(no subject)
HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY next round.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED
Character: Kamui Shiro
Series: X
Age: 15
Canon:The apocalypse or salvation of Earth is in the hand of one teenage boy with two factions fighting to sway his decision. Don't they know teenagers are indecisive enough without having to decide the fate of over six billion people? However, Kamui could care less as long as his two childhood friends, Kotori and Fuuma, are safe. True to the patented CLAMP warning label, a twist of fate causes Fuuma to kill Kotori and promise to do the same to Kamui. The tale spirals into violence, gore, and homoerotic overtones as Kamui discovers he needs a therapist and an anatomically correct doll.
Kamui first appears as a caustic and brooding youth with little concern for others. This is revealed as a facade to a gentler, caring person who is unaccustomed to kindness. Kamui has strong resolve, and compulsion to help others as much as he may try to hide it. He hides it well too, as he is quiet and has little by ways of social prowess as he was sheltered from the world at a very young age. As Kamui of the Dragon of Heavens, or Seven Seals, the side fighting to save Earth, Kamui is nothing to sneeze at. He may have an itty bitty bony body, but he has fantastic cosmic powers which include blowing buildings up, throwing people across rooms, and jumping several miles in a single bound. Kamui is taken from the end of the fifteenth volume.
Note, Kotori communicated with small animals, so Kamui speaks with birds as a way of talking to her.
Sample App:
Huh, where am I? Why are birds circling me? Kotori? ...Kotori, why are you taking bets on how long it takes a gorilla to find me? Eh! Telepathic toucans?! What's going on!
What am I doing here? I have to figure this out quickly. ...Toucans, can you not sing so loudly? It's distracting, I need to focus. --Okay, I'll listen, and you didn't need to start at nine-hundred and ninety-nine bottles. So, I was brought here in a white van? I don't know why I was in it... I just remember being in the hospital, and falling asleep. I should have been able to stay awake, then I wouldn't be wherever here is. But the important thing is I need to get back to Tokyo, I have important things that I have to do. Can you tell me how to get out of here?
How do I know you're telling the truth about this barrier? It all sounds impossible, the zombies, trees, and gorillas. And I really don't think this is a summer camp, especially with a name like that. Anyway, I need to find a way out of here. A look around should help me figure out where am I, then I can find a way back home from there.
Yes, I know what a summer camp is. I wasn't deprived as a child, so could you stop saying that. Can you stop following me-- Oh! I must have caught my foot on a root. ...But it wasn't there a second ago. I must be imagining things. I just need to pull it fre-- What?! Get out of my shirt! Branches don't go there! I really think you've got the wrong guy, because I sure as hell don't like this! Let me go! Now!!
The trees here are so bold. The rest of the wildlife had better stay out of my pants at least. For now, I should stay off the ground. The bushes seem to want their turn. ...This is better. Yes, you were right about the trees. I don't want to find out about the gorillas. I know they aren't as gentle as the trees, I heard you earlier. But if you were right about then-- I can't be trapped in a summer camp! I have to get out of here. I can't protect everyone here, and Fuuma... You'll help me? Thank yo-- What are you doing! That feels funny, stop!
I can already fly, didn't you see me just now? I don't need wings. There aren't even the right shape. I'm not one of the Seven Butterflies; it's the Seven Seals. ...Between the wings, amorous plant life, and telepaths, this feels just like home.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jiroubou
Series: Naruto
Character Age: 14, seriously.
Canon: One of the four elite bodyguards for the leader of Sound
Village, Orochimaru, Jiroubou is appointed the title of 'Southern
Gate'. He's the largest of the four, standing at about 5 feet 10
inches and weighing a good 214 pounds, but is also considered the
weakest of them. Even with this, Jiroubou's physical strength is
incredible, allowing him to wretch enormous slabs of earth from the
ground and toss them around as projectiles. He uses mainly basic
physical attacks and earth-based jutsu, but also has the ability to
absorb charka as a source of both energy and food. During the "Sasuke
Retrieval" arc, Jiroubou was left to fight of Chouji while the rest of
his team continued to Sound Village with Sasuke. He was, however,
defeated and killed by a fatal blow to the chest…from a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
As a person Jiroubou is a traditionalist, and will prefer things done
in a strictly orthodox manner. Jiroubou is basically the 'gentleman'
of the group because of this, continuously scolding Tayuya on her
dirty language and oftentimes stepping in to keep the others in line.
Aside from that is his own self-loathing nature, with a sizeable
inferiority complex as a fun bonus.
