FanFic:You say it best,when you say nothing at all / Chapter 4: LITTLE LIES (4/?)
Tittle: You say it best, when you say nothing at all
Chapter 4: Little lies
Author: calzonamfeo ( MariaCallizonaMFEO on FF )
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Callie is trying to move on with her life.But what happens when Arizona comes back?Life changes and one mistake can change everything.Love is put to a test,will they survive?Try as we might to keep it study, LOVE is the most powerful thing of all.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC. I don’t own anything. Any similarities to real life situations/persons are purely coincidental. Not for profit; for entertainment purposes only.
A/N:Comments are much appreciated and will encourage me to write more fanfics in the future :)))))
Chapter 4
Sometimes memories are better forgotten. Sometimes they’re not, but over time you seen to lose them. But sometimes even though some memories are to hard to even bear, you want to hold on to the bad and good memories, because in the end, you realize there was a reason for all that misery, that it resulted in happiness.
‘Callie, this is … ‘
‘LOVE, Arizona, this is love’
Love, the most powerful thing in the world, sometimes can become the biggest trouble of all. Callie and Arizona, both new that, but they didn’t care. That night they made love. That night they became one, once again. The world didn’t exist. Problems. Pain. Hurt. Everything disappeared. It was like their first time. So familiar, beautiful, gentle, passionate, the most amazing feeling of all. And it was their moment, at least for one night.
After that magic night, Arizona fall asleep in Callie’s arms. That peaceful feeling that she was having under the touch beautiful Latina, was something she was longing for so long. The closeness they were having was beyond magical, it was so special and strong, and so true.
‘I love you’ - said Arizona, while falling deeply in sleep. She was so peaceful, so calm, that Callie couldn’t stop looking at her. ‘I love you, too’, she said, kissing her forehead, before closing her eyes.
Under the cover of darkness, people do things they never do under the harsh glare of day. Decisions feel wiser. But, when the sun rises, you have to take responsibility for what you did in the dark. And face yourself under the cold harsh light of day.
***
The next day Callie woke up with a smile on her face. Having Arizona in her arms all over again was something beyond magical, something that she wasn’t willing to let go, never again. But, life is not that simple as we think. Love is beautiful, but sometimes bad memories kicking us in the ass, and won’t let us forgive and forget.
‘What I’ve done’ - Callie was thinking out loud, thinking about the night she spent with Arizona. She loves her, there was no doubt about that, but things are not as simple and easy as they thought. Being with her, feeling her, kissing her, was perfect, beautiful, but there was so much more, so many thing they needed to work out, and sometimes that’s the hardest part. ‘How could I do this’ - she thought, not realizing that Arizona was listening to her.
‘How could you do what?’ - Arizona asked, sitting on the bed, looking at Callie. Callie was cought by surprise. She didn’t expect Arizona to hear what she was thinking.
‘Umm … nothing. I was just thinking out loud’ - Callie answered
‘You lying. So, can you please, tell me, what’s going on?’
Callie knew that she had to tell Arizona what she was thinking, because avoiding and hiding things wouldn’t resolve anything.
‘Well, if you wanna know, I think that I shouldn’t do, what I’ve done last night. What we’ve done.’
‘What are you talking about , Calliope?’ - Arizona was surprised to hear these words from Callie. She didn’t know what to think, what to expect.
‘This, us … last night. It was a mistake’ - Callie finally said it, with tears in her eyes. Arizona couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
‘Mistake? So, being with me was a mistake, is that what you’re saying, Callie?’
‘Yes’ - Callie said. ‘There is so much between us, so many things, bad things, and … I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you, because you left me and I’m scared, I’m scared and can’t keep wondering if everytime I woke up you won’t be there. So I don’t trust you, and I think that’s better for us to just forget what happened last night, and for you to go back to Malawi … actually, it’s better for both of us’ - with that Callie left the apartment, leaving Arizona behind, with tears in her eyes. She didn’t know what to think, she just stood there, completely paralyzed. She couldn’t believe what Callie just said. ‘Go back to Malawi’, really, Arizona thought. ‘Does she really wants me to go back? Does she really wants to be without me? Why she changed her mind so suddenly?’ - all these questions were floating over Arizona’s head, but there was one thing she was sure about. No matter what, she is here to stay. She came back because and for Callie, and she will do anything to win Callie back. She knows that it’s not going to be easy, but she will do almost impossible to have her by her side, this time for good, always and forever.
***
Too often the thing you want the most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, desire wreck your life. But though as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those people who don’t know what they want.
After saying to Arizona that all was a mistake and telling her to go back to Africa, Callie didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know why she said that to her. ‘What if she really decides to go back to Malawi?’ - Callie wondered, while she was heading to the orthopedic wing in the hospital.
