So here it is...
I knew this time would come, I have kind of been waiting for it. When almost everyone I know is graduating without me. It's weird. It's not really as bad as I expected, but it definitely still makes me feel crappy. I just keep trying to remember that although my path might have been a little longer than some, it is not better or worse than anyone else's. And I am trying to keep loooking at how lucky I am. Some people never even get to go to school. Some people never even want to go to school. Some people never even think school is an option. So why does it bother me so much that I am running a little late? Sighhhh. idk. I guess sometimes I just feel like I was so goddamn lucky and I threw it all away. My parents paid cash for my first year of college.CASH. They saved up money for YEARS just for me to go to college. And all I did was bullshit and sit around moping for a year. What a waste of money. Now money is a huge concern because my parents have none left. It's just disgusting how lucky I was. And I just threw it away like it was nothing. So many other people could have taken my place. But I just need to keep moving forward. I am trying really hard to get my head in the right place because it so isnt right now. This semester was so full of dissappointment, and boredom, and feeling bad about myself. I want to enjoy things again, and I will =] This wee I am totally focusing on myself, and getting myself back together. That's what life is all about I suppose. Trying new things, and if they blow up in your face you just have to get up, dust yourself off, and try something else.
On another note, I started readong the Toa Te Ching again. I loved it the first time, but I love it even more the second time. I really think Toaism is my philosophy from now on, and I hope it will help me in decision making and other problem areas. I don't know about the religion aspect, but I just love their philosophy on how to live life and how to be a good person. AND It's so simply put in the Toa Te hing, with simple little verses I can read in a minute with amazing wisdom behind ti. It's just awesome. Like seriously, fuck the bible lol.
I am having a hard time deciding whether or not to go to my graduation ceremony at gcc. I graduation last semester, but they only have one ceremony in the srping. No one can come except for my mom, I'm going to be graduating a semester later than I actually did, I should be getting my bachlors degree by now, and tis is only my associates. I just feel rly awkward about it. But also, it's an acheivement, and my mom is so sweet that she still wants to come and celebrate with me.
As much as I want to stay and right more and empty more stresses out of my brain, I sam falling asleep so goodnight.
On another note, I started readong the Toa Te Ching again. I loved it the first time, but I love it even more the second time. I really think Toaism is my philosophy from now on, and I hope it will help me in decision making and other problem areas. I don't know about the religion aspect, but I just love their philosophy on how to live life and how to be a good person. AND It's so simply put in the Toa Te hing, with simple little verses I can read in a minute with amazing wisdom behind ti. It's just awesome. Like seriously, fuck the bible lol.
I am having a hard time deciding whether or not to go to my graduation ceremony at gcc. I graduation last semester, but they only have one ceremony in the srping. No one can come except for my mom, I'm going to be graduating a semester later than I actually did, I should be getting my bachlors degree by now, and tis is only my associates. I just feel rly awkward about it. But also, it's an acheivement, and my mom is so sweet that she still wants to come and celebrate with me.
As much as I want to stay and right more and empty more stresses out of my brain, I sam falling asleep so goodnight.