Broken: the crack fic to the angst fic] Attack of the Yuuki Clones [2/2]

[camui_eiri]

Title: Broken: the crack fic to the angst fic] Attack of the Yuuki Clones [2/2]
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: lots of different pairings…
Notes: The insanity continues! Part 1 was written by
xx_lovelain_xx
Summary: [Crack fic…major crack fic…] based on
xx_lovelain_xxprevious one-shot Broken, Asou (Ryo) is now seeing Yuuki everywhere in the forms of: Shuji, Ryu, Kindaichi, Kosaku, Hiroto, Yuya, and Kame of course. All of these characters (plus a few others) show up at the hospital where Asou works and between being groped and accused of hitting on a Yuuki look-a-like, he thinks he's going insane.

I. A downright wrong side of the bed.

As usual, Asou parked his car in the hospital parking lot (reserved for doctors only) and walked towards his room. Well, he attempted to, at least, before he felt an extra weight on his shoulder. He was NOT in need of this; he had woken up in the wrong side of the bed today. Downright wrong. He woke up under the bed. How the hell did manage to get there was still remained as the biggest mystery of the universe. The next thing he knew after he opened his eyes was the screams of his children.

“Daddy’s gone!”

The Amazing Fish man chased after He-Man the Master of Universe. “Bad kitty! Baaaad! Now throw Daddy up back!”

“Meow, meow!” [Translation: How can I fit him in my stomach??!]

Super Fish was currently strangling the poor neck of the pregnant cat. Yuuki and Aya on the other hand, were wailing out loud while screaming “Daddy had turned into cat’s poo!!!!!” The rest of the children followed suit. “Daddy turned into He-Man’s poo!”

Nobuta came into the room, only to be greeted by seven wailing children. Little Hamtaro-baby in her hands cried along. She tried to locate Asou, before she almost trip on a… hand?

“Honey, what are you doing under the bed?”

And that was how Asou’s great day started. Moving towards the present situation of his:

“Yuuki clone #5, get off me!” Asou shouted.

In the world of the dead:-

Yuuki stared into the monitor, with his mouth agape. “And how does getting Asou under the bed helped him to get friends?”

The figure in the black robe shrugged. “It prevented him from getting groped?”

O.o “Deathy…”

“What? You’re the one who tell me not to let him be groped!!”

II. The headache from hell

“Mou! My name is YUYA. Remember that.” Yuuki clone #5 AKA Yuya said, still dangling on top of the very irritated Asou’s shoulder.

“………”

“Yuya~~ Ishida Yuya~~!”

“Get the hell off me!!!” Asou screamed, practically throwing the younger man onto the ground.

“You heartless, heartless doctor!!” Yuya pouted the amazingly cute pout of his. Asou’s heart softened a little at that. Yuya’s brown orbs turned glassy, he looked as if he was about to cry. Not a good sign…

But suddenly, Asou’s eyes caught a figure in a flash, and it’s flying towards him. ‘Not the Akira guy. Not the Akira guy. NOT THE AKIRA GUY!!!’  Asou repeated the same sentence again and again in his head, like a mantra.

And his wish was granted. It was not the Akira guy. It was… the guy with Yuuki clone #1!!!

“Sensei!! You have to help me! Ryu is about to give birth!” the guy, AKA Yabuki Hayato panicked, his arms flailing in all direction.

Asou stood there, dumfounded. Yuya was still throwing tantrums on the ground, wailing about how heartless Asou was. Asou didn’t even glance at him, who, for the record was spinning 360 degree at the speed of 45km/s. The young doctor pondered… How can Yuuki clone #1 give birth? Unless… If he wasn’t a boy to start with. “So, you’re saying he’s actually a she?”

Hayato stopped flailing and shot Asou an are-you-retarded?-look (it’s the first time he had a chance to do this, before it was always Ryu throwing that look at him). “Ryu is obviously a guy!!! Can’t you see how flat his chest is?”

“Males cannot give b-”

“And by the way, even if my Ryu get mistaken for a girl, I don’t really mind. Just look at his pink lips, those brown orbs that held thousands of emotion in them, that voluptuous hips of his and and… My GOD!! I’M RAMBLING!!!! Sensei, help!!! Ryu is giving birth!!! You’ve gotta help me!!!”

Yuya stopped spinning, stood up and brushed away the dust from his pink shirt. Smiling brightly, he exclaimed, “Congrats! You’re going to be a daddy!!”

Hayato smiled sheepishly. “Well… Yeah… Wai!!! I’m going to be a DADDY!!!” he shouted as he jumped around in circles.

But Yuya had to destroy just that. “Are you sure it’s your child?”

Hayato froze. “If I remembered correctly… There’s a doctor hitting my Ryu yesterday! It could be his child as well!!”

Asou snorted. “There’s no way that could happen. If it was only yesterday, how can-”

Hayato continued to rake his brain in search of the doctor’s name that Take mentioned. “Was it Atou? Arou? Ahou? Kasou?”

“It’s Asou!” the doctor screamed.

