(no subject)
So today was like one of the worse days of my life. First I got shit for sleep and got up at like 8:30 to take a shower. And before I even got out Dennis knocked on the door and walked in with a piece of paper in his hand, shaking and nearly in tears saying "Can you explain this Niki?" and I realized he either found one of my letters to him saying that I couldnt do it anymore and that it was time for me to let go and have a normal life with people my own age or something worse. Turned out to be something worse. It was a letter I'd written to Jerry when Jerry and I were hanging out a lot. I kind of started liking him, I mean I did because he was a cool guy and he was more my age and single and nice, and all that jazz but I still didnt remotely feel for him what I feel for Dennis. I mean when I was with Jerry all I did was talk about Dennis, I thought about Dennis, I even called him just because he was on my mind. I didnt do anything with Jerry just kind of cuddled a bit a couple of nights because those nights I was fighting with Dennis. He made me feel better. Well it didnt go over well with Dennis. He and I fought for like three hours. finally I just gave up and started balling because I didnt want him to go and it wasnt a "I'm crying because I want you to feel even worse if you leave" but just because I was hurting because I didnt think I could get him to hear me. Finally I said "I know you dont believe me anymore, but I do love you and if you are going to leave then at least I told you" and he said "I love you too Niki" and he grabbed me and hugged me and we just hugged for a long time and I think I crumpled up his shirt a lot because I was grabbing it really tight because I was afraid to let go. If I let go then he might have left... you know? Well while he was hugging me he asked me if I still wanted to go do what we had planned and I said "If you still want me to go" and he said "If I didnt I wouldnt have asked" and I got dressed and we left....
Well the day got worse. I checked my voicemail at like 1 and its from Tina the boss... and it says "Hello, Niki this is Tina from Expressmart... I'm calling to tell you that your employment with Expressmart has been terminated" and "I'm thinking what the flying fuck?" and I call her and she gives me some bullshit excuse.... whatever.... fuck her anyway... I was looking to get outta that store anyway....
Well I'm gonna go get dressed and shit I'm in my pj's but gotta go get Dennis from Amy's soon and I really just want to lay with him....
Until Next Time...