(no subject)
next batch yaaaaaaaaay keep those apps comin'
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. whoops closed
Character: Apollo
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Character Age: Thousands of years old, although his usual appearance is that of a 17-18 year old teenage boy.
Canon: Demigods and their quests to save Western Civilization are all very important, yes, but none of them would even exist if it weren't for the Greek Gods and their inability to keep it in their pants. These gods are usually sitting on their thrones in Olympus, although they come down every once in awhile. When they do, it usually involves them making more kids or indirectly interfering with the demigods (since direct divine interference isn't allowed).
Apollo is the Greek God of the sun and a bunch of other things! He's a pretty friendly, confident guy, and he definitely has an ego. He does think that he's a pretty awesome guy, after all. His judgement probably isn't the best at times, considering that he was willing to let his half sister drive the Sun Chariot (and that was a pretty wild ride that managed to make him worry). He's a playful flirt that's always got a very shiny smile on his face, and he just really likes hanging out and hitting on cute/pretty women - even if they're off limits like his twin Artemis's virgin hunters. He'll back off when Artemis tells him, because despite how dysfunctional they can be together, he loves her enough to break ancient laws to help her. Absolutely no one messes with his little sis.
Note: Apollo loves poetry, and often gets obsessed with different types. His current obsession is haiku and unfortunately for everyone listening, Apollo is terrible at them... as well as any other sort of poetry he tries.
Sample Post:
Here we are! It took awhile to get here because of that whole sun-chariot-only-going-west thing, but I'm finally at Camp Fuck You Die! I'm not so sure about leaving my sun chariot with those zombies at the entrance. I don't want to have to clean all that decaying flesh off of the new leather! It'll probably be fine, though - some of those zombie chicks were pretty cute, and a lot of them were showing a bit of skin. It was probably for me, since they must have known that I was coming. Oh well - now that they're taking care of it, I can go look for that beautiful babe Marcy. I've heard about those great skills of hers when it comes to the hot guys she does stuff with. She can't deny me - I'm pretty hot, being the God of the sun, after all.
Let's see. I'm pretty sure I heard something about her living by that one lake I saw when I was parking - if I head over there, I can find the cutie and talk to her. I can feel a haiku coming on just from thinking about the stuff that she can do.
Marcy's skill is awesome.
She is divine in the bunk.
I will see this chick.
... I could always just go with "Marcy's skill is rare." It sounds even better. She won't be able to resist me after she hears it. I mean, it's a pretty impressive haiku. Who wouldn't love it? She'll probably say that she doesn't deserve a haiku written by me. She won't have to worry about that - I came up with it just for her! I don't write haikus for just anybody, after all. The honor is all hers! I'm going to make sure I stand by that lake and recite it just for her- it looks like I've finally arrived! It looks pretty weird, but... it's probably just something she likes. I like women like that.
It's a pretty romantic looking color, though - if she lives somewhere around here like I heard, she might be willing to come out here and have a bit of fun by the lake. She might even know a way to use that water and demonstrate those fine moves that I've heard about! She's so close, I can feel it-- what's that under the water? Marcy? Is it you? Come on out, sweethear-- WHOA, that's not a girl! Hey! Let go! You're all slimy, and I can't be slimy when I get back in the sun chariot later! ... You're Marcy? You've got to be lying- there's no way I could be wrong! ... Oh! I get it now, you're just guarding her, aren't you? I'll get by you to see her!
Poll Vote!
Name: Dairine Callahan
Age: 13
Series: Young Wizards
Canon: In Diane Duane's Young Wizards series, becoming a wizard isn't all fancy boarding schools and wands. In fact, the titular batch of characters have to live normal, integrated lives while solving problems throughout the universe in an attempt to slow entropy, which is A Very Bad Thing. The abstracts in charge of maintaining the laws of wizardry and sending the wizards "on errantry" are referred to as The Powers That Be, which essentially boil down to any entity (or entities) anyone chooses to acknowledge. The wizardry itself is spoken and woven into visual threads in a language called the Speech, which everything, animate or otherwise, has the ability to understand. Wizards usually begin any interaction with Dai Stihó, as greeting the person you're talking to is only polite. Because the Speech is so integral to incredible power, it is essential that all wizards attempt to speak the truth at all times.
Fortunately, some are better at exercising truth in sarcasm than others. Dairine Callahan is a young wizard who followed in her older sister's steps to learn wizardry. Young, brilliant, and independent, Dairine tends to leap more times than looking and is an avid fan of comics and Sci-Fi. An incredibly powerful wizard when she started, her powers peaked quickly with the creation of an entire sentient, silicon-based species, and began to wane at a similar velocity. That, however, doesn't keep her from having big plans and expectations. She has been known to work with a colorful cast of characters, including a conifer-like, lingerie decorations-obsessed being named Filif. Her constant companion is a sentient laptop named Spot, who has a mental connection with Dairine and also happens to serve as her manual, the catch-all reference book for wizards.
