FanFic:You say it best,when you say nothing at all / Chapter 3: CHOICES WE MAKE (3/?)
NOTE:I have already written 3 chapters so far, and I will post them tomorrow. So, please review and comment, cause depending on your reviews I`ll know if I will continue writing the story. I hope you`ll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing :)))))))
Tittle: You say it best, when you say nothing at all
Chapter 3: Choices we make
Author: calzonamfeo ( MariaCallizonaMFEO on FF )
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Callie is trying to move on with her life.But what happens when Arizona comes back?Life changes and one mistake can change everything.Love is put to a test,will they survive?Try as we might to keep it study, LOVE is the most powerful thing of all.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC. I don’t own anything. Any similarities to real life situations/persons are purely coincidental. Not for profit; for entertainment purposes only.
A/N:Comments are much appreciated and will encourage me to write more fanfics in the future :)))))
Chapter 3
Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength to just let go.
Callie knew that. She also knew that, letting Arizona in her heart, all over again, in this moment, was something she couldn’t control. Kissing her was like dream come true, like floating on air. Holding her, feeling her touch was unimaginable joy and happiness, it was something she was longing for so much time, and she thought she would never be able to kiss her lips again, touch her, feel her, and now, she was doing that exact same thing. When it comes to love, Callie couldn’t control her feelings, even if she knew that it was a mistake. Because there was one thing that Callie was holding inside, and she knew that she has to tell Arizona, one thing that might change their life completely, and this time maybe for good. MARK. She couldn’t stand a thought of losing Arizona, and she knew that she has to take a stand, she has to be brave and honest with her, no matter what happens.
`Arizona, I can`t … we … can`t do this … it`s a bad idea` - I said to her, breaking the kiss. She looked at me with those beautiful, full of love, blue eyes. She was looking at me just like the first time. She is beautiful - I thought. But I knew that this was a mistake. Since she showed up at my doorstep and I closed the door at her face, there was only one thing that occupied my mind. It was Mark. Regret. Shame. Guilt. Possibility of loosing Arizona again was torturing me. I needed to tell her. I wanted to tell her, just didn’t know how, but she deserves to know.
`I have something to tell you` - I couldn’t look at her, there was so much fear and guilt in my eyes, that I was afraid of putting my eyes on her. I focused my look at the floor, slowly moving my hands from her neck, but at the moment I start walking away, she took my hand, stood up, putting her other hand on my cheek, looking at me and placing one more kiss on my lips. So gentle, but with so much passion.
`Don’t, please. Just don’t. Don’t say anything. Not tonight. I don’t want to know. All I need right now, all I want right now is to be with you.` - Arizona looked at me, with a big smile, caressing my face, my lips, and then she kissed me. I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, all the secrets that slept deep within me came awake, everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense. I was helpless. I wanted to tell her about the Mark, but the moment with her was so perfect. It seemed like the whole world stopped. Just two of us, in this entire universe. Just us and our love. True love. Strong love, deep as an ocean.
`But, I really need to tell you something, Arizona` - I insisted, because I knew what`s going to happen and I didn’t want to hide this from her. As much as I was hurt, as much as she hurt me, it wasn’t fair from to keep this from her. It felt like I was betraying her in some way.
