just_1_word | 30.9 Together
30.9. Together
Co-written with isabelowens
Cameron had never been so relieved to get away from somewhere than he had being discharged from hospital. Sure, it was a better hospital in general than what was on offer in Liverpool, but it was still hospital. He was now firmly planted at Aiden and Pat's New York apartment, and what a fucking apartment. He had been discharged the morning before, but was exhausted from all the moving about, so he parked himself on the sprawling sofa in Aiden's home theatre room with the wall-sized TV and proceeded to watch all the cheesy shows from his childhood on the classics channel, including the A-Team, Knightrider, ALF, early Simpsons episodes, Transformers, and even caught the original Star Wars movie. It had been just what he needed.
It was now the next day, and the apartment was nearly empty again. Aiden had disappeared looking all trendy and important in the early hours of the the morning with nothing but a energy drink in his hand for breakfast, which earned disapproving Mum looks from Mrs Preston. Cameron was amused how quick his parents had taken to having Aiden in their family as their son-in-law. Cameron just knew that the following morning, Aiden would wake up to a four-course healthy breakfast compliments of his Mum. His parents were away in the City to spend the day with Tara's folks, likely ready to right the world together. That left Pat and Cameron, but an hour before at around nine, Pat had appeared in the doorway of the living room in his pink pyjama pants, hair all over the place, eyes barely open, analysed the surroundings for no more than twenty seconds before mumbling that he felt like crap and was going back to bed for the day. That was just the nature of his illness... there would just be crap days. Cameron didn't expect to see his twin probably until the next morning, if even then.
The surprise had come when Izzy showed up just a few minutes before and Cameron couldn't have been happier to see her. Despite his vegging out the day before, he was still an athlete and didn't think he could face another day of that. He had just awkwardly manoeuvred himself onto the sofa, juggling the crutches, and then had mind to be a good host. "Can I get you a drink or something?" he asked her sheepishly.
Iz gave him an awkward smile as she tucked her dark hair behind her ear and seemed to try and scrunch up on herself. She reached out to take his hand, and gave a small shake of her head. "I'm sorry, I just feel weird that you're going to play host. I worry about you on those things, athlete or not. I don't want you to hurt yourself because I wanted a drink." She held up her other hand, and sighed. "I'll have to get over it, I know. I mean, you're a guy. Guys just don't like being weak, and now you'll think I'm patronising you, when I'm really not. I honestly just don't want you hurting yourself further."
Cameron's forehead creased as he took in what she said and then laughed. "This isn't the first time I've been on crutches, it's just the first time I've had a full length cast. I'll be fine when my arms strengthen to them, and I'll only get that way if I use them, even it knackers me. I'm just lulled into a false sense of security after sitting on my arse in hospital and all day yesterday moulded to the sofa. You gotta relax, or I'll end up wanting to smack you with a cushion," he warned in amusement.
Izzy arched her eyebrow as she gave him a gentle push. "Smack me with a cushion? Ooh, dirty!" She laughed as she crossed her legs over and made herself comfortable. "Well, if you really want to, I'd love just a soda if you have any. I'm guessing you feeding me peeled grapes might push it a little too far?"
Cameron sniggered. "You can peel your own grapes." He pulled himself forward and tucked the pillow back behind him so he could get some leverage to push up onto the crutches. "Soda I can probably do. I know Aiden has a questionable diet and starts the day on Red Bull, so I'll see what I can find. All assuming Mum hasn't pulled a swift one and already exorcised the kitchen of evil junk food." The apartment was huge and open-planned with polish wooden floors, lots of white and stainless steel. It was nice and could see someone like Aiden existing here, but it was definitely the essence of bachlor pad. He went to the kitchen and found a couple of sodas tucked in the door behind the large bottle of vitamin juice. He smirked in amusement and then brought the drinks back to Izzy. "Sure you don't have anything better to do today?"
She took both cans off Cameron so he could get himself settled back on the sofa before she handed him one of the sodas, and popped hers open. "Thank you, kindly," she smirked before taking a sip. She shook her head as she grinned. "No, of course not. Nothing is more important than you." She looked at him a little embarrassed before she started to laugh. "You know, that sounded a little less major in my head. Not so accidentally soul baring."
The sofa was one of those large trendy ones where all the chairs had recliners. He pulled the lever to pop his out and stuck a pillow under his thigh to get a little more comfortable. "That's a bold statement," he agreed with a laugh. "I'm not sure I'm worthy. But it is really nice to have some company seeing Pat stood me up. How have you been? Things alright on the personal front?"