Sample Post:
Spot, do we really have to go through this again? How can I trust you if you're all "uh-oh"s and syntax errors? And now really isn't the time. I'm almost getting more convinced by the minute that we're stuck on Dagobah and Yoda's going to come hobbling around the corner any minute. That would be pretty great, I have to admit. "Dai, Yoda, what's up? Any words of wisdom for being stuck in a mysterious swamp with faulty hardware? No? How about some tea?" At least he'd make more sense than you right now. Well! Maybe you should take offense to that, Spot. I asked for that diagrammatic readout three hours ago and you're just now delivering it to me? Well, I don't need it anymore, thanks. Cut the LJ act. It stopped being cute when you started up with the goat-themed error messages. I don't want that Frank character near you or your hardware. Come on, let's look for helpful, non-fictional life forms.
Looks like the cows are our best bet for right now. Dai Stihó, mind telling us exactly where we are? We're a little... Oh! Mechanical? I should've been able to tell from back there! Are you naturally occurring or...? Right. Back on track. So, you're saying we're in a place called... are you getting this, Spot? See-Cud? Well, I've heard of stranger places, but I'm a little annoyed I haven't heard of this one. And it's in the state of "Lazy Amble"? No, of course I don't doubt you. Geez. I'm just wondering if maybe some of this is getting lost in translation. Does the overarching landmass have a name? The United States of Amoorica. Now I know we're speaking cow. Thanks for your help, but I think we'll go commune with the trees. The pine's puns are probably better.
Or, they would be better if the trees weren't engaged in some sort of turf war. Woah, hold off on the underwear chucking for a minute! Maybe we can discuss the issue. What-- Are you serious? This is actually a case of boxers versus briefs? Oh, come on. I may not be the most technically qualified to resolve this issue, but I can't believe you're bickering over it to begin with. Come on, Boxers tree, what's your beef? And Briefs tree, what could you have to possibly complain about? Okay, fine, I get it. So here's the compromise. Boxers tree, all Briefs is looking for is a little support and maybe some lift on the "coolness" front, and Briefs tree, all Boxers tree would like is for you to chill out and stop constricting its freedom so much, got it? Now, wasn't that easy! Who knows, maybe one day your seedlings will produce a compromise. And so, if you could help my associate and I, we'd be really grate-- Uggh! What is this?! Keep these panties away from my head, Lingerie tree!
You're not exactly the first tree I've known who's interested in spilling Victoria's Secret. I just wish you wouldn't do it on me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Accelerator
Series: Toaru Majutsu no Index
Character Age: roughly 15
Canon: [CONTAINS MILD SPOILERS]
In a world where magic and science collide, numerous students flock to Academy City for the Power Curriculum Program. Here under high security and heavy surveillance, they aim to advance their psychic/supernatural powers in a scientific environment. One such student is so power-hungry that already being the city's most powerful psychic just can't satisfy him. So he willingly undergoes an experiment in realistic level grinding, one that requires him to throw away his moral compass in order to defeat 20,000 skilled psychic clones. The experiment is inhuman, but if it means becoming invincible, what's a little mass murder on his hands?
The psychic in question is Accelerator, a relatively unhinged and ridiculously overpowered telekinetic. As his codename implies, he can manipulate the vector values of anything he touches: heat, motion, electricity, force, you name it. Blocking sound, deflecting bullets and nullifying the effects of gravity are all a piece of cake. He's a big fat rule breaker who defeats everyone in one-hit KOs, which reinforces his arrogance and sense of superiority. That is, until halfway through the experiment, when an unexpected loss causes the experiment to be suspended and Accelerator to reexamine himself and his goals. On the surface he comes off as a casual, sadistic asshole who gets a thrill over dehumanizing and mocking his opponents, hunting them down and explaining how he's using his powers to kill them as he does so. Deep down he's . . . still an asshole, but not entirely without morals. He justified killing the clones since they were mass manufactured with the press of a button, yet later on he willingly risks his life for the remaining clones when a virus threatens their existence.
Accelerator is taken from episode 20, right before successfully locating Last Order.
Sample Post:
. . . I definitely know I'm not in Academy City anymore.
Hey, hey, what is this, guys? I got somewhere to go, the quicker the better. This stupid 'experiment' you keep moaning about is a waste of my time. Sure, the scientists back at Academy City suspended their big project with me. But tell me . . . what could you possibly do for me that they couldn't? They had state of the art equipment. Tons of funding. Thousands of powerful clones for me to destroy in an endless number of scheduled scenarios. All I see here are eleven zombies. This is ridiculous. It's not even funny. You're not even the threatening type, like in games or movies. Those could have been interesting to fight. Though, of course, in the end I-the great Accelerator-would still come out on top. Never could they pose a challenge to my skills.
Compared to them, you're a joke. Why should I bother? It's a miracle you can stand. I'm amazed you were able to state that passcode without your jaw falling off. You got it wrong, by the way. Passcodes are typically strings of number-letter codes. Your Director would have to be out of her mind to come up with "Marcy will love you long time" of all things. Goodbye, credibility. Well, whatever. Without my own password to offer, there will be no confirming my participation in this experiment. Now out of my way.
What's this now? Shoo. Shamble off. Quit moaning in relay about the time and whether I'm prepared! Pisses me off. What clock are you running on, anyway? It's too late to be four-twenty. Out of my way or get off the pot. Tch. That does it. I'm blocking the sound waves coming from you. That way I don't have to listen to your endless babble anymore. Let's block your smell too. Ya downright stink.
