...you will see me in my babys smile....
well as you can tell im having trouble sleeping...seeing as im updating this at almost 4 in the morning. yesterday alot of things went right but on a really bad day. we had a snow day so i was able to go to ryans funeral, i got there at like quarter of ten with his family and my sister and then i just couldnt handle it...i ended up leaving like 15 mins into the service. and if that makes me a bitch or whatever im sorry but i just dont think its fair to the family to have me there if im like losing it. but i like took the blue packet home and sat there and just read through it like i was there cuz its just so sad. its like i dont want to belive its him because when you look at him now, thats not who he is thats not the ryan cavanaugh we all knew. but i think thats its great that they finally decided on spreading his ashes around the cape because he really would have loved that. but okay on slightly better note. when i came home i ended up playing with the day care kids till they left at like 2, which was kinda good cuz they make me happy and take my mind of shit. and then after that i did some driving around and eventually picked up mike and eulau and eventually allison and we went to the mawns where rachel and tim and chris were there. we rolled of course and eveyone had the usual talks and of course me and allison made out with chris cuz he was contemplating his gayness so we wanted to fuck with his mind, lol and then me and allison made out, but its cool friends kiss lol. it was good though cuz i started out in a bad mood and then my darling friend rachel put me into a really good mood and i love her for it. me and mike had a good talk, and we came to the conclusion that we really love our friends and trust them so much. but sadly enough i had to leave at 11 so i came home and actually passed out. had some really interesting dreams that i dont understand at all but whatever. gotta work today at 4 which sucks and im gonna try and do something durring the day cuz i dont think i wanna be home for that long with just my family due to the fact that they suck and my sister is still here till whenever she decides to ship out today. thats it...hope everyone had a great snow day, and has a good weekend.