(no subject)
augh am finally awake LAST ROUND \o/
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Cornelius
Series: Odin Sphere
Character Age: Between 16 to 19 years of age.
Canon: In Odin Sphere, the world teeters on the brink of ruin. Old men and cunning rulers scheme and vie for control over the most powerful magical artifact the world has known, but their selfish struggle only serves to speed along the end of times, Armageddon. As usual only a handful of angst-ridden, lovelorn teenagers are capable of saving or destroying the world as they play their roles within a dreadful Prophecy, all while they do battle against their own inner demons and the great beasts conjured by human greed and malice.
Cornelius, one of the chosen of prophecy, is a cursed and transformed fairy-tale prince. On route to a romantic rendezvous with his beloved Velvet, he is turned into a Pooka (a small, rabbit-like humanoid) and thrown into the Netherworld, thus beginning a heroic journey that tests the resolve of his idealism and passion. Cornelius is the embodiment of courtly love and chivalry, willing to risk life, limb, and comfort for the benefit of others. His pure-hearted naïveté, however, is constantly threatened by the alien (to him) nihilistic and self-serving evils of the world. Although plagued with insecurity about his Pooka form, he musters the strength necessary to protect what is dear to him, as well as the courage needed to prove that the measure of a man is in his heart and not in his (diminished) stature.
Sample Post:
Once more have I awoken in a strange new land. I do not yet understand the vagaries of this realm, nor do I know where it exists in relation to my native Titania, but I endeavour to find out. What I have discerned, despite appearances to the contrary, is that this is no repeat sojourn into Queen Odette's Netherworld; while the dead do roam here freely, they all but lack the loquaciousness which so categorises the corpses of Erion. Where once I was waylaid by skeletons eager to tell me of their passions and pains together with their sins and misdeeds and utter lack of remorse, now I am simply accosted by violent, brutish husks of men! Empty is how they strike me, in a way no living corpse has before, and the chill of their simplistic vocabulary shall perhaps haunt my dreams for far longer than their worm-rotted visage.
Oh, how far have I been brought from you, Velvet, that the dead no longer make for passable conversation...
That the flora here is familiar gives me hope that I am not too far afield from home. There exist berries and fruit enough to feast upon, and feisty fire-breathing mandragora a-plenty with which to cook with, leaving my attention wholly fixed on finding a path that may return me to where I must be. Yet what if that is here? There must be reason for my displacement, and my first suspicion is that it may be related to my curse, though I have my doubts. In seeking signs of civilisation, I have only spied upon the rudest indications by way of abundantly littered sheepskin and the discarded lacy underthings of ladies. The immodesty of such a people, given the quantity of the debris, would be a sight I am not certain I would welcome. If they have information I can take back to the Pooka Village, however--
What is this? Pooka in a foreign land! Though they are white with red eyes and sharpened teeth, they are surely Pooka! So my intuition was accurate. Hail, I am Cornelius, seeking the cure for our affliction. I would appreciate any aid and succour you may readily spare, as well as what information has been gathered on this fell wood. Why yes, I shall gladly follow; the location of your Pooka village would be invaluable help until I learn a route back to Erion. Perhaps we might discuss how it was your kin came to be in these lands.
My, is this your village? I can not say I approve of this decor. Are those worn skulls underfoot? Hanging from the pikes... that was once a man, was it not? Please have grace enough to tell me those steaming roasts are not of a similar nature. They are? I see. Regrettably, I believe I have changed my mind about imposing upon your hospitality; do forgive me, but it may be best that I continue my quest elsewhere immediately.
Princess Velvet, for once I am glad of your absence, which spares you the horror of knowing that such dread Pooka exist...
You will not allow me exit? I am to be your next meal? This sword of mine is no fool's jape or mummer's prop, I warn, and I will defend myself if I must. Understand that I, Cornelius of Titania, have a promise to keep, and a princess waiting. Now stand aside so that this may yet resolve without undue violence...
Poll Vote!
Character: Kadoya Tsukasa/Kamen Rider Decade
Series: Kamen Rider Decade
Character Age: Roughly 19 or 20. Can pass as a high school student without issue.
Canon: In a tangled mess of different worlds and alternate universes, there are a bunch of guys in plastic suits called Kamen Riders. They don their super plastic suits and fight giant monsters in rubber suits. However, all of these separate worlds are killing themselves for no apparent reason, and an amnesiac asshole with the power to turn into Kamen Rider Decade has to travel to the worlds of every other Rider in history, and beat them up until the worlds chill out. Traveling with him are his tsundere love interest, Natsumi, and his butt-monkey buddy... abuse-magnet jesus, Yuusuke.
Kadoya Tsukasa, the asshole in question, is the alter ego of Kamen Rider Decade and our designated hero. Insofar as heroes go, he's good at the ass-kicking evil part, but not so much at being a good person in the slightest. He mocks and laughs at people who have been mugged, tries to leave his companions imprisoned for crimes they didn't commit, and is basically a horrible jerk. He's got a tremendous ego backed up by a myriad of skills, and would be firmly in Mary Sue territory were it not for the fact that the universe hates him. And then, occasionally, he will become a Jesus for delivering one truly epic speech, delivering each world's moral of the week... and then goes right back to being a jackass at the beginning of the next world. Though he does care about people, really. It just takes the right circumstances.
Note: Every time Tsukasa enters a new world, it gives him a new job so he can blend into his new surroundings.
Sample Post:
Looks like we've arrived at Camp's World... If it's a camp, there's only one thing that I could be supposed to do here.
All right, listen up, everyone! I'm Kadoya Tsukasa, and I'm your new top counselor! Just listen to what I tell you, and I'll make this place... at least bearable. To start with, how do you expect to maintain a camp like this? From now on, in order to improve this camp's standards, we'll begin charging an entry fee. To stay in this camp, you'll have to pay... 20,000 yen, sounds fair, with a bonus to myself, of course. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to afford to make this place worthwhile.
In order to make more people want to enroll in this camp, you'll have to clean up. For one, it looks like there's not enough cabins, and the existing ones aren't uniform enough. A few of them look like real cabins, but then there's a hotel and a military base? Having themed cabins for various guests is okay, but this is too much. No one would guess that a giant hat is actually a place to stay, after all. And what's that marshmallow man? It's pretty worthless like this. Sell it off as a novelty, and use that money for real cabins.
And another thing - the organization of the cabins is terrible. Do you not give people places to stay when they sign up? No one will enroll if they have to do everything themselves. And this place is simply not clean enough. What is that goo all over the ground? "Love goo"? ... I'm not sure I want to know why it's called that. It needs to be cleaned up, before someone steps in it. A bunch of counselors have useless positions, change their jobs to cleaning the place up and it will work out.
There's the wildlife everywhere, too. Get rid of it, or at least clear it away. They even have the nerve to approach the great genius me, so lesser people will be frightened by them. Well, at least they have the sense not to touch. Just stay away and it might be okay. Oi, gorilla! I just said to get away- I'm not interested in your paper, just get rid of it. Or at least take it somewhere else, I'm still addressing the camp. Besides, is it really a good idea to use gorillas as messengers? They're- Oi, get that out of my face! I don't want it from- mmph! Fine, just give it to me!
