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chemm80 August 25 2008, 01:52:19 UTC
Wow. I don't even know where to start. One place would be how they are so much less separately than together, not just emotionally, but on the job, like two halves of a whole.

This is heartwrenching:

There’s a low ache in Dean’s stomach, a sad and constant want. He’d give just about anything to be allowed to fuck his brother.

Amazing image here, one every parent knows, and Dean does have that aspect to him...

Dean remembers, suddenly and starkly, falling asleep on couches when he was eight or nine and waking up with a Sammy blanket, the simple weight of a chest breathing flatly against his own.

...which is one reason why Dean feeling so guilty and responsible for the situation they're in makes so much sense.

I think this says something interesting about Sam's character which is often overlooked...

“So,” Sam says slow. “What’re we gonna do about that?” [...]

“What, anything you want-” before he hears himself and cuts off, horrified. [...]

But all Sam says next is, “Dean,” and he sounds so forlorn, all the air crushed out of him, and Dean closes his eyes for a spare second.

...and that is that Dean's overwhelming, all-encompassing love for Sam is a heavy weight to bear. It's not easy being someone's entire reason for living, and making them yours, but if I'm reading you right, that's really the point of this whole story, yeah?

I think this is exactly how Dean would feel about it:

He’s tried very hard not to put specific words to it, because he doesn’t want to be Sam’s lover or god forbid his boyfriend, and brother just sounds like backstory these days. Dean just wants Sam. He doesn’t want to define it any better than that.

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candle_beck September 6 2008, 21:18:00 UTC
yes, you have hit it exactly. sam doesn't want to be dean's sole reason for existing and vice versa, and it's obvious that's where this kind of thing is heading. it's irreconcilable.

really really appreciate the note.

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