She lied to Arizona. She lied that it was a mistake. ‘Of course it wasn’t a mistake’ - Callie said. ‘I was with the love of my life. How in the world, that could be a mistake?’ - she thought. But she didn’t lie when she said that she didn’t trust her, that was true. Her fear of being left once again, is what causing her to not trust Arizona. She is scared that Arizona would leave her again, and this time she knows that she wouldn’t be able to survive that. ‘Go back to Malawi’, what I was thinking, God. I can't lose her again. What if she listens to me and goes back to Africa?’ - she was wondering, when suddenly she heard a familiar voice.
‘Torres, I haven’t see you last night at Joe’s. I have some news for you’ - Mark said. ‘Wow, you look like hell, Cal’
‘Arizona is back’
‘What?’
‘Arizona is back. Mark. She came last night. She just showed up at the doorstep and …’
‘What happened? Did you guys talk?’ - Mark asked.
‘Well, I slammed the door at her face’
‘You did what? That’s Arizona we are talking about, the love of your life’
‘She just stood there, like nothing happened, talking about how great she was in Africa, and how she missed me, and then she came back. I slammed the door, bacause I didn’t know what to say, how to react. But, she still was there, waiting for me. So, we talked.’
‘What happened?’ - he asked
‘Well, she did the talk. I listened. We fought, a lot. She said that she couldn’t be without me, that Africa was her hell, and that I’m her heaven. That she came back because of me, because she loves me. she kissed me, Mark. And I … I kissed her.’
‘That’s good, right? You two deserve a second chance. You love each other, we both know that’
‘I told her that I slept with you’ - Callie said
‘Why did you say that? I mean, it’s not her bussiness with who you sleep with, when you were broken up … ‘
‘What? How can you say that? Of course it’s her bussiness. I mean, it’s normal for her to get upset because of that. I know I would be. But that’s not the point. The point is that I had to tell her. I prefer for her to find out from me, and not from some other people’
‘Ok.But you are aware that I’m a dead guy now,right? - he laughed. ‘Now seriously, what did she say?’
‘Well, she was in shock, and very upset. She didn’t say to much, because I didn’t let her to say anything … we kinda avoid that part, because … umm … we spent the night together’
‘Way to go, Torres’ - he laughed once again, which made Callie a little upset.
‘It’s not funny, Mark. We spent the night together and it was amazing, you know? It was perfect. And I’m not talking about the fisical … I’m talking about everything, about the feelings. It felt so right. But then, this morning I said to her that all was a mistake’
‘Why would you say something like that, Callie?’ - he asked, refusing to believe that Callie Torres was letting the love of her life slipping away.
‘I had to, I had to lie, Mark. Of course it wasn’t a mistake, but we can’t be together, like nothing happened, at least not for now. I mean, I’m dying to be with her, but there’s so much going on between us, so many things we need to work out and we can’t can just pretend that everything is ok and be together. I’m scared, and I can’t forget what happened, and now that she knows about you, I’m pretty sure that she’s scared too. And I rather be without her, trying to work things out, step by step, not pushing it to much, even if that means letting Arizona hating me, then to be with her and that we begin to hate each other because we can’t forgive and forget certain things. I prefer for her to think that it was a mistake, just as I like for her to think that I want her to go back to Malawi and …’ - suddenly she was cut off by Mark
‘You said to her to go back to Malawi? What the hell, Torres? We both know that’s not true. I mean, look, I don’t know blondie so well, but I’m pretty sure that going back to Malawi isn’t something she will go with it’
‘What do you mean, Mark?’ - Callie asked, not knowing what Mark was trying to tell her
‘Look, I know how hurt you are, I was there, by your side, after Robbins left you, and I understand everything you’re feeling right now, but you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you want to be with her, no matter what. She came back from Africa because of you, to be with you. She gave up the grant, and came after 2 months, comparing to something that supposed to be for 3 years. That means she loves you and that she can’t live without you. Obviously she was thinking about this a lot, and you said that she opened her heart to you. That is something Robbins never did. That only means that she did all of this because you mean the world to her. Do you know how special this is, how strong that is? To be loved by someone in a way you are loved by Arizona? Someone who is willing to gave up on everything just to be with you? She did one thing that no one else did - SHE CAME BACK. And that’s why I think that ‘go back to Malawi’ isn’t something she will do, she won’t give up so easily on you. Also, I think that the whole ‘go back to Africa’ is something that you wanted to try, secretly wanting to see if she will stick araound or she would let it go, and leave you again, but the truth is that you just wanted to have something to hold on to, some hope, that she won’t leave you once again. I know it’s hard to let go of the past, because past is what shapes us, what makes us who we are, but if you constantly thinking about the past, you won’t be able to remember all beautiful things you lived by her side and shared with her. You need to stop thinking about what was, and thinking about what could be. Sometimes the past is something we desperately want to forget. Sometimes we learn something about the past that changes everything we know about the present. You needed some hope to hold on to, and based on what I’m seeing right now .. you have a big hope there, Torres’ - Mark finished his speech, looking down the hall, giving signs to Callie.
