Please Come Home to Me (Colby/OFC-Callie, R)
Posted for the savecolby Remembrance, Take 2 Challenge...
Title: Please Come Home to Me
Pairing/Characters: Colby/OFC-Callie Walker
Rating: R (language, adult situations)
Word Count: 2643
Summary: Colby finds comfort in an old letter.
Spoilers: 3.24 - The Janus List, just to be safe.
Notes/Warnings: I'm a hopeless romantic who loves the idea of love letters. Hence, this fic. Callie's letter to Colby is italicized. Part of the High School Sweethearts Universe, started when julietm wrote Winter Carnival and Just Another Day for previous savecolby challenges. Please read author's comments for additional notes. And, as always, thanks to my beta and first reader julietm. Nothing would get posted if it weren't for you.
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, regrettably - it's not mine.
Colby sat in his favorite chair on the back deck of the house he shared with his high school sweetheart - the woman who was his best friend, his lover… his wife. He was looking out over the ocean, watching as the waves rolled to shore and back to the endless sea, his feet propped up on the deck with a cold beer in one hand and the fingers of his other hand delicately tapping out a rhythm on the tattered box in his lap. He was thinking about her… about his Cal… wondering where she was right now.
She’d been deep undercover for three long weeks and he wasn’t “allowed” to know anything about where she was or what she was doing. All he was “allowed” to know was that she was alive. Taking a long pull from his beer, he hoped to numb the pain he was feeling. He hated this - not knowing anything about her life right now. Since they were barely teenagers, they’d told each other everything and now, he wasn’t “allowed” to even know she was safe… only alive. Yes, he knew when they signed on as FBI agents there would be days like this but he never dreamed the days would be this brutal.
And then he looked down at the box beneath his hand. This box had been hidden in the closet for the past three years. He’d tucked it away as part of his past he didn’t like to remember too often. This box contained the only items he’d kept from his time in Afghanistan - a few pictures, his dog tags and every letter Callie had ever written him while he was there. When he missed her back then, he would pull out one of her letters and read her words - feeling a connection despite the ocean that had been between them.
He needed that connection tonight. He needed to know she was still out there somewhere and that she was safe. So, with a deep breath and another long drink of his beer, he opened his box of memories for the first time since he’d come home from the war. The first thing he saw was her familiar handwriting, written across the top of each bundle of letters… and damned if he didn’t smile, even after all this time. His reaction had been just the same back then. Before he even opened the envelope to read her words, her elegant handwriting and the scent of her that lingered from across the miles brought him comfort in the midst of chaos. His smile widened, realizing the effect was the same now as it had been then.
Setting his beer on the table next to him, he moved to thumb through the letters. There was one in particular he needed tonight. And yes, he remembered which one because he’d carried this letter with him at all times. He’d kept it tucked in one of his many pockets, or sometimes his hat or his helmet. He’d even tucked it into his boot on more than one occasion, he remembered as his fingers stumbled over the worn and wrinkled paper. He shifted in his seat, sighing and pulling out the still-familiar envelope before slipping the box down onto the deck. He relaxed back into his chair as his fingers carefully removed the letter and unfolded the message she’d written just for him. He took another deep breath, surprised by how calm he suddenly felt as he finally set his eyes to the words he wanted to read.
April 27, 2003
My dearest Colby,
I miss you so much! I miss knowing for certain you’re okay. I know you must be out there somewhere… alive, fighting the good fight and doing everything you can to get back to me. I know this because none of us have heard anything about you - not since you wrote me at Christmas. That was four months ago. Maybe I got spoiled getting two letters from you so quickly or maybe not knowing where you are or what’s going on in your world really IS the hardest part about all of this. I don’t know. All I know is that I ache to hear from you… to know you are safe, to know you’re still out there, that you’re still mine.