`Please, Calliope, just listen to me, ok?` - I nodded. She took a deep breath before continuing, not letting go of my hand. `I know that you`re hurt.I know that I hurt you, you think I don’t know that? I know that what I did to you is something you probably will never forget and. I know that, I can feel that. You have all right to be scared and afraid, but you know what? The thing about life is that we get unlimited permits to defy fear` - she was squeezing my hand, and pulling me into a deep hug. `She smells so good` - Callie thought. After a few seconds, she looked at me. Her beautiful eyes were looking at me. Her blue eyes, so beautiful, like an ocean of possibilities, and I, just like the first time, slowly was falling into the spell of her delicate and inspiring waves. `I`m hurt too` - she continued, `but only because I hurt you, because I broke your heart and I`m aware of the fact that maybe you won`t be able to trust me, ever again, but I`m willing to try. If you let me, if you let us, I know that we have what it takes to heal each other. I`m sure that I`m capable of doing almost impossible, just like I did the first time. Because when I look at you, I feel much stronger, much stronger then ever. And I know, I feel it, that deep down of all your fears, you feel the same. Everything about you is telling me that. Your eyes, your hands, when I touch you, I feel that. Your breathing when I get closer to you, is telling me that, cause you cant stop shivering. Your kisses are telling me that. And most important of all, the accelerate beating of your heart when I kiss you, is telling me that. That’s why I`m here right now, begging you, please, just let me fix what is broken inside of you` - she took a deep breath, kissed me and then released my hand. I was looking at her, wondering what to do. How can I say `NO` after this? How can I say `NO` when all inside of me just was screaming for her touch, kiss, the warmth of her body? I could feel that she was honest, that she would never leave me, but I was to scared, to afraid of letting her in, even if I knew that she`ll always be in my heart. I knew that, even when my fears were so big and my heart was broken, I knew that she was and always will be, the only one who could fix it. Just like the first time.
I took a deep breath, delighting myself with the stunning blue eyes, before I shook my head. The past, what she did to me was holding me back, not letting me go, because for a second I really felt that I moved on, but somehow I knew that if I let myself believing that, I won`t be able to remember what used to be so perfect. It was her. It wasn’t something easy to do, but that didn’t mean that it was impossible either.
` Calliope? ` - she said to me. My eyes met hers, tears starting to fall down my cheeks, her hand gentle caressing mine. I shiver at her touch, feel her essence, I feel her breathing. `Calliope, I love you`, and with that, I felt her lips touching mine. My heart was beating so fast, so furiously. ` What she`s doing to me` - Callie thought, but it was impossible not to know.
I kissed her because I couldn’t help it … because seeing her broken was killing me … I kissed her because I wanted her. The way she broke down in my arms, was still hurting me - Arizona thought. `I couldn’t take that image out of my mind, because I felt it like my own. The way she looked at me, with her beautiful brown eyes full of sorrow, pain, suffer, was destroying me, because I knew that I was the one who caused that pain.`
All Callie could do was give in. Her desire for Arizona was something she couldn’t deny, and she knew that. Arizona knew that. Their kisses became more and more passionate, stronger, faster, full of desire and longing. Arizona put her hands in back of Callie`s neck and pulled their bodies closer, wanting to feel more contact with Callie. The kiss was so lovely, so profound, romantic, they were only be interrupted when they needed air. They looked at each other.
`God, I missed this` - Arizona said, breathing hard, shivering at Callie`s touch. `Remember the first time we made love?` - she ased, causing a surprise look on Callie`s face.
` Of course, how can I forget that` - Callie said, looking at Arizona, placing her hand over her cheek.
` Before that`, - Arizona continued, `I never knew what true love feels like, not before I met you, before I had you. You can talk about that fisical love once you have felt it, once you have been in the arms of a person you love the most. When that person kisses you, caress you. Feeling the warmth of her skin, that passion slowly awakes, and you are suddenly drowned into this amazing feeling, like you`ve been pulled by a vertigo, that takes you to heaven or hell` - she squeezed my hand, pulling my head close to her and kissed me. The most amazing kiss I`ve ever experienced. Full of love. I felt my heart beating out of my chest. I kissed her with the same amount of love, desire, passion and tenderness then ever before. She breaks up the kiss, comes close to my ear and says `Africa was my hell. You`re my heaven`
Arizona slowly leaned forward and Callie closed her eyes. She felt her lips again, as she placed her hand on the side of Arizona`s face. When she felt Arizona`s tongue run along the bottom of her lip, Callie quickly opened her mouth to allow the access.
