(no subject)
KYAA KYAA BABY'S FIRST BATCH. The chances of me screwing this up = high. Love me anyway.
Apps are still open until 6 AM EST, of course, whiiiich is about another eight hours, so keep on sendin' them in! Tiny round is tiny! How can they make me slave away without more apps!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED! o man I love the closing polls option.
Character: Conner Kent/Superboy
Series: DC Comics
Character Age: late teens
Canon: There was a time when the world thought Superman had taken a permanent vacation from life. The solution? Make your own Superman clone! All you needed was a giant test tube, Superman's DNA, a bit of human DNA for stability and it was instant superhero. But Superman pulled a Jesus, came back to life, and took his name back. He dubbed his clone Superboy and adopted him into his big, happy Kryptonian family. Honolulu was Superboy's home base as the babes were in abundance and worked solo until he found his true calling: teen superhero teams! He did the Young Justice stint, then moved to the Teen Titans. He went through mind control, retired from being a superhero, came back only to get killed by his alter-universe self, then pulled a Jesus himself and came back to life. He's now hanging with the Legion of Superheroes.
Personality-wise, Superboy's a mostly normal, jock-type teen who likes video games, skipping class and punching out supervillains. He's also been best buds with Tim Drake/Robin for too long so he's used to letting others do the thinking and letting his fists do the talking. Alliance: Lawful Good. So no kicking puppies or it's a superkick to the rear for you. Having been dead himself, he's got a soft spot for the zombies (probably slips them leftovers under the table). He found out that his human DNA donor was secretly Lex Luthor, making him a clone of the "world's manliest boy scout" and the "world's biggest douchebag," so he's got some serious daddy issues.
Sample Post:
Okay, toucan. You don't mind if I call you Mister T, right? Cool. You can call me Superboy. You've probably heard the name before- whoah, no, no, hold that thought. I don't know what back-end swamp YOU grew up in, T-man. But where I'm from? 'Superboy' is a real respectable superhero name and has NOTHING to do with any male stripper aliases... you sound disappointed. Okay, uh, just gonna go sit on this further away branch now. Right, here.
So. Fighting for truth, justice and the American way! That's the plan I was going for when I signed the dotted line on the superhero contract. Was not expecting Superman to whip out the fine print of: "the S on your chest seems to stand for skipping class so now you're in for some serious time out." That's how I got sent to 'Camp This Will Build Character.' Except for, you know, the part where I don't see how mind-reading-birds-with-huge-peckers are supposed to help me with fixing my character flaws. Are you REALLY a counselor? You don't look very... instructor-like.
And, yeah. Like I said before. I'm a real deal superhero. My costume? C'mon... those are way overrated. I'm starting this casual revolution of jeans and a t-shirt. I already did my time in the tights and spandex, and trust me. You don't wanna know how intense those underwear malfunctions get. Kinda cramps your style when you're kicking ass. And the cape? Try hiding THAT in alter-ego civilian clothes, man. The one time I tried it looked like I was sporting this massive package. Which is cool if you're going for "say hello to my gigantor friend," but that kinda defeats the purpose of being not noticeable. Besides... back then in those costume days? I was kinda following the footsteps of a guy I was never gonna be. Had to learn the hard way the only person worth being is yourself. How's that for a piece of Hallmark card wisdom?
So. There any bad guys in this joint for me to dominate? Zombies? Uh. Don't you have anything more... you know. Not slow and not smelling like massive B.O. type villains? What? Whoah. Hold up, Mister T. A lake-living, bad-touching, giant tentacle monster?
Now we're talking business! And major female populace points.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Ryuugamine Mikado
Canon: Durarara!!
Age: 15
Canon: Ryuugamine Mikado is a normal, polite Japanese boy moving to Tokyo from the sticks, whose mild-mannered attitude inspires his best friend to give him speeches about not talking to strangers or going into dark alleys where bad people might touch him. After all, Ikebukuro has an insanely strong bartender, a Russian selling sushi, a headless motorcycle rider, and a whole bunch of gangs that are either in stasis or do nothing, all roaming its streets. But a change in an ordinary world is just what Mikado wants - hell, it's the reason he moved. He seems especially interested in the maybe biggest, maybe strongest, and definitely most rumor-generating gang of all, despite the warnings he gets from practically everyone he asks that he should really, really stop asking. It's dangerous, you know?
When Mikado isn't having trouble talking to girls or being a little ridiculous and rambly in his head, he has his ear to the ground and his eyes on the rumors floating around in chat rooms and forums, as he is quite internet-savvy. Despite his nervous demeanor, he's brimming with wide-eyed curiosity and rarely fears to ask questions. He won't hesitate to bolt down the street to catch a glimpse of something amazing, even if it could be dangerous. Mikado is very blunt sometimes, and will even tell the girl he likes that she's painting her negative actions in a more positive light, and can also tell when someone is too much of a psycho to bother talking to. But for the most part, he's a nice boy who likes his plot twists dramatic and his endings happy, though his opinion can be skewed in an optimistic direction. He even sees the romance in a truly insane stalker/stalk-ee couple.
