(no subject)
Hmm...what to say and what not to say. I don't want to make a big deal of it all...But I want to warn others so that they don't make the same mistake as I, and I need to get this out. Well yesterday, after cancelling the slumber party for friday, Dj took me to lunch and we went and I helped her with some work, we hung out, went to the mall, I got to groom a horses!!!!!, and we went skating. So I managed to get my slumber party...just Dj was the only other girl...and there was a guy...we went to his house. Sadly I agreed to go to his house because I owed Dj that for taking me in for the day, and because the guy is going off into Iraq and he needed his girl Dj for the night. So I went, thinking we'd watch a movie and the two would go off and fuck...didn't happen. I was all sweaty from skating, and Dj asked if we wanted to take a shower, so me and her did. Then he went around, turned all the lights off, stole our clothes and came in the shower. Dj didn't care or wanted him to. I was not happy. This was my first mistake: I have a mask I get around guys I don't trust, and thats a mask of power and experience in bed, all that so I don't appeare easy to rape. Well with this guy it worked the other way around. He kept pulling us to him, I would try and get away, and he would try and get me back. I of course got out of the shower once I found a way past him, but not after he forced me and Dj on eachother, which didn't bother me other than his hands were...on me, and her of course. Well then I called Dracos, and talked till I calmed down, told Dj I was not to be raped, and eventually came back in. I only did things with Dj, that I could help. I kept trying to jump in, or while fucking her, he'd put his hands up me...so harsh..it only hurt. Every thing he did hurt, and I cried out, and he took that to do more, and Dj had to tell him no. I couldn't sleep, I was afraid to. I got maybe one hour at the house, then after he left for boot camp me and Dj slept in the car in the parking lot of a piggly wiggly for about an hour. She for about two hours. I woke up to every freaken car that past. This was all at about 5 in the morning. Eventually I was taken home and slept. I regret it, I'm so hurt. I'll never be alone with a guy again. I get this feeling of about to be raped from every guy I'm alone with...but oddly enough not from Dracos...and if you know about our first "date" that would surprise you. I want to be held by him right now and told I'm not bad, that I did all I could, and that he still loved me and would never hurt me like Dj's man did. I'm crying, so I better stop. Just rememeber, don't be alone with men or with them when there are only a few girls, or just make sure parents are near, or there are many girls not wanting to do shit. I'm not sure all that was worth one day of not being alone. I'm just not sure. Out