merry christmas
as i've been sitting here, drinking my spiked juice and reflecting over the year, ive come to the conclusion that, overall, this year did not suck. sure there have been times this year when i've felt absolutely miserable, but i think i've gotten to the point when i can look past the negative aspects of life. i really think that i have only one person to thank for that, and, even tho she doesn't read this, i think she knows who she is. i feel that she's really helped me grow as a person, because she has given me the emotional and personal security i've been longing for for quite some time. she has helped me realize that i don't need other people to help me live out my life in the way that would bring me the most joy. personally, i've always thought i was rather independent, but throughout the year i've had many a reality check, and i've realized that i need people just as much as the next joe-shmo on the street, and that it's okay to need to be social once in awhile. sure it may seem weak to have a dire to need to be next to someone, or to have someone else's support, but u can't really grow without learning how to be weak first. i feel like a total hypocrite for all i've said and done over the the last few years of my life. but then again, would i be where i am today if i hadn't said what i needed to say and if i hadn't acted out everything i felt was necessary for me to act out. all these years i've felt like i was in a long dream, and i've never been sure if i would ever be able to find a way out. i've always thought i would need a prince charming to help me on my way. but now i've realized that i'm the only thing that could bring me closer to the thing i really need. although it would be nice to have someone to share all this baggage with, i'm just not sure how easy it would be to find the kind of guy who would be willing to by me prince charming. isn't that a little too much pressure for just one man? it's a good thing i haven't gone into a relationship thinking that, or i would be in a world of misery right about now. well anyways, i think that i'm finally beginning to wake up from my seemingly never-ending slumber. and i would like to, this christmas, thank everyone, and u know who u r, who has helped me get to where i am today. and i hope that, i some small way, i have been an inspiration to ur own lives. happy holidays everyone, and may all ur christmas wishes come true!