"Dear Kadoya, you have been charged with impersonation of an authority figure in our camp." Impersonation? Tch, like the great Kadoya Tsukasa could be anything other than authoritative? "Furthermore, as summer counselor rounds have already closed-" What does that mean? "-and you didn't even do a good job of the impersonation, we feel very insulted. If you had been doing it right, we might have let it slide, but as it stands, we're really bored, so we're going to punish you." Whoever wrote this certainly has guts, to talk about me like that...
Wait, there's one last bit. "As a result of your terrible job, you are sentenced to Marcy." What's a Marcy, anyway- Oi, gorillas, let go of me! Where do you think you're dragging me, huh? I said let g-
Poll Vote!
Name: Damian Wayne aka Robin V
Series: DC Comics
Age: 10
Canon: In a world where the most feared vigilante is a rich boy dressed as a giant bat, there can only be supervillians must be outlandish to match. Take Ra's al Ghul: he has been alive for centuries, thanks to various natural fountains of youth, called the Lazarus Pits, and he wishes to rid the world of negative forces. A morally ambiguous figure, Ra's has a daughter, Talia, who has several dalliances with Batman. One of these dalliances just happens to turn into a boy named Damian.
Hidden from his father for the first ten years of his life, Damian was created in an artificial womb and trained by the League of Assassins to be a brutal and ruthless fighter. His physical training is aided by the fact that he's incredibly smart and quick at learning everything. With all of these natural talents and his impressive lineage, one may think that Damian is the perfect picture of do-good vigilante with an exemplary vocabulary. One would be quite wrong. Damian is loud, obnoxious, has a holier-than-thou personality, foul mouth, and violent tendencies. Very violent tendencies. He believes that he is the one true son of Batman, and all the fakers and haters can go you-know-what. His rash, insufferable exterior has a nougat of good buried in the center, though: he craves positive attention from role models and actually does have a desire to do good. It just may be an elusive desire.
Note: Bruce Wayne is dead! Dick Grayson, aka Robin I, is now Batman.
Sample Post:
Where am I? When did Gotham turn into a !@#$n' swamp hole? Well, rural !@#$n' swamp hole. This sucks. I can't believe I'm lost... Maybe I didn't get lost. You know what? I bet they did that on purpose! Drop me off in the middle of a $%# bog, huh! I'll show them. They're just jealous of my mad skills. Everyone knows that I'd make a better Batman than Dickweed over there, anyway. It's only right that the true son of Batman take his place. I bet this is a test. I'll succeed and do better than anyone else ever has. I just have to- Ow! What the hell! Where did all these #*@! symbols come fr- There it is again! They're just. They're just floating there. This is stupid. What kind of lame-o supervillain makes symbols come out of my mouth instead of cuss words?! That's just supersucky is what that is. Ha! I can say "sucky!" Take that, lame-o supervillain!
Bet you didn't think I'd brought my sword, you little pieces of sh- Auugh! This is so annoying! Hn. At least the symbols slice easily. Now I just have to get through the rest... There! Take that, bitches, I am victorious over grammar! Try to censor me? Yeah, like you could. Batman would never let anyone censor him, why do you think I would? Now let's see if we can find someone in this place who could tell me how to get the hell out. Hey! You over there, lame-brain, get over here. At a pace faster than a shuffle, or a ramble, or whatever the hell you're doing. Oh my god, could you take any longer? I'm getting old, here! ...On second thought, ewww stay there. You reek! What are you, some sort of horrible Lazarus Pit reject? Even my crazy old grandfather makes a better zombie than you. You're doing it all wrong.
For example, that shambling shtick? Lose it! Everyone expects zombies to be super slow, but you're not going to get anywhere at that rate. You come in at negative-one-billion miles per hour, and some dude's got a shovel ready to lob your head off. And the brains thing, come on. OLLLLLLLD. Could you get any more retro? Modern zombies are after hearts these days. And brains aren't really that good for you, you know. Sure, they have a lot of lean protein, but they also have a ton of cholesterol, so you're just asking for a blood pressure spike... If you still have blood. Which you should, because it's no fun to kill things that don't.
Speaking of which, I'm bored. Who wants to die again first? And don't give me that look. No one's here to tell me no, so it must be okay.
Poll Vote!
Character: Chane Laforet
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: ?
Canon: When you have a story without a single lead and enough twists and turns to put M. Night Shyamalan to shame, you'd expect something a little crazy. In the case of Baccano!, "a little crazy" means a combination of alchemists, immortals, and mafia,, all set in 1930's America. Included in this ruckus is a woman named Chane Laforet, a member of a terrorist group called the Lemures. This group is responsible for hijacking a train called The Flying Pussyfoot in order to get Chane's father, Huey Laforet, out of jail.
Chane herself isn't used to human interaction outside of her father. She's serious and determined, and she's willing to sacrifice many important things, including her life, for Huey's sake. Her devotion to him led her to become something of an emotional shut-in, but not a stranger to all feelings. She's opposed to the Lemures' methods from the start because of her dislike of killing and harming others. However, for the sake of her father, she is willing to work with them. But recent events have lead her to realize that there are people other than her father who she can befriend, and even love. She remains very serious, though, and... very confused by people treating her with kindness.
Note: Chane is a mute who communicates only twice in canon with writing, and is supplemented with a spare amount of inner monologues.
Sample Post:
[Near the edge of the forest, there's a strange congregation of camp creatures, including zombies, gorillas, toucans and what looks like a cut-off tip of one of Marcy's more rebellious tentacles. They're huddled around a woman in a fancy-looking black dress, dripping wet and dirty, clearly unsuited for swamp-trekking. It doesn't look like she minds the crowd, as odd as it is-- she's not focused on them. She's writing in a note pad, with the creatures trying to offer suggestions as she does so. She's nodding along with the suggestions, as unintelligible as they may be, and she has the look of someone who's working hard. There are already a few crumpled-up drafts on the ground; one which had a decaying thumb crumpled along with it-- a little too anxious to crumple it quickly, probably. Another looks torn in half, with some of it visible: "Father, I've arrived in Camp Fuck You Die. I will save you and protect you, even if it means losing my life in this place. For my only family, I will"-- with the rest torn off. On a new page, the woman starts writing.]
Hello, Elizabeth Sayre. I have been told that the American government will free my father, Huey Laforet, in exchange for you as hostage. I write this letter also on the behalf of [and here she stops, stonily analyzing the faces (debatable in the case of the tentacle and the less fortunate zombies) of the menagerie of beings around her. She holds her pen still a few seconds more, then continues.] denizens of camp, who have decided to join with me in my cause. Even if you struggle, my allies and I will not back down. [Stopping again, she hesitates, her eyes looking down-- but a quick jab in the back from a finger (that quickly falls off before she has a chance to turn and look at the offending zombie) prompts her to continue writing.] To convince you to meet our demands, I will work towards finding information about your fiance's death. We will inform you immediately of any new discoveries. However, this is only if you comply completely with us.
