For I Desire Love.
"For I desire love and not sacrifice." - Hosea 6:8
God gave me this verse today. After a weekend of service at the Youth Encounter 4, I am calibrated to remember my purpose. And I realize that I am still not quite where He wants me to be. And that's because I don't know where I want to be. I am straddling between worlds of expectations (being an MBA graduate) and being an artist. I just want to be where people are happy to see me at. I don't want to disappoint any further. I have disappointed too many people in my lifetime.
But I find myself still restless and this weekend I rediscovered the reason. I have not rested in God's love. The very love that brought me back. That made me whole again. I rediscovered how this love burns in my heart and set it on fire with love for the young people of His church. And I realized, He didn't set it on fire for the people I meet at work. I don't quite see him there yet. I see him a little. But not just yet. Work for me, is still something I have to do to survive even though I want it to mean something more. But the only work that I know would mean something to me is to do God's work. And doing God's work means using the gifts He has given me to show Him my love for Him. It's not easy to understand.
But this is what he said to me today...
You love me best when yo love yourself best because you are my creation. I created you and thought you beautiful. Precious in my eyes I behold you.
Do I love myself when I'm at work? Where is it that I love myself best? When my parents accept me? When my friends accept me? When I'm singing or writing songs? When I'm listening to a young person's dreams? When I'm organizing a corporate event? When I'm earning enough money? Where?
Show me Lord. I can't see. Bring me to that place where I can love myself best. I don't know how to go about it. I don't know where to start. Bring me to that place where I can love you best.