Minutes had passed before they finally pulled away to catch their breath. Callie`s head was spinning. Her heart was pounding like crazy.
`This feels so good, so right` - she thought. And then, just like that, a few words from Arizona made that Callie`s world make sense again. Or not.
` I want that first time. I want to make love to you, Calliope ` - she said with soft voice, eyes full of tears, hoping that Callie felt the same desire. But what Arizona didn’t expect was:
` I slept with Mark` - Callie said. She felt the cold in her chest, only by looking at Arizona, who was staring at her, without any sigh, and indication what so ever, that she could say something, anything. The only thing Arizona did was letting go of Callie`s hand, stepping far away from her, trying to breath. ` Keep on breathing, Arizona` - she told herself, `keep breathing, pull yourself together, ok?`
` What did you just say? ` - Arizona asked Callie
` I slept with Mark ` - she replied
` You slept with Mark? You slept with Mark?! - Arizona yelled at Callie.
` Yes ` - Callie said, not knowing what else to do. ` Should I get closer to her? Should I hug her? Yeah, right, the last things she needs from me right now is a hug. I`m an idiot.` - Callie thought. `Arizona, please, say something ? `
` What do you want me to say to, Callie? What?! What do you want from me now? Keep torturing me because I left you? Punishing me because I came out to be just like George, Erica … ? `
` What are you talking about, Arizona? How can you even think something like that? I never wanted to hurt you, ever! ` - Callie was devastated, because she saw hate in Arizona`s eyes. Disappointment. Pain.
` Turns out that I don’t even know you, Callie, not anymore. So what, I broke up with you, and you jump into bed with Mark Sloan? That’s how your definition of love is?
` Arizona, I … `
` Just answer the damn question, Callie! `
` It wasn’t like that, I swear`
` So how was it, eh? - Arizona asked
` I was so angry, mad, hurt, you broke up with me, you left me at the airport. Do you think it was easy for me? I was miserable without you, all I could do was think about you, trying to figure it out how am I going to survive without you, how am I supposed to live without you. I was devastated, Arizona. And for one moment, when I thought that I could see the things from different perspective, I find out, from Teddy, that you don’t even ask for me, not even once. That you don’t care about me. And that was killing me. I didn’t know better, Arizona, I didn’t know how to deal with all of this … I ` …
` So your best way to deal with all of this was sleeping with Mark? That’s you answer ? - Arizona asked.
Callie didn’t know what to say. She knew that she messed up things, badly. She could see the love onf Arizona`s face after only few seconds ago, but now, the only thing she could possibly see was cold, anger and pain.
` Yes ` - Callie answered. `But it meant nothing. I love you.`
` That’s just great, just great. I can`t even look at you right now. I think that I`ve made a huge mistake by coming here.`
` Oh, now it’s a mistake? I few seconds ago, that was the best thing you ever done, and now it’s a mistake? I few seconds ago, you were kissing me, wanting to make love to me, just like the first time, telling me how sorry you are for leaving me, and how the best thing you can do is loving me … So, what its gonna be, Arizona? Pick one. Decide.` - Callie was furious, and mad at herself, because she didn’t want for this to happen this way, not with all of this hard words.