‘Mark, what are you talking about?’ - Callie asked
‘Well, let’s just say that ‘go back to Malawi’ operation worked or didn’t worked, depends on how you look at it’ - he said, pointing behind her.
Callie turned around and couldn’t believe the sight in front of her.
‘I can’t believe this’ - was the only she said, before walking towards the Chief’s office.
‘Talk to her, Torres, you both need it!’ - Mark said.
***
If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment. One moment that you ...always wanted back...
‘Doctor Robbins, I’m glad to see you. We’ve missed you around here. What brings you to SGMW?’ - chief asked
‘Well, in Malawi everything was great, but I just couldn’t do my work there, it was a little hard. So I asked if they could replace me and they did, so I came back. But I didn’t gave up on the grant, I’m still going to work on the program from Seattle, so that’s good. The reason why I’m here is because I would like to go back to work and I know that you already have a new Peds attending but I was wondering …’
‘Say no more, Dr. Robbins. I would love to re-hire you. I mean, Dr. Stark is ok, but he’s no near as good as you are, and here in SGMW we only have place for the best. So, welcome back, Dr. Robbins. Little tiny humans will be so glad to have you here, and someone else as well, I’m sure of it. Now excuse me, I have to go, we have a trauma coming. I’ll see you next week, Robbins, that’s when your work starts’
‘Thank you, Chief. I’m glad that I’m back’
Chief and Arizona walked together from the office, when Callie approach to them.
‘Chief, can I talk to you for a second?’
‘Sure, Dr. Torres, but you make it quick, because I’ve been paged’
‘What Dr. Robbins is doing here? Don’t tell me that you are re-hiring her again?’ - Callie asked furiously, not noticing that Arizona was still standing next to them.
‘Look, Dr. Torres, I have no intention to come between you and Dr. Robbins, so whatever problem you have, you need to talk to Dr. Robbins, whose standing right next to us, if you haven’t noticed that yet. And as far as your question, the answer is yes, I’m re-hiring Dr. Robbins, because she is the best in her field, and as I can recall, not so recently you said that as well. So, Dr. Robbins is still our Head of Pediatrics, whether you like it or not, end of discussion’
‘But, Chief … ‘
‘I said end of discussion, Dr. Torres!’ - and with that chief Webber left, leaving Callie and Arizona alone.
Arizona was turning back, to walk away, with a smile on her face, when suddenly Callie said:
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ - Callie asked, stepping close to Arizona
‘About what, Calliope?’ - Arizona responded
‘Don’t you Calliope me! You have quiet a nerve to come here, asking for your job back, especially when I asked you to go back to Malawi. I don’t want you here, Arizona, don’t you get that!?’ - Callie was so pissed off that she didn’t know what she was saying.
‘Look, Callie. First of all, I’m a doctor, so of course that I have a nerve to come back here and ask for my job back. Second, you can order me what I can or can’t do. And, third, but the most important thing is that I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever again. I came back with a purpose, and I’m not giving up on that so easily, just because you are intend on treating me like a crap. I protect the things I love, Dr. Torres, especially when it comes to a certain orthopedic surgeon. So, I’ll see you at work, Dr. Torres’ - Arizona said, walking away, but not without placing a little touch on Callie’s arm and smiling at her.
For Callie that was like the first time they’ve met. Arizona was full of confidence when she approached Callie and when she kissed her, Callie knew that it’s something right, something she can be ok with, and this time it was the same. Callie could sense that. And just like the first time, she was sure that her heart was at safe place, and that Arizona won’t give up on her so easily. She needed some kind of proof that she came back for real, and that no matter what she is here to stay.
‘How can she make my world upside-down in just one second?’ - Callie thought. ‘This is going to be a long night, I need a drink’ - so she texted Mark, asking him to join her at Joe’s later.
***
‘I can’t believe that nothing has changed around here in 2 months I’ve been away’ - Arizona said to Teddy, entering at Joe’s.
‘Well, a lot of things changed. Cristina quit her job, she was bartending here at Joe’s, she was fishing, Derek won a grant for his medical research for the Alcheimer, I got married … ‘
‘Callie slept with Mark’ - Arizona added
‘What?’ - Teddy asked in surprise
‘You got married? When? Why didn’t you say something, I would come’ - Arizona asked, aprroaching the table. ‘White wine for me and one beer for my married friend, please’ - she said.
‘Well, it’s a long story, which I would tell you about later. But now, Callie slept with Mark?’ - Teddy couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
‘Yep, how about that?’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know. How did you find out?’
‘Well, I went to see her, last night, straight from the airport. Let’s just say that it wasn’t as good as I thought. She slammed the door at my face. But I couldn’t jus give up. I came back for her, so the only thing I could do was waiting for her to come from the apartment. And that’s what she did. So we talked’
‘Didn’t go well, huh?’ - Teddy asked, placing her look at the front door, seeing Mark, Lexie and Callie entering the bar.