[The letter completed, she looks towards the "denizens of camp," this time questioningly pointing to the paper. She observes the creatures as they give their approval (though most of their grunts could really be deciphered either way) then nods. She rips the page free of the notepad and scribbling quickly on a new blank page.] Are you certain that they will release my father if I do this? [And with a (possibly) reassuring caw from the toucan, she gets up. The small group follows behind her as she makes her way to the supposed headquarters of Elizabeth Sayre. Her face kept the same deadpan expression-- except, not exactly the same. It had a little more set to it, which matched her walk-- a quick, determined stride. She takes a coil of rope offered to her by one of the gorillas as she pushes open the door to the "Mess Hall" -- clearly the best choice of a place of operations for a widowed, benevolent camp director.]
Poll Vote!
Character: Shuzen Cocoa
Series: Rosario + Vampire (II)
Age: 14-15
Canon: Rosario + Vampire is the story of what high school would have been like if those popular girls really were monsters. Aono Tsukune is an ordinary human boy who accidentally ends up in Youkai Academy, where vampires, succubi, werewolves, and others learn algebra-and how to integrate peacefully into human society. Tsukune braves the supernatural horror for the love of super vampire Mocha, whose abilities are so overwhelming that she willingly seals them away with a rosary. Rosary + vampire! Get it?
Sounds like a good idea, right? Shuzen Cocoa couldn't agree less. Cocoa has spent her life buying into the "vampires as supremely powerful and elegant dark beings" ideal, and the idea of her perfect half-sister Mocha giving that up really pisses her off. Cocoa herself is a somewhat whiny, awkward, cranky teenager whose "pride as a vampire" brings her great sorrow when she's forced to do anything she doesn't want to-which happens fairly often. In fact, Cocoa gets the short end of the stick most of the time, being continually stuck in uncomfortable and embarrassing situations and then missing out on opportunities she'd actually enjoy. Such is long-suffering Cocoa's lot in life. No matter how much she wishes otherwise, she does not quite live up to the vampiric ideal she so admires, and even something so simple as asking a friend from the Newspaper Club to help her train, or admitting she has friends at all, sends her into spazzy fits of shame. Hardly the picture of cool elegance.
Overall, Cocoa is irritable, stuck-up, overly dramatic, and childish. However, she is also a better person than she would admit and will put herself on the line for her friends or ideals. It doesn't hurt that she loves attention, danger, and a good fight; putting her life on the line is Cocoa's idea of a good time.
Sample Post:
I... am a vampire. Born into a house of darkness, queens of the supernatural world, beautiful and bloodthirsty, we walk our paths through this world... alone. Without need for companions or support, strong in our independence. The eyes of the world watch a vampire with fear and awe. Shadows of twilight, sparkling with grace in the sun! With the scowl of a flower and the grin of a killer! That... that is my ideal. That is my birthright.
But now...
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? Why do I have to recruit for Youkai Academy's Newspaper Club? I only joined up myself because I felt sorry for those idiots! And now they send me to a swamp in the middle of nowhere to chat up zombies? How completely beneath me! You hear me, weaklings? You're all beneath me! And I mean that literally-gross! Scrape yourself off my shoe, mister, or I'll punish you. Your gravestone will say "Being killed by a vampire was the most honor I've ever had in my pathetic life!" And I'll make all that fit on it! This is such a waste of time. To get more people to join, we should be making the newspaper itself more interesting. The same old "Bigfoot and Werewolves Clash over Hair in Shower Drains" headline gets boring. I could bring some glory to our club if I managed to get a scoop on a good murder or something-hey, wait! Maybe I can make something of this after all! With so many zombies, at least one has to have some kind of tragic event or unsolved mystery surrounding their death! The killer might even be lurking in the shadows! I smell danger! ♥ Heeeey, guys, wait! I'll generously forgive you for earlier if you answer a few questions for me! First, how did you die? One at a time-
-"Choked to death on a piece of cheese pizza?" "Listening to the radio in the bathtub?" "Overdosed on dihydrogen monoxide, the silent killer?" AHHHHHHHH! That's all useless! Only complete idiots would die in such stupid, mundane ways! No one's going to join up to investigate a death at the hands of stringy cheese! Please tell me at least one of you died a mysterious and bloody death at the hands of an unknown killer! If I go back to Youkai Academy empty-handed, they'll... they'll put me in the bikini again... we might even have to do a bikini car wash! I won't accept such shame to my clan! Argh, you losers! Fine, just sit there and stare at me until your other arm rots off! And here, take this one back while you're at it! I changed my mind, I don't need a hand from you after all! As if I'd accept one from a lesser being!
Stupid zombie camp! Isn't there anything newsworthy here besides the smell? If they're not going to give me suspense and intrigue, the least I could get is some decent chaos! A monster of some sort... something big and mean, something that goes after innocent passersby without discrimination. Leaving its victims totally violated and humiliated! A local beast of legend from which there's no escape! Yeah, something like that sure would be fun to run into... I mean, the perfect headline to drum up some interest in the paper. But noooo. Ugh, I guess I'll just camp out by the lake tonight and hope something interesting happens. A dead body washed up in the shallows? Ghastly howls from that grove of trees? Maybe even the groaning of something stalking me in the depths?
... No, just a beautiful sunset over the water... agghhh, this place is SO BORING!
Poll Vote!
Character Caius Greylace
Series: Shadow Magic, by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett
Character Age: 18
Canon: After the end of the generations-long war between Volstov and the Ke-Han Empire, a small diplomatic party from Volstov is sent to begin the delicate process of peace negotiations. Meanwhile, however, the new Ke-Han Emperor has his own plans.
Caius Greylace, one of the Volstovic diplomats, is a veilkeila (psychic magician) whose Talent lies in visions and compulsion. A torturer and inquisitor for Volstov's ruler since he was seven years old due to his unique Talent, Caius had a somewhat unusual upbringing. That is, until he was banished for driving a man mad for "personal reasons" and only recalled several years later for the final war effort and subsequent diplomatic overtures. You'd probably never guess any of this from his usual demeanor, however - Caius is almost perpetually cheerful, theatrical and overly enthusiastic. If anything, he often appears to be something of an extremely flamboyant, high-energy, annoying chatterbox, if occasionally creepy. Clever, effeminate, morally unencumbered, and just the littlest bit completely insane, some of Caius' favorite things include fashion, gossip, and torturing people to death. After all, he always makes it a point to enjoy what he's good at.
Sample Post:
I must say, this does look to be the wrong countryside entirely, though I couldn't really tell you how exactly I managed to end up here. You see, I saw the most interesting-looking creature through the trees earlier - purple, if you can believe it, I'm certain I've never seen the like before - and I simply had to get a closer look. The clever thing managed to stay ahead of me, however, and I was unfortunately distracted by a parrot with particularly lovely blue plumage. It turned out to be a dead parrot, in fact, nailed to its branch. Most peculiar. By this point I was naturally quite turned around, but just then I found the most delightful little path through the woods and well, here I was! The sign on that last tree before your town here was really quite arresting, by the way - "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter" - how thrilling. Quite a delightful turn of events, all told - I do so love a good adventure.