` I don’t have to decide, Callie. I already did that. When I came here, I already made my decision. But, forgive me, because I cant see the bigger picture about the whole `I slept with Mark thing``
`What that suppose to mean?`
` Nothing `
` Look, I screwed up, ok? I screwed up. But we weren’t together when I slept with Mark. And yes, I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore, with the fact that I couldn’t breath without you, that I couldn’t sleep without you, that I couldn’t think of anything if its not about you. So, I slept with Mark. Yes. Do you know why I slept with him? Because I wanted to feel NOTHING. NOTHING. Or I didn’t want to feel EVERYTHING. I didn’t want to feel you, Arizona, to hear you, to breath you. I didn’t want to love you anymore. I wanted to hate you, because you left me. I even tried to, but it was impossible. Its impossible to hate you, when I LOVE YOU. `
` Stop it! You don’t get to say that you love me ! `
` So I don’t, and you do? `
` I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean like that`
`No, that’s exactly what you meant`
` No, it`s not. Because I didn’t slept with anyone trying to forget you, to stop thinking about you. I didn’t slept with anyone trying not to feel anything, or to feel nothing, because I CAME BACK. I didn’t want to forget about you, because I love you. I didn’t want to hate you, because I love you. I didn’t try to find someone else to be with, because my life doesn’t make any sense if you are not part of it. Because my heart only beats for you and because of you. I made a mistake by leaving you, I get that, but the only difference between you and me is that, even if I did what you are most afraid of - be left by person you love the most, I CAME BACK, because I couldn’t handle to breath if you are not beside me. And you did the exact same thing to me … why Mark, Callie? Why Mark? You are trying to make me feel bad, because I left you and that was your greatest fear, but what about me, Callie? Am I the only bad guy here or what? - Arizona was out of control, she couldn`t believe what was happening.
Callie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She just stood there, unable to speak, because she was in shock. Everything that Arizona said make sense. She was right.
` I`m not saying that you are the bad guy here`
` That’s exactly what are you saying Callie, the whole time. I opened my heart and soul to you, and you still can`t see the bigger picture, can you?`
` What are you talking about? ` - she asked
` I came back. I CAME BACK ! That’s the bigger picture. I came back for you. For our love. At least what I thought it was love. But clearly it`s not `
` How is that the bigger picture? `?
` Because I came back. I did what no one else didn’t. I came back, because I love you. Yes, I hurt you, I get that. Your greatest fear became true. I get that. I`ve never should leave you, I realize that. But I came back. Don’t you get that? Your fear is not fear anymore, because I`m here. But tell me, who will take away my fear? ` - and with that, Arizona make her way out of the apartment.
` It`s you ! `
` What? ` - Arizona said, in surprise
` Definition of love . For me it`s you.` - Callie said, with tears in her eyes, making one step closer to Arizona. ` No one will understand and no one will ever change it. No one sees it. Not wanting to see it. Making something out of nothing. That`s it. That`s why I fall for you everytime .When I say I love you. When I say I need you. When I say my life is better with you. That’s love. That’s you.`
Arizona just stood there, with mouth widely open, didn’t know what to say. She was angry, hurt, her whole world was crushing down in that very moment. She was crying.
` I don't have the words to make you feel better, and I`m so sorry` - Callie continued, tears in her eyes were impossible to hide, and the look on Arizona`s face said it all. There was no hope. Not anymore. They were so close, but yet so far away. ` But I know one thing that I can always give it you, always and forever.` - Callie said. `My heart. `
` I know there are a thousands of reasons, telling me that this can`t be ` - Arizona was getting closer to Callie. ` but there`s so much inside of me right now, and I can`t deny what I truly feel. I can`t fight this feeling anymore, it`s driving me crazy. It`s driving me crazy, Callie, and I don’t know how we`ll survive this, but every second that passes by, this feeling is turning into something more stronger that I could ever imagine … ` - Arizona suddenly found herself in the arms of a woman she loved more the her life. Callie leaned forward her, put her hand on her face, looking at her beautiful blue eyes, and kissed her.
` Callie, this is … `
` LOVE, Arizona, this is love `
They really wanted to be together, to explore once again their bodies, every detail, every place, every corner. Making love was what they wanted. After so long, despite all the problems, their love was stronger than everything. It was their time to chose, and the decision was simple.
` I wanna make love to you, Calliope `
` Just like the first time ` - Callie said.
` Just like the first time `
I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
And with that, Callie and Arizona forgot about everything. Mark, Africa, hurt, pain, suffer, broken - hearts, fears, sadness, tears … they forgot about everything, because the only thing that really mattered was their love. They were kissing like it was their last time, like the world was ending. They didn’t now what tomorrow will bring, and they didn’t care. They just wanted to love each other. Tonight. Like it`s the last night on earth.
