Breathing Shouldn't Be This Hard
Back again with another HF0 story. I tried to stay away from writing anything about the finale but the idea implanted itself inside my brain and wouldn't go away. Seriously, it happened right before I went to sleep and it was still there when I woke up the next morning. So having no choice, I went to the computer and typed this out until I was finished. I think it turned out pretty great.
Title: Breathing Shouldn't Be This Hard
Author: cancer22
Summary: After finding out his mother is still alive Steve didn't wait to hear any explanations. Instead, he ran to the one person that can make everything okay again. Danny
Pairing: Steve/Danny of course. Established relationship
Word Count: ~2500
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Contains spoilers for the finale. Don't know exactly how the premiere of season 3 is going to go but it probably won't go like this so consider this to be AU.
Author's Note: Much thanks to tiffanie39 for the beta job. She is the reason this is as good as it is.
Breathing Shouldn't Be This Hard
Steve was tired. After being stuck on a plane, for the past six hours, there was nothing more he wanted to do than go home. He could have laughed at the irony of the entire situation. After spending weeks tracking down the true identity of Shelburne, intent on discovering the secret that took away his family, he ran at the first sight of it. He could still hear the voice crying as he backed away from the door. He could still feel Joe’s grip on his arm as he tried to keep the younger man from running away, but Steve was adamant about his decision and wanted nothing more than to escape the island and go back home where he belonged. Luckily for him, he had a friend that owed him a favor and found himself on Navy transport back to Hawaii.
The cab pulled up to the house and Steve gave the driver his money before making his way out of the car and closer to his house. The entire house was dark when he entered it but Steve knew that it was not empty. Throwing his bag on the floor, he made his way to the living room, where he found Danny sitting on the sofa staring at the television screen. Clearing his throat, he watched as Danny whipped his head around to look at him before standing up. Without wasting any time, he wrapped his arms around Danny and pulled him into a breathtaking hug. “I’m sorry I ran off again,” he whispered hoarsely into Danny’s ear. “I tried calling to let you know where I was going but you didn’t answer.”
Danny patted Steve softly on the back and pulled away slight. “Yeah I got your voicemail. I was with Grace at the time and I would have called you back but you know-”
And Steve did know. Once he was settled on the plane to come home, he called Danny to confirm his plans when he got the devastating news about both Chin and Kono‘s ordeals with Delano. Throughout the whole plane ride, Steve felt guilty for not being there for his team when they needed him. Again. “I know,” he nodded sadly. “How’s Chin?”
“Shaken but okay. He got Malia to the hospital in time and she’s recovering nicely at Queens from a gunshot wound to the abdomen. I don‘t think he‘s going to be leaving her side any time soon. Lucky for us the Governor gave us a week off to recover.”
“And Kono?”
“You know our rookie,” Danny smirked slightly. “She’s pissed that they were able to get the jump on her but other than that she’s okay. They should have known better than to throw a fish like her into the water. It’s her natural element.”
“I’m glad everything worked out okay.”
“Despite you being absent. Seems to be theme with you McGarrett and I don’t think I like it. I thought that after last time you would have learned your lesson. But as usual, you maintain that army of one bullshit and go flying off without consideration for anyone else.”
“Danny please,” Steve all but cried as he looked at his partner as tears threatened to fall. “Please.”
The look on Steve‘s face stopped Danny mid-rant. It was one he had never seen before. A look he could summarize as being devastated and completely broken and he did not like it one bit. “What happened in Japan?” he asked stiffly, voice laced with concern. “What aren’t you telling me Steven?”
Suddenly, Steve backed away from Danny and pulled a flask from his pocket. He’d lifted it from Joe when the older man tried to stop him from leaving. Not usually one to drink, Steve felt he would need something to help calm his nerves so he could tell Danny the entire truth without breaking down. Taking a quick sip and letting the strong alcohol burn his throat, he began to pace across the floor. “In the message I left you, I told you that I was leaving with Joe. That he was finally going to stop lying to me and tell me the truth about Shelburne.” he stated bitterly.
