A Prayer For My Brother
So the truly excellent comm motherlessguns just had a poetry challenge that asked participants to search the works of well-known authors and find poems about the Winchester boys. My source? The book of Psalms.
My first entry was Psalm 18, and it fit Dean and Castiel pretty perfectly without any editorial input from me. But while I was reading through the verses, certain lines kept popping out at me, and I'd think damn, that sounds like Sam and Dean. And, well, I love found poetry ( this isn't the first time I've done it in fandom). Everything below was cut and pasted from lines all over the book of Psalms- the lines themselves are all essentially as I found them in the New Standard Version of the Bible- and arranged by me into this plea from Sam to his brother. The title is also of my own making- if Sam is still praying in season five, it's not to the angels.
A Prayer For My Brother
Season 5, Sam POV
Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked;
the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful.
O, let the evil of the wicked come to an end.
Their offerings of blood I will not drink;
I will not taste their names on my lips.
I will utter dark sayings of old,
things that I have heard and known,
things my fathers have taught me.
Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven.
How long must I wait? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul,
and have sorrow in my heart all day long?
There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation.
There is no health in my bones because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.
Every night I flood my bed with tears;
my eyes waste away because of grief.
I cry by day, but you do not answer;
by night, but I find no rest.
It is not enemies who taunt me- I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me-
I could hide from them. But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend, my brother.
I have become a stranger to my kindred, an alien to my mother’s children.
You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your record?
It was you who took me from the womb;
you kept me safe on my mother’s breast.
Upon you I have leaned from birth.
From my youth you have taught me;
you trained my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
Your right hand has supported me;
your help has made me great.
It was you who took me from my mother’s womb.
Though my father and mother forsake me, you lift me up.
On you I was cast from my birth,
and since my mother bore me you have been my God.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
Do not turn me away in anger, you who have been my help;
do not cast me off, do not forsake me!
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions.
Do not refuse to hear me, for if you are silent
I shall be like those who go down to the Pit.
Even unto old age and grey hairs, do not forsake me.
Turn back to me, remember me;
deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love.
Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit.
I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.
Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.
Pardon my guilt, for it is great.
My soul waits for you; you are my help and shield.
There is nothing on earth that I desire other than you.
My heart is at peace, because I trust in your name.
You hear me when I call to you.
I am yours; save me.
My first entry was Psalm 18, and it fit Dean and Castiel pretty perfectly without any editorial input from me. But while I was reading through the verses, certain lines kept popping out at me, and I'd think damn, that sounds like Sam and Dean. And, well, I love found poetry ( this isn't the first time I've done it in fandom). Everything below was cut and pasted from lines all over the book of Psalms- the lines themselves are all essentially as I found them in the New Standard Version of the Bible- and arranged by me into this plea from Sam to his brother. The title is also of my own making- if Sam is still praying in season five, it's not to the angels.
A Prayer For My Brother
Season 5, Sam POV
Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked;
the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful.
O, let the evil of the wicked come to an end.
Their offerings of blood I will not drink;
I will not taste their names on my lips.
I will utter dark sayings of old,
things that I have heard and known,
things my fathers have taught me.
Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven.
How long must I wait? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul,
and have sorrow in my heart all day long?
There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation.
There is no health in my bones because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.
Every night I flood my bed with tears;
my eyes waste away because of grief.
I cry by day, but you do not answer;
by night, but I find no rest.
It is not enemies who taunt me- I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me-
I could hide from them. But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend, my brother.
I have become a stranger to my kindred, an alien to my mother’s children.
You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your record?
It was you who took me from the womb;
you kept me safe on my mother’s breast.
Upon you I have leaned from birth.
From my youth you have taught me;
you trained my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
Your right hand has supported me;
your help has made me great.
It was you who took me from my mother’s womb.
Though my father and mother forsake me, you lift me up.
On you I was cast from my birth,
and since my mother bore me you have been my God.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
Do not turn me away in anger, you who have been my help;
do not cast me off, do not forsake me!
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions.
Do not refuse to hear me, for if you are silent
I shall be like those who go down to the Pit.
Even unto old age and grey hairs, do not forsake me.
Turn back to me, remember me;
deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love.
Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit.
I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.
Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.
Pardon my guilt, for it is great.
My soul waits for you; you are my help and shield.
There is nothing on earth that I desire other than you.
My heart is at peace, because I trust in your name.
You hear me when I call to you.
I am yours; save me.