Life is about trusting your feelings, and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing that people can change.
Tittle: You say it best, when you say nothing at all
Chapter 3: Choices we make
Author: calzonamfeo ( MariaCallizonaMFEO on FF )
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Callie is trying to move on with her life.But what happens when Arizona comes back?Life changes and one mistake can change everything.Love is put to a test,will they survive?Try as we might to keep it study, LOVE is the most powerful thing of all.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC. I don’t own anything. Any similarities to real life situations/persons are purely coincidental. Not for profit; for entertainment purposes only.
A/N:Comments are much appreciated and will encourage me to write more fanfics in the future :)))))
Chapter 3
Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength to just let go.
Callie knew that. She also knew that, letting Arizona in her heart, all over again, in this moment, was something she couldn’t control. Kissing her was like dream come true, like floating on air. Holding her, feeling her touch was unimaginable joy and happiness, it was something she was longing for so much time, and she thought she would never be able to kiss her lips again, touch her, feel her, and now, she was doing that exact same thing. When it comes to love, Callie couldn’t control her feelings, even if she knew that it was a mistake. Because there was one thing that Callie was holding inside, and she knew that she has to tell Arizona, one thing that might change their life completely, and this time maybe for good. MARK. She couldn’t stand a thought of losing Arizona, and she knew that she has to take a stand, she has to be brave and honest with her, no matter what happens.
`Arizona, I can`t … we … can`t do this … it`s a bad idea` - I said to her, breaking the kiss. She looked at me with those beautiful, full of love, blue eyes. She was looking at me just like the first time. She is beautiful - I thought. But I knew that this was a mistake. Since she showed up at my doorstep and I closed the door at her face, there was only one thing that occupied my mind. It was Mark. Regret. Shame. Guilt. Possibility of loosing Arizona again was torturing me. I needed to tell her. I wanted to tell her, just didn’t know how, but she deserves to know.
`I have something to tell you` - I couldn’t look at her, there was so much fear and guilt in my eyes, that I was afraid of putting my eyes on her. I focused my look at the floor, slowly moving my hands from her neck, but at the moment I start walking away, she took my hand, stood up, putting her other hand on my cheek, looking at me and placing one more kiss on my lips. So gentle, but with so much passion.
`Don’t, please. Just don’t. Don’t say anything. Not tonight. I don’t want to know. All I need right now, all I want right now is to be with you.` - Arizona looked at me, with a big smile, caressing my face, my lips, and then she kissed me. I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, all the secrets that slept deep within me came awake, everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense. I was helpless. I wanted to tell her about the Mark, but the moment with her was so perfect. It seemed like the whole world stopped. Just two of us, in this entire universe. Just us and our love. True love. Strong love, deep as an ocean.
`But, I really need to tell you something, Arizona` - I insisted, because I knew what`s going to happen and I didn’t want to hide this from her. As much as I was hurt, as much as she hurt me, it wasn’t fair from to keep this from her. It felt like I was betraying her in some way.
