ITP: I DOUBT YOUR COMMITMENT TO SPARKLE MOTION
So today I says to myself, "Hakufu, do you know what would be really effing awesome in camp?"
"What is that, Hakufu?" I answered to myself.
HAKUFU'S GUIDE TO APPING A CULLEN AKA A SPARKLEPIRE AKA SPARKLE MOTION
First off, a few things you should know about the Cullens!
- They are vampires! Awesome vegetarian vampires that don't bite people! Because that would be bad and make the dad, Carlisle, sad. So they hunt mountain lions and bears and shit. :'(
- Sunlight doesn't hurt them - it just makes them sparkle! Like thousands of tiny diamonds are buried in their skin! Like DISCO BALLS! This is why they live in Washington State.
- They are filthy fucking rich and Rosalie drives an 'ostentatious' BMW. I have no idea why this is important, but I think it was a plot point.
The Cullen Family (and why you should app them)
(from left to right!)
Alice Cullen
- The 'little sister' of the bunch!
- Sees the future, or some reasonable facsimile thereof!
- Steals cars in order to drive around Italy!
- Throws bitchin' raves!
- Is the only one that can usually make Edward shut up!
Emmett Cullen
- The biggest brother!
- Is often compared to a grisly bear!
- Really, that's all I've got. He's the Zangief of the family.
Bella Swan
- The heroin of the story! Wait, heroine NOT HEROIN OOPS MY BAD WHAT A CRAZY ACCIDENTAL TYPO!
- No, really, Edward calls her his brand of heroin.
- Literally cannot walk and chew bubblegum at the same time.
- Apparently smells like Delicious Caek to vampires.
- Oh yeah, is IN LOVE WITH EDWARD, IN CASE YOU WERE UNAWARE.
Edward Cullen
- Hears other people's thoughts!
- Sparkles in the sun!
- Stalks Bella for like pretty much the entire book. :|b
- No, really. He does.
- Every time Edward kisses Bella, a Native American werewolf sheds a lone tear. :'(
Rosalie Hale
- Used to be a spoiled little rich girl. Is now a spoiled little rich vampire girl.
- Is actually much more awesome than you are initially led to believe.
- SPOILERS KILL BILL SPOILERS THE BRIDE SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Jasper Hale
- Was a Confederate soldier before he died.
- Tries to eat Bella in book two. Oops?
- Used to train vampire armies for the lulz. Now... trains Cullens army, mostly because vampires are srs bzns.
Carlisle Cullen (not pictured)
- Daddy Carlisle is a doctor! HE IS SO OLD AND WELL-TRAINED THAT THE SMELL OF HUMAN BLOOD NO LONGER MAKES HIM THIRSTY ZOMG but he still barely looks 30.
- Used to be a vampire hunter like 300 years ago! Then he got bitten by a vampire. :(
- Occasionally kidnaps teenagers on the brink of death and turns them into his vampire family. D'aww.
- You will wish he were your dad.
Esme Cullen (also not pictured)
- Is basically what every girl wants their mother-in-law to be.
- Is Carlisle's smokin' red-headed wife.
- I just think Esme's a really cool name okay.
And if that does not convince you, take a look at this AWESOME TRAILER!
"What is that, Hakufu?" I answered to myself.
HAKUFU'S GUIDE TO APPING A CULLEN AKA A SPARKLEPIRE AKA SPARKLE MOTION
First off, a few things you should know about the Cullens!
- They are vampires! Awesome vegetarian vampires that don't bite people! Because that would be bad and make the dad, Carlisle, sad. So they hunt mountain lions and bears and shit. :'(
- Sunlight doesn't hurt them - it just makes them sparkle! Like thousands of tiny diamonds are buried in their skin! Like DISCO BALLS! This is why they live in Washington State.
- They are filthy fucking rich and Rosalie drives an 'ostentatious' BMW. I have no idea why this is important, but I think it was a plot point.
The Cullen Family (and why you should app them)
(from left to right!)
Alice Cullen
- The 'little sister' of the bunch!
- Sees the future, or some reasonable facsimile thereof!
- Steals cars in order to drive around Italy!
- Throws bitchin' raves!
- Is the only one that can usually make Edward shut up!
Emmett Cullen
- The biggest brother!
- Is often compared to a grisly bear!
- Really, that's all I've got. He's the Zangief of the family.
Bella Swan
- The heroin of the story! Wait, heroine NOT HEROIN OOPS MY BAD WHAT A CRAZY ACCIDENTAL TYPO!
- No, really, Edward calls her his brand of heroin.
- Literally cannot walk and chew bubblegum at the same time.
- Apparently smells like Delicious Caek to vampires.
- Oh yeah, is IN LOVE WITH EDWARD, IN CASE YOU WERE UNAWARE.
Edward Cullen
- Hears other people's thoughts!
- Sparkles in the sun!
- Stalks Bella for like pretty much the entire book. :|b
- No, really. He does.
- Every time Edward kisses Bella, a Native American werewolf sheds a lone tear. :'(
Rosalie Hale
- Used to be a spoiled little rich girl. Is now a spoiled little rich vampire girl.
- Is actually much more awesome than you are initially led to believe.
- SPOILERS KILL BILL SPOILERS THE BRIDE SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Jasper Hale
- Was a Confederate soldier before he died.
- Tries to eat Bella in book two. Oops?
- Used to train vampire armies for the lulz. Now... trains Cullens army, mostly because vampires are srs bzns.
Carlisle Cullen (not pictured)
- Daddy Carlisle is a doctor! HE IS SO OLD AND WELL-TRAINED THAT THE SMELL OF HUMAN BLOOD NO LONGER MAKES HIM THIRSTY ZOMG but he still barely looks 30.
- Used to be a vampire hunter like 300 years ago! Then he got bitten by a vampire. :(
- Occasionally kidnaps teenagers on the brink of death and turns them into his vampire family. D'aww.
- You will wish he were your dad.
Esme Cullen (also not pictured)
- Is basically what every girl wants their mother-in-law to be.
- Is Carlisle's smokin' red-headed wife.
- I just think Esme's a really cool name okay.
And if that does not convince you, take a look at this AWESOME TRAILER!
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