Sample Post:
Oh... oh good, there are people here who aren't zombies. I was getting worried. Um, hello, I've just arrived... I-it's obvious, huh? My name is Ryuugamine Mikado, it's nice to meet you. So... so there are real zombies here. Really falling apart, no makeup or special effects or anything, s-shambling and all. This is amazing. I mean, this is really bad! They would seriously try to eat my brains if I got too close, right? B-but they're really easy to avoid, and from what I've heard they're not actually aggressive that often, and it looks like it's true since they haven't been attacking me at all. So... so it's okay for me to just think it's amazing to see this, isn't it? I mean, anyone who's played Resident Evil or seen Dawn of the Dead or even remotely considered a zombie apocalypse has wondered what they'd do in this situation, and I'm experiencing that amazing thing this very moment.
I... I guess my answer is "take a photo with my cell." I feel a little ashamed. I wonder if this is the modern world's effect on human self-preservation instincts...
A-anyway! I don't know if this happens a lot, but even though I'm new, I've actually been following your online community for a while, and-- Whoa! Wait wait please don't hit me, let me explain! I've never done any "audience" or trolling or spamming or anything like that, I promise! I've just been watching what gets posted, that's all. It's actually got a small cult following, Camp Fuck You Die... I-I'm sorry, only a few people think it's real and they're not taken very seriously. But... could I ask you something? How long have you been here? Eh, really?! I mean, s-sorry you've been stuck here... Um... The director here, her name is Elizabeth Sayre, isn't it? She's supposed to be responsible for trapping everyone, but... is it true that she's really saved the campers a lot? And I heard her brother almost sacrificed himself to save a little boy. What do you think about them?
Ah... T-there he goes. That was a really impressive tirade. ...I wonder if I ask someone else, if they'll think differently of her? I wonder what her true purpose is? As it is, the way it looks to me... she seems to truly love Stephan Debussey. What kind of woman is Sayre-san?
... Anyway, I should see if I can upload this zombie picture. Though everyone's just going to think it's Photoshopped, but it really can't be helped. I know campers get trolled by the network sometimes, but as long as it doesn't turn into a zombie version of lemonparty.org or something, I don't think I'd live that down--
EH?! Wh... th... that wasn't a suggestion!
Poll Vote!
Character: Jesse St. James
Series: Glee
Character Age: 17
Canon: In the TV show Glee, high school show choir is Serious Business and god help you if you tell anyone in the series otherwise. The show follows a glee club director who brings a scrappy bunch of high school students together to make them into a formidable group known as "New Directions". With Rachel Berry, the group's overbearing diva, as the lead female singer, New Directions seems destined for success as they head towards Regionals. However, they face stiff competition from the reigning National champion - the cutthroat Vocal Adrenaline, a group so dedicated to performing that some of the members are rumored to be taking HGH. In other words? They're kind of scary intense. Their lead vocalist is Jesse St. James, a charismatic young man and Rachel's newest love interest.
As a self-described "drama queen", Jesse St. James loves himself and thinks he is amazingly awesome. However, he has every reason to believe this; he does, after all, have a full ride to UCLA, a coveted lead position in a top-ranking glee club, massive popularity, and a three year winning streak at Nationals. While he's completely confident in his abilities, Jesse can come off as intense and even over the top, referencing musicals to refer to his state of mind or challenging a rival for "his girl" to a sing-off in the parking lot. He's a theater kid through and through, and makes no apologies for who he is. But unlike Rachel, who carries similar qualities, Jesse's passion has made him popular in his school. While Jesse had his sights set on taking Nationals for a fourth time, he suddenly fell for Rachel and went as far as to transfer to her school (and glee club!) so that they could openly be together. Is it possible that Jesse is too good to be true?
Note: in America, the state abbreviation for Louisiana is "LA".
Sample Post:
Hi, I'm Jesse St. James. You might have heard of me, even out here in the sticks: three-time national champion as the lead vocalist in Vocal Adrenaline, the nation's most distinguished show choir? Please, I know you're all in awe, but I'm going to have to ask you to pick up your jaws - you're going to need those. You see, I like to do community service because it's my gift to the public, and UCLA had a few suggestions for me in terms of where my abilities would be best suited. That's the university I'm going to in the fall - it's in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure they got their "LA"s mixed up since I somehow ended up out here instead of somewhere around there. But who am I to turn down an opportunity like this? Particularly when you're clearly desperately in need of my assistance.