`Please, Calliope, just listen to me, ok?` - I nodded. She took a deep breath before continuing, not letting go of my hand. `I know that you`re hurt.I know that I hurt you, you think I don’t know that? I know that what I did to you is something you probably will never forget and. I know that, I can feel that. You have all right to be scared and afraid, but you know what? The thing about life is that we get unlimited permits to defy fear` - she was squeezing my hand, and pulling me into a deep hug. `She smells so good` - Callie thought. After a few seconds, she looked at me. Her beautiful eyes were looking at me. Her blue eyes, so beautiful, like an ocean of possibilities, and I, just like the first time, slowly was falling into the spell of her delicate and inspiring waves. `I`m hurt too` - she continued, `but only because I hurt you, because I broke your heart and I`m aware of the fact that maybe you won`t be able to trust me, ever again, but I`m willing to try. If you let me, if you let us, I know that we have what it takes to heal each other. I`m sure that I`m capable of doing almost impossible, just like I did the first time. Because when I look at you, I feel much stronger, much stronger then ever. And I know, I feel it, that deep down of all your fears, you feel the same. Everything about you is telling me that. Your eyes, your hands, when I touch you, I feel that. Your breathing when I get closer to you, is telling me that, cause you cant stop shivering. Your kisses are telling me that. And most important of all, the accelerate beating of your heart when I kiss you, is telling me that. That’s why I`m here right now, begging you, please, just let me fix what is broken inside of you` - she took a deep breath, kissed me and then released my hand. I was looking at her, wondering what to do. How can I say `NO` after this? How can I say `NO` when all inside of me just was screaming for her touch, kiss, the warmth of her body? I could feel that she was honest, that she would never leave me, but I was to scared, to afraid of letting her in, even if I knew that she`ll always be in my heart. I knew that, even when my fears were so big and my heart was broken, I knew that she was and always will be, the only one who could fix it. Just like the first time.
I took a deep breath, delighting myself with the stunning blue eyes, before I shook my head. The past, what she did to me was holding me back, not letting me go, because for a second I really felt that I moved on, but somehow I knew that if I let myself believing that, I won`t be able to remember what used to be so perfect. It was her. It wasn’t something easy to do, but that didn’t mean that it was impossible either.
` Calliope? ` - she said to me. My eyes met hers, tears starting to fall down my cheeks, her hand gentle caressing mine. I shiver at her touch, feel her essence, I feel her breathing. `Calliope, I love you`, and with that, I felt her lips touching mine. My heart was beating so fast, so furiously. ` What she`s doing to me` - Callie thought, but it was impossible not to know.
I kissed her because I couldn’t help it … because seeing her broken was killing me … I kissed her because I wanted her. The way she broke down in my arms, was still hurting me - Arizona thought. `I couldn’t take that image out of my mind, because I felt it like my own. The way she looked at me, with her beautiful brown eyes full of sorrow, pain, suffer, was destroying me, because I knew that I was the one who caused that pain.`
All Callie could do was give in. Her desire for Arizona was something she couldn’t deny, and she knew that. Arizona knew that. Their kisses became more and more passionate, stronger, faster, full of desire and longing. Arizona put her hands in back of Callie`s neck and pulled their bodies closer, wanting to feel more contact with Callie. The kiss was so lovely, so profound, romantic, they were only be interrupted when they needed air. They looked at each other.
`God, I missed this` - Arizona said, breathing hard, shivering at Callie`s touch. `Remember the first time we made love?` - she ased, causing a surprise look on Callie`s face.
` Of course, how can I forget that` - Callie said, looking at Arizona, placing her hand over her cheek.
` Before that`, - Arizona continued, `I never knew what true love feels like, not before I met you, before I had you. You can talk about that fisical love once you have felt it, once you have been in the arms of a person you love the most. When that person kisses you, caress you. Feeling the warmth of her skin, that passion slowly awakes, and you are suddenly drowned into this amazing feeling, like you`ve been pulled by a vertigo, that takes you to heaven or hell` - she squeezed my hand, pulling my head close to her and kissed me. The most amazing kiss I`ve ever experienced. Full of love. I felt my heart beating out of my chest. I kissed her with the same amount of love, desire, passion and tenderness then ever before. She breaks up the kiss, comes close to my ear and says `Africa was my hell. You`re my heaven`
Arizona slowly leaned forward and Callie closed her eyes. She felt her lips again, as she placed her hand on the side of Arizona`s face. When she felt Arizona`s tongue run along the bottom of her lip, Callie quickly opened her mouth to allow the access.
Minutes had passed before they finally pulled away to catch their breath. Callie`s head was spinning. Her heart was pounding like crazy.
`This feels so good, so right` - she thought. And then, just like that, a few words from Arizona made that Callie`s world make sense again. Or not.
