honesty and parental behavior out of my love for them; because I refuse to see them continuing into adulthood as a bunch of loafing brats. And then there are those who have become distant and cold from one day to the next for no explicable reason at all! I pray this is a temporary phase!