So, what am I going to be helping all of you with? Well, it's rather simple - I'm going to offer you my expertise as a professional vocalist and reconnect you to the joys of music. As the sage Andrew Lloyd Webber once said, "love never dies", and neither does a passion for music, despite your current undead state. And while it's fairly clear that some of you are ... lacking in some physical respects as performers, I'm not the kind of guy who will judge you because of that. Let's have a quick show of hands. How many of you still have your tongues intact? Okay, good. The rest of you who don't, step to the side. While I'm afraid there's not much I can do with your singing if you're missing a vital body part, you still have potentially promising futures as back-up dancers. Just wait here for a bit - I've got an idea for a routine that involves Britney Spears, sparklers, and synchronised scapula spinning.
Alright. As for the rest of you, let's get started. The key to being a great performer is to feel your material, to emotionally connect to it. For example, what drives you? What makes you thirst an almost unquenchable thirst? What makes you long with the passion of a thousand suns to the point where your heart feels as though it could burst through your chest? What is that one thing? ... of course, brains. I do realize that you're all zombies and this means you have more obstacles to overcome than most normal human beings aside from philistines and director Chris Columbus. However, I was hoping you'd be a little less Stephen Sondheim and a little more Rodgers and Hammerstein circa Oklahoma!.
We can work with this, though. Consider the passion you have for that grey matter and channel that into the song itself. Whatever it is, you must sell it to your audience. Let them feel the longing that you feel when you stare stoically at a sizable cerebellum, the anger that simmers in the depths of your soul as well as the scraps of your stomach. And once you've integrated that into your very mind, an excellent show face can only magnify its effect on your audience. With a wide-eyed smile and emotion oozing from every pore you still have, anyone can believe that the words emanating from the melody that you emit come from your unbeating heart. Come on now, let's give it a spin. Okay everyone, look alive!
... Oh, right. Well, we can't have everything, can we? Still, let's work with what we've got. From the top!
Poll Vote!
Character: The Moon (Rikari)
Series: Ark Angels
Character Age: Almost as old as dirt, appears teenaged
Canon: Humans have always had a penchant for destroying the Earth: covering it in chemicals, destroying its natural resources, polluting its oceans, and running its animals to extinction. As a result, the Earth is nearing destruction- a catastrophic event which would result in its destruction across all universes. And since entities like planets, stars, elements, and spirits are all personified, it also means the death of an actual being. Instead of destroying humans outright, the ruler of the Universe (an all-powerful being called "The Lord") strikes a deal with the daughters of Noah: if they manage to fill an Ark half-way with the species of Earth, the humans will be spared. If they fail to accomplish this goal in the time allotted, though, the humans will be destroyed, for the good of the Universe.
Masquerading as an average human teenager, the Moon attends classes alongside the Earth, also disguised as a student named Kirigi, and the daughters of Noah. As Rikari, he is upbeat and outgoing, a pretty boy and a shameless flirt who never really seems to get anywhere with women; in fact, the most action he ever gets is a fist to the face. He's boisterous, somewhat uninhibited, and a bit of a practical joker who's not above a little lighthearted deception, although he's not a cruel person. In his true form, he's almost an entirely different person, serious and polite, yet honest, even a bit blunt, but not unkind. To him, "Mother Earth" isn't a person, but a verb, and one he employs often. Concerned about the risk of Earth being destroyed, he fawns over him incessantly, even at school occasionally. Although he initially has his doubts about whether the humans can be redeemed despite all the damage they've done, he eventually comes to share in the faith that there is hope for humanity.
Note: Mentions of Earth were approved by his player.
Sample Post:
So this is camp, huh? It's got its own sort of ambiance, that's for sure. And hey, I haven't even been here an hour yet, and already the ladies are going to pieces! Some of the fellas too, even! As much as I appreciate the lively welcome, and I know, you're probably pretty stunned, but that's no reason to lose your head! There's enough of me to go around! I promise if you wait your turn, I'll give each and every one of you honeys a bit of my time. No need to get angry and bite my head off over it-a promise is a promise! It's just that I've already got a lady in mind for this evening, and I'd hate to let her down.
Now, does anyone know how I can get to the lake? I was told to meet this Marcy girl there, and that if I did, she'd show me a great time. Sounds like my kind of girl, you know? Pretty name, too! Marcy... one who is dedicated to Mars. She must be a beautiful girl with such a heavenly name. I still have to figure out where I'm going to take her, though... some place classy, if they have anything like that here. You can't take a lady out to anything less! That's a rule! I think if we could actually leave, I'd take her to that new place I hear they opened up on the moon, at least give it a try-supposedly, the food's out of this world, but the place really lacks atmosphere! Hah!
... what, not funny? Come on, sweetheart, I saw your jaw hanging earlier when I first showed up! It hasn't been too long since then, so I bet it's not too far, right? With that, I'm sure you could at least spare me a little smile. Even if you don't have much to say besides brains, we don't need any words. You've got that sort of air about you, and-h-hey! Throwing fists like that isn't necessary. It's not that really mind sharing things like that, but I don't think you can spare any more body parts. I'd feel awful taking it with me, but no worries! There'll still be a little piece of you in my heart.