‘Well, I told her how sorry I am for leaving her, how stupid I was for letting her go. I opened my heart to her, Teddy, but I knew how Callie would react. She is so mad and dissapointed and stubborn sometimes. I said that I would do anything to fix what I’ve broke, that I would do the impossible to be the one who will fix her broken heart, which I broke, might add. I kissed her, but she said that she slept with Mark. Of all people, she slept with Mark’
‘Arizona, Callie was devestated after you left. She wasn’t the same person anymore. She asked me if you have mentioned her. I didn’t know what to say to her, because you asked me not to tell anything. Why did you ask me not to tell her that you were asking about her every day?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe, because I didn’t want to believe that it’s over. I wanted for her to move on and be happy. Because I told her to be happy, and I couldn’t expect that she would wait 3 years for me to come back. I wanted for her to move on and have a life. But now, I’ aware that it wasn’t the best decision after all’ - she said, noticing Callie sitting at the table with Mark and Lexie.
‘I don’t know Teddy. When she said that she slept with Mark, I felt so bad, so hurt. I mean, I know I have no right to blame her, to judge her, because we weren’t together, but still … what hurts the most is the fact that she slept with Mark, the person I feared the most she’d leave me for’
‘So, in a way, you feel betrayed because Callie slept with Mark?’
Arizona nodded.
‘I can understand that feeling, I really do, but there’s something you keep forgetting’ - Teddy said
‘What’s that?’ - Arizona asked
‘It’s obviously that Mark is a sore pot for you. But the other thing you have to remember is that it’s not really your place to feel betrayed. You left her, for what she thought was forever. She was trying to move on. Sleeping with Mark, not the best move, I agree, but she did what she did and there’s no turning back now. Mistake is already made. So you need to ask youself is whether or not you want this to break you. Or whether your relationship is worth more than the hurt you’re feeling’ - Teddy said.
‘We spent last night together’ - Arizona said
‘Wow, you really don’t waste your time. That’s a good way to start’ - Teddy was teasing Arizona, putting a smile on her face.
***
At the other table Mark, Lexie and Callie were having a conversation about how Mark and Lexie got back together, and what happened at Joe’s the night before, but Callie was more focused looking at the table close to theirs, where Teddy and Arizona were talking and for what it seems to Callie, having a lot of fun. She couldn’t stop looking at Arizona. She was feeling way to much, and all of the sudden she couldn’t express her feelings so easily. She was so locked down inside. Lexie noticed that something was wrong, so she asked Mark to go and get them another drink, that way she could talk to Callie alone.
‘Callie, is everything ok?’ - Lexie asked
‘Yes, why wouldn’t be?’
‘Well, because you cant stop loooking at Arizona, and you are not doing nothing about that’
‘What do you mean?’ - Callie asked
‘Well, she came back, right? She is the love of your life. Look, you slammed the door at her face, but despite that she waited for you. You said that you don’t trust her, that it’s better for both of you that she goes back to Malawi, and all that she did was going back to the hospital and asking for her job back. You said you don’t want her here, and she said that she protect the thing she loves the most’
‘I don’t know, Lexie. It’s to complicated’
‘Callie, love is complicated, but it doesn’t have to be. I get that you feel betrayed because she left you and because she choose career over you, but she came back, didn’t she? And I think that you are forgetting a few things as well’ - she said
‘What?’ - Callie asked
‘It seems to me that she is not going to choose Africa over you, this time’
‘How do you know that?’ - Callie questioned
‘Because she is here. You gave her a clean break, you said ‘go back to Malawi’ and if she really wanted to go, she would be already on her way back to Africa. But insteed she stayed, despite everything you said to her. She made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. We all do stupid things, every now and then. We are humans. She flew halfaway across the world in attempt to win you back. You have to give her credit for that. I’m not excusing her conduct and how sge left you at the airport, but she’s trying, like really trying. She obviously regreted everything. If not, she wouldn’t be here, next to you, starring at you this whole evening, letting you to behieve, the way you do, like a complete ass to her. She is doing all this because she really loves you and she’s not going anywhere. Believe me, when you love someone, you are willing to put up with all kinds of shit from that person’
‘Thanks, Lexie’ - Callie said
‘What are you guys talking about?’ - Mark asked
‘Stuff’ - Lexie responded, looking at Callie
‘You have very smart girlfriend over here, Mark. Don’t screw this up, you got that?’ - Callie said, smiling at both of them
The rest of the evening went well, with talk and laugh, but mostly with starring eyes from both, Callie and Arizona. Everyone noticed that, and amuzing as it was, they didn’t know why they didn’t try at least to talk to each other. The fact is, that they couldn help but to look at each other. Those looks were saying more then any conversation, and Callie and Arizona, both knew that. Some time after that, Teddy and Arizona left the bar. After mulling over Lexie’s words for a few minutes, Callie knew exactly what she has to do.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.