. . . Ha ha ha ha! Now this is unexpected. But combining into one giant blob won't make a difference. This only makes it easier for me. One large target instead of eleven pesky small ones. All I have to do is grab your limbs, change the vectors of force around my hands, and rip and shatter you apart right where you stand. Knowing who Accelerator is, you'd better run, King Zombie Slime. Run away, run away! After all, you get to live while you are fleeing. But if you get caught, it's game over!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kamijyo Touma
Series: Toaru Majutsu no Index
Character Age: Around 15
Canon: Kamijyo Touma is a Level Zero esper- the weakest of the millions of superpowered students living in Academy City. His only power lies in his right hand, which has the ability to cancel out anything supernatural it comes in contact with. Unfortunately, this also eliminates any blessings from God he might have, often dumping him into comedically unlucky situations. Such a day was starting to unfold when he met Index, a young nun on the run from a pair of magicians she believes are after the thousands of magical texts she possesses. Touma is entirely skeptical- to him, religion-powered magic doesn't exist- but when those magicians show up on his doorstep and Touma is thrown into one magic-fueled battle after another, this changes very quickly. Seeing is believing, after all.
Though he's really just a normal, unlucky guy, Touma often comes across as blunt and mildly abrasive, especially if someone annoys him too much, and he has a tendency to be quite the spazz if something takes him completely by surprise. It might be said that he's something of a delinquent, too: his grades are probably the lowest in his school, and he's often getting into fistfights. At the end of the day, however, he is a decent person, more often than not putting his life at risk to defend someone he met five minutes ago if he feels like it's the right thing to do (which he always does). Touma treats his bad luck with exasperation, but it's not something he hates or wants to get rid of. Quite the contrary: he recognizes the power of his hand- called the Imagine Breaker- in battle, and relies heavily on it. This goes well with his "hit them until they fall down" way of fighting, which helped him topple not only two very strong magicians, but also the strongest esper in the city.
Sample Post:
C-Cold… It’s so cold. Have I been walking around in circles? I swear this spot looks familiar. Aaah, damnit! This place is like a maze! Okay, Touma, get it together! Maybe if I go this way instead, I can find a way back out or something-- Huh? Hey, is someone there? …A toucan? That’s not right; don’t toucans live in the rainforest? Jeez, this place doesn’t let up. Oh, well, at least it’s not- AAGH! IT TALKS?! What the hell is this?!
Did you really just talk? Oi, bird-brain, don't ignore me! If you can talk, then maybe you can give me some answers. Would you mind telling me why zombies, who shouldn’t even exist in the first place, are wandering around like they belong here? One of them almost chewed my arm off! I mean, magic is one thing, but necromancy… That’s just a bunch of crap, right? If it were real, there’d be a lot more people trying to revive dead lovers or pets. To tell me people can actually come back from the dead and stumble around going “braaaaaaaains” or whatever… Hahaha, come on, that’s just crazy. Is someone making a new movie? Or did I wander into some kind of weird zombie role-playing meet up?
...But I guess a guy in makeup wouldn’t have been affected by Imagine Breaker, huh? And that thing crumbled the minute I touched it. So that means… Ah maaan, this is too cheesy to be true! Talking birds, zombies, giant squids, don’t tell me I’m stuck in some kind of real-life, B-rated horror movie! Huh? What did you say? “Camp”… So this is a zombie camp? Ahhh, that’s great. The first time I get to go camping and I’m probably going to end up as food for a bunch of zombie kids who’ll then go have s’mores made of human organs while singing campfire songs about being undead. What misfortune…… Hey, there’s no need to be an asshole about it, they’re the only things I’ve seen that can even count as “people”. Or… or could it be- do you mean there’re humans around, too?! Living, breathing, non-decaying humans? Where? Anything’s better than freezing my ass off in the middle of nowhere talking to a bird. Ah-! I mean- it’s not that you’re not being helpful or anything… Hey! Where do you think you’re going?! Damnit, come back here, I’m not done with you!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakura Sakurakouji
Series: Code: Breaker
Character Age: 16
Canon: With all the drug dealers, yakuza and corrupt cops, Japan is a country rife with crime. Sadly, the government and law enforcement can't keep it under control, and that's why they need... teenagers with super powers! But these super powered kids called Code: Breakers aren't super heroes. They give criminals two options: a) Turn themselves in or b) Suffer a horrible death. Of course, even the best anti-heroes are no match for an ordinary high school student. So when the heroine, Sakura Sakurakouji , comes across a Code: Breaker, she refuses to leave his side until he changes his murderous ways.
While Sakura looks like a high school idol, her personality doesn't match her appearance. Sure, she looks cute when she's moved to tears, but it's the tales of sportsmanship and friendship in martial arts magazines that make her weep. Her interest isn't purely academic, either. She's got black belts in Karate and Judo and strong enough to lift iron doors and heavy bags of cement by herself. Despite her physical toughness, she's naive, which is dangerous when paired with how she takes everything seriously. She'll believe absolutely ridiculous lies, which get her into questionable situations. Then again, if siblings really do like the same things, why shouldn't she let her friend's dear brother feel her up? It'd be unfair not to, and fairness is a big deal to her. If she's outgunned by drug dealers, she'll demand that they lay down their arms and fight her hand-to-hand. Even against overwhelming odds, she'll put her life on the line for friend or foe, because to her, all life is sacred, and even the worst criminals deserve a chance to live. While her naivete and idealism often make her a hindrance to the Code: Breakers, her sincere concern for them and her unwavering beliefs just might melt the hearts of those cold-blooded killers.