Danny was surprised to see Steve drinking from the silver flask but said nothing about it. Instead he focused on what Steve was trying to tell him. “And did you find the answers you were looking for.”
“Oh I found them alright and you know what, I fucking wished I hadn’t.” Steve spat as he continued to pace. “I should have listened to Joe when he warned me that I wouldn’t like the truth. Why couldn‘t I leave well enough alone? Why did I have to be stubborn and refuse to back down when Joe asked me too?”
Danny gave Steve a sympathetic shrug. “Because that’s not who you are and you deserved the know the truth.”
“The truth Danny? You want to know the truth?”
“That’s why I’m here isn’t it.”
“She’s alive,” Steve replied venomously as the words quickly flew out of his mouth.
“Who’s alive Steve?” Danny asked confused. “You’re not making any sense.”
“My mother. She’s alive. She faked her death and has been living in Japan this whole time. And also, according to Wo Fat she’s also responsible for the death of his father.”
Danny could feel his mouth fall open, a look of shock plastered on his face as he looked at Steve for confirmation. When Steve‘s expression didn‘t falter Danny realized that it was in fact the truth and slowly brought his mouth to a close. “Okay…damn,” he replied, letting out a shaky breath. “Can I just say that I did not see that coming?”
“And you think I did Danny?” Steve hissed as he took another sip from the flask. This time a longer one. He could feel his stomach burning but he had no idea whether it was from the liquor or the anger he was feeling. Steve didn‘t care. He just wanted to get everything out as quickly as he could. “My mother is fucking alive, has been this whole time and I’m just now finding out.”
“Well what did you say when you saw her?” Danny couldn’t help but ask.
“Nothing,” he replied shaking his head angrily. “I took one look at her and I turned around and left. Joe tried to stop me, told me it was time I man up and learn the truth but I didn’t know what else to do.” He paused for a moment as he raised the flask to his lips and once again took a sip from it. “I mean, what was I supposed to do?” he asked after swallowing. “Hug her and cry in her arms while she ran her fingers through my hair liked she used to do when I was younger. She lost that right when she faked her death and abandoned her family.”
“I think it’s time you put that away,” Danny whispered as he grabbed the flask out of Steve’s hand and placed it on the table before he could drink any more. His mind was racing at the words coming out of Steve’s mouth but he knew he would have to be the voice of reason. The last thing he wanted was for Steve to do something stupid, like drink himself silly, to numb the current pain he was feeling.
Running his fingers through his hair, Steve looked down at Danny with moistened eyes. “I mourned her Danny,” he replied softly, voice cracking. “After years of trying I was finally able to let her go and now this. Do you have any idea what it was like at fifteen to hear from an officer that your mother was dead? To have to bury her and for the next two weeks afterwards sleep in your little sister’s bed because she keeps crying at night. And then to have your father send you away, never telling you why or giving you any sort of explanation. I lost my entire family the night she died.”
Hearing the pain in Steve‘s voice and watching as tears fell from his eyes, compelled Danny to wrap his arms around his partner and hold him tightly. “Oh Steven.”
“I used to lie awake at night thinking about the last time we were all together. It was a Saturday and my dad was barbequing while Mary and I surfed and our mom watched from the lanai. Every time one of us would catch a wave she would jump up and down and clap and if we wiped out she would blow us a kiss. I used to say I would give anything to have that again, just to have her back for one more day and for us to be a family again. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Steve I wish I knew what to tell you but I don’t. Hell, I don’t even know where to begin but I do know that you will get through this like you do everything else in your life.”
Steve shook his head slowly and shrugged. “I don’t know if I can Danno.”
Reaching up, Danny wiped the falling tears from Steve‘s face before grabbing his cheeks. “You can and you will because you have me and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. That you can believe.”
Leaning forward, Steve rest his forehead against Danny‘s and let out a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t be burdening you with my problems Danny when you’ve got your own, especially everything that‘s happening with Grace.”
“I love you, you goof, so your problems automatically become my problems and vice versa.”
“Still,” Steve sighed again. “It’s too much.”