` I want that first time. I want to make love to you, Calliope ` - she said with soft voice, eyes full of tears, hoping that Callie felt the same desire. But what Arizona didn’t expect was:
` I slept with Mark` - Callie said. She felt the cold in her chest, only by looking at Arizona, who was staring at her, without any sigh, and indication what so ever, that she could say something, anything. The only thing Arizona did was letting go of Callie`s hand, stepping far away from her, trying to breath. ` Keep on breathing, Arizona` - she told herself, `keep breathing, pull yourself together, ok?`
` What did you just say? ` - Arizona asked Callie
` I slept with Mark ` - she replied
` You slept with Mark? You slept with Mark?! - Arizona yelled at Callie.
` Yes ` - Callie said, not knowing what else to do. ` Should I get closer to her? Should I hug her? Yeah, right, the last things she needs from me right now is a hug. I`m an idiot.` - Callie thought. `Arizona, please, say something ? `
` What do you want me to say to, Callie? What?! What do you want from me now? Keep torturing me because I left you? Punishing me because I came out to be just like George, Erica … ? `
` What are you talking about, Arizona? How can you even think something like that? I never wanted to hurt you, ever! ` - Callie was devastated, because she saw hate in Arizona`s eyes. Disappointment. Pain.
` Turns out that I don’t even know you, Callie, not anymore. So what, I broke up with you, and you jump into bed with Mark Sloan? That’s how your definition of love is?
` Arizona, I … `
` Just answer the damn question, Callie! `
` It wasn’t like that, I swear`
` So how was it, eh? - Arizona asked
` I was so angry, mad, hurt, you broke up with me, you left me at the airport. Do you think it was easy for me? I was miserable without you, all I could do was think about you, trying to figure it out how am I going to survive without you, how am I supposed to live without you. I was devastated, Arizona. And for one moment, when I thought that I could see the things from different perspective, I find out, from Teddy, that you don’t even ask for me, not even once. That you don’t care about me. And that was killing me. I didn’t know better, Arizona, I didn’t know how to deal with all of this … I ` …
` So your best way to deal with all of this was sleeping with Mark? That’s you answer ? - Arizona asked.
Callie didn’t know what to say. She knew that she messed up things, badly. She could see the love onf Arizona`s face after only few seconds ago, but now, the only thing she could possibly see was cold, anger and pain.
` Yes ` - Callie answered. `But it meant nothing. I love you.`
` That’s just great, just great. I can`t even look at you right now. I think that I`ve made a huge mistake by coming here.`
` Oh, now it’s a mistake? I few seconds ago, that was the best thing you ever done, and now it’s a mistake? I few seconds ago, you were kissing me, wanting to make love to me, just like the first time, telling me how sorry you are for leaving me, and how the best thing you can do is loving me … So, what its gonna be, Arizona? Pick one. Decide.` - Callie was furious, and mad at herself, because she didn’t want for this to happen this way, not with all of this hard words.
` I don’t have to decide, Callie. I already did that. When I came here, I already made my decision. But, forgive me, because I cant see the bigger picture about the whole `I slept with Mark thing``
`What that suppose to mean?`
` Nothing `
` Look, I screwed up, ok? I screwed up. But we weren’t together when I slept with Mark. And yes, I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore, with the fact that I couldn’t breath without you, that I couldn’t sleep without you, that I couldn’t think of anything if its not about you. So, I slept with Mark. Yes. Do you know why I slept with him? Because I wanted to feel NOTHING. NOTHING. Or I didn’t want to feel EVERYTHING. I didn’t want to feel you, Arizona, to hear you, to breath you. I didn’t want to love you anymore. I wanted to hate you, because you left me. I even tried to, but it was impossible. Its impossible to hate you, when I LOVE YOU. `
` Stop it! You don’t get to say that you love me ! `
` So I don’t, and you do? `
` I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean like that`
`No, that’s exactly what you meant`
` No, it`s not. Because I didn’t slept with anyone trying to forget you, to stop thinking about you. I didn’t slept with anyone trying not to feel anything, or to feel nothing, because I CAME BACK. I didn’t want to forget about you, because I love you. I didn’t want to hate you, because I love you. I didn’t try to find someone else to be with, because my life doesn’t make any sense if you are not part of it. Because my heart only beats for you and because of you. I made a mistake by leaving you, I get that, but the only difference between you and me is that, even if I did what you are most afraid of - be left by person you love the most, I CAME BACK, because I couldn’t handle to breath if you are not beside me. And you did the exact same thing to me … why Mark, Callie? Why Mark? You are trying to make me feel bad, because I left you and that was your greatest fear, but what about me, Callie? Am I the only bad guy here or what? - Arizona was out of control, she couldn`t believe what was happening.