"I think you are, but maybe that's just because I want to take every opportunity to get to know you. I mean, cast aside, I do have you here. You're not in another country, and I get to see you face to face. It's nice, that's all." She reached up to comb her hair with her fingers, and smirked. "I remember when I was smoother than this. Is Pat okay? And I've been fine. It's strange knowing I have James back, and it's hard watching him struggle, but I'm kind of glad he's back properly. Otherwise, I just keep finding myself thinking of a particular crippled footballer when I'm not working."
Cameron met her smirk with one of his own. "Oh, smoother, were you? Are you saying I make you rough?" he teased and then shook his head as he snapped the soda open. "Not today, no. He looked like a pile of shit, but he has bad days. He'll hibernate until he feels better and then bounce back all pink and shiney again. And hey, that's gotta be a mindfuck having him back. I mean, you thought he was dead, and then he wasn't, and then he was someone else, and now he's back to the person you knew before. My head hurt just hearing about it. It'll stop feeling weird though. I hope you guys can find what you had before on some level. Family is priceless."
He snorted in amusement. "Cripple? Hey, I work where it matters. Mostly. I'm not professing to be a stud right now or anything, but it works."
"Yes, yes it does," Isabel grinned as she remembered visiting him in the hospital. She moved closer to him, her fingers combing through his hair. "You do make me rough. It's kind of nice in a strange way to keep getting caught on the back foot with you. I get only the best kind of butterflies, and you make me smile all the time." Izzy kissed the side of his face before she rubbed her nose lightly against his cheek affectionately. "I really hope Pat's bad day won't last long... I'll be quiet, though. Make sure not to wake him. It's extremely weird having James back, and you have no idea just how much I want him as family. Just not... you know... married family. We'll get there slowly. He needs time to adjust, just like we do. And he needs his real family. They have no idea he's still alive."
Cameron laughed. "Pat sleeps like a log. Seriously, I used to be able to push him out of bed when we were kids, and he wouldn't even stir. I pushed him under the bed once, and when Mum came to wake him up for school, she thought he had been kidnapped and called the police. I got grounded for a month," he admitted, shaking his head in amusement. He cleared his throat hesitantly. "The whole still married thing? It's a little weird. Maybe a little why I have been sort of awkward about some things. I know you guys are well over and all that, but married is married, you know?"
"I was a widow," Iz said softly. She had been smiling at his story, but now her expression was serious. "I know it's weird, I do. I'm going to sort it out as soon as possible, and if you want to wait until then, I understand. I can be just your friend for now."
Cameron bit on his lip briefly. "I know. I do. I don't want you to think I'm being an ignorant prick here. It's just..." He paused, letting out a rush of breath. "Well, you aren't a widow anymore, and your ex is here in the flesh and blood and hooked up to my brother's husband by a pretty close BFF relationship. And there's a kid. I do understand, and I'll even understand if you don't want to file for the divorce or whatever you Americans call it over here because there has been no closure, or whatever, but... fuck. I was so going to try and talk about this without using the word 'but'. But it's married. You're married to another man."
"I don't want to stay married to him. It's over between me and James. Has been since he 'died'. Maybe it's always been over, and we were just trying to force it. We never worked... I think this was just the final straw." She dropped her hand away from his hair, and sat there quietly. "I need it over officially, and I guess you do, too. I'm sorry, Cameron. I never meant to drag you into this... I never meant for it to turn out like this. If you want me to stay away until I fix it, I will."
"No, no. No, fuck. Izzy, no. I'm not one of those arsehole guys who gets a complex over exes," Cameron said in frustration, pushing his fingers through his hair. This wasn't easy for him. He wasn't used to it. He was used to sex and playing football. Now there was no football and there was something more than sex, and he hoped he was trying to approach it the right way, but was probably fucking it up and could almost hear Pat groaning in his head at his lack of skills in this area. "I don't need it over. I just said that. It just feels weird, and maybe it's the Aiden and Pat thing, I don't know. But I can tell it's over with you and Marc... James... whoever. But you... you shouldn't want to steer clear of him for me. That's not how it works. Because I don't want you resenting me for that down the track, and you will. A relationship like you've got with him doesn't just end. It's always there. And I'm not asking you to choose. I just would find it easier morally if you weren't married to him."