“I’ll tell you when it’s too much,” Danny chuckled as he gave Steve a quick kiss. “Now let’s get you to bed,” he commanded as he began pulling his partner towards the direction of the stairs.
“I’m not tired,” Steve pouted but still allowed his body to be pulled by Danny.
“No, but you’re emotionally distraught and running low on adrenaline. Sooner or later you’re going to crash I would much rather you did it upstairs instead of down here.”
“You just down want to carry me upstairs.”
“You are correct. In no way, shape, or form do I want to haul your heavy ass up a flight of stairs because you refuse to listen to rationality.”
“Okay okay. Whatever you say Danno.”
“And while you’re at it you could use a shower,” Danny smirked, wrinkling his nose. “You stink.”
“Only if you join me.”
“That can be arranged.”
For the first time in the last 24 hours, Steve let out a hearty laugh as he followed Danny up the stairs and into the bathroom.
********
The steamy hot water felt good as it pelted down against his skin but Danny’s hand’s washing his hair felt even better. For the first time in two days Steve felt his body begin to relax and when he turned around to give Danny better access to his front he couldn’t control the need to push Danny against the wall and kiss him passionately.
He smirked as he felt Danny buck against him and let out a deep moan as they continued to kiss. Steve plunged his tongue deeper down Danny’s throat but was surprised when he suddenly felt himself being pushed away.
“Down boy,” Danny stuttered, completely breathless as he pushed himself away from the wall and back underneath the water to rinse away the soap.
Steve gave him a pout and tried to move in closer but Danny kept him at an arm‘s length. “But Danny-”
“Look I would like nothing more than for you to ravage me like the caveman that you are but it’s been a very long day for both of us and we need to sleep.”
Steve continued to pout but he knew Danny was right and they needed to sleep. “Fine Danno,” he smirked playfully as he grabbed Danny by the waist and pulled him closer tugging his earlobe with his teeth. “We’ll sleep now but tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up, your ass is mine. Got it?”
“Whatever you say Steve.” Danny nodded in complete agreement as they stood there underneath the hot water. Deep down Danny wished it was morning already.
********
They settled into bed, Steve taking his usual position behind Danny and wrapping an arm around the shorter man’s body. A few minutes had passed since they got into bed but Steve found himself unable to sleep even though he was completely drained.
“You think I did the right thing, leaving without waiting to hear what she had to say?” he asked a few minutes later completely aware that Danny was wide awake as well.
“I think you did the right thing for you.”
“Yeah but do you think I should have stayed?”
“Steve you just found out that your mother is still alive after you believed she was dead for the last twenty years. You’re entitled to take all the time you need to process this new information.”
“But I still need to know why she did what did,” he whispered, the words slightly muffled as he pressed his face into Danny’s neck. “I don’t know if I can face her again but I deserve to know the truth.”
“Then get it. Find out everything you want to know but do it when you’re ready to face her again.” Turning over so that he was facing Steve, Danny cupped his cheek with his hand and kissed him softly. “She may be your mother Steve but that doesn’t mean she gets to automatically gain your trust. She has to earn it and if you feel as though you can rebuild a relationship with her than so be it. But if you hear the truth and find out why she did what she did and if your father knew the entire time and you want nothing to do with her that’s fine as well. You have that right.” He paused for a moment and kissed Steve softly. “Just know that no matter what you decide I’m going to stand behind you one hundred percent.”
He could feel himself wanting to cry again but he did his best to keep that from happening. Instead, he pulled Danny even closer so that the blond was now laying on his chest with Steve‘s arms tightly around him. “Dammit Danny you don’t know how much you mean to me. Thank you for always being there for me.”
“That‘s what partners are for right,” Danny chuckled softly as he looked up at Steve.
Steve simply shook his head and smiled contently. “No Danny I mean it. You’re more than just a partner or lover to me. To me…you’re my everything. You’re the reason I am the person I am today and I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost you.”
Giving Steve a wide grin, Danny leaned up and kissed him. “Well hopefully you won’t have to find out for a long time.”
Steve returned the kiss. “Let’s hope so.”
