i really shouldn't try to keep a journal
I left my handwritten journal at home, and I've had a lot going on lately and really need to get it out. The only way I can do that is to post it on here, because I don't want to start another handwritten journal when I haven't finished the other one. Really, I should just stop trying to keep one journal. This is my second LiveJournal, and I've made several attempts in the past to keep handwritten journals. It never works out how I would like. So my life is going to be all over the place, never in just one place.
What's been going on lately? Everything. Winter break was nice. Got a bunch of cool stuff for Christmas. Had a low-key New Years. Worked a bit. Went skiing once. Watched Ellen. Played DnD. You get the picture.
I'm back up at school now. Today was the second day of classes. I have a lot going on right now. I'm taking two PSY classes, one SED (Practicum), and an ART class. All of the classes seem like they will be really interesting and not too difficult. Besides class and work, I still have a lot going on. Timmy's sister is constantly on my mind. She's been dealing with so much lately, much more than she should have to deal with. I'm worried about her, I'm upset for her, and I want to make it all better. I know that I can't. I'm also beyond poor at the moment, having less than $60 to my name. I've put myself on a spending hold. I am not allowed to buy anything unless I absolutely need it. I am constantly thinking about my money problems. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of college. I'm going to get a second job next summer (if a second job is even available) and hopefully I can stay afloat, financially speaking. My mom and I have been on strange terms lately. She's been acting strange towards me since I left, and I can't figure it out. I don't have enough birth control pills up here to get me through to the next time I come home, and to make a long story short, I have to drive home to get them. I don't want to because I'm going down again three weekends from now and I don't have the gas money right now to just up and drive 7 hours. I asked my mom today if she could Priority Mail them to me, which would be much cheaper, and I don't know if she will or not. She didn't say much when I was talking to her and almost acted annoyed. This is all over AIM, so I can't be sure, but something was definitely off. Part of me actually does want to go home for the weekend, at this point, but I know I can't afford it right now, so I really can't. So yea, that's off topic. Basically, my mom has been acting strange towards me and I can't figure out why or how. It upsets me and I don't know what to do about it. She's never been like this before and I can't figure out why she's doing it now. I also still feel guilty about my dad. Last Sunday, I was at Timmy's and went back up to Pelham to go with Mitch, Tanner, and Aron Indoor Skydiving. It was really awesome. Then I got home and after a while I packed all of my stuff up to return to Timmy's. Apparently, my dad had thought that I was staying that night and going back up to school the next day from their house, and he was very obviously disappointed when I told him I was going back to Timmy's. I hated it. I hated that he was disappointed. I get to see him in a few weekends anyway; he's coming up to go to Sugarloaf, but I really can't stand that I disappointed him and I can't get over that.
On top of all that, I've realized that I really need a room of my own. I can't stand living in the same room as someone else. It's the same at home and at school. Jen is a fine roommate and all, I just can't stand having to share a room with someone. I need privacy and I need to be on my own. I can't escape anywhere up here. I have nowhere to be alone. Unless I want to go sit in my freezing car or lock myself in the bathroom for a while. Neither are appealing options. So I can't escape. I hide my emotions from everyone up here. I let myself slip last night when I was around Lefty, but besides that once, I keep it all bottled up. I can only really let it all go when I'm on the phone with Timmy, and even then, it's not the same because I don't have him to hold me or really comfort me. The phone is not an adequate mode of communcation when I'm upset.
So that's it. Besides a few other things that I can't think of at the moment, that's what's going on. That's how I'm feeling, and that's what I needed to get out. I'm going to dinner in an hour and then going to watch the Dark Knight in the Landing. Hopefully that will help me get my mind off of some things.
What's been going on lately? Everything. Winter break was nice. Got a bunch of cool stuff for Christmas. Had a low-key New Years. Worked a bit. Went skiing once. Watched Ellen. Played DnD. You get the picture.
I'm back up at school now. Today was the second day of classes. I have a lot going on right now. I'm taking two PSY classes, one SED (Practicum), and an ART class. All of the classes seem like they will be really interesting and not too difficult. Besides class and work, I still have a lot going on. Timmy's sister is constantly on my mind. She's been dealing with so much lately, much more than she should have to deal with. I'm worried about her, I'm upset for her, and I want to make it all better. I know that I can't. I'm also beyond poor at the moment, having less than $60 to my name. I've put myself on a spending hold. I am not allowed to buy anything unless I absolutely need it. I am constantly thinking about my money problems. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of college. I'm going to get a second job next summer (if a second job is even available) and hopefully I can stay afloat, financially speaking. My mom and I have been on strange terms lately. She's been acting strange towards me since I left, and I can't figure it out. I don't have enough birth control pills up here to get me through to the next time I come home, and to make a long story short, I have to drive home to get them. I don't want to because I'm going down again three weekends from now and I don't have the gas money right now to just up and drive 7 hours. I asked my mom today if she could Priority Mail them to me, which would be much cheaper, and I don't know if she will or not. She didn't say much when I was talking to her and almost acted annoyed. This is all over AIM, so I can't be sure, but something was definitely off. Part of me actually does want to go home for the weekend, at this point, but I know I can't afford it right now, so I really can't. So yea, that's off topic. Basically, my mom has been acting strange towards me and I can't figure out why or how. It upsets me and I don't know what to do about it. She's never been like this before and I can't figure out why she's doing it now. I also still feel guilty about my dad. Last Sunday, I was at Timmy's and went back up to Pelham to go with Mitch, Tanner, and Aron Indoor Skydiving. It was really awesome. Then I got home and after a while I packed all of my stuff up to return to Timmy's. Apparently, my dad had thought that I was staying that night and going back up to school the next day from their house, and he was very obviously disappointed when I told him I was going back to Timmy's. I hated it. I hated that he was disappointed. I get to see him in a few weekends anyway; he's coming up to go to Sugarloaf, but I really can't stand that I disappointed him and I can't get over that.
On top of all that, I've realized that I really need a room of my own. I can't stand living in the same room as someone else. It's the same at home and at school. Jen is a fine roommate and all, I just can't stand having to share a room with someone. I need privacy and I need to be on my own. I can't escape anywhere up here. I have nowhere to be alone. Unless I want to go sit in my freezing car or lock myself in the bathroom for a while. Neither are appealing options. So I can't escape. I hide my emotions from everyone up here. I let myself slip last night when I was around Lefty, but besides that once, I keep it all bottled up. I can only really let it all go when I'm on the phone with Timmy, and even then, it's not the same because I don't have him to hold me or really comfort me. The phone is not an adequate mode of communcation when I'm upset.
So that's it. Besides a few other things that I can't think of at the moment, that's what's going on. That's how I'm feeling, and that's what I needed to get out. I'm going to dinner in an hour and then going to watch the Dark Knight in the Landing. Hopefully that will help me get my mind off of some things.