Sample Post:
I refuse to believe that this is a camp.
A proper camp is a well-run establishment. Being awoken at 5:30am due
to the sound of power drills is not an example of such. Especially not
in a...field hospital? Definitely too much canvas for much else. I
really don't care what that nurse said, a medical anything
anywhere is no place for power drills, hacksaws, or
such…diseased-looking skin as hers.
I had asked where I was, because I sure as hell don't remember Sound
having so many limbs just lying around outside of their containers,
and I ended up scolding the girl about her language for a good five
minutes before I realized that "Fuck You Die" was the name of where I
was.
I only wish she'd stop muttering to herself long enough for me to get
a word in edgewise. What was that about seasonings? I'd
like to find out precisely where in the world I am before I have to
spend another hour waiting to be released. Ma'am, I'm sure that
I'm in a fine condition, so if you could let me…checkup? I
don't need anything like that, really. I feel perfectly fine. No, I
won't allow a physical evaluation. For the second time, I feel-
What ARE you doing to my pants?! N-No, stop that right now! Haven't
you heard of asking first? Honestly, now. It's…no, I will
not strip down for an examination! What on Earth sort of
etiquette do you people follow here?
What? Well yes, I suppose you ought to be sorry after that. And
let me tell you, I…oh, please. Do suck it up; there's no use
crying over spilt milk…organs. Spilt organs. Either way, I hope this
serves as a lesson for you; you should at least make sure the
patient's aware that you're going to be groping and examining
them and whatnot. Medical work is serious business!
Hm? Stable condition? Yes, I've been telling you that for about an
hour now. Thanks, I think I will be leaving. If you'll excuse
me, I…
Is…is that an aardvark? Is that a levitating aardvark? Why is…I…
…
Nurse? I think I'll be staying for a while longer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Link
Series: Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (manga/game)
Character Age: He's a teenager, around 17, but his real age is unknown.
Canon: Ocarina of Time is about a boy named Link and his journey to save Hyrule from the Evil King Ganondorf. He uses the Master Sword to travel back and forth through time while trying to find Princess Zelda as well. Aiding him in his journey is his fairy/partner Navi, the mysterious Shiekah Shiek, and the friends he makes along the way.
Link has a tendency of being nice to everyone and anyone, paying attention more to their needs then to his own. Due to this habit, he's the kind of guy who makes friends because he tries to see the good in people, even if they don't get off to the best start. He has a goofy and laid back part to him, but can be serious when necessary. He's the one who protects the weak from the enemy no matter the circumstances.
Sample Post:
Alright, you toucan...bird...thing. You have an arm that doesn't belong to you and it's in that chest you're perched on. How do I know? Easy. My Lens of Truth allow me to see right through that chest, and the Zombie guy made me a map to lead me to the thing who took his arm. Even if it took me three weeks to get here with said map since it was nothing but swiggly lines. He must be right handed. So I'm here to get it back. The Zombie guy promised he find a way to get me home if I retrieve the arm for him. I really don't want to use force since you're unarmed, so-Hey! Why are you laughing? Huh? You're 'arm'-ed? You're not..J-just hand it over now.
..."No?" I guess I have no other choice then.
Shield Whack!
Oops. You okay? Didn't mean to hit you that hard, but someone really needs that arm. I'll heal you afterwards with a potion once I get it.
I know it's in here somewhere. Why does everyone put small objects in huge chests? Ah!
You found the Lost Bone Arm! This arm was once covered in fresh rotten flesh before Toucans feasted on it. Head back to the Lake to return it to its owner.
Alright! Now that I finally have this, I'll just stash it in with my items, heal the bird, bring the arm back, and I could...go...more toucans...uhh...About your friend there, I really don't know my own strength sometimes. Eheh. Sorry, but I was going to heal him. Honest. Not enough huh? Something I could do to get you guys to forgive me then? Eat that cantaloupe as punishment? Uh, okay.
There. I ate-Ah! Why does my voice sound different?....I'm a kid?! Stop laughing! Hey! That's my Lens of Truth! Give it back!
..."My 'sword' is small"? Of course it is. I can't really carry a big one around or else it'll be hard to walk. I can only carry a big 'sword' when I'm an adult.
What's so funny now?
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuffie Kisaragi
Series: Final Fantasy VII, Advent Children, and Dirge of Cerberus
Character Age: 19 (apped post Dirge of Cerberus)
Canon: Final Fantasy VII. AKA: Tetsuya Nomura’s cash crop. The world of Final Fantasy VII seems to have witnessed just about every apocalypse possible, from meteors, diseases, psychotic clones, and revolutionary defected soldiers. Amidst this mayhem, a young emo warrior named Cloud Strife attempts to aid the forces of good and save the world.