“And now we sleep because if I’m not mistaken you said that in the morning my ass was yours and I fully expect for you to fulfill that promise.”
“I love you Danno.”
“Danno loves you too.”
********
Like it. Love it. Let me know what you thought.
Title: Breathing Shouldn't Be This Hard
Author: cancer22
Summary: After finding out his mother is still alive Steve didn't wait to hear any explanations. Instead, he ran to the one person that can make everything okay again. Danny
Pairing: Steve/Danny of course. Established relationship
Word Count: ~2500
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Contains spoilers for the finale. Don't know exactly how the premiere of season 3 is going to go but it probably won't go like this so consider this to be AU.
Author's Note: Much thanks to tiffanie39 for the beta job. She is the reason this is as good as it is.
Breathing Shouldn't Be This Hard
Steve was tired. After being stuck on a plane, for the past six hours, there was nothing more he wanted to do than go home. He could have laughed at the irony of the entire situation. After spending weeks tracking down the true identity of Shelburne, intent on discovering the secret that took away his family, he ran at the first sight of it. He could still hear the voice crying as he backed away from the door. He could still feel Joe’s grip on his arm as he tried to keep the younger man from running away, but Steve was adamant about his decision and wanted nothing more than to escape the island and go back home where he belonged. Luckily for him, he had a friend that owed him a favor and found himself on Navy transport back to Hawaii.
The cab pulled up to the house and Steve gave the driver his money before making his way out of the car and closer to his house. The entire house was dark when he entered it but Steve knew that it was not empty. Throwing his bag on the floor, he made his way to the living room, where he found Danny sitting on the sofa staring at the television screen. Clearing his throat, he watched as Danny whipped his head around to look at him before standing up. Without wasting any time, he wrapped his arms around Danny and pulled him into a breathtaking hug. “I’m sorry I ran off again,” he whispered hoarsely into Danny’s ear. “I tried calling to let you know where I was going but you didn’t answer.”
Danny patted Steve softly on the back and pulled away slight. “Yeah I got your voicemail. I was with Grace at the time and I would have called you back but you know-”
And Steve did know. Once he was settled on the plane to come home, he called Danny to confirm his plans when he got the devastating news about both Chin and Kono‘s ordeals with Delano. Throughout the whole plane ride, Steve felt guilty for not being there for his team when they needed him. Again. “I know,” he nodded sadly. “How’s Chin?”
“Shaken but okay. He got Malia to the hospital in time and she’s recovering nicely at Queens from a gunshot wound to the abdomen. I don‘t think he‘s going to be leaving her side any time soon. Lucky for us the Governor gave us a week off to recover.”
“And Kono?”
“You know our rookie,” Danny smirked slightly. “She’s pissed that they were able to get the jump on her but other than that she’s okay. They should have known better than to throw a fish like her into the water. It’s her natural element.”
“I’m glad everything worked out okay.”
“Despite you being absent. Seems to be theme with you McGarrett and I don’t think I like it. I thought that after last time you would have learned your lesson. But as usual, you maintain that army of one bullshit and go flying off without consideration for anyone else.”
“Danny please,” Steve all but cried as he looked at his partner as tears threatened to fall. “Please.”
The look on Steve‘s face stopped Danny mid-rant. It was one he had never seen before. A look he could summarize as being devastated and completely broken and he did not like it one bit. “What happened in Japan?” he asked stiffly, voice laced with concern. “What aren’t you telling me Steven?”
Suddenly, Steve backed away from Danny and pulled a flask from his pocket. He’d lifted it from Joe when the older man tried to stop him from leaving. Not usually one to drink, Steve felt he would need something to help calm his nerves so he could tell Danny the entire truth without breaking down. Taking a quick sip and letting the strong alcohol burn his throat, he began to pace across the floor. “In the message I left you, I told you that I was leaving with Joe. That he was finally going to stop lying to me and tell me the truth about Shelburne.” he stated bitterly.
Danny was surprised to see Steve drinking from the silver flask but said nothing about it. Instead he focused on what Steve was trying to tell him. “And did you find the answers you were looking for.”