Sample Post:
Camping is supposed to be fun. Hanging out with friends, living off the land, wrestling bears... All things that revive mind and body. But this is not what I imagined. Injustice doesn't begin to describe what's going on here. I can't sit idly by while gorillas are dyed that unusual shade of purple, or the endangered lolcats are imprisoned in ceilings, deprived of their cheeseburgers and forced to watch humans commit indecent acts! But what's most intolerable is the incarceration of innocent people without cause or trial! Someone must do something about it, and if everyone else won't, then I, sixteen year-old Sakura Sakurakouji, will! Even if I must free everyone by myself, I won't give up!
As if keeping us captive weren't enough, I hear that prisoners are also tortured. I'm new, and haven't experienced any of it myself, but I've been told that much of camp's punishments are cruel and unusual, and the worst of these is a creature named Marcy-san. I've never encountered her, so I don't know if all those rumors of abuse are true. But if she's causing harm to others, she must be stopped. I'd prefer to talk things out, but I'll do whatever it takes to make her see the light!
Attention Marcy-san! Your reign of terror is at an end! If you want a fight, I will be your opponent! But first, hear me out: You may be the Director's most fiendish accomplice, and I'm sure that your life hasn't been easy; but even if you've suffered a lot, that's no reason to make others suffer too. Break the chain! Stop the violence! Those who have committed unspeakable acts in the past don't have to walk the path of evil forever. No one is beyond redemption, and that includes lake creatures like yourself. So repent! All sins can be forgiven! I believe in your ability to change. And yes, believing in me who believes in you is fine, but it's best to believe in yourself. If you do that, others will have faith in you too. And I'm sure everyone would be more willing to support you if you show that you're capable of more than misery and torture.
Charitable work would do just that. It'll give your life new direction, too. So organize a bake sale for diabetes research, or a read-a-thon for dyslexia! Unless you already have something in mind. You do? Ah, I'm so proud of you, I'm weeping tears of joy! What a great start to your rehabilitation! I admit, I'm not sure what groping has to do with Great Justice, but for such a noble cause, I'll take all you have to give!
Poll Vote!
Character: Yellow de Tokiwa Grove
Series: Pokemon Special
Character Age: 14
Canon: We're all familiar with the phenomenon of Pokemon. Small children tame giant monsters by stuffing them in balls, leaving them in their computers, and then forgetting about them, in order to fill out their Pokedex, an electronic encyclopedia. The world of Pokemon Special is not exactly like the others- This slightly more mature take on the series includes fun parts like the Elite Four being omnicidal maniacs, the heroes being not terribly heroic, and making the readers shed Manly Tears for Giovanni, the leader of the evil Team Rocket. However, despite all the mass murder and destruction, it still manages to hold to the feel of Pokemon; a happy tale of children and their friends (some of whom just happen to be giant monsters).
Yellow is a girl (who initially pretends to be a boy) with special Pokemon-related powers. Because of where she was born (the Tokiwa Grove, or Viridian Forest), Yellow can read Pokemon's minds, heal their wounds, and do all sorts of other crazy stuff. Rather than using these powers to become an invincible badass trainer, though, Yellow instead is a kind, pacifistic, and slightly narcoleptic girl who wants to help everyone she possibly can, and make new friends. She goes to great trouble to keep anyone, even her enemies, from being hurt. This doesn't mean she's less effective at battling than the other characters, though. While she's slow to anger, when she gets mad, she defeats even the strongest of the bad guys.
Sample Post:
Uh-oh, I think my map is wrong. I was trying to get back home through the forest, and I saw a shortcut on the map, but I'm pretty sure this isn't right. The map says there's a camp around here, but I don't see it. The map said it was called 'Camp Fuck Yeah Seaking'... The name here is similar, but it's still different. And I don't see any Seaking, or any other water-types around, either. I don't even see the Albuquerque I'm supposed to turn at. Well, there must be someone I can ask. Maybe those birds with the funny beaks can help! I've never seen a Pokemon like that, though. I wonder if the Pokedex has anything to say about them?
Toucan, a psychic-flying type. "Usually inhabits forests, swamps, and your mom's bed"... Huh? That can't be right. Did the Pokedex break? I'll try scanning it again. "Uses telepathy to identify potential threats, prey, idiots, and your mom"... Not again! One more time. "Hobbies include flying, long walks on the beach, waiting for stupid trainers to consult their Pokedex and then mocking them until they forget where they are, and your mom". H- Hey!
Oh, no! It's right, I can't remember where on the map I was anymore. Now I'm really lost... Ah! There's a group of people over there, I can ask them! Excuse me, can you help me? I don't know wh- Huh? "Brains"? I'm not sure what you mean- Oh, I get it, you must be Pokemon! You look so much like humans I was confused... So you're called Brains? Okay! Can you help me, please? I just want to know where the nearest humans are. I'll read your feelings so you can answer.
That way? Huh? But your friends are all pointing in different directions... Are there no humans around here? Wait, what are you doing?! You don't need to fight just because you all disagree! See, that's right! It's okay to just hug and make up like that. Wow, you're holding it for a long time, you must really be sorry for fighting... ... Wait a minute, why are you moving your hands down there- Wa-wa-wa-wait a minute! I- I don't think I should be watching that!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. whoops closed
Character: Apollo
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Character Age: Thousands of years old, although his usual appearance is that of a 17-18 year old teenage boy.