And what a place for an adventure! The view is nothing short of stunning, especially the lake - how do you get it glow so brightly, by the by? - and the trees are so lively! I would have preferred if it were somewhat less swampy, of course, but one must make do. However, it does seem the depredations of your charming landscape have ruined my outfit quite beyond all repair, I fear. And it was so very difficult to get the palace tailor to finish this one before we departed, too-- well, no matter. I shall simply have to have something new made; perhaps in that same lovely shade of purple I glimpsed earlier.
You there! If you could give me a hand, perhaps-- Oh, well, that's not exactly what I had in mind, but it shall have to do. In any case, my dear, I was wondering you could point me towards the nearest tailor in this quaint little town, or perhaps the baths? Someplace where I could wash off the dust from the road - or the mud from the swamp, I suppose, though that doesn't have quite the same ring to it - would be simply wonderful.
Ah, what was that? You'll have to speak up a bit- "brains?" My dear, you've asked the right person. I know of so very many interesting things to do with brains.
Poll Vote!
Character: Simba (Child)
Series: The Lion King
Character Age: Is a cub! I'd say he acts about 8-10.
Canon: The Lion King is what happens when Disney thinks Shakespeare would be awesome if they did it with lions in Africa. In this savanna style version of Hamlet, King Mufasa is despised by his jealous brother Scar, who would like nothing better than to grab all that power for himself. Cue the entrance of the king's naive son Simba, in whom Scar sees multiple opportunities for deception, disgrace, and more importantly, usurping the throne.
Simba is mischievous, adventurous, and above all else he can't wait to be king! However, this nature, combined with his cocky attitude and general bratty-ness, tends to get him in trouble more often than his father would like. Barring that, he is a genuinely friendly little kid who enjoys romping, playing, and finding new ways to prove to everyone that he is brave! He also is especially fond of his uncle Scar, who would never do anything bad to him or his father.
Note: Simba has been informed by Scar that his father has a surprise for him. However, he appears to have gotten lost on his way to meet with his lovable Uncle...
Sample Post:
This doesn't look like the gorge... And it definitely doesn't smell like the gorge either. How’d I end up in this weird place? I mean, I guess it’s kinda cool. I know we rule over everything the light touches, but I didn’t think there’d be a place with hide-growing plants and rotting meat that still walked. I'd better hurry though, Uncle Scar is waiting for me, and I know Dad’ll be really mad if he catches me hanging around here. Is there someone around who... Oh, hey! Uh, bird thing! Huh? Oh, toucan, right. Gotcha. Hey, toucan thing, could you tell me where I am? I'm not lost or anything, of course. Please, kings don't get lost. It's just... my kingdom is so big that it's not easy to remember it all, exactly. You know what I mean. So, are you going to help me out, or what?
A game? Do we have to? I mean, you could just tell me... You insist? Geez, alright then. What should we do? Oh, ha, a flying contest. That's pretty funny. Maybe we should try a "who can eat the most toucans" contest, instead? ...What do you mean, you'd still win?
Hey, wait, don't leave! I'll play a game, okay? Uncle Scar won’t be happy if I’m late, but if I don't get directions I won't show up at all, and then Dad’ll be angry... Okay, so if I win, you tell me what I need to know, and if you win, I promise not to eat you. That's fair, right? Hey, don't give me that look- I always keep my promises! Alright, what kind of game should we play? I was thinking tag at first, but that would be too easy for me. I'd catch you in no time, and I'd feel bad if this wasn't fair for both of us, heh. A bug eating contest? Eww! There's no way you could get me to eat bugs. I'd sooner get stuck in a stampeding herd of wildebeest. No, you can't take me up on that!
Okay, you know what, I'm outta here. Right now those angry purple gorillas will probably be more helpful than you, banana-beak. Huh? You've got a really good idea this time? You promise? Alright, I'll give you one last chance. Tell me about this one.
...Really, that's what it's called? Weird name, but okay, what are the rules then? Go over to the gorillas... tell them that... uh-huh... and survive the rampage? Uh... sure, yeah, I can do that. No problem!
Hey, you guys! I was told to tell you that you just lost THE GAME. Do I win, now?
Poll Vote!
Name: John Connor
Age 10
Series: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Canon: In the future, John Connor is going to be the leader of the human resistance that fights against the machines of Skynet, after they become self-aware in an explosion of fire and brimstone and death on August 29, 1997. In the future, Skynet sends a machine that can pass as a human - a Terminator - to kill John's mother. It fails when future!John sends his best friend back in time to protect his mother -- who also becomes his father. In the further future, the machines send back an even better Terminator to kill John when he was a boy. Future!John sends back a reprogrammed Terminator to combat it, and I had better stop there while it still makes some sense.
John Connor as a ten-year-old child is not exactly who you'd think of when you imagine the leader of the human race. Left in a foster home after his mom was admitted to a mental ward, John became a delinquent: he's a fast-talking smartass with an arrest record, who steals from ATMs so he can play in the mall arcade with his best friend. (Hey, it's 1995, okay.) Despite all the craziness of his life, John's a pretty okay kid past the first, sarcastic layer. He rescues his mother against improbable odds! And he sees his robot protector as a friend, not just a machine, and endeavors to teach Arnold Schwarzenegger the T-800 how to be human: how to smile, how to learn, and how not to kill. John is surprisingly mature for a kid his age and with his (future) responsibilities.
Sample post:
Oh shit, Mom is gonna totally freak when she hears about this. It took me like a million years to convince her I was gonna be okay, and now look. This is not okay! This is really not okay! She is never going to let me out of her sight again. I just wanted to try something normal for once, but it turns out this is really some kinda freaky prison camp with weird guards -- shit, they must have infrared, they're coming right towards me!
Hey, hi officers! Nice uh, nice uniforms you've got there! Oh ... oh man, that's not clothes hanging off you, that's your ski-- Okay John, calm down. You got away from that other Terminator, you can totally handle Zombie Cop. Listen, I'm really sorry about this, but I got seriously turned around in this swamp and now I'm lost. Can you just tell me how to get back to the road? No, it's cool, I don't need to be escorted out of here. It's not like I'm trespassing yet, is it? I mean, you guys stopped me before I got to that point, right? Yeah, so, I think I'll just be going now -- hey, HEY! Let go of me, you zombie psycho!
Ow, geez. If you wanted to show me the way out of here you could've pointed, not grabbed me and turned me around! Point! You know, raise your arm and stick out your hand-- or just nodded your head-- oookay, definitely not a Terminator. We've got a problem here. But if you wanna help people, you gotta stop scaring them all the time! No one'll trust you if it looks like you want to rip off their arm to replace your own! C'mon, we gotta start with the basics: a smile! See, look at this. It lets whoever you're looking at know you're friendly! And you can stop smiling now, seriously, the skull grin is a little creepy. And then the handshake -- we can use this guy to help. So you stick out your hand, and I stick out my hand, and then we grab hands and shake -- whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing, you sicko?!
Okay, time out time out! You're all moving a liiiiiittle too fast for me right now, so can we slow down? No seriously, guys, I'm starting to get a little worried here -- aw, crap, looks like the fast talk isn't working this time. Hasta la vista, dickwads!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Cornelius
Series: Odin Sphere
Character Age: Between 16 to 19 years of age.
