completely lost, completely frustrated, completely upset
Things haven't been going so well lately, to say the least.
Classes are fine. Work is fine. Everything else, not fine.
I don't even really know where to start at this point. I guess to start, I'm having some serious financial issues at the moment. I don't have any money to spend on anything other than bare necessities. By bare, I mean bare. This is one of my biggest issues at the moment, because I've never gotten to this point before. I've never had to ask people for money because I couldn't even afford gas. While this is the most pressing matter, it's not the one that's bothering me the most. Everything else is what's bothering me the most.
Basically, my life is falling apart. I had a terrible week last week, went home hoping that I would feel better if I got away from it all for a bit. I came back up here, and everything just seems to keep getting worse. I feel completely alone. I have no one that I feel like I can talk to about anything. Everyone is either too wrapped up in their own "issues" (more on that later) or not close enough to me for me to feel comfortable telling them about what's up with me. I can't get alone when I need to be alone, because I live in a small room with another person. She lives here, I can't kick her out when I need alone time. I have nowhere to go. No one to vent to. I can talk to Timmy on the phone, but all my issues lately have been making it so we can't even have a normal conversation on the phone. I've spent so many nights upset on the phone lately that he has no idea how to make anything better at this point. We both just get more frustrated. Nothing gets solved. I can't go to him for a hug, I can't go to him to cry on his shoulder. I can't even just go to him to hang out. I can't go to anyone, but especially not him. Last semester was easy. We had no problem being away from each other. This semester, I'm just completely falling apart. I can't even talk to anyone about it though. Like I said, I can talk to Timmy about it, but I can't be close and I can't get help.
Lefty is basically gone as far as friends are concerned. He's been a terrible friend lately, and with every day, a new thing happens to make me upset. I'll try to make this part short, but I make no guarantees. Basically, he never listens to me. He's got his own "issues" to talk about...girls, their body parts, his escapades, and more girls. That's all he ever talks about. I'm not interested in all these girls that he finds attractive. I don't want to hear about it every hour of every day. I try to talk about something that's bothering me, and he doesn't respond, at all. Not even an "mm hmm" to let me know he's listening. He hears what I'm saying, but doesn't let me know he's listening. I mention it to him, and he tells me that "he's lived with enough women to know how to listen," or something like that. I thought I wasn't like most women. Which is another issue. I understand that I'm "one of the guys" and I enjoy that role, but sometimes I need to be a girl. Sometimes I need a guy to be there for me as a guy, someone to let me vent and realize that I'm not most girls. He also doesn't know my birthday, which wouldn't bother me, except he knows every single one of his other friends' birthdays. I took mine down on Facebook, because I know that every single person who says "happy birthday" on Facebook is being fake. You either know my birthday or you don't. I don't want every person in the world to tell me "happy birthday," I want the people who care about me to say it. To my face, on the phone, in an email, but not on Facebook.
Also, I have a bunch of pimples now too. I have good skin, I don't get acne. But now I have it. I'm also self concious about my gut because although people tell me that I don't need to lose weight, that I'm really skinny, whatever, I know that I have a fatty stomach and I want it gone. I want to be fit. I want to lose a few pounds in my stomach. I want there to be muscle there, not fat.
So basically, I look like crap, I feel like crap (both physically and mentally) and I'm lost. I've never been this miserable before. I don't know what to do about it, and I'm just miserable. I don't understand why it's so bad lately. I don't understand why it's happening now. I don't understand any of it.
Classes are fine. Work is fine. Everything else, not fine.
I don't even really know where to start at this point. I guess to start, I'm having some serious financial issues at the moment. I don't have any money to spend on anything other than bare necessities. By bare, I mean bare. This is one of my biggest issues at the moment, because I've never gotten to this point before. I've never had to ask people for money because I couldn't even afford gas. While this is the most pressing matter, it's not the one that's bothering me the most. Everything else is what's bothering me the most.
Basically, my life is falling apart. I had a terrible week last week, went home hoping that I would feel better if I got away from it all for a bit. I came back up here, and everything just seems to keep getting worse. I feel completely alone. I have no one that I feel like I can talk to about anything. Everyone is either too wrapped up in their own "issues" (more on that later) or not close enough to me for me to feel comfortable telling them about what's up with me. I can't get alone when I need to be alone, because I live in a small room with another person. She lives here, I can't kick her out when I need alone time. I have nowhere to go. No one to vent to. I can talk to Timmy on the phone, but all my issues lately have been making it so we can't even have a normal conversation on the phone. I've spent so many nights upset on the phone lately that he has no idea how to make anything better at this point. We both just get more frustrated. Nothing gets solved. I can't go to him for a hug, I can't go to him to cry on his shoulder. I can't even just go to him to hang out. I can't go to anyone, but especially not him. Last semester was easy. We had no problem being away from each other. This semester, I'm just completely falling apart. I can't even talk to anyone about it though. Like I said, I can talk to Timmy about it, but I can't be close and I can't get help.
Lefty is basically gone as far as friends are concerned. He's been a terrible friend lately, and with every day, a new thing happens to make me upset. I'll try to make this part short, but I make no guarantees. Basically, he never listens to me. He's got his own "issues" to talk about...girls, their body parts, his escapades, and more girls. That's all he ever talks about. I'm not interested in all these girls that he finds attractive. I don't want to hear about it every hour of every day. I try to talk about something that's bothering me, and he doesn't respond, at all. Not even an "mm hmm" to let me know he's listening. He hears what I'm saying, but doesn't let me know he's listening. I mention it to him, and he tells me that "he's lived with enough women to know how to listen," or something like that. I thought I wasn't like most women. Which is another issue. I understand that I'm "one of the guys" and I enjoy that role, but sometimes I need to be a girl. Sometimes I need a guy to be there for me as a guy, someone to let me vent and realize that I'm not most girls. He also doesn't know my birthday, which wouldn't bother me, except he knows every single one of his other friends' birthdays. I took mine down on Facebook, because I know that every single person who says "happy birthday" on Facebook is being fake. You either know my birthday or you don't. I don't want every person in the world to tell me "happy birthday," I want the people who care about me to say it. To my face, on the phone, in an email, but not on Facebook.
Also, I have a bunch of pimples now too. I have good skin, I don't get acne. But now I have it. I'm also self concious about my gut because although people tell me that I don't need to lose weight, that I'm really skinny, whatever, I know that I have a fatty stomach and I want it gone. I want to be fit. I want to lose a few pounds in my stomach. I want there to be muscle there, not fat.
So basically, I look like crap, I feel like crap (both physically and mentally) and I'm lost. I've never been this miserable before. I don't know what to do about it, and I'm just miserable. I don't understand why it's so bad lately. I don't understand why it's happening now. I don't understand any of it.