Though an optional character in Final Fantasy VII, Yuffie is the self-proclaimed “single white rose of Wutai,” and “Wutai super ninja;” she’s a shinobi with spunk and a fair share of ego. Once the party meets Yuffie and takes a visit to her homeland of Wutai, it also becomes very clear that Yuffie has her own set of plans for world domination which can best be summarized in three phases. 1. Steal Materia. 2. ??? 3. PROFITS! Of course, the party soon finds out that Yuffie is not so much concerned with the world as she is with the reconstruction of her homeland. But even with that much of a potentially-angsty backstory behind her, the only thing that can get this girl down is a helping of airsickness and a good smack to the head.
Sample Post:
Braaaaaains…braaaaaaaains. Oh man my aching braaaaaaains. H-hey, buddy, do you know where I could find a doctor? O-or…just a barf bag. I think I’m feeling-oh god I think I’m gonna-urk! Aw man, I-I got it all over your…here let me just clean that off for you and…Hah! Bet I fooled you with my act, didn’t I? Well the joke’s on you! I’m not a wee bit woozy, not a nip nauseous, not a hair-hurk!
O-okay, so maybe not that last one. But I do have a nice little bit of a welcoming gift, courtesy of your pockets~
Heh, really to be fooled by something so easy as that, you really must not care what happens to your great big bag of…dots? What do you expect a great ninja like me to do with a bag full of dots! There’s not even any variety in here. They’re all just dinky little black-huh! Hey, there’s a note!
“Dear Ninja Yuffie, We wish to congratulate you on your successful entry into Camp Fuck You Die” Like I’d fail, heh! “We are also most pleased that you have managed to steal your welcoming present off of our zombie inhabitants. Please make use of these dots in becoming a true ninja. You will also find a small container of emo in the bottom of the bag.”
Why thank you very much, Camp Fuck You Die! I’m glad that you guys have recognized my skill as a ninja, and I’ll make sure to put these dots and emo to good-wait, what?Geeze! I could tell there was something weird about this place when I got here but it’s way worse than that! If you guys think dots make you a ninja then you’re doing it wrong!
Obviously this means that The Great Ninja Yuffie will have to show you the right way to ninja. See, if you’re going to be a true ninja you’ve got to spend your time looking for something a lot more expensive than a bunch of flimsy dots. What I’m thinking is something a bit rounder, bigger, harder, a whole bunch more 3-D and-ooh GROSS. Not like that you sicko! Pull your pants back up! Geeze! Are those even supposed to come off? That seriously can’t be healthy! I think you need to see a doctor, buddy. And why do you have six of them? N-no, actually, forget I asked!
All right, you green dudes are totally beyond help. But hey! The rest of you guys look a whole lot more normal~ So what d’you say? I’m sure you all know where I could find something shiny that isn’t down your pants.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jio Freed
Series: 666 Satan
Character’s Age: 12-13-ish
Canon: In a world where people fight with krazy supernatural weapons called O-Parts and shounen retardism is the only method of communication, one boy stands tall. His name is Jio Freed! With a group of loyal friends and the ultimate shounen dream of taking over the world, he’ll do whatever it takes!
But even though his happy-go-lucky, carefree nature shines through, many people hate the bane of his existence because of the big bad demon inside of him called Satan. Scary.
Despite this, Jio will help out the community as long if payment is involved. He’ll humor the baddest of badasses, beat your friendly neighborhood bastard and just somehow find a way to touch your heart. Just as long if the demon inside of him doesn’t get to it first.
Sample Post:
In the name of World Conquest, all that is under resistance rule, Obscured Shouta justice and crying babies, I, Jio Freed, claim all that is under Camp Fuck You Die’s processions, boundaries and - er…
Lady, I’m not reciting this! If I want to take over your camp, I’ll hit something! Speaking of which, what kind of camp are you running? A zoo? Because right before I walked in, a sultry purple gorilla came out of nowhere and BAM! I took it down without question! Right after that, a smelly, unhealthy looking fella with maggots for hair gave me this funny looking badge to wear--- Claiming me as a “Shounen Retard” or something like that.
