(no subject)
Well its almost been a week since I moved to Flagstaff and I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to be able to make something out of myself here. I mean I love it here and I definately love the people I'm living with, but I kind of feel like I'm over staying my welcome. I kind of feel like I'm walking on egg shells with everyone I know. It's almost as if I'm trying to please everyone and making sure that they're ok, but what I'm forgetting to do is please myself and make sure that I'm happy. I feel like I'm slowly loosing who I am and turning into someone I don't want to be. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I just really miss my mom and dad and all my friends back home. I guess I'm in limbo again and I have to admitt that it sucks. First I couldn't wait to move to Flagstaff and now I can't wait till we move into the house. I feel like my life is on pause again and it doesn't help that I'm living out of my suitcase. I'm happy to be where I am and very greatful to my friends that that are allowing me to live with them right now, but I just have to give it time to sink in that I'm "not in Kansas anymore."
Last night was the first night that I've cried since I've been here. I really think its because I miss my mom. I got so used to having her there everyday, just around the hall, but she's not anymore. Maybe what she said is true and that sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I sure hope she's wrong.
Derek called me the other day wondering if I wanted to hang out with him and when I told him that I was in Flagstaff he said that I suck and that I probably won't ever see him again. He knew when I was moving to Flagstaff. It's not my fault that he didn't call me sooner. He's just so dumb and blames everything on me and I'm done with that. Boys are just dumb and frustrating.
I swear some people have nothing else to say to me unless its something to put me down. It gets old and it hurts my feelings. I'm sick and tired of people telling putting me down and saying that I wont make it in Flagstaff. I mean c'mon you don't that thought hasn't crossed my mind like a million times. I don't need to hear it every single time we talk. I'm sorry that your life sucks and you're not doing anything to better yourself and blaming me for trying to make my life better. Why don't you just go fuck yourself.