A grin blossomed on Izzy's lips and she held her hand over her mouth as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know it's a fucked up time to be grinning. I can't help it, though. Do you realise how sweet it is that you think that? All of it? I know that morally it would be easier, and maybe I should be worried that I don't feel more guilty about you and me, but I don't. Shit, James has gone off and moved in with someone, and knocked her up. BFF linkage aside, he has started his life again. He's moved on. Romantically, I am ready to move on, Cameron. I don't wake up thinking about him. I don't go to bed thinking about him. Those moments are yours now. I'm not asking you for anything, I'm not asking for any sudden commitment. We can do slow, we can do whatever. I am getting a divorce, though. I won't be married. I'm just waiting for Campbell to be a bit better. I owe him that."
Cameron nodded. "And that's what I'm saying. I'm not asking you to step back from him. In fact, I think you need to be around him right now and he probably needs you. I'm not asking you to choose. We've just not spoken about the whole marriage thing, only back in the hotel when you told me you were a runaway bride. I just needed to know where I stood, that's all. And maybe wondering a little with so many weddings you've run from and another divorce in your history, that maybe you might hate the whole notion now..."
Iz tilted her head. "Are you asking me to marry you? Not now, but... in the future? Are you asking if I'll want to?"
Cameron cleared his throat and scratched at the back of his neck. "I'm just trying to understand if the option will be there down the track if it ever came to it. Or if I'm just a gapfiller or something. That didn't come out how I meant it to. Let me try that again. No, I've never been the committmenty sort, but I always thought one day I would like to be when the time was right. When I had a better idea of things and wasn't just a stupid jock chasing a ball. Am I making sense here?"
"Yes, you're making sense. You're not a gapfiller, Cameron. You're so not a gap filler. If we ever get a smooth run, I know I'll fall for you pretty quick, and I'm sorry about that. You know, as many times as I've been burned, and weddings have gone wrong on me, I still hold out the hope that maybe it'll work. That maybe I've just been trying to rush this idea that I have of a life I want, and don't stop to rethink the fact that maybe it's not time, or the right guy. Stupid jock chasing a ball, or not... Cameron, I really like you." Iz leaned forward to set her can down before she took his hand. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"So, that's why you ran from the other blokes? Not Campbell, the other ones. I know you would still be with Campbell now if he didn't leave, and that's okay. Things would have been very different. You're still allowed to love him. Sometimes people just belong in your life, and you can't avoid them. And if I'm flogging a dead horse here, feel free to yank the stick out of my hand," Cameron added sheepishly. "I'm just one of those types that looks under the bun of a burger to make sure everything is there like I hope it is. I guess I'm just trying to make sure I know at least where I'm standing a little before we do all this. It's not that I think you will hurt me, not at all. More that we might hurt each other if we don't know where we stand."
"Yeah, it's what happened. I'd get near that aisle and suddenly just know... They weren't my forever guys for various reasons. Campbell could have been, but he's not. He's Harri's, and he's her child's father. I don't want to change that. I don't want to change us. I'm almost glad he's found her, because I got to find you. I get a silver lining." She leaned in to press a kiss to his lips as her hand cupped his face. She gazed into his blue eyes, her brown ones sparkling. "Please just trust me, okay. You're not a gapfiller, or any of that shit. I'm in this for you."
Cameron looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you beg or plead with me like this. I'm getting it, I am. I'm a pretty basic bloke. I guess there is just a tiny niggle wondering if, say, things go great with us and proceed and all those other relationship things my brother and his posse seem experts on, and if we get to our aisle. What if you realise it's not right then? I really am flogging this, I know. Blame the painkillers or the fact I don't usually ever get to a point in any relationship where I'm thinking about aisles..." He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No, you know what? I'm shutting up. Because this is stupid and it's not fair. How are you supposed to see the future? I was the one had to urge Pat to take a chance on Aiden and now I can't even listen to myself? I think it's a mix of you already being married and me being insecure right now that is making me crazy. If we keep going, I'll inevitably reach the 'We're in different countries' thing and I don't want to think about that."
Iz turned away, the damage already being done before Cameron offered to shut up. She started to bite down on the tip of her finger as she sat there quietly, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown. He was right, how was she supposed to guarantee that if they got to their aisle she wouldn't do the same thing again. Something in her gut was telling her she wouldn't, not with Cameron, but she couldn't make any promises. She couldn't tell him without a doubt that nothing would change.
Izzy cleared her throat quietly and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what to say anymore. Truth is, you don't really have a single reason to want to stick this out. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at this stage there are more things stacking up against us, and I'm sorry for that. I just thought... I don't know. I thought things were different. You should wait until there's a woman in your own country that can give you everything you deserve. Maybe I was stupid for thinking I could. I don't want to waste your time."