If getting a badge and a fancy title happens to be the first step to conquering a place like this, I proudly accept! So what more do I have to do, Madame Director? Can I hit more animals? Or people? Maybe I’ll have to solve a puzzle, like an impossible unsolvable one! But it’s too bad, puzzles are annoying. Why waste your time on those when you got bigger fish to fry? And speaking of fish, something fishy is going on around here! Bullet-holed cabins, trees wearing undergarments-this is no ordinary camp!
And my luck is getting better by the second, lady! Hee, the chances of me conquering this camp are over nine thousand! I suggest you arm yourself and your campers for the greatest all-out survival showdown of the century! If that’s what being a “Shounen Retard” is all about, then I’m the definition! The alpha and omega!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ashe B'nargin Dalmasca
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character Age: 19
Canon: Final Fantasy XII is, to be brief and spoiler free, the story
of a princess seeking to free her country from the empire that conquered it
and the journey she undertakes to find the power that will enable her to do so.
Personality: For most of her life Ashe seems to have been a normal princess,
but when the invasion of the Archadian Empire resulted in the loss of her
brothers, her father, her husband, her country, and most of the world believing
she is dead, had a profound affect on her. Instead of hiding her sorrow behind
a smile, Ashe has become angry, bitter, and hellbent on taking revenge on
Archadia.
Sample Post:
This is the last time Vaan will ever be allowed to drag any of us off
on one of his clan hunts. I would not have allowed it this time, but then I
remembered that we have no money.
As such, I find myself in a swampy, zombie infested wasteland, though it is
not the swampy, zombie infested wasteland I had expected to be in. Worse, the
rest the rest of my traveling companions are nowhere to be found.
Setting out in hopes of finding familiar terrain, I soon encountered a
moogle, from who I hoped to purchase something useful. However, instead of
maps or other supplies, all I received were insults such as “With a skirt that
short, you may as well go pantsless”. I refuse to accept such criticism on my
clothing from a moogle that chooses to go naked.
Alone and in unfamiliar territory, it seems I must take such help as the
people of this encampment can provide. While a map or directions would be most
helpful, if they cannot be easily obtained, then accommodations until such
time as I am able to leave will do.
And the sooner, the better. My sword arm is growing weary from fending off
the hairy purple creatures that insist on trying to lay hands on my body where
their hands do not go. ...Though I will gladly make an exception for
the person responsible for the “Molest Me!” sign that has been attached to my
back.
Poll Vote!
Character: Megumi Noda, aka Nodame
Series: Nodame Cantabile
Character Age: 21
Canon: Nodame Cantabile follows the dream of a young man, Shinichi Chiaki, becoming an orchestra conductor. Along the way he encounters quite a few rather 'unique' characters that complement and encourage each other.
One of those characters is the self-styled Nodame. A free spirit, Nodame embraces a very simple outlook and way of life. Food, piano, and Chiaki. She has no qualms about living waist high in garbage or blatantly stealing her friends' possessions, and this untamed attitude carries over into her wild and unpredictable piano playing. Nodame is frequently swept up in the moment and can oftentimes overlook common sense in favor of the big picture. The big picture being food, piano, and Chiaki. Her manner of speech is also a bit simple; she frequently refers to herself in the third person and inserts nonsense expressions of delight and dismay.
Sample Post:
Yahoy! Nodame is here for band camp! Chiaki-sempai promised that we can have a date after the final performance in the world famous Camp Schmuck I Lie, so Nodame is happy to be a marching pianist! Aaah, Nodame can already feel the weight of love crushing her lungs ~.
No no! Nodame has to rehearse before being swept away in the painful red river of passion. It looks like the other band members are already working on the routine; let's all sing along! Oh oh oh oh oh oh ooooooh I don't want! Anybody else! When I think about you, I eat myself! something something whoosh then oh, right if you're happy and you know it, chew on your neighbor! If you're happy and you know it, chew on your neighbor! If you're happy and you know it then your missing teeth will surely show it - ack, all this talk about food makes Nodame hungry; hopefully the zomboe player will come back with snacks soon.