Canon: Demigods and their quests to save Western Civilization are all very important, yes, but none of them would even exist if it weren't for the Greek Gods and their inability to keep it in their pants. These gods are usually sitting on their thrones in Olympus, although they come down every once in awhile. When they do, it usually involves them making more kids or indirectly interfering with the demigods (since direct divine interference isn't allowed).
Apollo is the Greek God of the sun and a bunch of other things! He's a pretty friendly, confident guy, and he definitely has an ego. He does think that he's a pretty awesome guy, after all. His judgement probably isn't the best at times, considering that he was willing to let his half sister drive the Sun Chariot (and that was a pretty wild ride that managed to make him worry). He's a playful flirt that's always got a very shiny smile on his face, and he just really likes hanging out and hitting on cute/pretty women - even if they're off limits like his twin Artemis's virgin hunters. He'll back off when Artemis tells him, because despite how dysfunctional they can be together, he loves her enough to break ancient laws to help her. Absolutely no one messes with his little sis.
Note: Apollo loves poetry, and often gets obsessed with different types. His current obsession is haiku and unfortunately for everyone listening, Apollo is terrible at them... as well as any other sort of poetry he tries.
Sample Post:
Here we are! It took awhile to get here because of that whole sun-chariot-only-going-west thing, but I'm finally at Camp Fuck You Die! I'm not so sure about leaving my sun chariot with those zombies at the entrance. I don't want to have to clean all that decaying flesh off of the new leather! It'll probably be fine, though - some of those zombie chicks were pretty cute, and a lot of them were showing a bit of skin. It was probably for me, since they must have known that I was coming. Oh well - now that they're taking care of it, I can go look for that beautiful babe Marcy. I've heard about those great skills of hers when it comes to the hot guys she does stuff with. She can't deny me - I'm pretty hot, being the God of the sun, after all.
Let's see. I'm pretty sure I heard something about her living by that one lake I saw when I was parking - if I head over there, I can find the cutie and talk to her. I can feel a haiku coming on just from thinking about the stuff that she can do.
Marcy's skill is awesome.
She is divine in the bunk.
I will see this chick.
... I could always just go with "Marcy's skill is rare." It sounds even better. She won't be able to resist me after she hears it. I mean, it's a pretty impressive haiku. Who wouldn't love it? She'll probably say that she doesn't deserve a haiku written by me. She won't have to worry about that - I came up with it just for her! I don't write haikus for just anybody, after all. The honor is all hers! I'm going to make sure I stand by that lake and recite it just for her- it looks like I've finally arrived! It looks pretty weird, but... it's probably just something she likes. I like women like that.
It's a pretty romantic looking color, though - if she lives somewhere around here like I heard, she might be willing to come out here and have a bit of fun by the lake. She might even know a way to use that water and demonstrate those fine moves that I've heard about! She's so close, I can feel it-- what's that under the water? Marcy? Is it you? Come on out, sweethear-- WHOA, that's not a girl! Hey! Let go! You're all slimy, and I can't be slimy when I get back in the sun chariot later! ... You're Marcy? You've got to be lying- there's no way I could be wrong! ... Oh! I get it now, you're just guarding her, aren't you? I'll get by you to see her!
Poll Vote!
Name: Dairine Callahan
Age: 13
Series: Young Wizards
Canon: In Diane Duane's Young Wizards series, becoming a wizard isn't all fancy boarding schools and wands. In fact, the titular batch of characters have to live normal, integrated lives while solving problems throughout the universe in an attempt to slow entropy, which is A Very Bad Thing. The abstracts in charge of maintaining the laws of wizardry and sending the wizards "on errantry" are referred to as The Powers That Be, which essentially boil down to any entity (or entities) anyone chooses to acknowledge. The wizardry itself is spoken and woven into visual threads in a language called the Speech, which everything, animate or otherwise, has the ability to understand. Wizards usually begin any interaction with Dai Stihó, as greeting the person you're talking to is only polite. Because the Speech is so integral to incredible power, it is essential that all wizards attempt to speak the truth at all times.
Fortunately, some are better at exercising truth in sarcasm than others. Dairine Callahan is a young wizard who followed in her older sister's steps to learn wizardry. Young, brilliant, and independent, Dairine tends to leap more times than looking and is an avid fan of comics and Sci-Fi. An incredibly powerful wizard when she started, her powers peaked quickly with the creation of an entire sentient, silicon-based species, and began to wane at a similar velocity. That, however, doesn't keep her from having big plans and expectations. She has been known to work with a colorful cast of characters, including a conifer-like, lingerie decorations-obsessed being named Filif. Her constant companion is a sentient laptop named Spot, who has a mental connection with Dairine and also happens to serve as her manual, the catch-all reference book for wizards.
Sample Post:
Spot, do we really have to go through this again? How can I trust you if you're all "uh-oh"s and syntax errors? And now really isn't the time. I'm almost getting more convinced by the minute that we're stuck on Dagobah and Yoda's going to come hobbling around the corner any minute. That would be pretty great, I have to admit. "Dai, Yoda, what's up? Any words of wisdom for being stuck in a mysterious swamp with faulty hardware? No? How about some tea?" At least he'd make more sense than you right now. Well! Maybe you should take offense to that, Spot. I asked for that diagrammatic readout three hours ago and you're just now delivering it to me? Well, I don't need it anymore, thanks. Cut the LJ act. It stopped being cute when you started up with the goat-themed error messages. I don't want that Frank character near you or your hardware. Come on, let's look for helpful, non-fictional life forms.
