My User Manual
That is it, I am officially a meme whore! And it seems I am rather attracted to karaokegal's memes, because this is YET ANOTHER one I stole from her.
If you had to write an owner's manual for yourself for someone else to read, what are five things (at least) you know you would include (silly, serious, Highly Important, etc.)?
1. Highly important: I need ME time. ME ME ME!! In that time I reserve the right to do any number of the following: sit at computer reading or writing porn, perhaps IMing with Becci or Alex, or maybe even answering some emails. I love my computer, and yes it is MINE. I don't care that we bought it together, me and hubby. The thing is mine. I love it and it loves me, we have a relationship so there. Also in this time that I call my own I may: write on paper (imagine!!), read anything from vampy novels to chick lit to classics or graphic novels, watch MY shows (Life on Mars, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Supernatural, Bones, House, Ghost Hunters...), listen to music, MY music, not some shit that my husband likes like Twisted Sister (and while I can appreciate some of their stuff, I generally want to rip my ears off of my head when I hear them, same with a number of things he likes, and while he feels the same way about most of my music, well, I don't care, music is very important to me, in a way that it simply isn't to him.) Also, in this time, I do NOT want to hear my six year old son screaming things like "MAAAAMAAAA, I"M *hungrytiredboredblahblahblah*, I also, in this time, do not want to watch shows like, oh anything on Nickelodeon except for Drake and Josh so I can be a dirty, dirty old lady and think impure, improper and just plain old wrong thoughts about them and the things they might do behind closed doors in that room of theirs. So there. Also, don't want to watch the likes of Max and Ruby, Dora, Diego, The Upside Down Show or The Mr. Men Show. Nope. Don't want to. Can't make me.
2. This is important: I can be sort of a guy at times. I do not think like 'typical' women, if there is such a thing, cuz really that is a silly notion. I talk about and think about sex more than most men I know. I can hang with the boys, drink with them, spit, fart and burp with them if I must, flirt with them until I'm blue in the face or they are blue in the balls, talk shop, sports, cars, golf, baseball, whatever. I can hang. HOWEVER. I don't have a dick, not one attached to my body anyway. I have plenty of them tucked away for when the need arises. I am a girl, a GIRLIE girl. I love makeup and clothes and shopping and I take far too long to do my hair. I have curves, I like my curves, big boobs, round butt and all. I like to gossip and do mother hen like things, I adore cooking and being domesticated.
3. This is really important too, and related to #2. I LOVE SEX. I love it in all sorts of ways and positions and ideas and really if it were up to me I would have some sort of sex every day for the most part. I like it all, the girl parts and the boy parts. I talk about it alot, because I am constantly thinking about it. Intellectual guys, inked guys, pretty boys, bitchy girls, smart women, bit of trailer park or Fifth Avenue, don't care. Romantic, dirty, cute, fun, silly, raunchy, racy, risque...ALL OF IT. I have lots of fantasies, most of which I am willing to act on, much to my hubby's either dismay or much to his, I dunno, amusement maybe, given the day. Poor guy, I love him, but he can't keep up with me sometimes (though and this is all TMI, the man does a mean impression of the Master, really...)
4. I am easy to get along with, with very few rules. Don't lie to me and don't fuck me over. If you can handle that we will be friends for a long time. I don't ask for much, just a hello, some hugs and to check on me every now and then. And you know, if you wanna come over for a beer, that is always good in my book!
5. I need sleep. I am one cranky bitchy when I don't sleep. That being said, I rarely get any sleep, not the kind I am talking about anyway. I tend to get to bed between midnight and 2 ish AM and I am up by 7 because, well, did I mention I have a six year old? I need more sleep than that. That means I am often a cranky, neurotic, harried lady, one who just wants a good shag to put her out of her misery ;)