A lightbulb appeared on top of Hayato’s head. “You’re right! It’s Asou!” All in an instance, the high-schooler caught the name printed on Asou’s nametag. “Asou Haruto? Asou… ASOU!!! You bastard!! You make my Ryu pregnant!!”

“I didn’t even-”

“You’re so heartless, sensei! You ignored me and you made other people’s boyfriend pregnant?” Yuya whined, stomping his foot on the ground.

“How are you gonnna make up to me huh? You made my Ryu pregnant!!”

Asou felt a serious headache coming. And he hoped that that will cause him to faint. In other words, a short-cut to get out of all this craziness. But noooooo. Fate decided that she should be cruel to Asou. Despite the headache, he was still very much awake.

“Please kill me… I beg you!!”

“With pleasure,” Hayato smirked, fist clenched, ready to punch on Asou any minute from now on.

A drumbeat disturbed Hayato’s utmost concentration in his killing-the doctor-who-made-his­-Ryu-pregnant plan.

“Ganbare, ganbare, ganbare!!” two boys were cheering on them, all-too-happily and energetically. A girl was standing beside the two over-energetic boys who were beating the drum, looking all-too-satisfied.

Hayato’s eyes bulged; his eyeballs would have popped out of the socket if he dared opening his eyes any wider. Were his eyes playing tricks on him? He swore he saw a double of him yesterday, someone who goes by the name Jin or something (but Hayato thought that he’s waaaaaaaaaaaay sexier than that guy). And now he was seeing another double of him? And not to mention, Ryu’s???

Asou groaned. “Great… Now appear Yuuki clone #6 and the violent-kid-who’s-trying-to-beat-me-up clone #2.”

Yuuki clone #6 and Hayato clone #2 stopped their drum playing. The two of them (plus the girl who’s standing in front of them) magically produced a bottle out of thin air, opened the lid off and drank the content. After that, they got all too energetic again and started singing something that sounded something like ‘Oronamin C~~’ to Asou. As soon as they finished their song, they ran away. Yuya, Hayato and Asou were left there dumbfounded.

“Okaaaayy… That was weird…” Yuya muttered, breaking the moment of silence.

“Too weird.” Hayato commented.

“I had been facing too many weird things lately that I probably won’t be surprised if the sky had a baby…” Asou rambled, more to himself than to anyone.

“Baby?? You mean you admit that Ryu’s baby is yours?!”

“I didn’t-”

The ambulance sound echoed through the whole hospital. After kicking Hayato right on the crotch, Asou sprinted to the ambulance to see if he was needed. To his surprise, the patient that came out of the vehicle looked exactly like Yuuki! Except that he was chubbier, and his hair was short and black.

The figure on the stretcher (Asou had already named him Yuuki clone #7) looked limp, pale and lifeless. Asou though that he was experiencing de javu. ‘No, I can’t let this happen again! I won’t let him die!’

Asou ordered the staffs to bring Yuuki clone #7 to the emergency room. He began doing a thorough checking on the patient. As he was about to put the thermometer in Yuuki clone #7’s mouth, his finger got bitten. “OUCH!!”

“I’m hungry…” Yuuki clone #7 muttered.

“Huh?!” O.o

A nurse came into the scene. “Sensei, it seemed that the patient collapsed due to extreme hunger-” The nurse stopped her explanation when she heard a loud thud.

Apparently, Asou’s prayer was answered. He had successfully fainted on the cold white floor of the emergency room. A short-cut to get out of all the craziness, indeed.

III. Case closed.

Kindaichi Hajime stepped into the grounds of the hospital. He really thought that such a small thing as a paper cut needed immediate attention, let alone in a hospital, but since Miyuki told him so (more like whining to him, telling something about how Hajime’s grandfather would have gone to the hospital if he was in Hajime’s place), he obliged.

He passed through the emergency room only to find that there was a man straddling another man who was wearing a white robe. Using his gifted geniusness, Hajime successfully deduced that the staddler was a high-schooler (based on the uniform) and the straddled was a doctor (who, for the record, seemed to be unconscious.) He poked his head inside in hope of gathering more information.

The straddler was holding the doctor by the lapels of his white coat, giving the doctor a rough shake. “He’s not getting up!! Who’s gonna help my Ryu give birth?!”

“Let’s get a unicorn!!” Another voice chirped. Hajime rubbed his eyes. Oh no! He needed to get a pair of glasses! He’s seeing double! ‘Holy cow! That guy looks just like me!’

The straddler was glaring daggers at Hajime’s double. “How does that help my Ryu?”

“Your Ryu can give birth while riding on it!”

“…..Asou you bastard!! Wake up!” Hayato frantically screamed, shaking Asou’s poor unconscious body over and over again, before he received a smack on the head.

“Shut up! You’re too loud!”

“Ryu? How come you’re here? I thought you’re about to give birth?”

“… It was just a normal stomach-ache, you idiot!”

Hajime, who was currently witnessing the scene in the distance, thought that glasses can no longer aid him. What he should do was gorged his eyes and get another pair transplant to replace them. He was seeing another double!

Another Hajime-look-alike appeared. “Akira! Stop groping my butt!”

“But your butt is so gropable!”

