NYC Weekend
Rose Trifaro got married today, to Brian Laube. Yay for Mr and Mrs Laube! I flew into Long Island yesterday morning just to be here for it. As soon as I landed, I dumped my stuff at the YWAM base and hopped a train for the city to meet up with Ali, Reese, and Kristen. I was so excited to see them after two years. I also got to see Scott, Sam, Andrew, and later on I saw David and Ange. Also Buyett and Brianna.
So I get to the city and they txt me going "We're in Little Italy, here's how to get here." I had to take a sub to Spring St, find where it crosses Broadway, then find some rice pudding shop. And being me, I got lost.
After much turning in circles and asking directions, I met up with them and we all marched off. Unfortunately, I was not smart about my choice of shoes. I was wearing my new cowboy boots, and my feet are currently twice their normal size and bruised. Augh.
Anyway, we walked around and went to a few stores and I did some light shoplifting and we had a good time. We went to Serendipity for dinner and it was amazing! The inside looks like Barbie's Dream House, all pink and white and girly. Buyett met us there and it was wonderful to see him.
Even though I was having a good time, though, I wasn't really happy. It wasn't quite what I expected it to be, seeing them again, and sometimes I felt like they were judging me and looking down at me. Then I found out that they weren't staying at the base with me that night, they were staying at Brianna's apartment. I would be at the base by myself. They said there wasn't room for me at the apt, I was just kind of left out.
We finally met up with Brianna, and she felt so bad that I couldn't stay with her. She asked a lot about how I'd been doing since YWAM and I was very blunt about how much my life has gone down the shitter. She saw right through my bravado and knew exactly what I needed. A hug. All I've wanted was for someone to see how much I was hurting and to give me a little comfort. She prayed for me and every single thing that I've been going through the past six months, she knew about. I don't know how she knew, all about my feelings of guilt and insecurity, and feeling like a failure, and feeling ugly and fat. She knew all of it, and held me like a baby the whole time. It was exactly what I needed and I just feel so much lighter.
I stayed at the base that night with no mishaps, and got up early for the wedding. It was a quick, short, beautiful ceremony, and the reception was a ball. There were these six high school guys there, and they were absolutely nuts. They danced the entire time, and it was not the normal kind of dancing. They were going nuts. I could have watched them for hours and not gotten bored. Of course we all danced, and Rose was out there in her wedding gown, doing all the dances with us.
Kelsey and Johnny were there too, with little Ezra. He's just turned 9 months old, and he is BEAUTIFUL. I mean, I knew he would be, since his parents are both lookers, but still. He is adorable. And when he got fussy and tired, I got to hold him and just walk in big circles around the hall, since he likes walking. And he snuggled right into my shoulder and held onto me and watched the people and murmured in baby talk and GOD I WANT A BABY SO BAD.
I'm ok.
Anyway, Ali, Reese, Sam, Kristen, Andrew, and me are all hanging out at the base. We had Mannino's for dinner and now we're chatting and watching a movie. It's all good. We have to get up idiotically early to get a shuttle to the airport, but still. We're having fun.
So this didn't turn out as bad as it seemed at first, and I'm so glad I got to see all these people again. This was really just what I needed for me.
So I get to the city and they txt me going "We're in Little Italy, here's how to get here." I had to take a sub to Spring St, find where it crosses Broadway, then find some rice pudding shop. And being me, I got lost.
After much turning in circles and asking directions, I met up with them and we all marched off. Unfortunately, I was not smart about my choice of shoes. I was wearing my new cowboy boots, and my feet are currently twice their normal size and bruised. Augh.
Anyway, we walked around and went to a few stores and I did some light shoplifting and we had a good time. We went to Serendipity for dinner and it was amazing! The inside looks like Barbie's Dream House, all pink and white and girly. Buyett met us there and it was wonderful to see him.
Even though I was having a good time, though, I wasn't really happy. It wasn't quite what I expected it to be, seeing them again, and sometimes I felt like they were judging me and looking down at me. Then I found out that they weren't staying at the base with me that night, they were staying at Brianna's apartment. I would be at the base by myself. They said there wasn't room for me at the apt, I was just kind of left out.
We finally met up with Brianna, and she felt so bad that I couldn't stay with her. She asked a lot about how I'd been doing since YWAM and I was very blunt about how much my life has gone down the shitter. She saw right through my bravado and knew exactly what I needed. A hug. All I've wanted was for someone to see how much I was hurting and to give me a little comfort. She prayed for me and every single thing that I've been going through the past six months, she knew about. I don't know how she knew, all about my feelings of guilt and insecurity, and feeling like a failure, and feeling ugly and fat. She knew all of it, and held me like a baby the whole time. It was exactly what I needed and I just feel so much lighter.
I stayed at the base that night with no mishaps, and got up early for the wedding. It was a quick, short, beautiful ceremony, and the reception was a ball. There were these six high school guys there, and they were absolutely nuts. They danced the entire time, and it was not the normal kind of dancing. They were going nuts. I could have watched them for hours and not gotten bored. Of course we all danced, and Rose was out there in her wedding gown, doing all the dances with us.
Kelsey and Johnny were there too, with little Ezra. He's just turned 9 months old, and he is BEAUTIFUL. I mean, I knew he would be, since his parents are both lookers, but still. He is adorable. And when he got fussy and tired, I got to hold him and just walk in big circles around the hall, since he likes walking. And he snuggled right into my shoulder and held onto me and watched the people and murmured in baby talk and GOD I WANT A BABY SO BAD.
I'm ok.
Anyway, Ali, Reese, Sam, Kristen, Andrew, and me are all hanging out at the base. We had Mannino's for dinner and now we're chatting and watching a movie. It's all good. We have to get up idiotically early to get a shuttle to the airport, but still. We're having fun.
So this didn't turn out as bad as it seemed at first, and I'm so glad I got to see all these people again. This was really just what I needed for me.