Chapter 4: Little lies
Author: calzonamfeo ( MariaCallizonaMFEO on FF )
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Callie is trying to move on with her life.But what happens when Arizona comes back?Life changes and one mistake can change everything.Love is put to a test,will they survive?Try as we might to keep it study, LOVE is the most powerful thing of all.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC. I don’t own anything. Any similarities to real life situations/persons are purely coincidental. Not for profit; for entertainment purposes only.
A/N:Comments are much appreciated and will encourage me to write more fanfics in the future :)))))
Chapter 4
Sometimes memories are better forgotten. Sometimes they’re not, but over time you seen to lose them. But sometimes even though some memories are to hard to even bear, you want to hold on to the bad and good memories, because in the end, you realize there was a reason for all that misery, that it resulted in happiness.
‘Callie, this is … ‘
‘LOVE, Arizona, this is love’
Love, the most powerful thing in the world, sometimes can become the biggest trouble of all. Callie and Arizona, both new that, but they didn’t care. That night they made love. That night they became one, once again. The world didn’t exist. Problems. Pain. Hurt. Everything disappeared. It was like their first time. So familiar, beautiful, gentle, passionate, the most amazing feeling of all. And it was their moment, at least for one night.
After that magic night, Arizona fall asleep in Callie’s arms. That peaceful feeling that she was having under the touch beautiful Latina, was something she was longing for so long. The closeness they were having was beyond magical, it was so special and strong, and so true.
‘I love you’ - said Arizona, while falling deeply in sleep. She was so peaceful, so calm, that Callie couldn’t stop looking at her. ‘I love you, too’, she said, kissing her forehead, before closing her eyes.
Under the cover of darkness, people do things they never do under the harsh glare of day. Decisions feel wiser. But, when the sun rises, you have to take responsibility for what you did in the dark. And face yourself under the cold harsh light of day.
***
The next day Callie woke up with a smile on her face. Having Arizona in her arms all over again was something beyond magical, something that she wasn’t willing to let go, never again. But, life is not that simple as we think. Love is beautiful, but sometimes bad memories kicking us in the ass, and won’t let us forgive and forget.
‘What I’ve done’ - Callie was thinking out loud, thinking about the night she spent with Arizona. She loves her, there was no doubt about that, but things are not as simple and easy as they thought. Being with her, feeling her, kissing her, was perfect, beautiful, but there was so much more, so many thing they needed to work out, and sometimes that’s the hardest part. ‘How could I do this’ - she thought, not realizing that Arizona was listening to her.
‘How could you do what?’ - Arizona asked, sitting on the bed, looking at Callie. Callie was cought by surprise. She didn’t expect Arizona to hear what she was thinking.
‘Umm … nothing. I was just thinking out loud’ - Callie answered
‘You lying. So, can you please, tell me, what’s going on?’
Callie knew that she had to tell Arizona what she was thinking, because avoiding and hiding things wouldn’t resolve anything.
‘Well, if you wanna know, I think that I shouldn’t do, what I’ve done last night. What we’ve done.’
‘What are you talking about , Calliope?’ - Arizona was surprised to hear these words from Callie. She didn’t know what to think, what to expect.
‘This, us … last night. It was a mistake’ - Callie finally said it, with tears in her eyes. Arizona couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
‘Mistake? So, being with me was a mistake, is that what you’re saying, Callie?’
‘Yes’ - Callie said. ‘There is so much between us, so many things, bad things, and … I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you, because you left me and I’m scared, I’m scared and can’t keep wondering if everytime I woke up you won’t be there. So I don’t trust you, and I think that’s better for us to just forget what happened last night, and for you to go back to Malawi … actually, it’s better for both of us’ - with that Callie left the apartment, leaving Arizona behind, with tears in her eyes. She didn’t know what to think, she just stood there, completely paralyzed. She couldn’t believe what Callie just said. ‘Go back to Malawi’, really, Arizona thought. ‘Does she really wants me to go back? Does she really wants to be without me? Why she changed her mind so suddenly?’ - all these questions were floating over Arizona’s head, but there was one thing she was sure about. No matter what, she is here to stay. She came back because and for Callie, and she will do anything to win Callie back. She knows that it’s not going to be easy, but she will do almost impossible to have her by her side, this time for good, always and forever.
***
Too often the thing you want the most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, desire wreck your life. But though as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those people who don’t know what they want.
After saying to Arizona that all was a mistake and telling her to go back to Africa, Callie didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know why she said that to her. ‘What if she really decides to go back to Malawi?’ - Callie wondered, while she was heading to the orthopedic wing in the hospital.