I just don't get it, though... one second they're grabbing at you like they can't get enough, then they're throwing things. It's not like I usually turn down a lady. It's a once in a blue moon kind of deal! If she can't wait, it's her loss, I guess, but if she still wants to be friends, or something a little more, she can come find me. That goes for any of you ladies, you hear? If you're looking for the kind of guy whose world will revolve around you, then look no further!
Speaking of revolving, has anyone seen a guy named Kirigi around? He's a friend of mine, and I heard he was hanging around here lately. Let's see, he's tall, almost as handsome as me, cool, collected... he's the real down to Earth type, if you know what I mean!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyon
Series: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Character Age: 15-16
Canon: Ever wanted to read a story involving bunny girl outfits, overbearing girls who could potentially end the world faster than you can say "cthulu," and more philosophy than you can shake a branch of bamboo at? Look no further! The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is about a girl with the power to subconsciously change reality around her whenever she becomes upset or dissatisfied by it. This tends to lead to all sorts of crazy things happening, ranging from cherry blossoms blooming out of season to reality itself getting completely rewritten. It doesn't help that Haruhi is often bored and dissatisfied by the idea of being one of the crowd in a mundane world, or that the shock of discovering her own powers would likely result in the end of the universe. Luckily, the school club Haruhi made to discover the extraordinary life she would rather have is on the case! As far as Haruhi knows, the purpose of her Brigade is to find aliens, espers, time travelers, and sliders, and have fun with them, just as she mandated. In reality, it's closer to a group of interns from different remarkable organizations monitoring her and trying to keep her from remaking the world as she sees fit.
Then there's Kyon. He's just a guy who happened to sit in front of Haruhi in class, and somehow managed to catch her attention. Over the course of the series, he acts as main character, narrator, and our viewpoint into the world Haruhi has inadvertently created around her. No one is exactly sure how he got the title character's interest. He's generally a nice and easygoing guy, but perfectly normal - and Haruhi has said outright that normal people don't interest her one bit. He's also a lazy cynic with a firm grasp of what reality is "supposed" to be and a healthy enjoyment of the female form. Until he gets strong-armed into cofounding a certain club, he has nothing to do with the world of the mysterious and strange Haruhi believes is out there... even if deep down, he wishes he held the same strong beliefs that she does.
Sample Post: Someone once told me I'm the sort of nice guy who would gladly walk off a cliff if I was ever asked. At the time, I scoffed at the notion and said a few spiteful things. Now, as I stand here in the all too appropriately named mess hall with a bucket of what I'm hesitant to call water and a washcloth that's seen better days, I can't help but contemplate if it's true or not. I wish I could say it was because I was bullied and forced into doing this, but really, that counselor with the cute face just gave me such a pleading look that I couldn't bring myself to say no. You wouldn't have either, if you had seen her! Quanyin herself couldn't have pulled off such a look of desperation when she was searching for the only holy man fit to retrieve the sacred scrolls from the West!
But I digress. No matter how you spin it, I got conned into scrubbing the cafeteria with my only help being a purple gorilla wearing a nametag reading “Temporary Counselor.” I've heard about some jobs being so easy a monkey could do them, but this is ridiculous. I swear, if I start hearing the mice around here singing like in one of those cheesy kiddy movies, I'm going to find whoever is responsible for signing me up for this so-called camp and give them a piece of my mind. What I was expecting was a nice month or two of rowing a boat on a lake, making stupid useless crafts, campfire songs... you know, normal stuff. Not another chance to be someone's menial labor!
Is it even legal for a mess hall to be coated in so much filth I get the feeling a certain Mr. Lovecraft might have a field day observing this stuff for inspiration in one of his novels?! I half expect to wind up on my deathbed from contracting some bizarre illness involving parasites, hardening tissues, and thorns protruding from my organs. While I'm at it, if I'm supposed to be cleaning this place up, what's with the guy in the corner? He's just standing there, shuffling into a wall and moaning about brains. Hey, buddy! First off: the bright orange jacket and single glove is tacky, and secondly, the door is ten feet to your left! How about you try using it? If I didn't know any better I'd swear you really were a zombie, between the peeling skin, the raggedy hair, and the missing nose. The resemblance is uncanny, right down to the bit of flesh I can see right through your skull...
You know, I'd heard stories around the camp, but I didn't want to believe them. Just when I thought there was one thing out there that couldn't possibly exist, the Goddess of Fate has once again decided to prove me wrong. I guess this is my cue to flee like all the people who have seen these kinds of movies usually forget to do. I certainly don't want to get bitten and be the one moaning for brains right now. Excuse me, I have to get going. Even someone who hasn't gotten a chance to glance over the survival guide knows the best way to live through coming across a zombie while unarmed is to--
I have to ask: Did I finally snap, or did that gorilla just order me to stay and finish the floor?