While we're waiting let's get to know each other! Nodame is glad that this band camp is so dedicated to music. The movies always say that these camps are full of masturbation and under aged sexcapades, but you are all so focused on polishing your horns and tuning your organs! Nodame is very moved since she is saving herself for - oh! Mr. Zomboe Player! Finger sandwiches, mekya!! After we eat let's go with the purple suited drum major into the woods; Nodame thinks that's a strange place to practice marching, but he has such a thick accent that all Nodame could understand was 'pianist' and 'exhibition' so we'll just have to see what happens. Let's all work hard!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED
Character: Kamui Shiro
Series: X
Age: 15
Canon:The apocalypse or salvation of Earth is in the hand of one teenage boy with two factions fighting to sway his decision. Don't they know teenagers are indecisive enough without having to decide the fate of over six billion people? However, Kamui could care less as long as his two childhood friends, Kotori and Fuuma, are safe. True to the patented CLAMP warning label, a twist of fate causes Fuuma to kill Kotori and promise to do the same to Kamui. The tale spirals into violence, gore, and homoerotic overtones as Kamui discovers he needs a therapist and an anatomically correct doll.
Kamui first appears as a caustic and brooding youth with little concern for others. This is revealed as a facade to a gentler, caring person who is unaccustomed to kindness. Kamui has strong resolve, and compulsion to help others as much as he may try to hide it. He hides it well too, as he is quiet and has little by ways of social prowess as he was sheltered from the world at a very young age. As Kamui of the Dragon of Heavens, or Seven Seals, the side fighting to save Earth, Kamui is nothing to sneeze at. He may have an itty bitty bony body, but he has fantastic cosmic powers which include blowing buildings up, throwing people across rooms, and jumping several miles in a single bound. Kamui is taken from the end of the fifteenth volume.
Note, Kotori communicated with small animals, so Kamui speaks with birds as a way of talking to her.
Sample App:
Huh, where am I? Why are birds circling me? Kotori? ...Kotori, why are you taking bets on how long it takes a gorilla to find me? Eh! Telepathic toucans?! What's going on!
What am I doing here? I have to figure this out quickly. ...Toucans, can you not sing so loudly? It's distracting, I need to focus. --Okay, I'll listen, and you didn't need to start at nine-hundred and ninety-nine bottles. So, I was brought here in a white van? I don't know why I was in it... I just remember being in the hospital, and falling asleep. I should have been able to stay awake, then I wouldn't be wherever here is. But the important thing is I need to get back to Tokyo, I have important things that I have to do. Can you tell me how to get out of here?
How do I know you're telling the truth about this barrier? It all sounds impossible, the zombies, trees, and gorillas. And I really don't think this is a summer camp, especially with a name like that. Anyway, I need to find a way out of here. A look around should help me figure out where am I, then I can find a way back home from there.
Yes, I know what a summer camp is. I wasn't deprived as a child, so could you stop saying that. Can you stop following me-- Oh! I must have caught my foot on a root. ...But it wasn't there a second ago. I must be imagining things. I just need to pull it fre-- What?! Get out of my shirt! Branches don't go there! I really think you've got the wrong guy, because I sure as hell don't like this! Let me go! Now!!
The trees here are so bold. The rest of the wildlife had better stay out of my pants at least. For now, I should stay off the ground. The bushes seem to want their turn. ...This is better. Yes, you were right about the trees. I don't want to find out about the gorillas. I know they aren't as gentle as the trees, I heard you earlier. But if you were right about then-- I can't be trapped in a summer camp! I have to get out of here. I can't protect everyone here, and Fuuma... You'll help me? Thank yo-- What are you doing! That feels funny, stop!
I can already fly, didn't you see me just now? I don't need wings. There aren't even the right shape. I'm not one of the Seven Butterflies; it's the Seven Seals. ...Between the wings, amorous plant life, and telepaths, this feels just like home.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jiroubou
Series: Naruto
Character Age: 14, seriously.
Canon: One of the four elite bodyguards for the leader of Sound
Village, Orochimaru, Jiroubou is appointed the title of 'Southern
Gate'. He's the largest of the four, standing at about 5 feet 10
inches and weighing a good 214 pounds, but is also considered the
weakest of them. Even with this, Jiroubou's physical strength is
incredible, allowing him to wretch enormous slabs of earth from the
ground and toss them around as projectiles. He uses mainly basic
physical attacks and earth-based jutsu, but also has the ability to
absorb charka as a source of both energy and food. During the "Sasuke
Retrieval" arc, Jiroubou was left to fight of Chouji while the rest of
his team continued to Sound Village with Sasuke. He was, however,
defeated and killed by a fatal blow to the chest…from a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
As a person Jiroubou is a traditionalist, and will prefer things done
in a strictly orthodox manner. Jiroubou is basically the 'gentleman'
of the group because of this, continuously scolding Tayuya on her
dirty language and oftentimes stepping in to keep the others in line.
Aside from that is his own self-loathing nature, with a sizeable
inferiority complex as a fun bonus.