She lied to Arizona. She lied that it was a mistake. ‘Of course it wasn’t a mistake’ - Callie said. ‘I was with the love of my life. How in the world, that could be a mistake?’ - she thought. But she didn’t lie when she said that she didn’t trust her, that was true. Her fear of being left once again, is what causing her to not trust Arizona. She is scared that Arizona would leave her again, and this time she knows that she wouldn’t be able to survive that. ‘Go back to Malawi’, what I was thinking, God. I can't lose her again. What if she listens to me and goes back to Africa?’ - she was wondering, when suddenly she heard a familiar voice.
‘Torres, I haven’t see you last night at Joe’s. I have some news for you’ - Mark said. ‘Wow, you look like hell, Cal’
‘Arizona is back’
‘What?’
‘Arizona is back. Mark. She came last night. She just showed up at the doorstep and …’
‘What happened? Did you guys talk?’ - Mark asked.
‘Well, I slammed the door at her face’
‘You did what? That’s Arizona we are talking about, the love of your life’
‘She just stood there, like nothing happened, talking about how great she was in Africa, and how she missed me, and then she came back. I slammed the door, bacause I didn’t know what to say, how to react. But, she still was there, waiting for me. So, we talked.’
‘What happened?’ - he asked
‘Well, she did the talk. I listened. We fought, a lot. She said that she couldn’t be without me, that Africa was her hell, and that I’m her heaven. That she came back because of me, because she loves me. she kissed me, Mark. And I … I kissed her.’
‘That’s good, right? You two deserve a second chance. You love each other, we both know that’
‘I told her that I slept with you’ - Callie said
‘Why did you say that? I mean, it’s not her bussiness with who you sleep with, when you were broken up … ‘
‘What? How can you say that? Of course it’s her bussiness. I mean, it’s normal for her to get upset because of that. I know I would be. But that’s not the point. The point is that I had to tell her. I prefer for her to find out from me, and not from some other people’
‘Ok.But you are aware that I’m a dead guy now,right? - he laughed. ‘Now seriously, what did she say?’
‘Well, she was in shock, and very upset. She didn’t say to much, because I didn’t let her to say anything … we kinda avoid that part, because … umm … we spent the night together’
‘Way to go, Torres’ - he laughed once again, which made Callie a little upset.
‘It’s not funny, Mark. We spent the night together and it was amazing, you know? It was perfect. And I’m not talking about the fisical … I’m talking about everything, about the feelings. It felt so right. But then, this morning I said to her that all was a mistake’
‘Why would you say something like that, Callie?’ - he asked, refusing to believe that Callie Torres was letting the love of her life slipping away.
‘I had to, I had to lie, Mark. Of course it wasn’t a mistake, but we can’t be together, like nothing happened, at least not for now. I mean, I’m dying to be with her, but there’s so much going on between us, so many things we need to work out and we can’t can just pretend that everything is ok and be together. I’m scared, and I can’t forget what happened, and now that she knows about you, I’m pretty sure that she’s scared too. And I rather be without her, trying to work things out, step by step, not pushing it to much, even if that means letting Arizona hating me, then to be with her and that we begin to hate each other because we can’t forgive and forget certain things. I prefer for her to think that it was a mistake, just as I like for her to think that I want her to go back to Malawi and …’ - suddenly she was cut off by Mark
‘You said to her to go back to Malawi? What the hell, Torres? We both know that’s not true. I mean, look, I don’t know blondie so well, but I’m pretty sure that going back to Malawi isn’t something she will go with it’
‘What do you mean, Mark?’ - Callie asked, not knowing what Mark was trying to tell her
‘Look, I know how hurt you are, I was there, by your side, after Robbins left you, and I understand everything you’re feeling right now, but you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you want to be with her, no matter what. She came back from Africa because of you, to be with you. She gave up the grant, and came after 2 months, comparing to something that supposed to be for 3 years. That means she loves you and that she can’t live without you. Obviously she was thinking about this a lot, and you said that she opened her heart to you. That is something Robbins never did. That only means that she did all of this because you mean the world to her. Do you know how special this is, how strong that is? To be loved by someone in a way you are loved by Arizona? Someone who is willing to gave up on everything just to be with you? She did one thing that no one else did - SHE CAME BACK. And that’s why I think that ‘go back to Malawi’ isn’t something she will do, she won’t give up so easily on you. Also, I think that the whole ‘go back to Africa’ is something that you wanted to try, secretly wanting to see if she will stick araound or she would let it go, and leave you again, but the truth is that you just wanted to have something to hold on to, some hope, that she won’t leave you once again. I know it’s hard to let go of the past, because past is what shapes us, what makes us who we are, but if you constantly thinking about the past, you won’t be able to remember all beautiful things you lived by her side and shared with her. You need to stop thinking about what was, and thinking about what could be. Sometimes the past is something we desperately want to forget. Sometimes we learn something about the past that changes everything we know about the present. You needed some hope to hold on to, and based on what I’m seeing right now .. you have a big hope there, Torres’ - Mark finished his speech, looking down the hall, giving signs to Callie.