Looks like the cows are our best bet for right now. Dai Stihó, mind telling us exactly where we are? We're a little... Oh! Mechanical? I should've been able to tell from back there! Are you naturally occurring or...? Right. Back on track. So, you're saying we're in a place called... are you getting this, Spot? See-Cud? Well, I've heard of stranger places, but I'm a little annoyed I haven't heard of this one. And it's in the state of "Lazy Amble"? No, of course I don't doubt you. Geez. I'm just wondering if maybe some of this is getting lost in translation. Does the overarching landmass have a name? The United States of Amoorica. Now I know we're speaking cow. Thanks for your help, but I think we'll go commune with the trees. The pine's puns are probably better.
Or, they would be better if the trees weren't engaged in some sort of turf war. Woah, hold off on the underwear chucking for a minute! Maybe we can discuss the issue. What-- Are you serious? This is actually a case of boxers versus briefs? Oh, come on. I may not be the most technically qualified to resolve this issue, but I can't believe you're bickering over it to begin with. Come on, Boxers tree, what's your beef? And Briefs tree, what could you have to possibly complain about? Okay, fine, I get it. So here's the compromise. Boxers tree, all Briefs is looking for is a little support and maybe some lift on the "coolness" front, and Briefs tree, all Boxers tree would like is for you to chill out and stop constricting its freedom so much, got it? Now, wasn't that easy! Who knows, maybe one day your seedlings will produce a compromise. And so, if you could help my associate and I, we'd be really grate-- Uggh! What is this?! Keep these panties away from my head, Lingerie tree!
You're not exactly the first tree I've known who's interested in spilling Victoria's Secret. I just wish you wouldn't do it on me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Accelerator
Series: Toaru Majutsu no Index
Character Age: roughly 15
Canon: [CONTAINS MILD SPOILERS]
In a world where magic and science collide, numerous students flock to Academy City for the Power Curriculum Program. Here under high security and heavy surveillance, they aim to advance their psychic/supernatural powers in a scientific environment. One such student is so power-hungry that already being the city's most powerful psychic just can't satisfy him. So he willingly undergoes an experiment in realistic level grinding, one that requires him to throw away his moral compass in order to defeat 20,000 skilled psychic clones. The experiment is inhuman, but if it means becoming invincible, what's a little mass murder on his hands?
The psychic in question is Accelerator, a relatively unhinged and ridiculously overpowered telekinetic. As his codename implies, he can manipulate the vector values of anything he touches: heat, motion, electricity, force, you name it. Blocking sound, deflecting bullets and nullifying the effects of gravity are all a piece of cake. He's a big fat rule breaker who defeats everyone in one-hit KOs, which reinforces his arrogance and sense of superiority. That is, until halfway through the experiment, when an unexpected loss causes the experiment to be suspended and Accelerator to reexamine himself and his goals. On the surface he comes off as a casual, sadistic asshole who gets a thrill over dehumanizing and mocking his opponents, hunting them down and explaining how he's using his powers to kill them as he does so. Deep down he's . . . still an asshole, but not entirely without morals. He justified killing the clones since they were mass manufactured with the press of a button, yet later on he willingly risks his life for the remaining clones when a virus threatens their existence.
Accelerator is taken from episode 20, right before successfully locating Last Order.
Sample Post:
. . . I definitely know I'm not in Academy City anymore.
Hey, hey, what is this, guys? I got somewhere to go, the quicker the better. This stupid 'experiment' you keep moaning about is a waste of my time. Sure, the scientists back at Academy City suspended their big project with me. But tell me . . . what could you possibly do for me that they couldn't? They had state of the art equipment. Tons of funding. Thousands of powerful clones for me to destroy in an endless number of scheduled scenarios. All I see here are eleven zombies. This is ridiculous. It's not even funny. You're not even the threatening type, like in games or movies. Those could have been interesting to fight. Though, of course, in the end I-the great Accelerator-would still come out on top. Never could they pose a challenge to my skills.
Compared to them, you're a joke. Why should I bother? It's a miracle you can stand. I'm amazed you were able to state that passcode without your jaw falling off. You got it wrong, by the way. Passcodes are typically strings of number-letter codes. Your Director would have to be out of her mind to come up with "Marcy will love you long time" of all things. Goodbye, credibility. Well, whatever. Without my own password to offer, there will be no confirming my participation in this experiment. Now out of my way.
What's this now? Shoo. Shamble off. Quit moaning in relay about the time and whether I'm prepared! Pisses me off. What clock are you running on, anyway? It's too late to be four-twenty. Out of my way or get off the pot. Tch. That does it. I'm blocking the sound waves coming from you. That way I don't have to listen to your endless babble anymore. Let's block your smell too. Ya downright stink.