"Look, shit," Cameron said in frustration, messing his hair up as he pushed his hand through it. "I'm just... it's... What I'm trying to say here is you aren't the only one coming into this with issues, and I'm trying to understand them. That's all I'm doing here. Hell, I can hardly profess to not be on the therapy wanted list. I have a brother who nearly died from a brain hemorrhage and is now sick for the rest of his life, who could wake up any day without the use of his legs permanently. And to know his illness is genetic? I'm an identical twin. I could get sick just like Pat, and any time. He lives in another country to me and it freaking breaks my heart every time I have to say goodbye to him. Now my knee is fucked and it could be permanently fucked, and if it is, my career is over. I'm just trying to find a way here through both our shit piles to see there is some hope here, because I do really like you, Iz. You've gotta understand that I don't usually get anywhere remotely this close to any chick. I fuck them, and leave. They know that, because it's just the way it is. But this is different. I want it to be different."
"I'm sorry, I know we both have shit. I just don't want to add to your shit with my shit, because that's a lot of shit, you know? I really like you, too. I just can't guarantee I won't make a mistake if we do make it to the aisle, but you know what? You better just run after me, Cameron. I need you to be the one to call me on my shit. Don't let me fuck this up, please. Maybe if we just take care of each other, we'll work it out. Easier fixing someone else's problems, right? I don't want to ruin this. I want this to be different, too." She wet her lips and sighed. "I promise I didn't mean to drag this down."
Cameron shook his head. "No, it's okay. I really think we needed to air this now before we got too far without speaking up. It probably would have been harder to resolve if we let it go. Trust me, I've sat back and watched my mates hurt each other with that sort of thing loads of times. If anything, I've learnt some good lessons. And I know me sitting here spouting off about morals and shit makes me seem like a prized snot, because I'm not. I'm not asking you for perfection, Iz. I'm not. I know there is going to be shit. There is still a lot of shit for both of us and that's okay. I just needed to know where I stood with the whole husband thing. Your husband, not me as your husband. I'm sure we'll get to that one day, maybe," he added hastily, feeling a blush creep across his cheeks.
Iz faced him again, and let herself curl up against him as she rest her head on his shoulder. "I don't even know if I'm a good wife, so if we do get there, then we'll work that part out together, too. Let's just work out the here and now first. Also, Ali was giving me tips on having sex with a cast, so you know, don't ever feel like you can't ask. Or that we can't do anything. You do know where you stand now though, right?"
Cameron drapped his arm around her and let his head rest back against the sofa in relief they had at least gotten over that hurdle. "I can do the here and now. Anything else kind of gives me a headache," he admitted and then looked down at her, eyebrows rising. "Ali? Your BFF Ali? How does she have tips on sex with a cast? I pretty much thought I was going to be fucked in that sense. Well, not literally. It's not like it's advice the doctors were forthcoming with."
"The doctors would just be jealous you were getting some, and not them. Not everyone gets a handjob from sexy visitors," Iz laughed. She placed her hand on his chest, fingers plucking at his t-shirt. "Her partner fell down some stairs and wound up with his leg in a cast. She wasn't about to stop having sex with him, and the poor guy was getting restless and horny, so they found ways around it. You'll get literally fucked whenever you want."
Cameron blinked and his mouth dropped open a little. "Are you going to have like a pager or something?" he couldn't help but laugh, grinning up at her.
"You have my number, I'm sure you can at least use the phone." She grinned back as she returned his gaze. "See? Cripple or not, and you'll still be getting some action. You're a lucky guy, Cameron Preston."
"Yeah, I know," Cameron murmured and smiled, but it did falter on his lips a little. "You come up with a way for my knee to fix itself, and I'll love you forever. I'm sorry about before. I'm not myself lately."
Iz pulled herself up as she wrapped her arms around his neck, careful to keep her weight off him before she drew him into a kiss. "If I find a way to fix your knee, I'll love myself forever. And don't apologise, I wasn't much better."
Cameron wet his lips and looked up at her mischievously. "Maybe we could try out the accuracy of your BFF's hints right now?" he suggested.
Iz nodded as she pushed her hands up under his t-shirt. "Anything you want, Mr Preston. I'm at your complete disposal."