‘Mark, what are you talking about?’ - Callie asked
‘Well, let’s just say that ‘go back to Malawi’ operation worked or didn’t worked, depends on how you look at it’ - he said, pointing behind her.
Callie turned around and couldn’t believe the sight in front of her.
‘I can’t believe this’ - was the only she said, before walking towards the Chief’s office.
‘Talk to her, Torres, you both need it!’ - Mark said.
***
If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment. One moment that you ...always wanted back...
‘Doctor Robbins, I’m glad to see you. We’ve missed you around here. What brings you to SGMW?’ - chief asked
‘Well, in Malawi everything was great, but I just couldn’t do my work there, it was a little hard. So I asked if they could replace me and they did, so I came back. But I didn’t gave up on the grant, I’m still going to work on the program from Seattle, so that’s good. The reason why I’m here is because I would like to go back to work and I know that you already have a new Peds attending but I was wondering …’
‘Say no more, Dr. Robbins. I would love to re-hire you. I mean, Dr. Stark is ok, but he’s no near as good as you are, and here in SGMW we only have place for the best. So, welcome back, Dr. Robbins. Little tiny humans will be so glad to have you here, and someone else as well, I’m sure of it. Now excuse me, I have to go, we have a trauma coming. I’ll see you next week, Robbins, that’s when your work starts’
‘Thank you, Chief. I’m glad that I’m back’
Chief and Arizona walked together from the office, when Callie approach to them.
‘Chief, can I talk to you for a second?’
‘Sure, Dr. Torres, but you make it quick, because I’ve been paged’
‘What Dr. Robbins is doing here? Don’t tell me that you are re-hiring her again?’ - Callie asked furiously, not noticing that Arizona was still standing next to them.
‘Look, Dr. Torres, I have no intention to come between you and Dr. Robbins, so whatever problem you have, you need to talk to Dr. Robbins, whose standing right next to us, if you haven’t noticed that yet. And as far as your question, the answer is yes, I’m re-hiring Dr. Robbins, because she is the best in her field, and as I can recall, not so recently you said that as well. So, Dr. Robbins is still our Head of Pediatrics, whether you like it or not, end of discussion’
‘But, Chief … ‘
‘I said end of discussion, Dr. Torres!’ - and with that chief Webber left, leaving Callie and Arizona alone.
Arizona was turning back, to walk away, with a smile on her face, when suddenly Callie said:
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ - Callie asked, stepping close to Arizona
‘About what, Calliope?’ - Arizona responded
‘Don’t you Calliope me! You have quiet a nerve to come here, asking for your job back, especially when I asked you to go back to Malawi. I don’t want you here, Arizona, don’t you get that!?’ - Callie was so pissed off that she didn’t know what she was saying.
‘Look, Callie. First of all, I’m a doctor, so of course that I have a nerve to come back here and ask for my job back. Second, you can order me what I can or can’t do. And, third, but the most important thing is that I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever again. I came back with a purpose, and I’m not giving up on that so easily, just because you are intend on treating me like a crap. I protect the things I love, Dr. Torres, especially when it comes to a certain orthopedic surgeon. So, I’ll see you at work, Dr. Torres’ - Arizona said, walking away, but not without placing a little touch on Callie’s arm and smiling at her.
For Callie that was like the first time they’ve met. Arizona was full of confidence when she approached Callie and when she kissed her, Callie knew that it’s something right, something she can be ok with, and this time it was the same. Callie could sense that. And just like the first time, she was sure that her heart was at safe place, and that Arizona won’t give up on her so easily. She needed some kind of proof that she came back for real, and that no matter what she is here to stay.
‘How can she make my world upside-down in just one second?’ - Callie thought. ‘This is going to be a long night, I need a drink’ - so she texted Mark, asking him to join her at Joe’s later.
***
‘I can’t believe that nothing has changed around here in 2 months I’ve been away’ - Arizona said to Teddy, entering at Joe’s.
‘Well, a lot of things changed. Cristina quit her job, she was bartending here at Joe’s, she was fishing, Derek won a grant for his medical research for the Alcheimer, I got married … ‘
‘Callie slept with Mark’ - Arizona added
‘What?’ - Teddy asked in surprise
‘You got married? When? Why didn’t you say something, I would come’ - Arizona asked, aprroaching the table. ‘White wine for me and one beer for my married friend, please’ - she said.
‘Well, it’s a long story, which I would tell you about later. But now, Callie slept with Mark?’ - Teddy couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
‘Yep, how about that?’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know. How did you find out?’
‘Well, I went to see her, last night, straight from the airport. Let’s just say that it wasn’t as good as I thought. She slammed the door at my face. But I couldn’t jus give up. I came back for her, so the only thing I could do was waiting for her to come from the apartment. And that’s what she did. So we talked’
‘Didn’t go well, huh?’ - Teddy asked, placing her look at the front door, seeing Mark, Lexie and Callie entering the bar.