Poll Vote!
Apps are still open until 6 AM EST, of course, whiiiich is about another eight hours, so keep on sendin' them in! Tiny round is tiny! How can they make me slave away without more apps!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED! o man I love the closing polls option.
Character: Conner Kent/Superboy
Series: DC Comics
Character Age: late teens
Canon: There was a time when the world thought Superman had taken a permanent vacation from life. The solution? Make your own Superman clone! All you needed was a giant test tube, Superman's DNA, a bit of human DNA for stability and it was instant superhero. But Superman pulled a Jesus, came back to life, and took his name back. He dubbed his clone Superboy and adopted him into his big, happy Kryptonian family. Honolulu was Superboy's home base as the babes were in abundance and worked solo until he found his true calling: teen superhero teams! He did the Young Justice stint, then moved to the Teen Titans. He went through mind control, retired from being a superhero, came back only to get killed by his alter-universe self, then pulled a Jesus himself and came back to life. He's now hanging with the Legion of Superheroes.
Personality-wise, Superboy's a mostly normal, jock-type teen who likes video games, skipping class and punching out supervillains. He's also been best buds with Tim Drake/Robin for too long so he's used to letting others do the thinking and letting his fists do the talking. Alliance: Lawful Good. So no kicking puppies or it's a superkick to the rear for you. Having been dead himself, he's got a soft spot for the zombies (probably slips them leftovers under the table). He found out that his human DNA donor was secretly Lex Luthor, making him a clone of the "world's manliest boy scout" and the "world's biggest douchebag," so he's got some serious daddy issues.
Sample Post:
Okay, toucan. You don't mind if I call you Mister T, right? Cool. You can call me Superboy. You've probably heard the name before- whoah, no, no, hold that thought. I don't know what back-end swamp YOU grew up in, T-man. But where I'm from? 'Superboy' is a real respectable superhero name and has NOTHING to do with any male stripper aliases... you sound disappointed. Okay, uh, just gonna go sit on this further away branch now. Right, here.
So. Fighting for truth, justice and the American way! That's the plan I was going for when I signed the dotted line on the superhero contract. Was not expecting Superman to whip out the fine print of: "the S on your chest seems to stand for skipping class so now you're in for some serious time out." That's how I got sent to 'Camp This Will Build Character.' Except for, you know, the part where I don't see how mind-reading-birds-with-huge-peckers are supposed to help me with fixing my character flaws. Are you REALLY a counselor? You don't look very... instructor-like.
And, yeah. Like I said before. I'm a real deal superhero. My costume? C'mon... those are way overrated. I'm starting this casual revolution of jeans and a t-shirt. I already did my time in the tights and spandex, and trust me. You don't wanna know how intense those underwear malfunctions get. Kinda cramps your style when you're kicking ass. And the cape? Try hiding THAT in alter-ego civilian clothes, man. The one time I tried it looked like I was sporting this massive package. Which is cool if you're going for "say hello to my gigantor friend," but that kinda defeats the purpose of being not noticeable. Besides... back then in those costume days? I was kinda following the footsteps of a guy I was never gonna be. Had to learn the hard way the only person worth being is yourself. How's that for a piece of Hallmark card wisdom?
So. There any bad guys in this joint for me to dominate? Zombies? Uh. Don't you have anything more... you know. Not slow and not smelling like massive B.O. type villains? What? Whoah. Hold up, Mister T. A lake-living, bad-touching, giant tentacle monster?
Now we're talking business! And major female populace points.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Ryuugamine Mikado
Canon: Durarara!!
Age: 15
Canon: Ryuugamine Mikado is a normal, polite Japanese boy moving to Tokyo from the sticks, whose mild-mannered attitude inspires his best friend to give him speeches about not talking to strangers or going into dark alleys where bad people might touch him. After all, Ikebukuro has an insanely strong bartender, a Russian selling sushi, a headless motorcycle rider, and a whole bunch of gangs that are either in stasis or do nothing, all roaming its streets. But a change in an ordinary world is just what Mikado wants - hell, it's the reason he moved. He seems especially interested in the maybe biggest, maybe strongest, and definitely most rumor-generating gang of all, despite the warnings he gets from practically everyone he asks that he should really, really stop asking. It's dangerous, you know?
When Mikado isn't having trouble talking to girls or being a little ridiculous and rambly in his head, he has his ear to the ground and his eyes on the rumors floating around in chat rooms and forums, as he is quite internet-savvy. Despite his nervous demeanor, he's brimming with wide-eyed curiosity and rarely fears to ask questions. He won't hesitate to bolt down the street to catch a glimpse of something amazing, even if it could be dangerous. Mikado is very blunt sometimes, and will even tell the girl he likes that she's painting her negative actions in a more positive light, and can also tell when someone is too much of a psycho to bother talking to. But for the most part, he's a nice boy who likes his plot twists dramatic and his endings happy, though his opinion can be skewed in an optimistic direction. He even sees the romance in a truly insane stalker/stalk-ee couple.