"Let's go to my room. I can't be certain Aiden won't come home for lunch. He was moaning about something business sounding this morning, before Mum gave him the Mum Look and he made a hasty retreat." Cameron reached for his crutches. That, and he really didn't want his brother catching him at it on the sofa. Pat had a knack for that.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 4,178
Co-written with isabelowens
Cameron had never been so relieved to get away from somewhere than he had being discharged from hospital. Sure, it was a better hospital in general than what was on offer in Liverpool, but it was still hospital. He was now firmly planted at Aiden and Pat's New York apartment, and what a fucking apartment. He had been discharged the morning before, but was exhausted from all the moving about, so he parked himself on the sprawling sofa in Aiden's home theatre room with the wall-sized TV and proceeded to watch all the cheesy shows from his childhood on the classics channel, including the A-Team, Knightrider, ALF, early Simpsons episodes, Transformers, and even caught the original Star Wars movie. It had been just what he needed.
It was now the next day, and the apartment was nearly empty again. Aiden had disappeared looking all trendy and important in the early hours of the the morning with nothing but a energy drink in his hand for breakfast, which earned disapproving Mum looks from Mrs Preston. Cameron was amused how quick his parents had taken to having Aiden in their family as their son-in-law. Cameron just knew that the following morning, Aiden would wake up to a four-course healthy breakfast compliments of his Mum. His parents were away in the City to spend the day with Tara's folks, likely ready to right the world together. That left Pat and Cameron, but an hour before at around nine, Pat had appeared in the doorway of the living room in his pink pyjama pants, hair all over the place, eyes barely open, analysed the surroundings for no more than twenty seconds before mumbling that he felt like crap and was going back to bed for the day. That was just the nature of his illness... there would just be crap days. Cameron didn't expect to see his twin probably until the next morning, if even then.
The surprise had come when Izzy showed up just a few minutes before and Cameron couldn't have been happier to see her. Despite his vegging out the day before, he was still an athlete and didn't think he could face another day of that. He had just awkwardly manoeuvred himself onto the sofa, juggling the crutches, and then had mind to be a good host. "Can I get you a drink or something?" he asked her sheepishly.
Iz gave him an awkward smile as she tucked her dark hair behind her ear and seemed to try and scrunch up on herself. She reached out to take his hand, and gave a small shake of her head. "I'm sorry, I just feel weird that you're going to play host. I worry about you on those things, athlete or not. I don't want you to hurt yourself because I wanted a drink." She held up her other hand, and sighed. "I'll have to get over it, I know. I mean, you're a guy. Guys just don't like being weak, and now you'll think I'm patronising you, when I'm really not. I honestly just don't want you hurting yourself further."
Cameron's forehead creased as he took in what she said and then laughed. "This isn't the first time I've been on crutches, it's just the first time I've had a full length cast. I'll be fine when my arms strengthen to them, and I'll only get that way if I use them, even it knackers me. I'm just lulled into a false sense of security after sitting on my arse in hospital and all day yesterday moulded to the sofa. You gotta relax, or I'll end up wanting to smack you with a cushion," he warned in amusement.
Izzy arched her eyebrow as she gave him a gentle push. "Smack me with a cushion? Ooh, dirty!" She laughed as she crossed her legs over and made herself comfortable. "Well, if you really want to, I'd love just a soda if you have any. I'm guessing you feeding me peeled grapes might push it a little too far?"
Cameron sniggered. "You can peel your own grapes." He pulled himself forward and tucked the pillow back behind him so he could get some leverage to push up onto the crutches. "Soda I can probably do. I know Aiden has a questionable diet and starts the day on Red Bull, so I'll see what I can find. All assuming Mum hasn't pulled a swift one and already exorcised the kitchen of evil junk food." The apartment was huge and open-planned with polish wooden floors, lots of white and stainless steel. It was nice and could see someone like Aiden existing here, but it was definitely the essence of bachlor pad. He went to the kitchen and found a couple of sodas tucked in the door behind the large bottle of vitamin juice. He smirked in amusement and then brought the drinks back to Izzy. "Sure you don't have anything better to do today?"
She took both cans off Cameron so he could get himself settled back on the sofa before she handed him one of the sodas, and popped hers open. "Thank you, kindly," she smirked before taking a sip. She shook her head as she grinned. "No, of course not. Nothing is more important than you." She looked at him a little embarrassed before she started to laugh. "You know, that sounded a little less major in my head. Not so accidentally soul baring."
The sofa was one of those large trendy ones where all the chairs had recliners. He pulled the lever to pop his out and stuck a pillow under his thigh to get a little more comfortable. "That's a bold statement," he agreed with a laugh. "I'm not sure I'm worthy. But it is really nice to have some company seeing Pat stood me up. How have you been? Things alright on the personal front?"