Canon: In Odin Sphere, the world teeters on the brink of ruin. Old men and cunning rulers scheme and vie for control over the most powerful magical artifact the world has known, but their selfish struggle only serves to speed along the end of times, Armageddon. As usual only a handful of angst-ridden, lovelorn teenagers are capable of saving or destroying the world as they play their roles within a dreadful Prophecy, all while they do battle against their own inner demons and the great beasts conjured by human greed and malice.
Cornelius, one of the chosen of prophecy, is a cursed and transformed fairy-tale prince. On route to a romantic rendezvous with his beloved Velvet, he is turned into a Pooka (a small, rabbit-like humanoid) and thrown into the Netherworld, thus beginning a heroic journey that tests the resolve of his idealism and passion. Cornelius is the embodiment of courtly love and chivalry, willing to risk life, limb, and comfort for the benefit of others. His pure-hearted naïveté, however, is constantly threatened by the alien (to him) nihilistic and self-serving evils of the world. Although plagued with insecurity about his Pooka form, he musters the strength necessary to protect what is dear to him, as well as the courage needed to prove that the measure of a man is in his heart and not in his (diminished) stature.
Sample Post:
Once more have I awoken in a strange new land. I do not yet understand the vagaries of this realm, nor do I know where it exists in relation to my native Titania, but I endeavour to find out. What I have discerned, despite appearances to the contrary, is that this is no repeat sojourn into Queen Odette's Netherworld; while the dead do roam here freely, they all but lack the loquaciousness which so categorises the corpses of Erion. Where once I was waylaid by skeletons eager to tell me of their passions and pains together with their sins and misdeeds and utter lack of remorse, now I am simply accosted by violent, brutish husks of men! Empty is how they strike me, in a way no living corpse has before, and the chill of their simplistic vocabulary shall perhaps haunt my dreams for far longer than their worm-rotted visage.
Oh, how far have I been brought from you, Velvet, that the dead no longer make for passable conversation...
That the flora here is familiar gives me hope that I am not too far afield from home. There exist berries and fruit enough to feast upon, and feisty fire-breathing mandragora a-plenty with which to cook with, leaving my attention wholly fixed on finding a path that may return me to where I must be. Yet what if that is here? There must be reason for my displacement, and my first suspicion is that it may be related to my curse, though I have my doubts. In seeking signs of civilisation, I have only spied upon the rudest indications by way of abundantly littered sheepskin and the discarded lacy underthings of ladies. The immodesty of such a people, given the quantity of the debris, would be a sight I am not certain I would welcome. If they have information I can take back to the Pooka Village, however--
What is this? Pooka in a foreign land! Though they are white with red eyes and sharpened teeth, they are surely Pooka! So my intuition was accurate. Hail, I am Cornelius, seeking the cure for our affliction. I would appreciate any aid and succour you may readily spare, as well as what information has been gathered on this fell wood. Why yes, I shall gladly follow; the location of your Pooka village would be invaluable help until I learn a route back to Erion. Perhaps we might discuss how it was your kin came to be in these lands.
My, is this your village? I can not say I approve of this decor. Are those worn skulls underfoot? Hanging from the pikes... that was once a man, was it not? Please have grace enough to tell me those steaming roasts are not of a similar nature. They are? I see. Regrettably, I believe I have changed my mind about imposing upon your hospitality; do forgive me, but it may be best that I continue my quest elsewhere immediately.
Princess Velvet, for once I am glad of your absence, which spares you the horror of knowing that such dread Pooka exist...
You will not allow me exit? I am to be your next meal? This sword of mine is no fool's jape or mummer's prop, I warn, and I will defend myself if I must. Understand that I, Cornelius of Titania, have a promise to keep, and a princess waiting. Now stand aside so that this may yet resolve without undue violence...
Poll Vote!
Character: Kadoya Tsukasa/Kamen Rider Decade
Series: Kamen Rider Decade
Character Age: Roughly 19 or 20. Can pass as a high school student without issue.
Canon: In a tangled mess of different worlds and alternate universes, there are a bunch of guys in plastic suits called Kamen Riders. They don their super plastic suits and fight giant monsters in rubber suits. However, all of these separate worlds are killing themselves for no apparent reason, and an amnesiac asshole with the power to turn into Kamen Rider Decade has to travel to the worlds of every other Rider in history, and beat them up until the worlds chill out. Traveling with him are his tsundere love interest, Natsumi, and his butt-monkey buddy... abuse-magnet jesus, Yuusuke.
Kadoya Tsukasa, the asshole in question, is the alter ego of Kamen Rider Decade and our designated hero. Insofar as heroes go, he's good at the ass-kicking evil part, but not so much at being a good person in the slightest. He mocks and laughs at people who have been mugged, tries to leave his companions imprisoned for crimes they didn't commit, and is basically a horrible jerk. He's got a tremendous ego backed up by a myriad of skills, and would be firmly in Mary Sue territory were it not for the fact that the universe hates him. And then, occasionally, he will become a Jesus for delivering one truly epic speech, delivering each world's moral of the week... and then goes right back to being a jackass at the beginning of the next world. Though he does care about people, really. It just takes the right circumstances.
Note: Every time Tsukasa enters a new world, it gives him a new job so he can blend into his new surroundings.
Sample Post:
Looks like we've arrived at Camp's World... If it's a camp, there's only one thing that I could be supposed to do here.
All right, listen up, everyone! I'm Kadoya Tsukasa, and I'm your new top counselor! Just listen to what I tell you, and I'll make this place... at least bearable. To start with, how do you expect to maintain a camp like this? From now on, in order to improve this camp's standards, we'll begin charging an entry fee. To stay in this camp, you'll have to pay... 20,000 yen, sounds fair, with a bonus to myself, of course. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to afford to make this place worthwhile.
In order to make more people want to enroll in this camp, you'll have to clean up. For one, it looks like there's not enough cabins, and the existing ones aren't uniform enough. A few of them look like real cabins, but then there's a hotel and a military base? Having themed cabins for various guests is okay, but this is too much. No one would guess that a giant hat is actually a place to stay, after all. And what's that marshmallow man? It's pretty worthless like this. Sell it off as a novelty, and use that money for real cabins.
And another thing - the organization of the cabins is terrible. Do you not give people places to stay when they sign up? No one will enroll if they have to do everything themselves. And this place is simply not clean enough. What is that goo all over the ground? "Love goo"? ... I'm not sure I want to know why it's called that. It needs to be cleaned up, before someone steps in it. A bunch of counselors have useless positions, change their jobs to cleaning the place up and it will work out.
There's the wildlife everywhere, too. Get rid of it, or at least clear it away. They even have the nerve to approach the great genius me, so lesser people will be frightened by them. Well, at least they have the sense not to touch. Just stay away and it might be okay. Oi, gorilla! I just said to get away- I'm not interested in your paper, just get rid of it. Or at least take it somewhere else, I'm still addressing the camp. Besides, is it really a good idea to use gorillas as messengers? They're- Oi, get that out of my face! I don't want it from- mmph! Fine, just give it to me!
