Just thinking.
I've been thinking. I just read 'Meantime Girl', the post on Jess's eljay and well, I remember when I was one of those, not so much the secret lover, but the chick that only got calls whenever a date stood up one of my boys or if some bitch had dumped one of my boys, and I was the ears and the first to say, 'Let's go get beer.' Then somehow I got away from it. In more cases than one, I was the bitch and I was the one calling one of my boys to talk to about the male gender and the things I just didn't understand.
Then I met Will. Will and I had an okay run. Towards the end though, that's what I didn't like. I dumped him. He kept coming over. Finally, I told him to fuck off. That was that.
I met Brandon by chance, just showed up at the apt. w/ Jeremiah. He told Jeremiah that he had to see me again, Vic then told me, and I got his number and called him. He came over that night and we talked for a long time and goofed off at my apt. w/ Vic. Then we made a date. We drove up Hurstbourne Lane to the Summit (a shopping center here, like Castleton in Indy) and he told me all about himself. I have a pretty boring life compared to this guy so I didn't really say much. I asked questions I think...I don't really remember. We made another date. And so on. And now we're parents of a beautiful baby girl and engaged to be married toward the end of this summer. I have learned a few things from Brandon about relationships. A few things, I already heard from other people but had never had to use in a relationship I had been in. (i.e. never leave angry) I also learned that love between two people can be unconditional and it doesn't just have to be from like, a parent to their child or a brother to a sibling, we love each other unconditionally. I have never had that before. It's so easy! And we're not perfect, we have our moments, but they're few and far between and they're usually the same thing that we've dealt w/ before...so we know how to fix it, it's just a matter of time before it gets fixed. (Obviously sometimes it doesn't...but hey, we all do things that annoy others and it's hard to break those habits.)
And Emma never ceases to amaze me. Today I sat her in her swing so I could fold laundry and I hear this really breathy giggle...the girl had some horrible gas but man, that giggle was worth the smells that were coming out of her. Those shiny little gums behind those little pink lips and those little eyes all squinted in happiness, and gas release pleasure, that was beautiful and amazing to me. Brandon and I created that little girl with all of her fingers and toes and hair and arms that flail and legs that kick...I love this all so much. I've also learned that she likes to cuddle just as much as I do and that I'm just going to have to learn to do housework w/ her crying or on my belly in her little Snugli Carrier. I've learned that a simple little smile can make my day and overshadows the hours of screaming that just happened. I've learned that holding her at 2:43am isn't that bad after all because what about those families who try and try to have kids but for whatever reason can not? They would love to hold a baby at any hour at any time at any place. I am a very blessed girl. And I make the best pillow for my little girl's naps. Be jealous!
My life has been filled w/ so many experiences, some I didn't choose or that I probably wouldn't have given a choice (my brother having a fatal disease and passing away from complications and watching my mom go through years of caretaking and heartbreak) and some I had a choice about.
Time to feed Emma...and we're done...LoL, man, I just thought I lost her paci and it was in my shirt, kid you not. I looked everywhere, then I laid her down and felt something on my boob. Oh, there's a good place to keep a pacifier. ;-)
I'm out, xoxoxox