‘Well, I told her how sorry I am for leaving her, how stupid I was for letting her go. I opened my heart to her, Teddy, but I knew how Callie would react. She is so mad and dissapointed and stubborn sometimes. I said that I would do anything to fix what I’ve broke, that I would do the impossible to be the one who will fix her broken heart, which I broke, might add. I kissed her, but she said that she slept with Mark. Of all people, she slept with Mark’
‘Arizona, Callie was devestated after you left. She wasn’t the same person anymore. She asked me if you have mentioned her. I didn’t know what to say to her, because you asked me not to tell anything. Why did you ask me not to tell her that you were asking about her every day?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe, because I didn’t want to believe that it’s over. I wanted for her to move on and be happy. Because I told her to be happy, and I couldn’t expect that she would wait 3 years for me to come back. I wanted for her to move on and have a life. But now, I’ aware that it wasn’t the best decision after all’ - she said, noticing Callie sitting at the table with Mark and Lexie.
‘I don’t know Teddy. When she said that she slept with Mark, I felt so bad, so hurt. I mean, I know I have no right to blame her, to judge her, because we weren’t together, but still … what hurts the most is the fact that she slept with Mark, the person I feared the most she’d leave me for’
‘So, in a way, you feel betrayed because Callie slept with Mark?’
Arizona nodded.
‘I can understand that feeling, I really do, but there’s something you keep forgetting’ - Teddy said
‘What’s that?’ - Arizona asked
‘It’s obviously that Mark is a sore pot for you. But the other thing you have to remember is that it’s not really your place to feel betrayed. You left her, for what she thought was forever. She was trying to move on. Sleeping with Mark, not the best move, I agree, but she did what she did and there’s no turning back now. Mistake is already made. So you need to ask youself is whether or not you want this to break you. Or whether your relationship is worth more than the hurt you’re feeling’ - Teddy said.
‘We spent last night together’ - Arizona said
‘Wow, you really don’t waste your time. That’s a good way to start’ - Teddy was teasing Arizona, putting a smile on her face.
***
At the other table Mark, Lexie and Callie were having a conversation about how Mark and Lexie got back together, and what happened at Joe’s the night before, but Callie was more focused looking at the table close to theirs, where Teddy and Arizona were talking and for what it seems to Callie, having a lot of fun. She couldn’t stop looking at Arizona. She was feeling way to much, and all of the sudden she couldn’t express her feelings so easily. She was so locked down inside. Lexie noticed that something was wrong, so she asked Mark to go and get them another drink, that way she could talk to Callie alone.
‘Callie, is everything ok?’ - Lexie asked
‘Yes, why wouldn’t be?’
‘Well, because you cant stop loooking at Arizona, and you are not doing nothing about that’
‘What do you mean?’ - Callie asked
‘Well, she came back, right? She is the love of your life. Look, you slammed the door at her face, but despite that she waited for you. You said that you don’t trust her, that it’s better for both of you that she goes back to Malawi, and all that she did was going back to the hospital and asking for her job back. You said you don’t want her here, and she said that she protect the thing she loves the most’
‘I don’t know, Lexie. It’s to complicated’
‘Callie, love is complicated, but it doesn’t have to be. I get that you feel betrayed because she left you and because she choose career over you, but she came back, didn’t she? And I think that you are forgetting a few things as well’ - she said
‘What?’ - Callie asked
‘It seems to me that she is not going to choose Africa over you, this time’
‘How do you know that?’ - Callie questioned
‘Because she is here. You gave her a clean break, you said ‘go back to Malawi’ and if she really wanted to go, she would be already on her way back to Africa. But insteed she stayed, despite everything you said to her. She made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. We all do stupid things, every now and then. We are humans. She flew halfaway across the world in attempt to win you back. You have to give her credit for that. I’m not excusing her conduct and how sge left you at the airport, but she’s trying, like really trying. She obviously regreted everything. If not, she wouldn’t be here, next to you, starring at you this whole evening, letting you to behieve, the way you do, like a complete ass to her. She is doing all this because she really loves you and she’s not going anywhere. Believe me, when you love someone, you are willing to put up with all kinds of shit from that person’
‘Thanks, Lexie’ - Callie said
‘What are you guys talking about?’ - Mark asked
‘Stuff’ - Lexie responded, looking at Callie
‘You have very smart girlfriend over here, Mark. Don’t screw this up, you got that?’ - Callie said, smiling at both of them
The rest of the evening went well, with talk and laugh, but mostly with starring eyes from both, Callie and Arizona. Everyone noticed that, and amuzing as it was, they didn’t know why they didn’t try at least to talk to each other. The fact is, that they couldn help but to look at each other. Those looks were saying more then any conversation, and Callie and Arizona, both knew that. Some time after that, Teddy and Arizona left the bar. After mulling over Lexie’s words for a few minutes, Callie knew exactly what she has to do.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.