The HayaRyu pair turned around and exclaimed in unison, “Since when were you guys here?!”

Akira, who’s hands were still resting on Shuji’s hips, sing-sang, “We were here right from the beginning~~ Shuji thought that it would be hot making out in the emergency room~~ Itte!”

“Too much information, Akira!”

Hajime got his head out of the room only to bang it against the door instead. ANOTHER DOUBLE?? BUT HOW? Clone? Twins? Triplets? QUADRAPLETS? Can they actually be his long-lost siblings?

A kick on his back brought Hajime back to reality. “Move. I want to go in.”

O.O “ANOTHER ONE??????????!!!” Hajime exclaimed.

“If you wanna ask whether I was born in a lab from a test-tube, the answer is NO. Now, move.” Hiroto said.

Hajime obediently followed Hiroto’s order and moved aside. After a few seconds, Hajime entered the emergency room along.

The patient lying on the stretcher began to wake up. He rubbed his eyes a bit, scanning his surroundings or a moment, before his stomach growled. A very loud growl. “I’m hungry. Anyone got something to eat?”

Silence.

Seeing that nobody cared enough to response, Kosaku decided that he should take matters into his own hands. He sniffed around and his instinct (more like his nose) guided him towards the unconscious doctor who was lying peacefully on the floor.

“AHA! Home-made biscuit!” Kosaku exclaimed, munching happily on the biscuit he found in wrapped in the doctor’s pocket.

Okay… If Hajime couldn’t solve this clone case, it would tarnish the name of Kindaichi. His dead grandfather would be crying in his grave. ‘Think, Hajime, think!’

A light-bulb shone above his head. “AHA! I got it!” Hajime shouted, standing up abruptly; his hands up high in the air.

“Got what?” All the 5 Yuuki clones (Ryu, Shuji, Yuya, Hiroto and Kosaku) asked, almost at the same time.

“Ufufu~~ The reason why they are so many clones of me is: THERE IS A SECRET UNDERGROUND PROJECT GOING ON!!!”

“HUH?” All the Yuuki clones were confused.

Hajime propped his chin up using his right hand. “Okay, listen carefully ‘cause I’m not gonna repeat this. I, Kindaichi Hajime, is Japan’s secret treasure. My ultimate geniusness is Japan’s secret weapon! But one Hajime is not enough for the whole Japan! So that was why you guys were created! All of you are my clones!!” Hajime finished his sentence with an evil laugh.

“Excuse me? We are your clones? How can you be so sure? Maybe you are my clone instead!” Ryu retorted.

“What use does Japan need from you?” Hajime countered.

“I’M STILL HUNGRY!!!”

“Akira, emergency room sex is not hot anymore. Let do it in the ambulance instead.”

“I’m the cute one! How come people are ignoring me? Hello, Akki-chan? This is Yuya-chan~! Can I come over to your house today?

“I have no time for all these. I’m going home. Lots of mebarus are waiting to be fished. Then maybe I can pour all of them on some rich girl’s expensive dress again.”

“SHUT UP!!!!!!! YOU’RE ALL CLONES!! YUUKI’S CLONES! GET OUT OF HERE, OUT!! ALL OF YOU!!!” Asou shouted on top of his lungs.

“Since when were you awake?!” Hajime inquired.

“Not for long, but enough to worsen my headache. NOW GET OUT!!!”

“Well, we would love too. But we were programmed to be your friends. We can’t leave
until you befriend us.” A figure who’s leaning lazily against the door AKA Kame,
mouthed.

Asou though that his ears were playing tricks on him. “Huh? Programmed?” But when
Kame nodded, Asou know what is this all about. “YUUKIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!”

In the underworld:

The whole place was shaking. Yuuki grabbed onto the chair for his dear after-life. “Deathy! Do something!”

The floating figure in black robe scratched his head. “Do what?”

“I don’t know!! Just do ANYTHING!!!” The panicked Yuuki shouted. The place they were in was still shaking, if this were an earthquake it would be about 7.2 on Richter scale. “DEATHY!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE AGAIN!!!!!”

In a state of hurry, worry and panic, the figure in the black robe hit a button in red. On top of it was written the word ‘RESET’.

1V. And they live happily ever after?

Asou slowly opened his eyes. The morning sun was welcoming, they way it shone on his body made him felt alive. Asou stretched his body and let out a yawn.

“Good morning, honey.” A gentle voice from beside him greeted.

Asou turned to face his wife. “Good morn-Yuuki? Is that you?”

Yuuki giggled and pounced on Asou playfully. “Of course it’s me, silly! Now hurry up and get ready for work! You’ll be late!”

“Yuuki?”

“Hmm?”

“Is it just me or does you stomach looks like you’re pregnant?”

“Of course I am, honey! I’ve told you six months ago!”

“Really?”

“What’s gotten into you anyway? So, our first child is Yuuki Jr, the second one is Aya… Have you thought up a name for this one?”

“….The Amazing Fish-Man.”

---*---

-THE INSANITY ENDED HERE-

End note: It’s finally finished!! Honestly, I think Yan-chan’s one is better than mine…