Not hearing from you has been especially difficult because I’ve written you at least once a week since I got back from visiting our families at Christmas and every letter has been sent back to me. I’m hoping that you are somewhere my letters just can’t reach you, although I thought the A.O.R. would hold my letters for you until it was safe to deliver them. Then again, maybe every thing is in transition over there and this is all related to why no one has heard from you. You’re just busy making the world a better place. Nonetheless, I hope this letter finds its way to you. Even if you can’t write back, just knowing that you have this… that you’re reading my words, is enough. It breaks my heart to think about you not hearing from me when I’ve written you so often since you left. I would never want you to think for a second that something is wrong over here or that I’ve been too busy for you or worse yet, that I’ve forgotten you. None of that is true! I have a stack of letters here beside me that were meant for you. I’ve been trying to talk to you, to tell you how much I still love you and how much I’ll love you every day… I just can’t get to you!
Colby looked up from the letter and let his gaze focus back out across the ocean. Sitting here now, he understood how she must have felt - not knowing where he was or if he’d be coming home. He remembered the day he got this letter, after what seemed like a month of heavy fighting. At that point in time, she hadn’t known where he was or if he was alive for over five months. Colby had only been in the dark about her life for the past three weeks and he was about to go out of his mind. How on earth had she managed? He remembered she kept herself very busy, but damn… this was excruciating. And Callie hadn’t just done this for five months - she’d been through this for five years! Sometimes she’d known where he was but most of the time… she didn’t. The only thing she could do was hope and pray that he was alive and safe and that he’d come home to her the same way.
Admittedly, he fell in love with her a little more realizing now exactly how much he’d asked of her. He had asked her to wait… for him… while he fulfilled five generations of duty, honor and following orders. She did so because she loved him and she survived because she was the strongest woman he’d ever met. He was one lucky son of a bitch.
I wish you could have been back in Idaho with me at Christmas, sweetheart. Being there without you felt… empty. But, it was also really nice to see your parents. I think your mom and dad and I needed to be with someone who understood what it means to miss someone so much you almost can’t breathe. No one else understands. So, there was comfort in being with your family because I didn’t have to explain what I was feeling… they just knew.
An added bonus about going back to Idaho was getting to sleep in your old bed every night. How could I lay there and NOT think about you? You completely surrounded me while I was laying there in your room, remembering every hour we spent on that bed… doing homework, talking and laughing, sleeping and not sleeping. *raises eyebrows* Admittedly, I spent most of my time thinking about the first time we made love in that bed. There was definitely a different kind of excitement between us that night… sparks flying from our want of each other and from the thrill of trying not to get caught but all the while not caring because we were completely lost in each other. Remembering the way you touched me that night, the way you moved with me… god, it made me so hungry for you Colby. I just kept thinking of you, and thinking of you, and thinking of you until I couldn’t hold a thought in my head and your name escaped my lips into the dark as I came for you across all these miles. Damn, I miss you.
“Tell me about it,” Colby muttered to no one but the seagulls passing overhead.
To spite himself, he smiled. He thought of the first time he read this letter all those miles ago. He had been completely heart broken that he’d missed another Christmas in Idaho with his Cal and yet he was incredibly turned on imagining her alone… in his old bed… thinking of him. The same familiar tingles that coursed through his veins then pumped through his body now and he had to take a calming breath. After all these years, she could still turn him on when she wasn’t even in the same room. He kept smiling, feeling again like he did the first time he read this letter - like reading her words made the distance between them shrink, like he was talking to her, there with her… wherever she was.
I have some exciting news for you! You’re going to be an uncle again, Colbs! Grace is pregnant with her and Phil’s second child! She’s about six months along and this time they’ve decided to not find out the sex of the baby. I hope for Grace’s sake it’s a girl, but Joey really wants a little brother. I’m sending you some pictures I took at Christmas so you can see how much he’s grown! I remember the day he was born and how he fit in just one of your strong hands and now, he’s becoming a little man. And let me tell you, he is growing up to be a lot more like you than anyone knows. Just the way he smiles or the way his eyes change when he wants something, I don’t know. He is going to be a heartbreaker. If we have a little boy some day, I want one just like him… heartbreaker and all.