"I think you are, but maybe that's just because I want to take every opportunity to get to know you. I mean, cast aside, I do have you here. You're not in another country, and I get to see you face to face. It's nice, that's all." She reached up to comb her hair with her fingers, and smirked. "I remember when I was smoother than this. Is Pat okay? And I've been fine. It's strange knowing I have James back, and it's hard watching him struggle, but I'm kind of glad he's back properly. Otherwise, I just keep finding myself thinking of a particular crippled footballer when I'm not working."
Cameron met her smirk with one of his own. "Oh, smoother, were you? Are you saying I make you rough?" he teased and then shook his head as he snapped the soda open. "Not today, no. He looked like a pile of shit, but he has bad days. He'll hibernate until he feels better and then bounce back all pink and shiney again. And hey, that's gotta be a mindfuck having him back. I mean, you thought he was dead, and then he wasn't, and then he was someone else, and now he's back to the person you knew before. My head hurt just hearing about it. It'll stop feeling weird though. I hope you guys can find what you had before on some level. Family is priceless."
He snorted in amusement. "Cripple? Hey, I work where it matters. Mostly. I'm not professing to be a stud right now or anything, but it works."
"Yes, yes it does," Isabel grinned as she remembered visiting him in the hospital. She moved closer to him, her fingers combing through his hair. "You do make me rough. It's kind of nice in a strange way to keep getting caught on the back foot with you. I get only the best kind of butterflies, and you make me smile all the time." Izzy kissed the side of his face before she rubbed her nose lightly against his cheek affectionately. "I really hope Pat's bad day won't last long... I'll be quiet, though. Make sure not to wake him. It's extremely weird having James back, and you have no idea just how much I want him as family. Just not... you know... married family. We'll get there slowly. He needs time to adjust, just like we do. And he needs his real family. They have no idea he's still alive."
Cameron laughed. "Pat sleeps like a log. Seriously, I used to be able to push him out of bed when we were kids, and he wouldn't even stir. I pushed him under the bed once, and when Mum came to wake him up for school, she thought he had been kidnapped and called the police. I got grounded for a month," he admitted, shaking his head in amusement. He cleared his throat hesitantly. "The whole still married thing? It's a little weird. Maybe a little why I have been sort of awkward about some things. I know you guys are well over and all that, but married is married, you know?"
"I was a widow," Iz said softly. She had been smiling at his story, but now her expression was serious. "I know it's weird, I do. I'm going to sort it out as soon as possible, and if you want to wait until then, I understand. I can be just your friend for now."
Cameron bit on his lip briefly. "I know. I do. I don't want you to think I'm being an ignorant prick here. It's just..." He paused, letting out a rush of breath. "Well, you aren't a widow anymore, and your ex is here in the flesh and blood and hooked up to my brother's husband by a pretty close BFF relationship. And there's a kid. I do understand, and I'll even understand if you don't want to file for the divorce or whatever you Americans call it over here because there has been no closure, or whatever, but... fuck. I was so going to try and talk about this without using the word 'but'. But it's married. You're married to another man."
"I don't want to stay married to him. It's over between me and James. Has been since he 'died'. Maybe it's always been over, and we were just trying to force it. We never worked... I think this was just the final straw." She dropped her hand away from his hair, and sat there quietly. "I need it over officially, and I guess you do, too. I'm sorry, Cameron. I never meant to drag you into this... I never meant for it to turn out like this. If you want me to stay away until I fix it, I will."
"No, no. No, fuck. Izzy, no. I'm not one of those arsehole guys who gets a complex over exes," Cameron said in frustration, pushing his fingers through his hair. This wasn't easy for him. He wasn't used to it. He was used to sex and playing football. Now there was no football and there was something more than sex, and he hoped he was trying to approach it the right way, but was probably fucking it up and could almost hear Pat groaning in his head at his lack of skills in this area. "I don't need it over. I just said that. It just feels weird, and maybe it's the Aiden and Pat thing, I don't know. But I can tell it's over with you and Marc... James... whoever. But you... you shouldn't want to steer clear of him for me. That's not how it works. Because I don't want you resenting me for that down the track, and you will. A relationship like you've got with him doesn't just end. It's always there. And I'm not asking you to choose. I just would find it easier morally if you weren't married to him."
