im worthy ♥
the kids are finally in school. today was madelyn's first dday, and yesterday was dominics first day. of course both kids didnt bother giving me hugs or saying by. I knew Dominic was going to be like that because the grandparents were there. I expected it. but with madelyn i didnt expect it at all. every time im at her moms shes always about me, and even here at the house. shes my little hommie and i have a better bond with her then dominic.she kinda gave me a dirty look when i tried saying goodbye to her and good luck. and pretty much i was nothing. i know her grandmother was there but i figured it be different. but i guess not, it kinda hurt my feelings to be honest. Seeing all the moms there and some kids crying not wanting their mom to leave got me upset. i wish i had a kid whod call me mommy. And not treat me like im nothing and actually love me. I dont wanna be old and gray and have no one to take care of me.
I want someone who's mine not somebody elses kid. i want someone to call matt daddy. that's mine. but right now im not fully ready to have a kid. me and matt have a lot of shit to work on. i just dont wanna have a kid and him not be around. i wanna make sure we will stay together always. but at the same time i want one. i think i could be a great mom. yeah i get frustrated n shit but who doesnt?
But on top of that me and him have been together for a year and five months and not once have i gotten pregnant. im not sure i can have a kid but I'll find out as soon as my intake is over. and if worst comes to worst im will adopt a baby, a newborn or something. i know matt wants to have kids with me, hes told me plenty of times he does and again he did today. i just hope one day i can. maybe after when im done with school. but i do wanna find out why i havent yet.
I start school next week, im so excited like extremely. thursdays my orentation, and im gonna see about my books, and pass in my examination stuff. ugh i cant wait, so that one day matt wont have to work as much as he does. this monday will be the first day off of 21 some days of working straight. i miss him so much sometimes. hes going kayaking tomorrow for a couple of hours after when he gets outta work. im kinda mad about it because i was supposed to go to nashua tonight right before he went to work. it makes me kinda mad that hed rather go and spend time with his friend then me. i think thats why i got upset when he told me. i know its something hes never done but still. he'll find out tonight i guess. i dunno whatever im gonna go the more i keep writting about stuff the more depressed i get write soon
I want someone who's mine not somebody elses kid. i want someone to call matt daddy. that's mine. but right now im not fully ready to have a kid. me and matt have a lot of shit to work on. i just dont wanna have a kid and him not be around. i wanna make sure we will stay together always. but at the same time i want one. i think i could be a great mom. yeah i get frustrated n shit but who doesnt?
But on top of that me and him have been together for a year and five months and not once have i gotten pregnant. im not sure i can have a kid but I'll find out as soon as my intake is over. and if worst comes to worst im will adopt a baby, a newborn or something. i know matt wants to have kids with me, hes told me plenty of times he does and again he did today. i just hope one day i can. maybe after when im done with school. but i do wanna find out why i havent yet.
I start school next week, im so excited like extremely. thursdays my orentation, and im gonna see about my books, and pass in my examination stuff. ugh i cant wait, so that one day matt wont have to work as much as he does. this monday will be the first day off of 21 some days of working straight. i miss him so much sometimes. hes going kayaking tomorrow for a couple of hours after when he gets outta work. im kinda mad about it because i was supposed to go to nashua tonight right before he went to work. it makes me kinda mad that hed rather go and spend time with his friend then me. i think thats why i got upset when he told me. i know its something hes never done but still. he'll find out tonight i guess. i dunno whatever im gonna go the more i keep writting about stuff the more depressed i get write soon