Sample Post:
Oh... oh good, there are people here who aren't zombies. I was getting worried. Um, hello, I've just arrived... I-it's obvious, huh? My name is Ryuugamine Mikado, it's nice to meet you. So... so there are real zombies here. Really falling apart, no makeup or special effects or anything, s-shambling and all. This is amazing. I mean, this is really bad! They would seriously try to eat my brains if I got too close, right? B-but they're really easy to avoid, and from what I've heard they're not actually aggressive that often, and it looks like it's true since they haven't been attacking me at all. So... so it's okay for me to just think it's amazing to see this, isn't it? I mean, anyone who's played Resident Evil or seen Dawn of the Dead or even remotely considered a zombie apocalypse has wondered what they'd do in this situation, and I'm experiencing that amazing thing this very moment.
I... I guess my answer is "take a photo with my cell." I feel a little ashamed. I wonder if this is the modern world's effect on human self-preservation instincts...
A-anyway! I don't know if this happens a lot, but even though I'm new, I've actually been following your online community for a while, and-- Whoa! Wait wait please don't hit me, let me explain! I've never done any "audience" or trolling or spamming or anything like that, I promise! I've just been watching what gets posted, that's all. It's actually got a small cult following, Camp Fuck You Die... I-I'm sorry, only a few people think it's real and they're not taken very seriously. But... could I ask you something? How long have you been here? Eh, really?! I mean, s-sorry you've been stuck here... Um... The director here, her name is Elizabeth Sayre, isn't it? She's supposed to be responsible for trapping everyone, but... is it true that she's really saved the campers a lot? And I heard her brother almost sacrificed himself to save a little boy. What do you think about them?
Ah... T-there he goes. That was a really impressive tirade. ...I wonder if I ask someone else, if they'll think differently of her? I wonder what her true purpose is? As it is, the way it looks to me... she seems to truly love Stephan Debussey. What kind of woman is Sayre-san?
... Anyway, I should see if I can upload this zombie picture. Though everyone's just going to think it's Photoshopped, but it really can't be helped. I know campers get trolled by the network sometimes, but as long as it doesn't turn into a zombie version of lemonparty.org or something, I don't think I'd live that down--
EH?! Wh... th... that wasn't a suggestion!
Poll Vote!
Character: Jesse St. James
Series: Glee
Character Age: 17
Canon: In the TV show Glee, high school show choir is Serious Business and god help you if you tell anyone in the series otherwise. The show follows a glee club director who brings a scrappy bunch of high school students together to make them into a formidable group known as "New Directions". With Rachel Berry, the group's overbearing diva, as the lead female singer, New Directions seems destined for success as they head towards Regionals. However, they face stiff competition from the reigning National champion - the cutthroat Vocal Adrenaline, a group so dedicated to performing that some of the members are rumored to be taking HGH. In other words? They're kind of scary intense. Their lead vocalist is Jesse St. James, a charismatic young man and Rachel's newest love interest.
As a self-described "drama queen", Jesse St. James loves himself and thinks he is amazingly awesome. However, he has every reason to believe this; he does, after all, have a full ride to UCLA, a coveted lead position in a top-ranking glee club, massive popularity, and a three year winning streak at Nationals. While he's completely confident in his abilities, Jesse can come off as intense and even over the top, referencing musicals to refer to his state of mind or challenging a rival for "his girl" to a sing-off in the parking lot. He's a theater kid through and through, and makes no apologies for who he is. But unlike Rachel, who carries similar qualities, Jesse's passion has made him popular in his school. While Jesse had his sights set on taking Nationals for a fourth time, he suddenly fell for Rachel and went as far as to transfer to her school (and glee club!) so that they could openly be together. Is it possible that Jesse is too good to be true?
Note: in America, the state abbreviation for Louisiana is "LA".
Sample Post:
Hi, I'm Jesse St. James. You might have heard of me, even out here in the sticks: three-time national champion as the lead vocalist in Vocal Adrenaline, the nation's most distinguished show choir? Please, I know you're all in awe, but I'm going to have to ask you to pick up your jaws - you're going to need those. You see, I like to do community service because it's my gift to the public, and UCLA had a few suggestions for me in terms of where my abilities would be best suited. That's the university I'm going to in the fall - it's in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure they got their "LA"s mixed up since I somehow ended up out here instead of somewhere around there. But who am I to turn down an opportunity like this? Particularly when you're clearly desperately in need of my assistance.