"Dear Kadoya, you have been charged with impersonation of an authority figure in our camp." Impersonation? Tch, like the great Kadoya Tsukasa could be anything other than authoritative? "Furthermore, as summer counselor rounds have already closed-" What does that mean? "-and you didn't even do a good job of the impersonation, we feel very insulted. If you had been doing it right, we might have let it slide, but as it stands, we're really bored, so we're going to punish you." Whoever wrote this certainly has guts, to talk about me like that...
Wait, there's one last bit. "As a result of your terrible job, you are sentenced to Marcy." What's a Marcy, anyway- Oi, gorillas, let go of me! Where do you think you're dragging me, huh? I said let g-
Poll Vote!
Name: Damian Wayne aka Robin V
Series: DC Comics
Age: 10
Canon: In a world where the most feared vigilante is a rich boy dressed as a giant bat, there can only be supervillians must be outlandish to match. Take Ra's al Ghul: he has been alive for centuries, thanks to various natural fountains of youth, called the Lazarus Pits, and he wishes to rid the world of negative forces. A morally ambiguous figure, Ra's has a daughter, Talia, who has several dalliances with Batman. One of these dalliances just happens to turn into a boy named Damian.
Hidden from his father for the first ten years of his life, Damian was created in an artificial womb and trained by the League of Assassins to be a brutal and ruthless fighter. His physical training is aided by the fact that he's incredibly smart and quick at learning everything. With all of these natural talents and his impressive lineage, one may think that Damian is the perfect picture of do-good vigilante with an exemplary vocabulary. One would be quite wrong. Damian is loud, obnoxious, has a holier-than-thou personality, foul mouth, and violent tendencies. Very violent tendencies. He believes that he is the one true son of Batman, and all the fakers and haters can go you-know-what. His rash, insufferable exterior has a nougat of good buried in the center, though: he craves positive attention from role models and actually does have a desire to do good. It just may be an elusive desire.
Note: Bruce Wayne is dead! Dick Grayson, aka Robin I, is now Batman.
Sample Post:
Where am I? When did Gotham turn into a !@#$n' swamp hole? Well, rural !@#$n' swamp hole. This sucks. I can't believe I'm lost... Maybe I didn't get lost. You know what? I bet they did that on purpose! Drop me off in the middle of a $%# bog, huh! I'll show them. They're just jealous of my mad skills. Everyone knows that I'd make a better Batman than Dickweed over there, anyway. It's only right that the true son of Batman take his place. I bet this is a test. I'll succeed and do better than anyone else ever has. I just have to- Ow! What the hell! Where did all these #*@! symbols come fr- There it is again! They're just. They're just floating there. This is stupid. What kind of lame-o supervillain makes symbols come out of my mouth instead of cuss words?! That's just supersucky is what that is. Ha! I can say "sucky!" Take that, lame-o supervillain!
Bet you didn't think I'd brought my sword, you little pieces of sh- Auugh! This is so annoying! Hn. At least the symbols slice easily. Now I just have to get through the rest... There! Take that, bitches, I am victorious over grammar! Try to censor me? Yeah, like you could. Batman would never let anyone censor him, why do you think I would? Now let's see if we can find someone in this place who could tell me how to get the hell out. Hey! You over there, lame-brain, get over here. At a pace faster than a shuffle, or a ramble, or whatever the hell you're doing. Oh my god, could you take any longer? I'm getting old, here! ...On second thought, ewww stay there. You reek! What are you, some sort of horrible Lazarus Pit reject? Even my crazy old grandfather makes a better zombie than you. You're doing it all wrong.
For example, that shambling shtick? Lose it! Everyone expects zombies to be super slow, but you're not going to get anywhere at that rate. You come in at negative-one-billion miles per hour, and some dude's got a shovel ready to lob your head off. And the brains thing, come on. OLLLLLLLD. Could you get any more retro? Modern zombies are after hearts these days. And brains aren't really that good for you, you know. Sure, they have a lot of lean protein, but they also have a ton of cholesterol, so you're just asking for a blood pressure spike... If you still have blood. Which you should, because it's no fun to kill things that don't.
Speaking of which, I'm bored. Who wants to die again first? And don't give me that look. No one's here to tell me no, so it must be okay.
Poll Vote!
Character: Chane Laforet
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: ?
Canon: When you have a story without a single lead and enough twists and turns to put M. Night Shyamalan to shame, you'd expect something a little crazy. In the case of Baccano!, "a little crazy" means a combination of alchemists, immortals, and mafia,, all set in 1930's America. Included in this ruckus is a woman named Chane Laforet, a member of a terrorist group called the Lemures. This group is responsible for hijacking a train called The Flying Pussyfoot in order to get Chane's father, Huey Laforet, out of jail.
Chane herself isn't used to human interaction outside of her father. She's serious and determined, and she's willing to sacrifice many important things, including her life, for Huey's sake. Her devotion to him led her to become something of an emotional shut-in, but not a stranger to all feelings. She's opposed to the Lemures' methods from the start because of her dislike of killing and harming others. However, for the sake of her father, she is willing to work with them. But recent events have lead her to realize that there are people other than her father who she can befriend, and even love. She remains very serious, though, and... very confused by people treating her with kindness.
Note: Chane is a mute who communicates only twice in canon with writing, and is supplemented with a spare amount of inner monologues.
Sample Post:
[Near the edge of the forest, there's a strange congregation of camp creatures, including zombies, gorillas, toucans and what looks like a cut-off tip of one of Marcy's more rebellious tentacles. They're huddled around a woman in a fancy-looking black dress, dripping wet and dirty, clearly unsuited for swamp-trekking. It doesn't look like she minds the crowd, as odd as it is-- she's not focused on them. She's writing in a note pad, with the creatures trying to offer suggestions as she does so. She's nodding along with the suggestions, as unintelligible as they may be, and she has the look of someone who's working hard. There are already a few crumpled-up drafts on the ground; one which had a decaying thumb crumpled along with it-- a little too anxious to crumple it quickly, probably. Another looks torn in half, with some of it visible: "Father, I've arrived in Camp Fuck You Die. I will save you and protect you, even if it means losing my life in this place. For my only family, I will"-- with the rest torn off. On a new page, the woman starts writing.]
Hello, Elizabeth Sayre. I have been told that the American government will free my father, Huey Laforet, in exchange for you as hostage. I write this letter also on the behalf of [and here she stops, stonily analyzing the faces (debatable in the case of the tentacle and the less fortunate zombies) of the menagerie of beings around her. She holds her pen still a few seconds more, then continues.] denizens of camp, who have decided to join with me in my cause. Even if you struggle, my allies and I will not back down. [Stopping again, she hesitates, her eyes looking down-- but a quick jab in the back from a finger (that quickly falls off before she has a chance to turn and look at the offending zombie) prompts her to continue writing.] To convince you to meet our demands, I will work towards finding information about your fiance's death. We will inform you immediately of any new discoveries. However, this is only if you comply completely with us.