. . . Ha ha ha ha! Now this is unexpected. But combining into one giant blob won't make a difference. This only makes it easier for me. One large target instead of eleven pesky small ones. All I have to do is grab your limbs, change the vectors of force around my hands, and rip and shatter you apart right where you stand. Knowing who Accelerator is, you'd better run, King Zombie Slime. Run away, run away! After all, you get to live while you are fleeing. But if you get caught, it's game over!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kamijyo Touma
Series: Toaru Majutsu no Index
Character Age: Around 15
Canon: Kamijyo Touma is a Level Zero esper- the weakest of the millions of superpowered students living in Academy City. His only power lies in his right hand, which has the ability to cancel out anything supernatural it comes in contact with. Unfortunately, this also eliminates any blessings from God he might have, often dumping him into comedically unlucky situations. Such a day was starting to unfold when he met Index, a young nun on the run from a pair of magicians she believes are after the thousands of magical texts she possesses. Touma is entirely skeptical- to him, religion-powered magic doesn't exist- but when those magicians show up on his doorstep and Touma is thrown into one magic-fueled battle after another, this changes very quickly. Seeing is believing, after all.
Though he's really just a normal, unlucky guy, Touma often comes across as blunt and mildly abrasive, especially if someone annoys him too much, and he has a tendency to be quite the spazz if something takes him completely by surprise. It might be said that he's something of a delinquent, too: his grades are probably the lowest in his school, and he's often getting into fistfights. At the end of the day, however, he is a decent person, more often than not putting his life at risk to defend someone he met five minutes ago if he feels like it's the right thing to do (which he always does). Touma treats his bad luck with exasperation, but it's not something he hates or wants to get rid of. Quite the contrary: he recognizes the power of his hand- called the Imagine Breaker- in battle, and relies heavily on it. This goes well with his "hit them until they fall down" way of fighting, which helped him topple not only two very strong magicians, but also the strongest esper in the city.
Sample Post:
C-Cold… It’s so cold. Have I been walking around in circles? I swear this spot looks familiar. Aaah, damnit! This place is like a maze! Okay, Touma, get it together! Maybe if I go this way instead, I can find a way back out or something-- Huh? Hey, is someone there? …A toucan? That’s not right; don’t toucans live in the rainforest? Jeez, this place doesn’t let up. Oh, well, at least it’s not- AAGH! IT TALKS?! What the hell is this?!
Did you really just talk? Oi, bird-brain, don't ignore me! If you can talk, then maybe you can give me some answers. Would you mind telling me why zombies, who shouldn’t even exist in the first place, are wandering around like they belong here? One of them almost chewed my arm off! I mean, magic is one thing, but necromancy… That’s just a bunch of crap, right? If it were real, there’d be a lot more people trying to revive dead lovers or pets. To tell me people can actually come back from the dead and stumble around going “braaaaaaaains” or whatever… Hahaha, come on, that’s just crazy. Is someone making a new movie? Or did I wander into some kind of weird zombie role-playing meet up?
...But I guess a guy in makeup wouldn’t have been affected by Imagine Breaker, huh? And that thing crumbled the minute I touched it. So that means… Ah maaan, this is too cheesy to be true! Talking birds, zombies, giant squids, don’t tell me I’m stuck in some kind of real-life, B-rated horror movie! Huh? What did you say? “Camp”… So this is a zombie camp? Ahhh, that’s great. The first time I get to go camping and I’m probably going to end up as food for a bunch of zombie kids who’ll then go have s’mores made of human organs while singing campfire songs about being undead. What misfortune…… Hey, there’s no need to be an asshole about it, they’re the only things I’ve seen that can even count as “people”. Or… or could it be- do you mean there’re humans around, too?! Living, breathing, non-decaying humans? Where? Anything’s better than freezing my ass off in the middle of nowhere talking to a bird. Ah-! I mean- it’s not that you’re not being helpful or anything… Hey! Where do you think you’re going?! Damnit, come back here, I’m not done with you!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Sakura Sakurakouji
Series: Code: Breaker
Character Age: 16
Canon: With all the drug dealers, yakuza and corrupt cops, Japan is a country rife with crime. Sadly, the government and law enforcement can't keep it under control, and that's why they need... teenagers with super powers! But these super powered kids called Code: Breakers aren't super heroes. They give criminals two options: a) Turn themselves in or b) Suffer a horrible death. Of course, even the best anti-heroes are no match for an ordinary high school student. So when the heroine, Sakura Sakurakouji , comes across a Code: Breaker, she refuses to leave his side until he changes his murderous ways.
While Sakura looks like a high school idol, her personality doesn't match her appearance. Sure, she looks cute when she's moved to tears, but it's the tales of sportsmanship and friendship in martial arts magazines that make her weep. Her interest isn't purely academic, either. She's got black belts in Karate and Judo and strong enough to lift iron doors and heavy bags of cement by herself. Despite her physical toughness, she's naive, which is dangerous when paired with how she takes everything seriously. She'll believe absolutely ridiculous lies, which get her into questionable situations. Then again, if siblings really do like the same things, why shouldn't she let her friend's dear brother feel her up? It'd be unfair not to, and fairness is a big deal to her. If she's outgunned by drug dealers, she'll demand that they lay down their arms and fight her hand-to-hand. Even against overwhelming odds, she'll put her life on the line for friend or foe, because to her, all life is sacred, and even the worst criminals deserve a chance to live. While her naivete and idealism often make her a hindrance to the Code: Breakers, her sincere concern for them and her unwavering beliefs just might melt the hearts of those cold-blooded killers.