So, what am I going to be helping all of you with? Well, it's rather simple - I'm going to offer you my expertise as a professional vocalist and reconnect you to the joys of music. As the sage Andrew Lloyd Webber once said, "love never dies", and neither does a passion for music, despite your current undead state. And while it's fairly clear that some of you are ... lacking in some physical respects as performers, I'm not the kind of guy who will judge you because of that. Let's have a quick show of hands. How many of you still have your tongues intact? Okay, good. The rest of you who don't, step to the side. While I'm afraid there's not much I can do with your singing if you're missing a vital body part, you still have potentially promising futures as back-up dancers. Just wait here for a bit - I've got an idea for a routine that involves Britney Spears, sparklers, and synchronised scapula spinning.
Alright. As for the rest of you, let's get started. The key to being a great performer is to feel your material, to emotionally connect to it. For example, what drives you? What makes you thirst an almost unquenchable thirst? What makes you long with the passion of a thousand suns to the point where your heart feels as though it could burst through your chest? What is that one thing? ... of course, brains. I do realize that you're all zombies and this means you have more obstacles to overcome than most normal human beings aside from philistines and director Chris Columbus. However, I was hoping you'd be a little less Stephen Sondheim and a little more Rodgers and Hammerstein circa Oklahoma!.
We can work with this, though. Consider the passion you have for that grey matter and channel that into the song itself. Whatever it is, you must sell it to your audience. Let them feel the longing that you feel when you stare stoically at a sizable cerebellum, the anger that simmers in the depths of your soul as well as the scraps of your stomach. And once you've integrated that into your very mind, an excellent show face can only magnify its effect on your audience. With a wide-eyed smile and emotion oozing from every pore you still have, anyone can believe that the words emanating from the melody that you emit come from your unbeating heart. Come on now, let's give it a spin. Okay everyone, look alive!
... Oh, right. Well, we can't have everything, can we? Still, let's work with what we've got. From the top!
Poll Vote!
Character: The Moon (Rikari)
Series: Ark Angels
Character Age: Almost as old as dirt, appears teenaged
Canon: Humans have always had a penchant for destroying the Earth: covering it in chemicals, destroying its natural resources, polluting its oceans, and running its animals to extinction. As a result, the Earth is nearing destruction- a catastrophic event which would result in its destruction across all universes. And since entities like planets, stars, elements, and spirits are all personified, it also means the death of an actual being. Instead of destroying humans outright, the ruler of the Universe (an all-powerful being called "The Lord") strikes a deal with the daughters of Noah: if they manage to fill an Ark half-way with the species of Earth, the humans will be spared. If they fail to accomplish this goal in the time allotted, though, the humans will be destroyed, for the good of the Universe.
Masquerading as an average human teenager, the Moon attends classes alongside the Earth, also disguised as a student named Kirigi, and the daughters of Noah. As Rikari, he is upbeat and outgoing, a pretty boy and a shameless flirt who never really seems to get anywhere with women; in fact, the most action he ever gets is a fist to the face. He's boisterous, somewhat uninhibited, and a bit of a practical joker who's not above a little lighthearted deception, although he's not a cruel person. In his true form, he's almost an entirely different person, serious and polite, yet honest, even a bit blunt, but not unkind. To him, "Mother Earth" isn't a person, but a verb, and one he employs often. Concerned about the risk of Earth being destroyed, he fawns over him incessantly, even at school occasionally. Although he initially has his doubts about whether the humans can be redeemed despite all the damage they've done, he eventually comes to share in the faith that there is hope for humanity.
Note: Mentions of Earth were approved by his player.
Sample Post:
So this is camp, huh? It's got its own sort of ambiance, that's for sure. And hey, I haven't even been here an hour yet, and already the ladies are going to pieces! Some of the fellas too, even! As much as I appreciate the lively welcome, and I know, you're probably pretty stunned, but that's no reason to lose your head! There's enough of me to go around! I promise if you wait your turn, I'll give each and every one of you honeys a bit of my time. No need to get angry and bite my head off over it-a promise is a promise! It's just that I've already got a lady in mind for this evening, and I'd hate to let her down.
Now, does anyone know how I can get to the lake? I was told to meet this Marcy girl there, and that if I did, she'd show me a great time. Sounds like my kind of girl, you know? Pretty name, too! Marcy... one who is dedicated to Mars. She must be a beautiful girl with such a heavenly name. I still have to figure out where I'm going to take her, though... some place classy, if they have anything like that here. You can't take a lady out to anything less! That's a rule! I think if we could actually leave, I'd take her to that new place I hear they opened up on the moon, at least give it a try-supposedly, the food's out of this world, but the place really lacks atmosphere! Hah!
... what, not funny? Come on, sweetheart, I saw your jaw hanging earlier when I first showed up! It hasn't been too long since then, so I bet it's not too far, right? With that, I'm sure you could at least spare me a little smile. Even if you don't have much to say besides brains, we don't need any words. You've got that sort of air about you, and-h-hey! Throwing fists like that isn't necessary. It's not that really mind sharing things like that, but I don't think you can spare any more body parts. I'd feel awful taking it with me, but no worries! There'll still be a little piece of you in my heart.
