Insanity
Hello lj. I'm back. This semester has been pretty wild. I have wanted to write here so many times, but for most of the semester I have not known what to say. I got my associate's degree last semester, but I didn't know I was getting it until the last minute. I thought I would still be in school, taking at least 3 classes maybe more. However, since it was too late to transfer or get a job after I got my degree, I decided to just have a "chill" semester where I work part-time and go to school part-time. Well, I ended up only taking one class. Then, my DECA club needed a president so I thought I would do it since I had so much spare time. Then I decided to also become a tutor. Well. I had NO idea what it would be like to be a president of a club. I'm definitely never doing that again. It really sucks. For one, we have no conference to look forward too, so 90% of the time no one comes to meetings or wants to do anything. I really hate it. I feel like I do all this work that no one even notices or cares about, and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I raised over $700 for the club and I did almost everything by myself. I was going to raise more so that the people who start next semester do not start off with nothing, but I decided to stop trying so hard bc the people who are going to be there next semester don't even come to half of the meetings. The only other thing I'm doing for the club anymore is events that benefit me. So I have two guest speakers scheduled and a trip at the end of the semester (which we might have to pay for everything ourselves) and that's it. It's so fucking impossible to do anything at my school. The only fucking thing we are allowed to sell is fucking pretzels. And they only make about $100-$125. So frustrating. So I'm pretty much done with it. Idfc anymore bc no one else does, and I'm not going to be there next semester so I should DEFINITELY not be the one caring the most.
ANYWAY, so that along with the stress of applying to schools/choosing a school has really made this semester less of a "chill" and more of an "insane" one lol.
Speaking of transferring, I have never realized how many deamons I have in my past about the whole terrible experience I had at Montclair. They all kind of came out when I applied to schools this semester. Luckily, my school had Instant Decision Day, and I applied to Rider University and Widener University without paying and without having to do an essay or letters of rec or anything like that. Basically I just did the application and the transcripts. I got accepted right away into the accounting programs at both schools. I planned on applying to other schools, and did to 2, but they ended up being ruled out of my decision for various reasons. I am now stuck deciding between the two schools. I have been very stressed out about it. I went to shadow a student at both schools, and hopelessly drilled my tour guides with millions of questions.. The truth is though, that I think I have made a decision. But I am so scared that I made it so fast, that I refuse to admit it. I am worried I will make the wrong decision again. Then again as wonderful Rico keeps pointing out to me. I am not the same person I was went I went to Montclair. Even if I don't like my school that I go to, I don't think I will allow myself to do what I did at Montclair. I isolated myself, I allowed myself to sulk all day in my dorm. I wouldn't go anywhere. I just was very depressed. (To save from an entirely other post on my feelings of depression I'll scoot to the main point. You can only be depressed if you allow yourself to be.) So he says that I would never allow that to happen. And he is right. But it is still hard not to judge your future with past experiences, that is what we are built to do. I found the entire process of applying/visiting/ everything else. to be a very good reminder of the fact that I lost my only chance of having that four year college experience. I just need to keep reminding myself that even though that I gained so much from that mistake. I found this great love fro accounting that will hopefully make me a ton of money someday. lol. I also discovered how to go after things in life myself instead of waiting around for them to happen. Although I wish I learned this skill earlier, I'm just plain happy I did. I know people who are 30 and freaking still don't have it lol. Well it was hard, but I am still here, still breathing and I will get through it. Just have to keep telling myself. The deadline is approaching to finanlize my decision. I'm very anxious about it. Well, we'll see what happens. No matter what I got into two great schools, they both offerend me scholarships. (Rider offered me 10k!!!!!!! They have told me that transfer students almost never get that much!!)
ANYWAY, so that along with the stress of applying to schools/choosing a school has really made this semester less of a "chill" and more of an "insane" one lol.
Speaking of transferring, I have never realized how many deamons I have in my past about the whole terrible experience I had at Montclair. They all kind of came out when I applied to schools this semester. Luckily, my school had Instant Decision Day, and I applied to Rider University and Widener University without paying and without having to do an essay or letters of rec or anything like that. Basically I just did the application and the transcripts. I got accepted right away into the accounting programs at both schools. I planned on applying to other schools, and did to 2, but they ended up being ruled out of my decision for various reasons. I am now stuck deciding between the two schools. I have been very stressed out about it. I went to shadow a student at both schools, and hopelessly drilled my tour guides with millions of questions.. The truth is though, that I think I have made a decision. But I am so scared that I made it so fast, that I refuse to admit it. I am worried I will make the wrong decision again. Then again as wonderful Rico keeps pointing out to me. I am not the same person I was went I went to Montclair. Even if I don't like my school that I go to, I don't think I will allow myself to do what I did at Montclair. I isolated myself, I allowed myself to sulk all day in my dorm. I wouldn't go anywhere. I just was very depressed. (To save from an entirely other post on my feelings of depression I'll scoot to the main point. You can only be depressed if you allow yourself to be.) So he says that I would never allow that to happen. And he is right. But it is still hard not to judge your future with past experiences, that is what we are built to do. I found the entire process of applying/visiting/ everything else. to be a very good reminder of the fact that I lost my only chance of having that four year college experience. I just need to keep reminding myself that even though that I gained so much from that mistake. I found this great love fro accounting that will hopefully make me a ton of money someday. lol. I also discovered how to go after things in life myself instead of waiting around for them to happen. Although I wish I learned this skill earlier, I'm just plain happy I did. I know people who are 30 and freaking still don't have it lol. Well it was hard, but I am still here, still breathing and I will get through it. Just have to keep telling myself. The deadline is approaching to finanlize my decision. I'm very anxious about it. Well, we'll see what happens. No matter what I got into two great schools, they both offerend me scholarships. (Rider offered me 10k!!!!!!! They have told me that transfer students almost never get that much!!)