Speaking of children, Hannah Mae Granger, huh? I think that’s the most beautiful name I’ve ever heard and I think your grandma is smiling down on us right now because of it. I think she’d be truly touched that we named a daughter after her, especially remembering how strong and brave and kind she was. I would be a truly blessed woman to have a daughter who turned out a little like me, a little like you and a lot like Granny Mae. I’m actually a little teary-eyed thinking about it. And I’m pretty sure we’ve just had our first real conversation about children! I hope you know I want to give you that. I’m in no rush, mind you, but I want to give that to you. I want everything with you and nothing without, Colby.
I have the warm and fuzzies right now thinking about having (and making!) babies with you. I feel all… girly. For god’s sake, don’t tell my mom. She may shit monkeys if she ever hears me say I want kids. Haha!
Colby laughed out loud at that just as he did when he read the letter years earlier. That was his Cal - able to make him laugh when he thought he’d never smile again. He remembered thinking at the time no truer words had been spoken. Amelia really would have shit monkeys if she knew Callie was talking about having children. Colby was also fairly certain if Gary Walker found out Callie wanted babies with the one and only Colby Granger… well, an insurgent’s bullet to the head would have been a merciful death. The now Lt. Walker would have surely tracked him down in Afghanistan and tortured him for even thinking about having children with Callie. Granted, he and Callie had been practicing to make babies since before their senior year of high school and God save them if Gary ever found out about that! Colby cringed, even after being in love with Callie since the first day of tenth grade and being married to her the past three years.
I’ve completely lost myself in writing to you and didn’t even realize it’s after 5am! But I had things to tell you since I know this letter is going to find you. (You know how I always get my way when I have my mind set on something. *smile) I should get some sleep now, sweetheart. I hope you know just how much I love you. You’re my whole world. I hope wherever you are, you are safe and that you always remember you carry my heart with you wherever you go. I love you more than anything.
Forever Yours,
Cal
“I hope wherever you are, you are safe and that you always remember you carry my heart with you wherever you go. I love you more than anything.” Colby read these words aloud, feeling in his heart that these were Callie’s same words to him now after all these years. This time, however, he didn’t know where she was or how she was… but he knew she loved him just as he loved her. This made it a little easier for him to breathe, to wait patiently for her to come back to him.
He remembered then the words that were his reason for carrying this letter with him wherever he went while he was overseas. Those same words were the reason he needed this letter in particular right now. Turning over the last page, he read:
PS A friend of mine wrote this song a while ago. As soon as I heard the words, I felt like he wrote the song just for us. You’ll understand why.
I'm not sure why I can't sleep,
All I know right now is you're the thing I need.
I send this prayer up towards the same stars that you see.
Baby please, come home to me.
We spend too much time apart.
There aren't words to say what's happening in my heart.
I live with blinders on, you're the only thing I see.
Baby please, come home to me.
I'm sure that it's hard for you, no I won't make believe,
That we both get by.
I'm hoping that some day soon, we'll figure out a way,
Just to spend a little time...
And not say goodbye.
Nothing moves me anymore.
I wait impatiently for footsteps by the door.
Above all other things, you're what I believe.
Baby please, come home to me.
This has been our theme song for the past 10 years… when I was away at college while you stayed in Idaho and now since you’ve been overseas. But you’ll be home soon, Colbs, very soon. Baby please, come home to me. I miss you with all that I am.
“I miss you too, Cal,” he answered, remembering how her words had motivated him to stay safe, to keep his head down and to get home to her. He closed his eyes as he let the letter fall into his lap, leaning back in his chair and wondering where she could be… praying she was safe. “Baby please, come home to me,” he breathed, letting the sea air carry the words to wherever she was.