Sample Post:
I refuse to believe that this is a camp.
A proper camp is a well-run establishment. Being awoken at 5:30am due
to the sound of power drills is not an example of such. Especially not
in a...field hospital? Definitely too much canvas for much else. I
really don't care what that nurse said, a medical anything
anywhere is no place for power drills, hacksaws, or
such…diseased-looking skin as hers.
I had asked where I was, because I sure as hell don't remember Sound
having so many limbs just lying around outside of their containers,
and I ended up scolding the girl about her language for a good five
minutes before I realized that "Fuck You Die" was the name of where I
was.
I only wish she'd stop muttering to herself long enough for me to get
a word in edgewise. What was that about seasonings? I'd
like to find out precisely where in the world I am before I have to
spend another hour waiting to be released. Ma'am, I'm sure that
I'm in a fine condition, so if you could let me…checkup? I
don't need anything like that, really. I feel perfectly fine. No, I
won't allow a physical evaluation. For the second time, I feel-
What ARE you doing to my pants?! N-No, stop that right now! Haven't
you heard of asking first? Honestly, now. It's…no, I will
not strip down for an examination! What on Earth sort of
etiquette do you people follow here?
What? Well yes, I suppose you ought to be sorry after that. And
let me tell you, I…oh, please. Do suck it up; there's no use
crying over spilt milk…organs. Spilt organs. Either way, I hope this
serves as a lesson for you; you should at least make sure the
patient's aware that you're going to be groping and examining
them and whatnot. Medical work is serious business!
Hm? Stable condition? Yes, I've been telling you that for about an
hour now. Thanks, I think I will be leaving. If you'll excuse
me, I…
Is…is that an aardvark? Is that a levitating aardvark? Why is…I…
…
Nurse? I think I'll be staying for a while longer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Link
Series: Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (manga/game)
Character Age: He's a teenager, around 17, but his real age is unknown.
Canon: Ocarina of Time is about a boy named Link and his journey to save Hyrule from the Evil King Ganondorf. He uses the Master Sword to travel back and forth through time while trying to find Princess Zelda as well. Aiding him in his journey is his fairy/partner Navi, the mysterious Shiekah Shiek, and the friends he makes along the way.
Link has a tendency of being nice to everyone and anyone, paying attention more to their needs then to his own. Due to this habit, he's the kind of guy who makes friends because he tries to see the good in people, even if they don't get off to the best start. He has a goofy and laid back part to him, but can be serious when necessary. He's the one who protects the weak from the enemy no matter the circumstances.
Sample Post:
Alright, you toucan...bird...thing. You have an arm that doesn't belong to you and it's in that chest you're perched on. How do I know? Easy. My Lens of Truth allow me to see right through that chest, and the Zombie guy made me a map to lead me to the thing who took his arm. Even if it took me three weeks to get here with said map since it was nothing but swiggly lines. He must be right handed. So I'm here to get it back. The Zombie guy promised he find a way to get me home if I retrieve the arm for him. I really don't want to use force since you're unarmed, so-Hey! Why are you laughing? Huh? You're 'arm'-ed? You're not..J-just hand it over now.
..."No?" I guess I have no other choice then.
Shield Whack!
Oops. You okay? Didn't mean to hit you that hard, but someone really needs that arm. I'll heal you afterwards with a potion once I get it.
I know it's in here somewhere. Why does everyone put small objects in huge chests? Ah!
You found the Lost Bone Arm! This arm was once covered in fresh rotten flesh before Toucans feasted on it. Head back to the Lake to return it to its owner.
Alright! Now that I finally have this, I'll just stash it in with my items, heal the bird, bring the arm back, and I could...go...more toucans...uhh...About your friend there, I really don't know my own strength sometimes. Eheh. Sorry, but I was going to heal him. Honest. Not enough huh? Something I could do to get you guys to forgive me then? Eat that cantaloupe as punishment? Uh, okay.
There. I ate-Ah! Why does my voice sound different?....I'm a kid?! Stop laughing! Hey! That's my Lens of Truth! Give it back!
..."My 'sword' is small"? Of course it is. I can't really carry a big one around or else it'll be hard to walk. I can only carry a big 'sword' when I'm an adult.
What's so funny now?
Poll Vote!
Character: Yuffie Kisaragi
Series: Final Fantasy VII, Advent Children, and Dirge of Cerberus
Character Age: 19 (apped post Dirge of Cerberus)
Canon: Final Fantasy VII. AKA: Tetsuya Nomura’s cash crop. The world of Final Fantasy VII seems to have witnessed just about every apocalypse possible, from meteors, diseases, psychotic clones, and revolutionary defected soldiers. Amidst this mayhem, a young emo warrior named Cloud Strife attempts to aid the forces of good and save the world.