I just don't get it, though... one second they're grabbing at you like they can't get enough, then they're throwing things. It's not like I usually turn down a lady. It's a once in a blue moon kind of deal! If she can't wait, it's her loss, I guess, but if she still wants to be friends, or something a little more, she can come find me. That goes for any of you ladies, you hear? If you're looking for the kind of guy whose world will revolve around you, then look no further!
Speaking of revolving, has anyone seen a guy named Kirigi around? He's a friend of mine, and I heard he was hanging around here lately. Let's see, he's tall, almost as handsome as me, cool, collected... he's the real down to Earth type, if you know what I mean!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyon
Series: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Character Age: 15-16
Canon: Ever wanted to read a story involving bunny girl outfits, overbearing girls who could potentially end the world faster than you can say "cthulu," and more philosophy than you can shake a branch of bamboo at? Look no further! The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is about a girl with the power to subconsciously change reality around her whenever she becomes upset or dissatisfied by it. This tends to lead to all sorts of crazy things happening, ranging from cherry blossoms blooming out of season to reality itself getting completely rewritten. It doesn't help that Haruhi is often bored and dissatisfied by the idea of being one of the crowd in a mundane world, or that the shock of discovering her own powers would likely result in the end of the universe. Luckily, the school club Haruhi made to discover the extraordinary life she would rather have is on the case! As far as Haruhi knows, the purpose of her Brigade is to find aliens, espers, time travelers, and sliders, and have fun with them, just as she mandated. In reality, it's closer to a group of interns from different remarkable organizations monitoring her and trying to keep her from remaking the world as she sees fit.
Then there's Kyon. He's just a guy who happened to sit in front of Haruhi in class, and somehow managed to catch her attention. Over the course of the series, he acts as main character, narrator, and our viewpoint into the world Haruhi has inadvertently created around her. No one is exactly sure how he got the title character's interest. He's generally a nice and easygoing guy, but perfectly normal - and Haruhi has said outright that normal people don't interest her one bit. He's also a lazy cynic with a firm grasp of what reality is "supposed" to be and a healthy enjoyment of the female form. Until he gets strong-armed into cofounding a certain club, he has nothing to do with the world of the mysterious and strange Haruhi believes is out there... even if deep down, he wishes he held the same strong beliefs that she does.
Sample Post: Someone once told me I'm the sort of nice guy who would gladly walk off a cliff if I was ever asked. At the time, I scoffed at the notion and said a few spiteful things. Now, as I stand here in the all too appropriately named mess hall with a bucket of what I'm hesitant to call water and a washcloth that's seen better days, I can't help but contemplate if it's true or not. I wish I could say it was because I was bullied and forced into doing this, but really, that counselor with the cute face just gave me such a pleading look that I couldn't bring myself to say no. You wouldn't have either, if you had seen her! Quanyin herself couldn't have pulled off such a look of desperation when she was searching for the only holy man fit to retrieve the sacred scrolls from the West!
But I digress. No matter how you spin it, I got conned into scrubbing the cafeteria with my only help being a purple gorilla wearing a nametag reading “Temporary Counselor.” I've heard about some jobs being so easy a monkey could do them, but this is ridiculous. I swear, if I start hearing the mice around here singing like in one of those cheesy kiddy movies, I'm going to find whoever is responsible for signing me up for this so-called camp and give them a piece of my mind. What I was expecting was a nice month or two of rowing a boat on a lake, making stupid useless crafts, campfire songs... you know, normal stuff. Not another chance to be someone's menial labor!
Is it even legal for a mess hall to be coated in so much filth I get the feeling a certain Mr. Lovecraft might have a field day observing this stuff for inspiration in one of his novels?! I half expect to wind up on my deathbed from contracting some bizarre illness involving parasites, hardening tissues, and thorns protruding from my organs. While I'm at it, if I'm supposed to be cleaning this place up, what's with the guy in the corner? He's just standing there, shuffling into a wall and moaning about brains. Hey, buddy! First off: the bright orange jacket and single glove is tacky, and secondly, the door is ten feet to your left! How about you try using it? If I didn't know any better I'd swear you really were a zombie, between the peeling skin, the raggedy hair, and the missing nose. The resemblance is uncanny, right down to the bit of flesh I can see right through your skull...
You know, I'd heard stories around the camp, but I didn't want to believe them. Just when I thought there was one thing out there that couldn't possibly exist, the Goddess of Fate has once again decided to prove me wrong. I guess this is my cue to flee like all the people who have seen these kinds of movies usually forget to do. I certainly don't want to get bitten and be the one moaning for brains right now. Excuse me, I have to get going. Even someone who hasn't gotten a chance to glance over the survival guide knows the best way to live through coming across a zombie while unarmed is to--
I have to ask: Did I finally snap, or did that gorilla just order me to stay and finish the floor?
Poll Vote!