Somehow, he knew she’d get the message.
Title: Please Come Home to Me
Pairing/Characters: Colby/OFC-Callie Walker
Rating: R (language, adult situations)
Word Count: 2643
Summary: Colby finds comfort in an old letter.
Spoilers: 3.24 - The Janus List, just to be safe.
Notes/Warnings: I'm a hopeless romantic who loves the idea of love letters. Hence, this fic. Callie's letter to Colby is italicized. Part of the High School Sweethearts Universe, started when julietm wrote Winter Carnival and Just Another Day for previous savecolby challenges. Please read author's comments for additional notes. And, as always, thanks to my beta and first reader julietm. Nothing would get posted if it weren't for you.
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, regrettably - it's not mine.
Colby sat in his favorite chair on the back deck of the house he shared with his high school sweetheart - the woman who was his best friend, his lover… his wife. He was looking out over the ocean, watching as the waves rolled to shore and back to the endless sea, his feet propped up on the deck with a cold beer in one hand and the fingers of his other hand delicately tapping out a rhythm on the tattered box in his lap. He was thinking about her… about his Cal… wondering where she was right now.
She’d been deep undercover for three long weeks and he wasn’t “allowed” to know anything about where she was or what she was doing. All he was “allowed” to know was that she was alive. Taking a long pull from his beer, he hoped to numb the pain he was feeling. He hated this - not knowing anything about her life right now. Since they were barely teenagers, they’d told each other everything and now, he wasn’t “allowed” to even know she was safe… only alive. Yes, he knew when they signed on as FBI agents there would be days like this but he never dreamed the days would be this brutal.
And then he looked down at the box beneath his hand. This box had been hidden in the closet for the past three years. He’d tucked it away as part of his past he didn’t like to remember too often. This box contained the only items he’d kept from his time in Afghanistan - a few pictures, his dog tags and every letter Callie had ever written him while he was there. When he missed her back then, he would pull out one of her letters and read her words - feeling a connection despite the ocean that had been between them.
He needed that connection tonight. He needed to know she was still out there somewhere and that she was safe. So, with a deep breath and another long drink of his beer, he opened his box of memories for the first time since he’d come home from the war. The first thing he saw was her familiar handwriting, written across the top of each bundle of letters… and damned if he didn’t smile, even after all this time. His reaction had been just the same back then. Before he even opened the envelope to read her words, her elegant handwriting and the scent of her that lingered from across the miles brought him comfort in the midst of chaos. His smile widened, realizing the effect was the same now as it had been then.
Setting his beer on the table next to him, he moved to thumb through the letters. There was one in particular he needed tonight. And yes, he remembered which one because he’d carried this letter with him at all times. He’d kept it tucked in one of his many pockets, or sometimes his hat or his helmet. He’d even tucked it into his boot on more than one occasion, he remembered as his fingers stumbled over the worn and wrinkled paper. He shifted in his seat, sighing and pulling out the still-familiar envelope before slipping the box down onto the deck. He relaxed back into his chair as his fingers carefully removed the letter and unfolded the message she’d written just for him. He took another deep breath, surprised by how calm he suddenly felt as he finally set his eyes to the words he wanted to read.
April 27, 2003
My dearest Colby,
I miss you so much! I miss knowing for certain you’re okay. I know you must be out there somewhere… alive, fighting the good fight and doing everything you can to get back to me. I know this because none of us have heard anything about you - not since you wrote me at Christmas. That was four months ago. Maybe I got spoiled getting two letters from you so quickly or maybe not knowing where you are or what’s going on in your world really IS the hardest part about all of this. I don’t know. All I know is that I ache to hear from you… to know you are safe, to know you’re still out there, that you’re still mine.