A grin blossomed on Izzy's lips and she held her hand over her mouth as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know it's a fucked up time to be grinning. I can't help it, though. Do you realise how sweet it is that you think that? All of it? I know that morally it would be easier, and maybe I should be worried that I don't feel more guilty about you and me, but I don't. Shit, James has gone off and moved in with someone, and knocked her up. BFF linkage aside, he has started his life again. He's moved on. Romantically, I am ready to move on, Cameron. I don't wake up thinking about him. I don't go to bed thinking about him. Those moments are yours now. I'm not asking you for anything, I'm not asking for any sudden commitment. We can do slow, we can do whatever. I am getting a divorce, though. I won't be married. I'm just waiting for Campbell to be a bit better. I owe him that."
Cameron nodded. "And that's what I'm saying. I'm not asking you to step back from him. In fact, I think you need to be around him right now and he probably needs you. I'm not asking you to choose. We've just not spoken about the whole marriage thing, only back in the hotel when you told me you were a runaway bride. I just needed to know where I stood, that's all. And maybe wondering a little with so many weddings you've run from and another divorce in your history, that maybe you might hate the whole notion now..."
Iz tilted her head. "Are you asking me to marry you? Not now, but... in the future? Are you asking if I'll want to?"
Cameron cleared his throat and scratched at the back of his neck. "I'm just trying to understand if the option will be there down the track if it ever came to it. Or if I'm just a gapfiller or something. That didn't come out how I meant it to. Let me try that again. No, I've never been the committmenty sort, but I always thought one day I would like to be when the time was right. When I had a better idea of things and wasn't just a stupid jock chasing a ball. Am I making sense here?"
"Yes, you're making sense. You're not a gapfiller, Cameron. You're so not a gap filler. If we ever get a smooth run, I know I'll fall for you pretty quick, and I'm sorry about that. You know, as many times as I've been burned, and weddings have gone wrong on me, I still hold out the hope that maybe it'll work. That maybe I've just been trying to rush this idea that I have of a life I want, and don't stop to rethink the fact that maybe it's not time, or the right guy. Stupid jock chasing a ball, or not... Cameron, I really like you." Iz leaned forward to set her can down before she took his hand. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"So, that's why you ran from the other blokes? Not Campbell, the other ones. I know you would still be with Campbell now if he didn't leave, and that's okay. Things would have been very different. You're still allowed to love him. Sometimes people just belong in your life, and you can't avoid them. And if I'm flogging a dead horse here, feel free to yank the stick out of my hand," Cameron added sheepishly. "I'm just one of those types that looks under the bun of a burger to make sure everything is there like I hope it is. I guess I'm just trying to make sure I know at least where I'm standing a little before we do all this. It's not that I think you will hurt me, not at all. More that we might hurt each other if we don't know where we stand."
"Yeah, it's what happened. I'd get near that aisle and suddenly just know... They weren't my forever guys for various reasons. Campbell could have been, but he's not. He's Harri's, and he's her child's father. I don't want to change that. I don't want to change us. I'm almost glad he's found her, because I got to find you. I get a silver lining." She leaned in to press a kiss to his lips as her hand cupped his face. She gazed into his blue eyes, her brown ones sparkling. "Please just trust me, okay. You're not a gapfiller, or any of that shit. I'm in this for you."
Cameron looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you beg or plead with me like this. I'm getting it, I am. I'm a pretty basic bloke. I guess there is just a tiny niggle wondering if, say, things go great with us and proceed and all those other relationship things my brother and his posse seem experts on, and if we get to our aisle. What if you realise it's not right then? I really am flogging this, I know. Blame the painkillers or the fact I don't usually ever get to a point in any relationship where I'm thinking about aisles..." He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No, you know what? I'm shutting up. Because this is stupid and it's not fair. How are you supposed to see the future? I was the one had to urge Pat to take a chance on Aiden and now I can't even listen to myself? I think it's a mix of you already being married and me being insecure right now that is making me crazy. If we keep going, I'll inevitably reach the 'We're in different countries' thing and I don't want to think about that."
Iz turned away, the damage already being done before Cameron offered to shut up. She started to bite down on the tip of her finger as she sat there quietly, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown. He was right, how was she supposed to guarantee that if they got to their aisle she wouldn't do the same thing again. Something in her gut was telling her she wouldn't, not with Cameron, but she couldn't make any promises. She couldn't tell him without a doubt that nothing would change.
Izzy cleared her throat quietly and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what to say anymore. Truth is, you don't really have a single reason to want to stick this out. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at this stage there are more things stacking up against us, and I'm sorry for that. I just thought... I don't know. I thought things were different. You should wait until there's a woman in your own country that can give you everything you deserve. Maybe I was stupid for thinking I could. I don't want to waste your time."
