(no subject)
My 2005.
January: Moved into a new apartment w/ Brandon. 7-8mos pregnant and working lots of OT at the Brown as a pastry chef...my first 'Real world' job after graduation.
February: Still working hard and doing well w/ the pregnancy. Jena had my baby shower at her house and Ambs and Dave came down...I think this was my first time meeting him...I felt like he was super-distant but hello, it was a baby shower. No one had really seen me prego yet so Ambs released the photo on the internet to our friends :) I loved the messages from everyone and appreciated it so much. My emotions in Feb.? Crazy. I think this was the month I started the 'nesting' phase.
March: Due the 6th...the 13th...still nothing. I was on maternity leave March 1st. I thought, this will be so nice! Yeah...around the 14th, I stopped driving b/c my belly and my feet weren't cooperating in the reaching of pedals and steering wheels at a comfortable position. I ate dinner at Kim's a lot. Went to the doctor every week, sometimes 3 times in the same week. I would sit for half an hour w/ two straps around my belly and a heart rate monitor listening to Emma's little baby heart just pound. She had hiccups once and it was so wonderful. Almost intimate, I knew the inner sounds of my child, what her heart sounded like and some of the noises she heard while inside me. She moved a lot, it was very apparent on the outside of my stomach at this point, she would have her feet up in my ribs and I would have to lay down and slide my hands down my belly to move her. This was such a beautiful time in my life and probably the best point of my year. The 22nd I was okayed to go get a 'trial' induction (which turned into full-on labor not long after) on the morning of the 23rd. By 11:43pm I had my Emma in sight and a little later, after all that postbirth stitching and needle removal, I held her in my arms for the first time. She was a beautiful little girl w/ chubby little cheeks and a full head of hair. She looked just like her daddy. She even had angel kisses as the nurses call them.
April: Emma met my Mamma for the first time and slept in her lap. My mamma practically ran across the drive to meet her when my mom's car pulled in. The 16th was the 2nd anniversary of Matthew passing on and on that day Brandon proposed. The note in the box said: Mommy, will you marry Daddy? Emma stayed by herself in her own room for the first time that night and Brandon and I had some much needed cuddle time. I already knew where I wanted to get married and went to reserve the spot but first I wanted to take pictures. I found out that it was dedicated on April 16th of 2000 to the park after a major rebuilding project.
May: I have my first Mother's Day at Nolin Lake or Lake Nolin, whatever it's called. Called all the women in my life except my dad's mom.
June: My dad's 58th birthday. I start thinking of different jobs at the Brown. Reni, the banquet captain suggested banquet service which at first sounded not so good since I'm horrible at serving but ended up being what I decided on. I put in my two weeks on the 15th and started Banquet Service on the 1st of July.
July: Started banquet service. The first week of that job I didn't have any hours so BMB and I went to Coal City and TH and Indy. Emma rolled over from her back to her belly for the first time and laughed her little baby bootie off for the first time at my Mamma's house. My mamma made her laugh and laugh. We couldn't make her laugh like that again for a long time. The Monday after that my mamma went to the hospital. I went to see her once when she was in the Bloomington one. That's where she caught the infection that 'everyone catches'...some kind of coli.
August: Brandon and I got married on the 6th in front of all of our friends and family and went out w/ my brother that night. The next day we left for Disney World and I met Mickey for the first time and got to spend time w/ just Brandon and no one else for a whole week. Emma spent the week w/ my grandma and mom and got to see my mamma in the hospital. Brandon, Emma and I went to Coal City for the annual festival and Emma won 'Best Personality' in the baby contest. Brandon and I went to see Mamma in the hospital for the last time and there are so many things I wish I would have asked her then. I just didn't believe that she would actually pass away so soon...that damn infection.
On the 27th, she was gone. My mom was at her side. 5:15am. It's almost been 3 months and I am still sobbing once a week. I just believe that there are a lot of angels watching me and my family and I know she's telling me to just go on because that is what I have to do. I just can't believe that she's gone. God, this is so cliche, I know. She was my Mamma. She would stand between Joe and I if we were fighting to break us up, at 100 years old she was doing this. She did so many things for me and influenced my life in so many ways. I haven't done a wordsearch since she passed away. I've started thinking about it but it's like I just can't. I can't stand to think that I can't call her. I can't talk to her the way I used to. I still have a message she left on my machine last Thanksgiving while my mom, gran, and Jim were down in Lville to spend the holiday w/ me. (I had to work.) She had gone to John and Sue's and called my apt. to say that she made it home okay, but all she said was, 'This is your mamma...ha' and hung up. SHe hated leaving messages. But I have her voice. It's there forever, on an answering machine that's not even being used b/c we don't have a home phone number. If it were being used, I would go nuts deciding whether or not to play that message.