Not hearing from you has been especially difficult because I’ve written you at least once a week since I got back from visiting our families at Christmas and every letter has been sent back to me. I’m hoping that you are somewhere my letters just can’t reach you, although I thought the A.O.R. would hold my letters for you until it was safe to deliver them. Then again, maybe every thing is in transition over there and this is all related to why no one has heard from you. You’re just busy making the world a better place. Nonetheless, I hope this letter finds its way to you. Even if you can’t write back, just knowing that you have this… that you’re reading my words, is enough. It breaks my heart to think about you not hearing from me when I’ve written you so often since you left. I would never want you to think for a second that something is wrong over here or that I’ve been too busy for you or worse yet, that I’ve forgotten you. None of that is true! I have a stack of letters here beside me that were meant for you. I’ve been trying to talk to you, to tell you how much I still love you and how much I’ll love you every day… I just can’t get to you!
Colby looked up from the letter and let his gaze focus back out across the ocean. Sitting here now, he understood how she must have felt - not knowing where he was or if he’d be coming home. He remembered the day he got this letter, after what seemed like a month of heavy fighting. At that point in time, she hadn’t known where he was or if he was alive for over five months. Colby had only been in the dark about her life for the past three weeks and he was about to go out of his mind. How on earth had she managed? He remembered she kept herself very busy, but damn… this was excruciating. And Callie hadn’t just done this for five months - she’d been through this for five years! Sometimes she’d known where he was but most of the time… she didn’t. The only thing she could do was hope and pray that he was alive and safe and that he’d come home to her the same way.
Admittedly, he fell in love with her a little more realizing now exactly how much he’d asked of her. He had asked her to wait… for him… while he fulfilled five generations of duty, honor and following orders. She did so because she loved him and she survived because she was the strongest woman he’d ever met. He was one lucky son of a bitch.
I wish you could have been back in Idaho with me at Christmas, sweetheart. Being there without you felt… empty. But, it was also really nice to see your parents. I think your mom and dad and I needed to be with someone who understood what it means to miss someone so much you almost can’t breathe. No one else understands. So, there was comfort in being with your family because I didn’t have to explain what I was feeling… they just knew.
An added bonus about going back to Idaho was getting to sleep in your old bed every night. How could I lay there and NOT think about you? You completely surrounded me while I was laying there in your room, remembering every hour we spent on that bed… doing homework, talking and laughing, sleeping and not sleeping. *raises eyebrows* Admittedly, I spent most of my time thinking about the first time we made love in that bed. There was definitely a different kind of excitement between us that night… sparks flying from our want of each other and from the thrill of trying not to get caught but all the while not caring because we were completely lost in each other. Remembering the way you touched me that night, the way you moved with me… god, it made me so hungry for you Colby. I just kept thinking of you, and thinking of you, and thinking of you until I couldn’t hold a thought in my head and your name escaped my lips into the dark as I came for you across all these miles. Damn, I miss you.
“Tell me about it,” Colby muttered to no one but the seagulls passing overhead.
To spite himself, he smiled. He thought of the first time he read this letter all those miles ago. He had been completely heart broken that he’d missed another Christmas in Idaho with his Cal and yet he was incredibly turned on imagining her alone… in his old bed… thinking of him. The same familiar tingles that coursed through his veins then pumped through his body now and he had to take a calming breath. After all these years, she could still turn him on when she wasn’t even in the same room. He kept smiling, feeling again like he did the first time he read this letter - like reading her words made the distance between them shrink, like he was talking to her, there with her… wherever she was.
I have some exciting news for you! You’re going to be an uncle again, Colbs! Grace is pregnant with her and Phil’s second child! She’s about six months along and this time they’ve decided to not find out the sex of the baby. I hope for Grace’s sake it’s a girl, but Joey really wants a little brother. I’m sending you some pictures I took at Christmas so you can see how much he’s grown! I remember the day he was born and how he fit in just one of your strong hands and now, he’s becoming a little man. And let me tell you, he is growing up to be a lot more like you than anyone knows. Just the way he smiles or the way his eyes change when he wants something, I don’t know. He is going to be a heartbreaker. If we have a little boy some day, I want one just like him… heartbreaker and all.