“Oh I found them alright and you know what, I fucking wished I hadn’t.” Steve spat as he continued to pace. “I should have listened to Joe when he warned me that I wouldn’t like the truth. Why couldn‘t I leave well enough alone? Why did I have to be stubborn and refuse to back down when Joe asked me too?”
Danny gave Steve a sympathetic shrug. “Because that’s not who you are and you deserved the know the truth.”
“The truth Danny? You want to know the truth?”
“That’s why I’m here isn’t it.”
“She’s alive,” Steve replied venomously as the words quickly flew out of his mouth.
“Who’s alive Steve?” Danny asked confused. “You’re not making any sense.”
“My mother. She’s alive. She faked her death and has been living in Japan this whole time. And also, according to Wo Fat she’s also responsible for the death of his father.”
Danny could feel his mouth fall open, a look of shock plastered on his face as he looked at Steve for confirmation. When Steve‘s expression didn‘t falter Danny realized that it was in fact the truth and slowly brought his mouth to a close. “Okay…damn,” he replied, letting out a shaky breath. “Can I just say that I did not see that coming?”
“And you think I did Danny?” Steve hissed as he took another sip from the flask. This time a longer one. He could feel his stomach burning but he had no idea whether it was from the liquor or the anger he was feeling. Steve didn‘t care. He just wanted to get everything out as quickly as he could. “My mother is fucking alive, has been this whole time and I’m just now finding out.”
“Well what did you say when you saw her?” Danny couldn’t help but ask.
“Nothing,” he replied shaking his head angrily. “I took one look at her and I turned around and left. Joe tried to stop me, told me it was time I man up and learn the truth but I didn’t know what else to do.” He paused for a moment as he raised the flask to his lips and once again took a sip from it. “I mean, what was I supposed to do?” he asked after swallowing. “Hug her and cry in her arms while she ran her fingers through my hair liked she used to do when I was younger. She lost that right when she faked her death and abandoned her family.”
“I think it’s time you put that away,” Danny whispered as he grabbed the flask out of Steve’s hand and placed it on the table before he could drink any more. His mind was racing at the words coming out of Steve’s mouth but he knew he would have to be the voice of reason. The last thing he wanted was for Steve to do something stupid, like drink himself silly, to numb the current pain he was feeling.
Running his fingers through his hair, Steve looked down at Danny with moistened eyes. “I mourned her Danny,” he replied softly, voice cracking. “After years of trying I was finally able to let her go and now this. Do you have any idea what it was like at fifteen to hear from an officer that your mother was dead? To have to bury her and for the next two weeks afterwards sleep in your little sister’s bed because she keeps crying at night. And then to have your father send you away, never telling you why or giving you any sort of explanation. I lost my entire family the night she died.”
Hearing the pain in Steve‘s voice and watching as tears fell from his eyes, compelled Danny to wrap his arms around his partner and hold him tightly. “Oh Steven.”
“I used to lie awake at night thinking about the last time we were all together. It was a Saturday and my dad was barbequing while Mary and I surfed and our mom watched from the lanai. Every time one of us would catch a wave she would jump up and down and clap and if we wiped out she would blow us a kiss. I used to say I would give anything to have that again, just to have her back for one more day and for us to be a family again. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Steve I wish I knew what to tell you but I don’t. Hell, I don’t even know where to begin but I do know that you will get through this like you do everything else in your life.”
Steve shook his head slowly and shrugged. “I don’t know if I can Danno.”
Reaching up, Danny wiped the falling tears from Steve‘s face before grabbing his cheeks. “You can and you will because you have me and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. That you can believe.”
Leaning forward, Steve rest his forehead against Danny‘s and let out a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t be burdening you with my problems Danny when you’ve got your own, especially everything that‘s happening with Grace.”
“I love you, you goof, so your problems automatically become my problems and vice versa.”
“Still,” Steve sighed again. “It’s too much.”
“I’ll tell you when it’s too much,” Danny chuckled as he gave Steve a quick kiss. “Now let’s get you to bed,” he commanded as he began pulling his partner towards the direction of the stairs.
“I’m not tired,” Steve pouted but still allowed his body to be pulled by Danny.