Brandon started working at Toyota the Monday after we got back from FL and Emma and I stayed behind in Louisville to pack. We didn't have a place in Georgetown to live yet and I was depending on BMB to find something. All he found was a 3rd floor apt. surrounded by college students. That was a no. I looked and finally found something. A month later we finally closed the deal and moved into our apartment in Georgetown. I was working at Rossi's in Lexington. Just starting.
September: Moved to Georgetown. Started seeing that marriage is difficult. It's really not much different than living together if you don't really think about it too much. But if you do think about it too much...you think about how your life is now the life of your spouse and your child if you have a child. You don't have YOU. Not for more than a couple hours or a trip to the grocery store anyway. But I also decided that it was worth it. Marriage is what I see Brandon and I venturing in to and we are the completely normal newlywed couple + a sweet but sometimes temperamental baby. So we have to really watch what we say and do.
October:I totally realize I'm a mom on Halloween. I almost get teary-eyed when I see a toddling Darth Vader walk away w/ some more chocolate in his little jack-o-lantern bucket while his big brother makes sure he's alright. His parents standing at the end of our driveway waiting for him...I know next year that Emma will more than likely be walking around in a little costume, probably some homemade thing...and being a 19 month old. This is going by too fast. That's when I realized that they really do grow up too fast.
November: Emma's sick a lot because of an ear infection that just won't quit and I realize that she may need tubes or something even more serious. The month isn't over obviously, but she will be going to the Dr. on Wednesday to see if this last bout of STRONG medicine was what she needed. See if it finally knocked all that bad stuff out. If it didn't, she has to go to an ear/nose/throat doctor because this may make her hearing bad. Nothing like worrying like crazy. I can't wait for Thanksgiving w/ both families. I really hope to see some Haute friends because I really think the familiarity would be great. Darrell told me to call him so hopefully we can all meet up. I hope Erika's up to seeing me and my little family.
I will write about December when it comes around. I just needed to assess what has happened to me in the last year. All in all, a birth, a marriage, and a death. It seems like all the odd years are riddled w/ good and bad things...the even ones aren't as hard. I hope 2006 proves this to be true.
January: Moved into a new apartment w/ Brandon. 7-8mos pregnant and working lots of OT at the Brown as a pastry chef...my first 'Real world' job after graduation.
February: Still working hard and doing well w/ the pregnancy. Jena had my baby shower at her house and Ambs and Dave came down...I think this was my first time meeting him...I felt like he was super-distant but hello, it was a baby shower. No one had really seen me prego yet so Ambs released the photo on the internet to our friends :) I loved the messages from everyone and appreciated it so much. My emotions in Feb.? Crazy. I think this was the month I started the 'nesting' phase.
March: Due the 6th...the 13th...still nothing. I was on maternity leave March 1st. I thought, this will be so nice! Yeah...around the 14th, I stopped driving b/c my belly and my feet weren't cooperating in the reaching of pedals and steering wheels at a comfortable position. I ate dinner at Kim's a lot. Went to the doctor every week, sometimes 3 times in the same week. I would sit for half an hour w/ two straps around my belly and a heart rate monitor listening to Emma's little baby heart just pound. She had hiccups once and it was so wonderful. Almost intimate, I knew the inner sounds of my child, what her heart sounded like and some of the noises she heard while inside me. She moved a lot, it was very apparent on the outside of my stomach at this point, she would have her feet up in my ribs and I would have to lay down and slide my hands down my belly to move her. This was such a beautiful time in my life and probably the best point of my year. The 22nd I was okayed to go get a 'trial' induction (which turned into full-on labor not long after) on the morning of the 23rd. By 11:43pm I had my Emma in sight and a little later, after all that postbirth stitching and needle removal, I held her in my arms for the first time. She was a beautiful little girl w/ chubby little cheeks and a full head of hair. She looked just like her daddy. She even had angel kisses as the nurses call them.
April: Emma met my Mamma for the first time and slept in her lap. My mamma practically ran across the drive to meet her when my mom's car pulled in. The 16th was the 2nd anniversary of Matthew passing on and on that day Brandon proposed. The note in the box said: Mommy, will you marry Daddy? Emma stayed by herself in her own room for the first time that night and Brandon and I had some much needed cuddle time. I already knew where I wanted to get married and went to reserve the spot but first I wanted to take pictures. I found out that it was dedicated on April 16th of 2000 to the park after a major rebuilding project.
