Review: Tarantulas
Tarantulas in review, an overview:
(submitted by waltzingv)
Final score: 3.5 out of 5, or 7 out of 10.
Pros:
1. Extremely freaky looking.
2. Not highly venomous.
3. Can live up to a month without eating.
Cons:
1. Extremely freaky looking.
2. Extremely painful bite.
3. Extremely gross mating ritual.
4. Extremely gross feeding habits.
Details:
Tarantulas (Theraphosidae). They just look like big, hairy spiders, don't they? Well, believe it or not, that's... pretty much what they are. Make no mistake, however... their anatomies are quite complex. At least as complex as spiders (the smaller, less hairy varieties). Probably more complex.
Tarantulas are so called because a long time ago, a bunch of European people who didn't know any better figured that these large, hairy, complex spiders caused tarantism. In case you didn't know (I sure didn't), tarantism is a nervous disorder that causes uncontrollable movement. Not like when you just have to buy something that you saw at Wal-Mart because it sings and dances; this is a different type of involuntary movement.
Now, you may be wondering why the tarantula's unarguable freakiness is considered a pro and a con. It's a matter of context. If you saw one on TV, it's freakiness would be a cool thing. Like... hey, what a freaky, big, hairy, complex spider. That's cool. However, if you saw one in your TV dinner, that would be a very bad sort of freakiness. You would probably not consume that meal, and you may even mess up the floor with it.
Tarantulas supposedly hurt like hell when they bite. I've never gotten close enough to one to tell you for sure, but I'll take the scientists' words for it. As their venom is not so high-calibur as to kill humans, at least take some comfort in knowing that you won't die. That makes you feel better, right?
Speaking of tarantula's venom: It's a nerve toxin. It paralizes it's prey, which sucks for the prey, but not so much for the tarantula, because the tarantula has to spend some QT with it's prey. Why? Well, the tarantula's digestive system is not so sophisticated as it's venom, that's why. The tarantula has to liquify it's capture from the inside out and suck out the goo. This is incredibly nasty, because they don't just do it to bugs. They also do it to larger creatures, such as frogs and bats. And lizards. Usually, however, they pick on crickets, which is okay with me. Another saving grace is that the tarantula can go up to an entire month without eating because, as we all know, batshakes are very filling.
Even nastier than the tarantula's eating habits are it's mating habits. I'm not making this up; the male will actually make a sperm web. Yep. Spins a web, sprays sperm on it. Then he laps it up with appendages next to his mouth. Then he chases down a female, bends her over, and spits it inside her. She usually retorts by killing him.
Young tarantulas probably spend a great deal of their youths learning how to stomach having unpleasant things in their mouths. I'm pretty sure that males also have track-and-field regiments to get in shape for mating season, in which they do a lot of running away.
Back to the point, the female then lays her eggs into a coccoon. Nine weeks later, a flurry of eight-legged frog killers scatter into the world. Two weeks later, they're on their own. Such is the life of a big, hairy, complex, really gross, painful-but-not-too-poisonous spider.
(submitted by waltzingv)
Final score: 3.5 out of 5, or 7 out of 10.
Pros:
1. Extremely freaky looking.
2. Not highly venomous.
3. Can live up to a month without eating.
Cons:
1. Extremely freaky looking.
2. Extremely painful bite.
3. Extremely gross mating ritual.
4. Extremely gross feeding habits.
Details:
Tarantulas (Theraphosidae). They just look like big, hairy spiders, don't they? Well, believe it or not, that's... pretty much what they are. Make no mistake, however... their anatomies are quite complex. At least as complex as spiders (the smaller, less hairy varieties). Probably more complex.
Tarantulas are so called because a long time ago, a bunch of European people who didn't know any better figured that these large, hairy, complex spiders caused tarantism. In case you didn't know (I sure didn't), tarantism is a nervous disorder that causes uncontrollable movement. Not like when you just have to buy something that you saw at Wal-Mart because it sings and dances; this is a different type of involuntary movement.
Now, you may be wondering why the tarantula's unarguable freakiness is considered a pro and a con. It's a matter of context. If you saw one on TV, it's freakiness would be a cool thing. Like... hey, what a freaky, big, hairy, complex spider. That's cool. However, if you saw one in your TV dinner, that would be a very bad sort of freakiness. You would probably not consume that meal, and you may even mess up the floor with it.
Tarantulas supposedly hurt like hell when they bite. I've never gotten close enough to one to tell you for sure, but I'll take the scientists' words for it. As their venom is not so high-calibur as to kill humans, at least take some comfort in knowing that you won't die. That makes you feel better, right?
Speaking of tarantula's venom: It's a nerve toxin. It paralizes it's prey, which sucks for the prey, but not so much for the tarantula, because the tarantula has to spend some QT with it's prey. Why? Well, the tarantula's digestive system is not so sophisticated as it's venom, that's why. The tarantula has to liquify it's capture from the inside out and suck out the goo. This is incredibly nasty, because they don't just do it to bugs. They also do it to larger creatures, such as frogs and bats. And lizards. Usually, however, they pick on crickets, which is okay with me. Another saving grace is that the tarantula can go up to an entire month without eating because, as we all know, batshakes are very filling.
Even nastier than the tarantula's eating habits are it's mating habits. I'm not making this up; the male will actually make a sperm web. Yep. Spins a web, sprays sperm on it. Then he laps it up with appendages next to his mouth. Then he chases down a female, bends her over, and spits it inside her. She usually retorts by killing him.
Young tarantulas probably spend a great deal of their youths learning how to stomach having unpleasant things in their mouths. I'm pretty sure that males also have track-and-field regiments to get in shape for mating season, in which they do a lot of running away.
Back to the point, the female then lays her eggs into a coccoon. Nine weeks later, a flurry of eight-legged frog killers scatter into the world. Two weeks later, they're on their own. Such is the life of a big, hairy, complex, really gross, painful-but-not-too-poisonous spider.