Sample Post:
Camping is supposed to be fun. Hanging out with friends, living off the land, wrestling bears... All things that revive mind and body. But this is not what I imagined. Injustice doesn't begin to describe what's going on here. I can't sit idly by while gorillas are dyed that unusual shade of purple, or the endangered lolcats are imprisoned in ceilings, deprived of their cheeseburgers and forced to watch humans commit indecent acts! But what's most intolerable is the incarceration of innocent people without cause or trial! Someone must do something about it, and if everyone else won't, then I, sixteen year-old Sakura Sakurakouji, will! Even if I must free everyone by myself, I won't give up!
As if keeping us captive weren't enough, I hear that prisoners are also tortured. I'm new, and haven't experienced any of it myself, but I've been told that much of camp's punishments are cruel and unusual, and the worst of these is a creature named Marcy-san. I've never encountered her, so I don't know if all those rumors of abuse are true. But if she's causing harm to others, she must be stopped. I'd prefer to talk things out, but I'll do whatever it takes to make her see the light!
Attention Marcy-san! Your reign of terror is at an end! If you want a fight, I will be your opponent! But first, hear me out: You may be the Director's most fiendish accomplice, and I'm sure that your life hasn't been easy; but even if you've suffered a lot, that's no reason to make others suffer too. Break the chain! Stop the violence! Those who have committed unspeakable acts in the past don't have to walk the path of evil forever. No one is beyond redemption, and that includes lake creatures like yourself. So repent! All sins can be forgiven! I believe in your ability to change. And yes, believing in me who believes in you is fine, but it's best to believe in yourself. If you do that, others will have faith in you too. And I'm sure everyone would be more willing to support you if you show that you're capable of more than misery and torture.
Charitable work would do just that. It'll give your life new direction, too. So organize a bake sale for diabetes research, or a read-a-thon for dyslexia! Unless you already have something in mind. You do? Ah, I'm so proud of you, I'm weeping tears of joy! What a great start to your rehabilitation! I admit, I'm not sure what groping has to do with Great Justice, but for such a noble cause, I'll take all you have to give!
Poll Vote!
Character: Yellow de Tokiwa Grove
Series: Pokemon Special
Character Age: 14
Canon: We're all familiar with the phenomenon of Pokemon. Small children tame giant monsters by stuffing them in balls, leaving them in their computers, and then forgetting about them, in order to fill out their Pokedex, an electronic encyclopedia. The world of Pokemon Special is not exactly like the others- This slightly more mature take on the series includes fun parts like the Elite Four being omnicidal maniacs, the heroes being not terribly heroic, and making the readers shed Manly Tears for Giovanni, the leader of the evil Team Rocket. However, despite all the mass murder and destruction, it still manages to hold to the feel of Pokemon; a happy tale of children and their friends (some of whom just happen to be giant monsters).
Yellow is a girl (who initially pretends to be a boy) with special Pokemon-related powers. Because of where she was born (the Tokiwa Grove, or Viridian Forest), Yellow can read Pokemon's minds, heal their wounds, and do all sorts of other crazy stuff. Rather than using these powers to become an invincible badass trainer, though, Yellow instead is a kind, pacifistic, and slightly narcoleptic girl who wants to help everyone she possibly can, and make new friends. She goes to great trouble to keep anyone, even her enemies, from being hurt. This doesn't mean she's less effective at battling than the other characters, though. While she's slow to anger, when she gets mad, she defeats even the strongest of the bad guys.
Sample Post:
Uh-oh, I think my map is wrong. I was trying to get back home through the forest, and I saw a shortcut on the map, but I'm pretty sure this isn't right. The map says there's a camp around here, but I don't see it. The map said it was called 'Camp Fuck Yeah Seaking'... The name here is similar, but it's still different. And I don't see any Seaking, or any other water-types around, either. I don't even see the Albuquerque I'm supposed to turn at. Well, there must be someone I can ask. Maybe those birds with the funny beaks can help! I've never seen a Pokemon like that, though. I wonder if the Pokedex has anything to say about them?
Toucan, a psychic-flying type. "Usually inhabits forests, swamps, and your mom's bed"... Huh? That can't be right. Did the Pokedex break? I'll try scanning it again. "Uses telepathy to identify potential threats, prey, idiots, and your mom"... Not again! One more time. "Hobbies include flying, long walks on the beach, waiting for stupid trainers to consult their Pokedex and then mocking them until they forget where they are, and your mom". H- Hey!
Oh, no! It's right, I can't remember where on the map I was anymore. Now I'm really lost... Ah! There's a group of people over there, I can ask them! Excuse me, can you help me? I don't know wh- Huh? "Brains"? I'm not sure what you mean- Oh, I get it, you must be Pokemon! You look so much like humans I was confused... So you're called Brains? Okay! Can you help me, please? I just want to know where the nearest humans are. I'll read your feelings so you can answer.
That way? Huh? But your friends are all pointing in different directions... Are there no humans around here? Wait, what are you doing?! You don't need to fight just because you all disagree! See, that's right! It's okay to just hug and make up like that. Wow, you're holding it for a long time, you must really be sorry for fighting... ... Wait a minute, why are you moving your hands down there- Wa-wa-wa-wait a minute! I- I don't think I should be watching that!
Poll Vote!