Callie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She just stood there, unable to speak, because she was in shock. Everything that Arizona said make sense. She was right.
` I`m not saying that you are the bad guy here`
` That’s exactly what are you saying Callie, the whole time. I opened my heart and soul to you, and you still can`t see the bigger picture, can you?`
` What are you talking about? ` - she asked
` I came back. I CAME BACK ! That’s the bigger picture. I came back for you. For our love. At least what I thought it was love. But clearly it`s not `
` How is that the bigger picture? `?
` Because I came back. I did what no one else didn’t. I came back, because I love you. Yes, I hurt you, I get that. Your greatest fear became true. I get that. I`ve never should leave you, I realize that. But I came back. Don’t you get that? Your fear is not fear anymore, because I`m here. But tell me, who will take away my fear? ` - and with that, Arizona make her way out of the apartment.
` It`s you ! `
` What? ` - Arizona said, in surprise
` Definition of love . For me it`s you.` - Callie said, with tears in her eyes, making one step closer to Arizona. ` No one will understand and no one will ever change it. No one sees it. Not wanting to see it. Making something out of nothing. That`s it. That`s why I fall for you everytime .When I say I love you. When I say I need you. When I say my life is better with you. That’s love. That’s you.`
Arizona just stood there, with mouth widely open, didn’t know what to say. She was angry, hurt, her whole world was crushing down in that very moment. She was crying.
` I don't have the words to make you feel better, and I`m so sorry` - Callie continued, tears in her eyes were impossible to hide, and the look on Arizona`s face said it all. There was no hope. Not anymore. They were so close, but yet so far away. ` But I know one thing that I can always give it you, always and forever.` - Callie said. `My heart. `
` I know there are a thousands of reasons, telling me that this can`t be ` - Arizona was getting closer to Callie. ` but there`s so much inside of me right now, and I can`t deny what I truly feel. I can`t fight this feeling anymore, it`s driving me crazy. It`s driving me crazy, Callie, and I don’t know how we`ll survive this, but every second that passes by, this feeling is turning into something more stronger that I could ever imagine … ` - Arizona suddenly found herself in the arms of a woman she loved more the her life. Callie leaned forward her, put her hand on her face, looking at her beautiful blue eyes, and kissed her.
` Callie, this is … `
` LOVE, Arizona, this is love `
They really wanted to be together, to explore once again their bodies, every detail, every place, every corner. Making love was what they wanted. After so long, despite all the problems, their love was stronger than everything. It was their time to chose, and the decision was simple.
` I wanna make love to you, Calliope `
` Just like the first time ` - Callie said.
` Just like the first time `
I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
And with that, Callie and Arizona forgot about everything. Mark, Africa, hurt, pain, suffer, broken - hearts, fears, sadness, tears … they forgot about everything, because the only thing that really mattered was their love. They were kissing like it was their last time, like the world was ending. They didn’t now what tomorrow will bring, and they didn’t care. They just wanted to love each other. Tonight. Like it`s the last night on earth.
Life is about trusting your feelings, and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing that people can change.