Nurturing Relationships.
What a week. It's funny how I couldn't really find the time to blog nor write about the significant things that has happened to me this week when I'd usually get really intense over momentous moments. Momentous for me are those moments when I am able to cross certain barriers and find peace and freedom because I decided to cross them. A significant barrier I was able to cross this week was with my cousin Steve. After having expressed to him what I felt and learning about what he felt too, I felt that God has arranged me for another healing experience. I think it's beautiful how me and my cousins are starting to come together again after my Lolo's death. Not that we were really apart but I feel that we are not as present in each others' lives as I would like us to. I guess you can't really be present forever but somehow I feel this urging from God's knows where. To reach out and connect with the first ever "barkada" I had in my life.
The events that surrounded my Lolo's death has given me a sense of home again. It's given me a sense of knowing my roots again. It's given me that yearning to nurture familial ties because I know that no other bond in life can be as constant and as solid as the bond you have with family. If I said this 10 years ago, I would've laughed at myself. God knows I hated anything that had to do with family bonding. It was cheesy. It was just plain stupid. But over the years I have realized that no matter what you go through in life, your family will never change. I would say I am lucky to have a family that has always been there. Whether I found it irritating or not. They have always been present. And I would say that I am lucky to have a bunch of cousins (no matter how different we are from each other) who seek the same thing I do. That place of family. That place of home.
With all the things that I've been trying to work out in my life right now, this is something that I've put on top of my list. It occured to me that I've nurtured a lot of relationships this past year and most of them revolved around ministry. I thought it would be beautiful to make my family my ministry too. Or at least my cousins if not all.
My cousins in the US are the farthest. And somehow I feel that their yearning for home is strongest. So I got myself a US number in Skype so I can be more available to them. And I've encouraged all of them to join Multiply. They're not all bloggers unfortunately. But, hopefully, later on they'll see what good blogs do. :-)
This new development has helped me carry on with the pressures of work. Things are still uncertain despite the new marketing efforts we are trying to roll out. There really is no certainty when you work for a start-up. It's scary. I am scared everyday. I am pressured everyday. I feel that I want to quit everyday. But something just makes me still go on. I don't really know what. But I guess it's the thought that God put me here for a reason.
Last Friday I spent some prayer time with Gian and Sab. It's been a while since we did some "popcorn prayer". It was a definite breather. It was exactly what I needed. And I'm glad to have been able to spend time with them like that. I also decided to visit the Herrera house that night. For some reason, despite the emotional upheaval, I was given a bit of strength to socialize. I missed hanging out with the boys. It was relaxing to hang out like that again after being in the corporate world for almost 2 months now.
Everything has a reason. A time and a place underneath heaven.