Though an optional character in Final Fantasy VII, Yuffie is the self-proclaimed “single white rose of Wutai,” and “Wutai super ninja;” she’s a shinobi with spunk and a fair share of ego. Once the party meets Yuffie and takes a visit to her homeland of Wutai, it also becomes very clear that Yuffie has her own set of plans for world domination which can best be summarized in three phases. 1. Steal Materia. 2. ??? 3. PROFITS! Of course, the party soon finds out that Yuffie is not so much concerned with the world as she is with the reconstruction of her homeland. But even with that much of a potentially-angsty backstory behind her, the only thing that can get this girl down is a helping of airsickness and a good smack to the head.
Sample Post:
Braaaaaains…braaaaaaaains. Oh man my aching braaaaaaains. H-hey, buddy, do you know where I could find a doctor? O-or…just a barf bag. I think I’m feeling-oh god I think I’m gonna-urk! Aw man, I-I got it all over your…here let me just clean that off for you and…Hah! Bet I fooled you with my act, didn’t I? Well the joke’s on you! I’m not a wee bit woozy, not a nip nauseous, not a hair-hurk!
O-okay, so maybe not that last one. But I do have a nice little bit of a welcoming gift, courtesy of your pockets~
Heh, really to be fooled by something so easy as that, you really must not care what happens to your great big bag of…dots? What do you expect a great ninja like me to do with a bag full of dots! There’s not even any variety in here. They’re all just dinky little black-huh! Hey, there’s a note!
“Dear Ninja Yuffie, We wish to congratulate you on your successful entry into Camp Fuck You Die” Like I’d fail, heh! “We are also most pleased that you have managed to steal your welcoming present off of our zombie inhabitants. Please make use of these dots in becoming a true ninja. You will also find a small container of emo in the bottom of the bag.”
Why thank you very much, Camp Fuck You Die! I’m glad that you guys have recognized my skill as a ninja, and I’ll make sure to put these dots and emo to good-wait, what?Geeze! I could tell there was something weird about this place when I got here but it’s way worse than that! If you guys think dots make you a ninja then you’re doing it wrong!
Obviously this means that The Great Ninja Yuffie will have to show you the right way to ninja. See, if you’re going to be a true ninja you’ve got to spend your time looking for something a lot more expensive than a bunch of flimsy dots. What I’m thinking is something a bit rounder, bigger, harder, a whole bunch more 3-D and-ooh GROSS. Not like that you sicko! Pull your pants back up! Geeze! Are those even supposed to come off? That seriously can’t be healthy! I think you need to see a doctor, buddy. And why do you have six of them? N-no, actually, forget I asked!
All right, you green dudes are totally beyond help. But hey! The rest of you guys look a whole lot more normal~ So what d’you say? I’m sure you all know where I could find something shiny that isn’t down your pants.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jio Freed
Series: 666 Satan
Character’s Age: 12-13-ish
Canon: In a world where people fight with krazy supernatural weapons called O-Parts and shounen retardism is the only method of communication, one boy stands tall. His name is Jio Freed! With a group of loyal friends and the ultimate shounen dream of taking over the world, he’ll do whatever it takes!
But even though his happy-go-lucky, carefree nature shines through, many people hate the bane of his existence because of the big bad demon inside of him called Satan. Scary.
Despite this, Jio will help out the community as long if payment is involved. He’ll humor the baddest of badasses, beat your friendly neighborhood bastard and just somehow find a way to touch your heart. Just as long if the demon inside of him doesn’t get to it first.
Sample Post:
In the name of World Conquest, all that is under resistance rule, Obscured Shouta justice and crying babies, I, Jio Freed, claim all that is under Camp Fuck You Die’s processions, boundaries and - er…
Lady, I’m not reciting this! If I want to take over your camp, I’ll hit something! Speaking of which, what kind of camp are you running? A zoo? Because right before I walked in, a sultry purple gorilla came out of nowhere and BAM! I took it down without question! Right after that, a smelly, unhealthy looking fella with maggots for hair gave me this funny looking badge to wear--- Claiming me as a “Shounen Retard” or something like that.