[The letter completed, she looks towards the "denizens of camp," this time questioningly pointing to the paper. She observes the creatures as they give their approval (though most of their grunts could really be deciphered either way) then nods. She rips the page free of the notepad and scribbling quickly on a new blank page.] Are you certain that they will release my father if I do this? [And with a (possibly) reassuring caw from the toucan, she gets up. The small group follows behind her as she makes her way to the supposed headquarters of Elizabeth Sayre. Her face kept the same deadpan expression-- except, not exactly the same. It had a little more set to it, which matched her walk-- a quick, determined stride. She takes a coil of rope offered to her by one of the gorillas as she pushes open the door to the "Mess Hall" -- clearly the best choice of a place of operations for a widowed, benevolent camp director.]
Poll Vote!
Character: Shuzen Cocoa
Series: Rosario + Vampire (II)
Age: 14-15
Canon: Rosario + Vampire is the story of what high school would have been like if those popular girls really were monsters. Aono Tsukune is an ordinary human boy who accidentally ends up in Youkai Academy, where vampires, succubi, werewolves, and others learn algebra-and how to integrate peacefully into human society. Tsukune braves the supernatural horror for the love of super vampire Mocha, whose abilities are so overwhelming that she willingly seals them away with a rosary. Rosary + vampire! Get it?
Sounds like a good idea, right? Shuzen Cocoa couldn't agree less. Cocoa has spent her life buying into the "vampires as supremely powerful and elegant dark beings" ideal, and the idea of her perfect half-sister Mocha giving that up really pisses her off. Cocoa herself is a somewhat whiny, awkward, cranky teenager whose "pride as a vampire" brings her great sorrow when she's forced to do anything she doesn't want to-which happens fairly often. In fact, Cocoa gets the short end of the stick most of the time, being continually stuck in uncomfortable and embarrassing situations and then missing out on opportunities she'd actually enjoy. Such is long-suffering Cocoa's lot in life. No matter how much she wishes otherwise, she does not quite live up to the vampiric ideal she so admires, and even something so simple as asking a friend from the Newspaper Club to help her train, or admitting she has friends at all, sends her into spazzy fits of shame. Hardly the picture of cool elegance.
Overall, Cocoa is irritable, stuck-up, overly dramatic, and childish. However, she is also a better person than she would admit and will put herself on the line for her friends or ideals. It doesn't hurt that she loves attention, danger, and a good fight; putting her life on the line is Cocoa's idea of a good time.
Sample Post:
I... am a vampire. Born into a house of darkness, queens of the supernatural world, beautiful and bloodthirsty, we walk our paths through this world... alone. Without need for companions or support, strong in our independence. The eyes of the world watch a vampire with fear and awe. Shadows of twilight, sparkling with grace in the sun! With the scowl of a flower and the grin of a killer! That... that is my ideal. That is my birthright.
But now...
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? Why do I have to recruit for Youkai Academy's Newspaper Club? I only joined up myself because I felt sorry for those idiots! And now they send me to a swamp in the middle of nowhere to chat up zombies? How completely beneath me! You hear me, weaklings? You're all beneath me! And I mean that literally-gross! Scrape yourself off my shoe, mister, or I'll punish you. Your gravestone will say "Being killed by a vampire was the most honor I've ever had in my pathetic life!" And I'll make all that fit on it! This is such a waste of time. To get more people to join, we should be making the newspaper itself more interesting. The same old "Bigfoot and Werewolves Clash over Hair in Shower Drains" headline gets boring. I could bring some glory to our club if I managed to get a scoop on a good murder or something-hey, wait! Maybe I can make something of this after all! With so many zombies, at least one has to have some kind of tragic event or unsolved mystery surrounding their death! The killer might even be lurking in the shadows! I smell danger! ♥ Heeeey, guys, wait! I'll generously forgive you for earlier if you answer a few questions for me! First, how did you die? One at a time-
-"Choked to death on a piece of cheese pizza?" "Listening to the radio in the bathtub?" "Overdosed on dihydrogen monoxide, the silent killer?" AHHHHHHHH! That's all useless! Only complete idiots would die in such stupid, mundane ways! No one's going to join up to investigate a death at the hands of stringy cheese! Please tell me at least one of you died a mysterious and bloody death at the hands of an unknown killer! If I go back to Youkai Academy empty-handed, they'll... they'll put me in the bikini again... we might even have to do a bikini car wash! I won't accept such shame to my clan! Argh, you losers! Fine, just sit there and stare at me until your other arm rots off! And here, take this one back while you're at it! I changed my mind, I don't need a hand from you after all! As if I'd accept one from a lesser being!
Stupid zombie camp! Isn't there anything newsworthy here besides the smell? If they're not going to give me suspense and intrigue, the least I could get is some decent chaos! A monster of some sort... something big and mean, something that goes after innocent passersby without discrimination. Leaving its victims totally violated and humiliated! A local beast of legend from which there's no escape! Yeah, something like that sure would be fun to run into... I mean, the perfect headline to drum up some interest in the paper. But noooo. Ugh, I guess I'll just camp out by the lake tonight and hope something interesting happens. A dead body washed up in the shallows? Ghastly howls from that grove of trees? Maybe even the groaning of something stalking me in the depths?
... No, just a beautiful sunset over the water... agghhh, this place is SO BORING!
Poll Vote!
Character Caius Greylace
Series: Shadow Magic, by Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett
Character Age: 18
Canon: After the end of the generations-long war between Volstov and the Ke-Han Empire, a small diplomatic party from Volstov is sent to begin the delicate process of peace negotiations. Meanwhile, however, the new Ke-Han Emperor has his own plans.
Caius Greylace, one of the Volstovic diplomats, is a veilkeila (psychic magician) whose Talent lies in visions and compulsion. A torturer and inquisitor for Volstov's ruler since he was seven years old due to his unique Talent, Caius had a somewhat unusual upbringing. That is, until he was banished for driving a man mad for "personal reasons" and only recalled several years later for the final war effort and subsequent diplomatic overtures. You'd probably never guess any of this from his usual demeanor, however - Caius is almost perpetually cheerful, theatrical and overly enthusiastic. If anything, he often appears to be something of an extremely flamboyant, high-energy, annoying chatterbox, if occasionally creepy. Clever, effeminate, morally unencumbered, and just the littlest bit completely insane, some of Caius' favorite things include fashion, gossip, and torturing people to death. After all, he always makes it a point to enjoy what he's good at.
Sample Post:
I must say, this does look to be the wrong countryside entirely, though I couldn't really tell you how exactly I managed to end up here. You see, I saw the most interesting-looking creature through the trees earlier - purple, if you can believe it, I'm certain I've never seen the like before - and I simply had to get a closer look. The clever thing managed to stay ahead of me, however, and I was unfortunately distracted by a parrot with particularly lovely blue plumage. It turned out to be a dead parrot, in fact, nailed to its branch. Most peculiar. By this point I was naturally quite turned around, but just then I found the most delightful little path through the woods and well, here I was! The sign on that last tree before your town here was really quite arresting, by the way - "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter" - how thrilling. Quite a delightful turn of events, all told - I do so love a good adventure.
