A healthy dose of inspiration with a not so small side of sadness
Listening to some music, doing typical rainy Saturday stuff, writing, cleaning, trying to keep Peter entertained, cooking...Always with the music in the background. It is how I think and get through the day and just live, I need a soundtrack. I am that girl that is walking through the grocery store singing along no matter what the song is.
I often am inspired by music, inspired to write angst or sadness typically. Today I am listening to Elton John because on the season finale of Swingtown (which I loved) last night they played his "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" and it did two things immediately. One was it made me sad, tears immediately sprang to my eyes just on the opening note I heard. The night before Shane died I had been sad, ridiculously, out of my mind sad, for no reason that I was aware of, and out came that ridiculously sad and angsty fic about Gene alone in 1981 and how he loses it when he hears "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road". I now will always associate that song and all the other Elton John songs I was listening to that weekend with him and it makes me sad because I miss him so much, too much. Makes my heart hurt to think about it. So when I heard the song I was brought right back to that weekend. Nick hadn't known what to say to me about it, still doesn't really, and that night after I found out I put my ipod on cried myself to sleep on my shitty little sofa listening to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight". Second thing the song did was inspire me, out of that sadness.
I have been toying with this writing idea, this story, for years, trying many times to write it and never even getting past the first paragraph because I hated the tone. You know Annie Proulx's Wyoming series, the one that had Brokeback Mountain in it? Well I am a huge fan, I love her style and her prose and her grit. When I first read Brokeback Mountain I was blown away because it was similar to what I had wanted to write, and while that was inspiring in its own way, I couldn't make it sound like a direct copy, so I stopped trying. I like to write two men together because for me it adds a layer of angst and beauty that I can't describe in traditional terms. Sure, fanfic is great for that with the characters already created for you, I love doing that, but really I have these two characters in my head that are jonesing to get out, these two very different men who somehow end up with this relationship they never expected or dreamed of, in a place where they can't show it and can't talk about it and can't walk down the street holding hands or declaring anything. I have wanted to write this thing for four years now and listening to the music this morning, feeling that sadness, finally I got an idea, a good one I think. Gonna work on it in my head and maybe go with it for NaNo.
I often am inspired by music, inspired to write angst or sadness typically. Today I am listening to Elton John because on the season finale of Swingtown (which I loved) last night they played his "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" and it did two things immediately. One was it made me sad, tears immediately sprang to my eyes just on the opening note I heard. The night before Shane died I had been sad, ridiculously, out of my mind sad, for no reason that I was aware of, and out came that ridiculously sad and angsty fic about Gene alone in 1981 and how he loses it when he hears "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road". I now will always associate that song and all the other Elton John songs I was listening to that weekend with him and it makes me sad because I miss him so much, too much. Makes my heart hurt to think about it. So when I heard the song I was brought right back to that weekend. Nick hadn't known what to say to me about it, still doesn't really, and that night after I found out I put my ipod on cried myself to sleep on my shitty little sofa listening to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight". Second thing the song did was inspire me, out of that sadness.
I have been toying with this writing idea, this story, for years, trying many times to write it and never even getting past the first paragraph because I hated the tone. You know Annie Proulx's Wyoming series, the one that had Brokeback Mountain in it? Well I am a huge fan, I love her style and her prose and her grit. When I first read Brokeback Mountain I was blown away because it was similar to what I had wanted to write, and while that was inspiring in its own way, I couldn't make it sound like a direct copy, so I stopped trying. I like to write two men together because for me it adds a layer of angst and beauty that I can't describe in traditional terms. Sure, fanfic is great for that with the characters already created for you, I love doing that, but really I have these two characters in my head that are jonesing to get out, these two very different men who somehow end up with this relationship they never expected or dreamed of, in a place where they can't show it and can't talk about it and can't walk down the street holding hands or declaring anything. I have wanted to write this thing for four years now and listening to the music this morning, feeling that sadness, finally I got an idea, a good one I think. Gonna work on it in my head and maybe go with it for NaNo.