If getting a badge and a fancy title happens to be the first step to conquering a place like this, I proudly accept! So what more do I have to do, Madame Director? Can I hit more animals? Or people? Maybe I’ll have to solve a puzzle, like an impossible unsolvable one! But it’s too bad, puzzles are annoying. Why waste your time on those when you got bigger fish to fry? And speaking of fish, something fishy is going on around here! Bullet-holed cabins, trees wearing undergarments-this is no ordinary camp!
And my luck is getting better by the second, lady! Hee, the chances of me conquering this camp are over nine thousand! I suggest you arm yourself and your campers for the greatest all-out survival showdown of the century! If that’s what being a “Shounen Retard” is all about, then I’m the definition! The alpha and omega!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ashe B'nargin Dalmasca
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character Age: 19
Canon: Final Fantasy XII is, to be brief and spoiler free, the story
of a princess seeking to free her country from the empire that conquered it
and the journey she undertakes to find the power that will enable her to do so.
Personality: For most of her life Ashe seems to have been a normal princess,
but when the invasion of the Archadian Empire resulted in the loss of her
brothers, her father, her husband, her country, and most of the world believing
she is dead, had a profound affect on her. Instead of hiding her sorrow behind
a smile, Ashe has become angry, bitter, and hellbent on taking revenge on
Archadia.
Sample Post:
This is the last time Vaan will ever be allowed to drag any of us off
on one of his clan hunts. I would not have allowed it this time, but then I
remembered that we have no money.
As such, I find myself in a swampy, zombie infested wasteland, though it is
not the swampy, zombie infested wasteland I had expected to be in. Worse, the
rest the rest of my traveling companions are nowhere to be found.
Setting out in hopes of finding familiar terrain, I soon encountered a
moogle, from who I hoped to purchase something useful. However, instead of
maps or other supplies, all I received were insults such as “With a skirt that
short, you may as well go pantsless”. I refuse to accept such criticism on my
clothing from a moogle that chooses to go naked.
Alone and in unfamiliar territory, it seems I must take such help as the
people of this encampment can provide. While a map or directions would be most
helpful, if they cannot be easily obtained, then accommodations until such
time as I am able to leave will do.
And the sooner, the better. My sword arm is growing weary from fending off
the hairy purple creatures that insist on trying to lay hands on my body where
their hands do not go. ...Though I will gladly make an exception for
the person responsible for the “Molest Me!” sign that has been attached to my
back.
Poll Vote!
Character: Megumi Noda, aka Nodame
Series: Nodame Cantabile
Character Age: 21
Canon: Nodame Cantabile follows the dream of a young man, Shinichi Chiaki, becoming an orchestra conductor. Along the way he encounters quite a few rather 'unique' characters that complement and encourage each other.
One of those characters is the self-styled Nodame. A free spirit, Nodame embraces a very simple outlook and way of life. Food, piano, and Chiaki. She has no qualms about living waist high in garbage or blatantly stealing her friends' possessions, and this untamed attitude carries over into her wild and unpredictable piano playing. Nodame is frequently swept up in the moment and can oftentimes overlook common sense in favor of the big picture. The big picture being food, piano, and Chiaki. Her manner of speech is also a bit simple; she frequently refers to herself in the third person and inserts nonsense expressions of delight and dismay.
Sample Post:
Yahoy! Nodame is here for band camp! Chiaki-sempai promised that we can have a date after the final performance in the world famous Camp Schmuck I Lie, so Nodame is happy to be a marching pianist! Aaah, Nodame can already feel the weight of love crushing her lungs ~.
No no! Nodame has to rehearse before being swept away in the painful red river of passion. It looks like the other band members are already working on the routine; let's all sing along! Oh oh oh oh oh oh ooooooh I don't want! Anybody else! When I think about you, I eat myself! something something whoosh then oh, right if you're happy and you know it, chew on your neighbor! If you're happy and you know it, chew on your neighbor! If you're happy and you know it then your missing teeth will surely show it - ack, all this talk about food makes Nodame hungry; hopefully the zomboe player will come back with snacks soon.
While we're waiting let's get to know each other! Nodame is glad that this band camp is so dedicated to music. The movies always say that these camps are full of masturbation and under aged sexcapades, but you are all so focused on polishing your horns and tuning your organs! Nodame is very moved since she is saving herself for - oh! Mr. Zomboe Player! Finger sandwiches, mekya!! After we eat let's go with the purple suited drum major into the woods; Nodame thinks that's a strange place to practice marching, but he has such a thick accent that all Nodame could understand was 'pianist' and 'exhibition' so we'll just have to see what happens. Let's all work hard!
Poll Vote!