“No, but you’re emotionally distraught and running low on adrenaline. Sooner or later you’re going to crash I would much rather you did it upstairs instead of down here.”
“You just down want to carry me upstairs.”
“You are correct. In no way, shape, or form do I want to haul your heavy ass up a flight of stairs because you refuse to listen to rationality.”
“Okay okay. Whatever you say Danno.”
“And while you’re at it you could use a shower,” Danny smirked, wrinkling his nose. “You stink.”
“Only if you join me.”
“That can be arranged.”
For the first time in the last 24 hours, Steve let out a hearty laugh as he followed Danny up the stairs and into the bathroom.
********
The steamy hot water felt good as it pelted down against his skin but Danny’s hand’s washing his hair felt even better. For the first time in two days Steve felt his body begin to relax and when he turned around to give Danny better access to his front he couldn’t control the need to push Danny against the wall and kiss him passionately.
He smirked as he felt Danny buck against him and let out a deep moan as they continued to kiss. Steve plunged his tongue deeper down Danny’s throat but was surprised when he suddenly felt himself being pushed away.
“Down boy,” Danny stuttered, completely breathless as he pushed himself away from the wall and back underneath the water to rinse away the soap.
Steve gave him a pout and tried to move in closer but Danny kept him at an arm‘s length. “But Danny-”
“Look I would like nothing more than for you to ravage me like the caveman that you are but it’s been a very long day for both of us and we need to sleep.”
Steve continued to pout but he knew Danny was right and they needed to sleep. “Fine Danno,” he smirked playfully as he grabbed Danny by the waist and pulled him closer tugging his earlobe with his teeth. “We’ll sleep now but tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up, your ass is mine. Got it?”
“Whatever you say Steve.” Danny nodded in complete agreement as they stood there underneath the hot water. Deep down Danny wished it was morning already.
********
They settled into bed, Steve taking his usual position behind Danny and wrapping an arm around the shorter man’s body. A few minutes had passed since they got into bed but Steve found himself unable to sleep even though he was completely drained.
“You think I did the right thing, leaving without waiting to hear what she had to say?” he asked a few minutes later completely aware that Danny was wide awake as well.
“I think you did the right thing for you.”
“Yeah but do you think I should have stayed?”
“Steve you just found out that your mother is still alive after you believed she was dead for the last twenty years. You’re entitled to take all the time you need to process this new information.”
“But I still need to know why she did what did,” he whispered, the words slightly muffled as he pressed his face into Danny’s neck. “I don’t know if I can face her again but I deserve to know the truth.”
“Then get it. Find out everything you want to know but do it when you’re ready to face her again.” Turning over so that he was facing Steve, Danny cupped his cheek with his hand and kissed him softly. “She may be your mother Steve but that doesn’t mean she gets to automatically gain your trust. She has to earn it and if you feel as though you can rebuild a relationship with her than so be it. But if you hear the truth and find out why she did what she did and if your father knew the entire time and you want nothing to do with her that’s fine as well. You have that right.” He paused for a moment and kissed Steve softly. “Just know that no matter what you decide I’m going to stand behind you one hundred percent.”
He could feel himself wanting to cry again but he did his best to keep that from happening. Instead, he pulled Danny even closer so that the blond was now laying on his chest with Steve‘s arms tightly around him. “Dammit Danny you don’t know how much you mean to me. Thank you for always being there for me.”
“That‘s what partners are for right,” Danny chuckled softly as he looked up at Steve.
Steve simply shook his head and smiled contently. “No Danny I mean it. You’re more than just a partner or lover to me. To me…you’re my everything. You’re the reason I am the person I am today and I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost you.”
Giving Steve a wide grin, Danny leaned up and kissed him. “Well hopefully you won’t have to find out for a long time.”
Steve returned the kiss. “Let’s hope so.”
“And now we sleep because if I’m not mistaken you said that in the morning my ass was yours and I fully expect for you to fulfill that promise.”
“I love you Danno.”
“Danno loves you too.”
********
Like it. Love it. Let me know what you thought.