And what a place for an adventure! The view is nothing short of stunning, especially the lake - how do you get it glow so brightly, by the by? - and the trees are so lively! I would have preferred if it were somewhat less swampy, of course, but one must make do. However, it does seem the depredations of your charming landscape have ruined my outfit quite beyond all repair, I fear. And it was so very difficult to get the palace tailor to finish this one before we departed, too-- well, no matter. I shall simply have to have something new made; perhaps in that same lovely shade of purple I glimpsed earlier.
You there! If you could give me a hand, perhaps-- Oh, well, that's not exactly what I had in mind, but it shall have to do. In any case, my dear, I was wondering you could point me towards the nearest tailor in this quaint little town, or perhaps the baths? Someplace where I could wash off the dust from the road - or the mud from the swamp, I suppose, though that doesn't have quite the same ring to it - would be simply wonderful.
Ah, what was that? You'll have to speak up a bit- "brains?" My dear, you've asked the right person. I know of so very many interesting things to do with brains.
Poll Vote!
Character: Simba (Child)
Series: The Lion King
Character Age: Is a cub! I'd say he acts about 8-10.
Canon: The Lion King is what happens when Disney thinks Shakespeare would be awesome if they did it with lions in Africa. In this savanna style version of Hamlet, King Mufasa is despised by his jealous brother Scar, who would like nothing better than to grab all that power for himself. Cue the entrance of the king's naive son Simba, in whom Scar sees multiple opportunities for deception, disgrace, and more importantly, usurping the throne.
Simba is mischievous, adventurous, and above all else he can't wait to be king! However, this nature, combined with his cocky attitude and general bratty-ness, tends to get him in trouble more often than his father would like. Barring that, he is a genuinely friendly little kid who enjoys romping, playing, and finding new ways to prove to everyone that he is brave! He also is especially fond of his uncle Scar, who would never do anything bad to him or his father.
Note: Simba has been informed by Scar that his father has a surprise for him. However, he appears to have gotten lost on his way to meet with his lovable Uncle...
Sample Post:
This doesn't look like the gorge... And it definitely doesn't smell like the gorge either. How’d I end up in this weird place? I mean, I guess it’s kinda cool. I know we rule over everything the light touches, but I didn’t think there’d be a place with hide-growing plants and rotting meat that still walked. I'd better hurry though, Uncle Scar is waiting for me, and I know Dad’ll be really mad if he catches me hanging around here. Is there someone around who... Oh, hey! Uh, bird thing! Huh? Oh, toucan, right. Gotcha. Hey, toucan thing, could you tell me where I am? I'm not lost or anything, of course. Please, kings don't get lost. It's just... my kingdom is so big that it's not easy to remember it all, exactly. You know what I mean. So, are you going to help me out, or what?
A game? Do we have to? I mean, you could just tell me... You insist? Geez, alright then. What should we do? Oh, ha, a flying contest. That's pretty funny. Maybe we should try a "who can eat the most toucans" contest, instead? ...What do you mean, you'd still win?
Hey, wait, don't leave! I'll play a game, okay? Uncle Scar won’t be happy if I’m late, but if I don't get directions I won't show up at all, and then Dad’ll be angry... Okay, so if I win, you tell me what I need to know, and if you win, I promise not to eat you. That's fair, right? Hey, don't give me that look- I always keep my promises! Alright, what kind of game should we play? I was thinking tag at first, but that would be too easy for me. I'd catch you in no time, and I'd feel bad if this wasn't fair for both of us, heh. A bug eating contest? Eww! There's no way you could get me to eat bugs. I'd sooner get stuck in a stampeding herd of wildebeest. No, you can't take me up on that!
Okay, you know what, I'm outta here. Right now those angry purple gorillas will probably be more helpful than you, banana-beak. Huh? You've got a really good idea this time? You promise? Alright, I'll give you one last chance. Tell me about this one.
...Really, that's what it's called? Weird name, but okay, what are the rules then? Go over to the gorillas... tell them that... uh-huh... and survive the rampage? Uh... sure, yeah, I can do that. No problem!
Hey, you guys! I was told to tell you that you just lost THE GAME. Do I win, now?
Poll Vote!
Name: John Connor
Age 10
Series: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Canon: In the future, John Connor is going to be the leader of the human resistance that fights against the machines of Skynet, after they become self-aware in an explosion of fire and brimstone and death on August 29, 1997. In the future, Skynet sends a machine that can pass as a human - a Terminator - to kill John's mother. It fails when future!John sends his best friend back in time to protect his mother -- who also becomes his father. In the further future, the machines send back an even better Terminator to kill John when he was a boy. Future!John sends back a reprogrammed Terminator to combat it, and I had better stop there while it still makes some sense.
John Connor as a ten-year-old child is not exactly who you'd think of when you imagine the leader of the human race. Left in a foster home after his mom was admitted to a mental ward, John became a delinquent: he's a fast-talking smartass with an arrest record, who steals from ATMs so he can play in the mall arcade with his best friend. (Hey, it's 1995, okay.) Despite all the craziness of his life, John's a pretty okay kid past the first, sarcastic layer. He rescues his mother against improbable odds! And he sees his robot protector as a friend, not just a machine, and endeavors to teach Arnold Schwarzenegger the T-800 how to be human: how to smile, how to learn, and how not to kill. John is surprisingly mature for a kid his age and with his (future) responsibilities.
Sample post:
Oh shit, Mom is gonna totally freak when she hears about this. It took me like a million years to convince her I was gonna be okay, and now look. This is not okay! This is really not okay! She is never going to let me out of her sight again. I just wanted to try something normal for once, but it turns out this is really some kinda freaky prison camp with weird guards -- shit, they must have infrared, they're coming right towards me!
Hey, hi officers! Nice uh, nice uniforms you've got there! Oh ... oh man, that's not clothes hanging off you, that's your ski-- Okay John, calm down. You got away from that other Terminator, you can totally handle Zombie Cop. Listen, I'm really sorry about this, but I got seriously turned around in this swamp and now I'm lost. Can you just tell me how to get back to the road? No, it's cool, I don't need to be escorted out of here. It's not like I'm trespassing yet, is it? I mean, you guys stopped me before I got to that point, right? Yeah, so, I think I'll just be going now -- hey, HEY! Let go of me, you zombie psycho!
Ow, geez. If you wanted to show me the way out of here you could've pointed, not grabbed me and turned me around! Point! You know, raise your arm and stick out your hand-- or just nodded your head-- oookay, definitely not a Terminator. We've got a problem here. But if you wanna help people, you gotta stop scaring them all the time! No one'll trust you if it looks like you want to rip off their arm to replace your own! C'mon, we gotta start with the basics: a smile! See, look at this. It lets whoever you're looking at know you're friendly! And you can stop smiling now, seriously, the skull grin is a little creepy. And then the handshake -- we can use this guy to help. So you stick out your hand, and I stick out my hand, and then we grab hands and shake -- whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing, you sicko?!
Okay, time out time out! You're all moving a liiiiiittle too fast for me right now, so can we slow down? No seriously, guys, I'm starting to get a little worried here -- aw, crap, looks like the fast talk isn't working this time. Hasta la vista, dickwads!
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