"Look, shit," Cameron said in frustration, messing his hair up as he pushed his hand through it. "I'm just... it's... What I'm trying to say here is you aren't the only one coming into this with issues, and I'm trying to understand them. That's all I'm doing here. Hell, I can hardly profess to not be on the therapy wanted list. I have a brother who nearly died from a brain hemorrhage and is now sick for the rest of his life, who could wake up any day without the use of his legs permanently. And to know his illness is genetic? I'm an identical twin. I could get sick just like Pat, and any time. He lives in another country to me and it freaking breaks my heart every time I have to say goodbye to him. Now my knee is fucked and it could be permanently fucked, and if it is, my career is over. I'm just trying to find a way here through both our shit piles to see there is some hope here, because I do really like you, Iz. You've gotta understand that I don't usually get anywhere remotely this close to any chick. I fuck them, and leave. They know that, because it's just the way it is. But this is different. I want it to be different."
"I'm sorry, I know we both have shit. I just don't want to add to your shit with my shit, because that's a lot of shit, you know? I really like you, too. I just can't guarantee I won't make a mistake if we do make it to the aisle, but you know what? You better just run after me, Cameron. I need you to be the one to call me on my shit. Don't let me fuck this up, please. Maybe if we just take care of each other, we'll work it out. Easier fixing someone else's problems, right? I don't want to ruin this. I want this to be different, too." She wet her lips and sighed. "I promise I didn't mean to drag this down."
Cameron shook his head. "No, it's okay. I really think we needed to air this now before we got too far without speaking up. It probably would have been harder to resolve if we let it go. Trust me, I've sat back and watched my mates hurt each other with that sort of thing loads of times. If anything, I've learnt some good lessons. And I know me sitting here spouting off about morals and shit makes me seem like a prized snot, because I'm not. I'm not asking you for perfection, Iz. I'm not. I know there is going to be shit. There is still a lot of shit for both of us and that's okay. I just needed to know where I stood with the whole husband thing. Your husband, not me as your husband. I'm sure we'll get to that one day, maybe," he added hastily, feeling a blush creep across his cheeks.
Iz faced him again, and let herself curl up against him as she rest her head on his shoulder. "I don't even know if I'm a good wife, so if we do get there, then we'll work that part out together, too. Let's just work out the here and now first. Also, Ali was giving me tips on having sex with a cast, so you know, don't ever feel like you can't ask. Or that we can't do anything. You do know where you stand now though, right?"
Cameron drapped his arm around her and let his head rest back against the sofa in relief they had at least gotten over that hurdle. "I can do the here and now. Anything else kind of gives me a headache," he admitted and then looked down at her, eyebrows rising. "Ali? Your BFF Ali? How does she have tips on sex with a cast? I pretty much thought I was going to be fucked in that sense. Well, not literally. It's not like it's advice the doctors were forthcoming with."
"The doctors would just be jealous you were getting some, and not them. Not everyone gets a handjob from sexy visitors," Iz laughed. She placed her hand on his chest, fingers plucking at his t-shirt. "Her partner fell down some stairs and wound up with his leg in a cast. She wasn't about to stop having sex with him, and the poor guy was getting restless and horny, so they found ways around it. You'll get literally fucked whenever you want."
Cameron blinked and his mouth dropped open a little. "Are you going to have like a pager or something?" he couldn't help but laugh, grinning up at her.
"You have my number, I'm sure you can at least use the phone." She grinned back as she returned his gaze. "See? Cripple or not, and you'll still be getting some action. You're a lucky guy, Cameron Preston."
"Yeah, I know," Cameron murmured and smiled, but it did falter on his lips a little. "You come up with a way for my knee to fix itself, and I'll love you forever. I'm sorry about before. I'm not myself lately."
Iz pulled herself up as she wrapped her arms around his neck, careful to keep her weight off him before she drew him into a kiss. "If I find a way to fix your knee, I'll love myself forever. And don't apologise, I wasn't much better."
Cameron wet his lips and looked up at her mischievously. "Maybe we could try out the accuracy of your BFF's hints right now?" he suggested.
Iz nodded as she pushed her hands up under his t-shirt. "Anything you want, Mr Preston. I'm at your complete disposal."
"Let's go to my room. I can't be certain Aiden won't come home for lunch. He was moaning about something business sounding this morning, before Mum gave him the Mum Look and he made a hasty retreat." Cameron reached for his crutches. That, and he really didn't want his brother catching him at it on the sofa. Pat had a knack for that.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 4,178