Mikuru does not like herself very much. She is absolutely lacking in confidence. XD She's not like Chisame in that I don't think she actually hates herself. She doesn't really do things that she totally disagrees with often. She's just introverted and shy and awkward. I suspect that back in her future, she is not treated that well (if this is contradicted in the novels LET ME KNOW lol)--she's of very low rank, I imagine! And she's eye candy and I think she gets treated as such. At the same time, she doesn't have any pride in her body and dislikes the attention on the whole.
Mikuru feels like she's in over her head in her current situation (being in this time period at all, in canon and camp) and she gets bullied a lot and treated as a sex object. But she doesn't have the confidence or self-esteem to stand up for herself against that. Mikuru has like, no self-esteem at ALL. XD Again, unlike Chisame, it's not that she really hates herself. It's more of a self-perpetuating cycle. Mikuru's naturally quiet and avoidant of conflict, so she gets walked on, so she withdraws more into herself because she's treated badly, so she gets walked on more, so she withdraws more . . . etc. XD
She's not self-loathing and is capable of making friends and having fun! And yeah, she enjoys serving others. She's naturally subservient and doesn't mind it. But she allows herself to be objectified, and she's very fearful and timid. She has a low self-worth, believing others to be far more important and worthwhile and skilled than herself, and she knows that OTHERS find her attractive, but she doesn't really see it and she doesn't see why it's important. It just gets in the way and makes people judge her based on that :(
Hahah. Shit. This is hard. I'mma white it all out, too. SPOILERS.
When it comes to her abilities, Chao is very, genuinely confident in them and pleased with them. Ku Fei even says that it's not like her to be modest. XD Chao knows she's a genius and that she's powerful and rich and GOOD AT FUCKING EVERYTHING. There is no lack of sheer CONFIDENCE in Chao. I mean, she plans to take over the world, guys. XD And she never thinks that she won't be able to pull it off. She knows she can, because she's GOOD, okay. She's brilliant and beautiful and skilled and powerful. Her belief in this doesn't waver.
And I . . . THIS IS TOUGH. As for whether she likes herself, I don't think she--considers herself worthy of that consideration? Not in the "oh god I suck so much that I shouldn't even think about myself" sense. Chao doesn't think she sucks. She just--sees herself as a tool (lol). She's not a real person. Chao is here for a purpose. Her entire life is dedicated to one cause, she's willing to die for it--her existence means nothing as long as her plan succeeds. Her relationships and feelings are immaterial. Whatever she wants for herself personally? She can't have. Her body, her abilities, her charisma, they are being used by someone else, and she's--MOSTLY fine with that, because she believes in what they're doing more than she believes in the importance of her own life.
So Chao doesn't examine herself in this way. She's confident and cocky, yes! She sees herself as very skilled and efficient . . . as a weapon. Anything else is a passing dream to her. She enjoy(s/ed) her life with her friends, but it wasn't meant to last, and when she's given the opportunity to make it last, she doesn't take it, because her life as a human being comes second to her life as an agent of revolution.
SUMMARY: Chao likes herself a whole lot as a weapon/figurehead, but doesn't really bother reflecting on herself as a human being, because it's not worth thinking about. I think at the end she's starting to break out of this a little, and it's an ongoing process. SHE IS A PERSON, DEEP DOWN. When she gets there, she'll retain her confidence and charisma and will like herself! She just . . . needs to get to a point where she has a sense of self at all that exists separately from her past and her cause.
Mikuru feels like she's in over her head in her current situation (being in this time period at all, in canon and camp) and she gets bullied a lot and treated as a sex object. But she doesn't have the confidence or self-esteem to stand up for herself against that. Mikuru has like, no self-esteem at ALL. XD Again, unlike Chisame, it's not that she really hates herself. It's more of a self-perpetuating cycle. Mikuru's naturally quiet and avoidant of conflict, so she gets walked on, so she withdraws more into herself because she's treated badly, so she gets walked on more, so she withdraws more . . . etc. XD
She's not self-loathing and is capable of making friends and having fun! And yeah, she enjoys serving others. She's naturally subservient and doesn't mind it. But she allows herself to be objectified, and she's very fearful and timid. She has a low self-worth, believing others to be far more important and worthwhile and skilled than herself, and she knows that OTHERS find her attractive, but she doesn't really see it and she doesn't see why it's important. It just gets in the way and makes people judge her based on that :(
Of course, this changes in the future. 8D
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When it comes to her abilities, Chao is very, genuinely confident in them and pleased with them. Ku Fei even says that it's not like her to be modest. XD Chao knows she's a genius and that she's powerful and rich and GOOD AT FUCKING EVERYTHING. There is no lack of sheer CONFIDENCE in Chao. I mean, she plans to take over the world, guys. XD And she never thinks that she won't be able to pull it off. She knows she can, because she's GOOD, okay. She's brilliant and beautiful and skilled and powerful. Her belief in this doesn't waver.
And I . . . THIS IS TOUGH. As for whether she likes herself, I don't think she--considers herself worthy of that consideration? Not in the "oh god I suck so much that I shouldn't even think about myself" sense. Chao doesn't think she sucks. She just--sees herself as a tool (lol). She's not a real person. Chao is here for a purpose. Her entire life is dedicated to one cause, she's willing to die for it--her existence means nothing as long as her plan succeeds. Her relationships and feelings are immaterial. Whatever she wants for herself personally? She can't have. Her body, her abilities, her charisma, they are being used by someone else, and she's--MOSTLY fine with that, because she believes in what they're doing more than she believes in the importance of her own life.
So Chao doesn't examine herself in this way. She's confident and cocky, yes! She sees herself as very skilled and efficient . . . as a weapon. Anything else is a passing dream to her. She enjoy(s/ed) her life with her friends, but it wasn't meant to last, and when she's given the opportunity to make it last, she doesn't take it, because her life as a human being comes second to her life as an agent of revolution.
SUMMARY: Chao likes herself a whole lot as a weapon/figurehead, but doesn't really bother reflecting on herself as a human being, because it's not worth thinking about. I think at the end she's starting to break out of this a little, and it's an ongoing process. SHE IS A PERSON, DEEP DOWN. When she gets there, she'll retain her confidence and charisma and will like herself! She just . . . needs to get to a point where she has a sense of self at all that exists separately from her past and her cause.
DONE owwwww
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