May: I have my first Mother's Day at Nolin Lake or Lake Nolin, whatever it's called. Called all the women in my life except my dad's mom.
June: My dad's 58th birthday. I start thinking of different jobs at the Brown. Reni, the banquet captain suggested banquet service which at first sounded not so good since I'm horrible at serving but ended up being what I decided on. I put in my two weeks on the 15th and started Banquet Service on the 1st of July.
July: Started banquet service. The first week of that job I didn't have any hours so BMB and I went to Coal City and TH and Indy. Emma rolled over from her back to her belly for the first time and laughed her little baby bootie off for the first time at my Mamma's house. My mamma made her laugh and laugh. We couldn't make her laugh like that again for a long time. The Monday after that my mamma went to the hospital. I went to see her once when she was in the Bloomington one. That's where she caught the infection that 'everyone catches'...some kind of coli.
August: Brandon and I got married on the 6th in front of all of our friends and family and went out w/ my brother that night. The next day we left for Disney World and I met Mickey for the first time and got to spend time w/ just Brandon and no one else for a whole week. Emma spent the week w/ my grandma and mom and got to see my mamma in the hospital. Brandon, Emma and I went to Coal City for the annual festival and Emma won 'Best Personality' in the baby contest. Brandon and I went to see Mamma in the hospital for the last time and there are so many things I wish I would have asked her then. I just didn't believe that she would actually pass away so soon...that damn infection.
On the 27th, she was gone. My mom was at her side. 5:15am. It's almost been 3 months and I am still sobbing once a week. I just believe that there are a lot of angels watching me and my family and I know she's telling me to just go on because that is what I have to do. I just can't believe that she's gone. God, this is so cliche, I know. She was my Mamma. She would stand between Joe and I if we were fighting to break us up, at 100 years old she was doing this. She did so many things for me and influenced my life in so many ways. I haven't done a wordsearch since she passed away. I've started thinking about it but it's like I just can't. I can't stand to think that I can't call her. I can't talk to her the way I used to. I still have a message she left on my machine last Thanksgiving while my mom, gran, and Jim were down in Lville to spend the holiday w/ me. (I had to work.) She had gone to John and Sue's and called my apt. to say that she made it home okay, but all she said was, 'This is your mamma...ha' and hung up. SHe hated leaving messages. But I have her voice. It's there forever, on an answering machine that's not even being used b/c we don't have a home phone number. If it were being used, I would go nuts deciding whether or not to play that message.
Brandon started working at Toyota the Monday after we got back from FL and Emma and I stayed behind in Louisville to pack. We didn't have a place in Georgetown to live yet and I was depending on BMB to find something. All he found was a 3rd floor apt. surrounded by college students. That was a no. I looked and finally found something. A month later we finally closed the deal and moved into our apartment in Georgetown. I was working at Rossi's in Lexington. Just starting.
September: Moved to Georgetown. Started seeing that marriage is difficult. It's really not much different than living together if you don't really think about it too much. But if you do think about it too much...you think about how your life is now the life of your spouse and your child if you have a child. You don't have YOU. Not for more than a couple hours or a trip to the grocery store anyway. But I also decided that it was worth it. Marriage is what I see Brandon and I venturing in to and we are the completely normal newlywed couple + a sweet but sometimes temperamental baby. So we have to really watch what we say and do.
October:I totally realize I'm a mom on Halloween. I almost get teary-eyed when I see a toddling Darth Vader walk away w/ some more chocolate in his little jack-o-lantern bucket while his big brother makes sure he's alright. His parents standing at the end of our driveway waiting for him...I know next year that Emma will more than likely be walking around in a little costume, probably some homemade thing...and being a 19 month old. This is going by too fast. That's when I realized that they really do grow up too fast.
November: Emma's sick a lot because of an ear infection that just won't quit and I realize that she may need tubes or something even more serious. The month isn't over obviously, but she will be going to the Dr. on Wednesday to see if this last bout of STRONG medicine was what she needed. See if it finally knocked all that bad stuff out. If it didn't, she has to go to an ear/nose/throat doctor because this may make her hearing bad. Nothing like worrying like crazy. I can't wait for Thanksgiving w/ both families. I really hope to see some Haute friends because I really think the familiarity would be great. Darrell told me to call him so hopefully we can all meet up. I hope Erika's up to seeing me and my little family.
I will write about December when it comes around. I just needed to assess what has happened to me in the last year. All in all, a birth, a marriage, and a death. It seems like all the odd years are riddled w/ good and bad things...the even ones aren't as hard. I hope 2006 proves this to be true.