On the Rollercoaster Again...
SupaStar858: I send you a big hug
SupaStar858: I apologize for being a douchebag
SupaStar858: thanks for the Lj comment
bbjtheman: ehh.. all i was lookin for was an appology.. nothin special.
bbjtheman: but the term douchebag does work for that particular incident
SupaStar858: oh it's not just you I had targeted
SupaStar858: I was just all over the place, alientating my friends
SupaStar858: mostly the ones I care most about
bbjtheman: why?
SupaStar858: really fucked up, but it happens
SupaStar858: I was falling into a depression again
SupaStar858: I'm climbing out of it now
SupaStar858: I know I'm one to talk, but I went of my anti-depressant for a bit
bbjtheman: thats good.
SupaStar858: and turned into a FREAKIN' monster
bbjtheman: why did you do that?
SupaStar858: part of me just wanted to see...
bbjtheman: well. i guess now ya know.
SupaStar858: I am about 10 times more creative when suffering (like an artist), and I was getting back into writing (you probably saw a couple on my LJ), but I've been writing like a maniac lately, and it felt incredible to get things out. However, I wasn't my happy, helpful self.
SupaStar858: The medication does make me more "me" but it also mutes a good portion of my creativity
SupaStar858: I guess you could say that I wanted to fall into the dark side again for a bit
bbjtheman: maybe you should try to find a balance.. like not a full pill but 2/3 or 3/4s.
SupaStar858: I began to feel dangerous though and decided to go back on
SupaStar858: naw...I need to full pill to not be a douche
bbjtheman: oh
SupaStar858: I just really miss using creativity as my personal outlet.
bbjtheman: you would know better than me.
bbjtheman: well.. maybe you could find a new outlet that doesnt have to do with beating on people?
SupaStar858: being on Zoloft doesn't allow me that outlet
bbjtheman: oh
SupaStar858: you're the only one I got physical on
SupaStar858: everyone else was purely verbal
SupaStar858: except for a door last night
SupaStar858: I had to pop my knuckle back in on my own
SupaStar858: that made me decided to begin Zoloft again today
bbjtheman: sounds like fun.
SupaStar858: and I'm not 100% cheery, btu I can feel myself coming out from the darkness, all with a swollen knuckle
SupaStar858: 8-)
bbjtheman: so any particular reason i was the only one who u got physical with me?
bbjtheman: it could be worse than a swollen knuckle.
SupaStar858: since we were being physical to begin with
SupaStar858: I doubt it
bbjtheman: true.
SupaStar858: it's amazing how truely unstable I still am at times
SupaStar858: yet I really have come so far
bbjtheman: ur not the only one.. trust me on that.
SupaStar858: oh I know
SupaStar858: but I just thouhgt myself better than that
SupaStar858: I thought I had overcome the self-damaging
SupaStar858: but last night showed me otherwise
bbjtheman: yep
bbjtheman: i still punch things.. im not so sure that will go away anytime soon
SupaStar858: yeah, but I'm the one who thought I was getting all better and being ahelp to others
SupaStar858: Apparently, I can help others alright, but I'm still a trainwreck inside
bbjtheman: true.. ive never been much to try and help others because i know most of the time i know i shouldnt talk...
bbjtheman: well.. u just gotta work yourself out.
SupaStar858: that's not going ever fully happen. I've been trying since I was about 10
SupaStar858: I apologize for being a douchebag
SupaStar858: thanks for the Lj comment
bbjtheman: ehh.. all i was lookin for was an appology.. nothin special.
bbjtheman: but the term douchebag does work for that particular incident
SupaStar858: oh it's not just you I had targeted
SupaStar858: I was just all over the place, alientating my friends
SupaStar858: mostly the ones I care most about
bbjtheman: why?
SupaStar858: really fucked up, but it happens
SupaStar858: I was falling into a depression again
SupaStar858: I'm climbing out of it now
SupaStar858: I know I'm one to talk, but I went of my anti-depressant for a bit
bbjtheman: thats good.
SupaStar858: and turned into a FREAKIN' monster
bbjtheman: why did you do that?
SupaStar858: part of me just wanted to see...
bbjtheman: well. i guess now ya know.
SupaStar858: I am about 10 times more creative when suffering (like an artist), and I was getting back into writing (you probably saw a couple on my LJ), but I've been writing like a maniac lately, and it felt incredible to get things out. However, I wasn't my happy, helpful self.
SupaStar858: The medication does make me more "me" but it also mutes a good portion of my creativity
SupaStar858: I guess you could say that I wanted to fall into the dark side again for a bit
bbjtheman: maybe you should try to find a balance.. like not a full pill but 2/3 or 3/4s.
SupaStar858: I began to feel dangerous though and decided to go back on
SupaStar858: naw...I need to full pill to not be a douche
bbjtheman: oh
SupaStar858: I just really miss using creativity as my personal outlet.
bbjtheman: you would know better than me.
bbjtheman: well.. maybe you could find a new outlet that doesnt have to do with beating on people?
SupaStar858: being on Zoloft doesn't allow me that outlet
bbjtheman: oh
SupaStar858: you're the only one I got physical on
SupaStar858: everyone else was purely verbal
SupaStar858: except for a door last night
SupaStar858: I had to pop my knuckle back in on my own
SupaStar858: that made me decided to begin Zoloft again today
bbjtheman: sounds like fun.
SupaStar858: and I'm not 100% cheery, btu I can feel myself coming out from the darkness, all with a swollen knuckle
SupaStar858: 8-)
bbjtheman: so any particular reason i was the only one who u got physical with me?
bbjtheman: it could be worse than a swollen knuckle.
SupaStar858: since we were being physical to begin with
SupaStar858: I doubt it
bbjtheman: true.
SupaStar858: it's amazing how truely unstable I still am at times
SupaStar858: yet I really have come so far
bbjtheman: ur not the only one.. trust me on that.
SupaStar858: oh I know
SupaStar858: but I just thouhgt myself better than that
SupaStar858: I thought I had overcome the self-damaging
SupaStar858: but last night showed me otherwise
bbjtheman: yep
bbjtheman: i still punch things.. im not so sure that will go away anytime soon
SupaStar858: yeah, but I'm the one who thought I was getting all better and being ahelp to others
SupaStar858: Apparently, I can help others alright, but I'm still a trainwreck inside
bbjtheman: true.. ive never been much to try and help others because i know most of the time i know i shouldnt talk...
bbjtheman: well.. u just gotta work yourself out.
SupaStar858: that's not going ever fully happen. I've been trying since I was about 10