Speaking of children, Hannah Mae Granger, huh? I think that’s the most beautiful name I’ve ever heard and I think your grandma is smiling down on us right now because of it. I think she’d be truly touched that we named a daughter after her, especially remembering how strong and brave and kind she was. I would be a truly blessed woman to have a daughter who turned out a little like me, a little like you and a lot like Granny Mae. I’m actually a little teary-eyed thinking about it. And I’m pretty sure we’ve just had our first real conversation about children! I hope you know I want to give you that. I’m in no rush, mind you, but I want to give that to you. I want everything with you and nothing without, Colby.
I have the warm and fuzzies right now thinking about having (and making!) babies with you. I feel all… girly. For god’s sake, don’t tell my mom. She may shit monkeys if she ever hears me say I want kids. Haha!
Colby laughed out loud at that just as he did when he read the letter years earlier. That was his Cal - able to make him laugh when he thought he’d never smile again. He remembered thinking at the time no truer words had been spoken. Amelia really would have shit monkeys if she knew Callie was talking about having children. Colby was also fairly certain if Gary Walker found out Callie wanted babies with the one and only Colby Granger… well, an insurgent’s bullet to the head would have been a merciful death. The now Lt. Walker would have surely tracked him down in Afghanistan and tortured him for even thinking about having children with Callie. Granted, he and Callie had been practicing to make babies since before their senior year of high school and God save them if Gary ever found out about that! Colby cringed, even after being in love with Callie since the first day of tenth grade and being married to her the past three years.
I’ve completely lost myself in writing to you and didn’t even realize it’s after 5am! But I had things to tell you since I know this letter is going to find you. (You know how I always get my way when I have my mind set on something. *smile) I should get some sleep now, sweetheart. I hope you know just how much I love you. You’re my whole world. I hope wherever you are, you are safe and that you always remember you carry my heart with you wherever you go. I love you more than anything.
Forever Yours,
Cal
“I hope wherever you are, you are safe and that you always remember you carry my heart with you wherever you go. I love you more than anything.” Colby read these words aloud, feeling in his heart that these were Callie’s same words to him now after all these years. This time, however, he didn’t know where she was or how she was… but he knew she loved him just as he loved her. This made it a little easier for him to breathe, to wait patiently for her to come back to him.
He remembered then the words that were his reason for carrying this letter with him wherever he went while he was overseas. Those same words were the reason he needed this letter in particular right now. Turning over the last page, he read:
PS A friend of mine wrote this song a while ago. As soon as I heard the words, I felt like he wrote the song just for us. You’ll understand why.
I'm not sure why I can't sleep,
All I know right now is you're the thing I need.
I send this prayer up towards the same stars that you see.
Baby please, come home to me.
We spend too much time apart.
There aren't words to say what's happening in my heart.
I live with blinders on, you're the only thing I see.
Baby please, come home to me.
I'm sure that it's hard for you, no I won't make believe,
That we both get by.
I'm hoping that some day soon, we'll figure out a way,
Just to spend a little time...
And not say goodbye.
Nothing moves me anymore.
I wait impatiently for footsteps by the door.
Above all other things, you're what I believe.
Baby please, come home to me.
This has been our theme song for the past 10 years… when I was away at college while you stayed in Idaho and now since you’ve been overseas. But you’ll be home soon, Colbs, very soon. Baby please, come home to me. I miss you with all that I am.
“I miss you too, Cal,” he answered, remembering how her words had motivated him to stay safe, to keep his head down and to get home to her. He closed his eyes as he let the letter fall into his lap, leaning back in his chair and wondering where she could be… praying she was safe. “Baby please, come home to me,” he breathed, letting the sea air carry the words to wherever she was.
Somehow, he knew she’d get the message.