Closed: Travis - Sunday afternoon.
After a sleepless night which she spent thinking over every decision she'd ever made in regards to her relationships with Jake and Travis, Natalie couldn't take it anymore. She needed to talk to Travis face-to-face. It was bad enough that their friendship was crippled from their breakup but now bringing Jake into it made her feel awful
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"I've always been quick to forget all the bad things, " she turned away and took in the scene of Travis' living area. "I guess it's a weird sort of optimism."
What was her point? "It seems like you don't ever want to put any sort of blame on me and part of me wonders why."
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"I can't be mad at you," he sighed, watching her carefully as she studied his flat.
It hit him then that this may have been the very first time she'd been at his place. He wasn't exactly prone to throwing parties (mostly out of fear somebody would break his larger than necessary television or one of his many gaming systems) and they had just grown apart so much-
"It's guy code or something. I don't know."
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She took a seat on his couch and did everything she could to put on her most patient face. "There's obviously something keeping you from moving on with your life when it comes to me."
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"No-. I'm not upset with you because we were broken up. We weren't even talking then," he reasoned, which was half true at least.
Travis sat down next on the couch but put enough space between them.
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She didn't look at him when she asked. Not at first. Mostly because it made her feel so sad to even think that something that she had a hand in could possibly break up their little group even further.
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"I don't know. I really just don't know," he told her honestly, part of him wishing that Jake had never told him in the first place.
Actually, he wished he didn't have to have this conversation with Natalie, of all people.
"He's been like my brother since we were eleven."
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Partly, Natalie wished Travis could somehow get over what Jake let slip. There was a reason they'd promised not to say anything to anyone regarding their lapses in judgement.
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They had all changed so much since Hogwarts, Travis more than any of them. But a lot of the time he felt like Jake was stuck, unmoving and refusing to do anything productive with his life.
It was more than just a little bit frustrating for Travis to watch him waste away his life and tear through friendships.
"I just need some time, okay? I never actually expected something like this."
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Natalie turned her head to look at Travis, cheek pressed lightly against the couch. She missed him quite fiercely sometimes. So much so that she found just sitting there to be comforting.
"I guess I just want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you." The words, though true, didn't seem to sound the way Natalie wished they would. "It was stupid and even if you refuse to be mad at me...I'm mad at myself."
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Just having Natalie there at all felt right to him, regardless of how much time had passed or what they were talking about, it all just made sense to him. She had been a constant in his life since the day they were both sorted into Gryffindor together and, as innocent and youthful as his feeling had been at the time, he'd been a goner.
"I didn't mean to hurt you either," he said suddenly, turning towards her, his own face pressed against the backside of the couch to mimic her, "all those years ago, I mean- When Amanda died I was all messed up."
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"Trav-," Natalie stopped short, unsure if she should say what had almost slipped from her lips. That she still loved him and missed him. "I'm always here for you. No matter what. You know that, right?" She looked at him earnestly, wishing that they could somehow rewind and go back and rewrite the way things had gone...not only between them but also with Amanda.
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"Do I know that? We've barely talked in the last five years," he told her, running his hand through his hair again.
After all these years he didn't even remember who was the first one to fall out of touch, maybe it was him. He wasn't about to blame her for something that he'd started.
But that didn't change the fact that he could count their encounters since graduation on his fingers.
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"I know," she sighed, pushing herself forward and into a better seated position so she could look at him full-on. "If I could change the way I've been the last several years, I would."
She definitely wanted to change their awkward relationship into something more normal. A real friendship again would be nice. "I wish we could start over, you know? Fresh."
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But his past with Natalie? He wouldn't change that for anything.
"I don't know, Nat," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just- I can't be friends with you. I wish I could-"
( ... )
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What was the point of her caring so much about his relationship with Jake if he didn't care about his own relationship with her?
Suddenly, Natalie was on her feet, but she was standing still, looking at a spot a few feet past Travis's head. "I should go."
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"Natalie, wait-" he said, scrambling to his own feet.
There had to be a better way of going about this, a way that didn't leave him completely tongue tied or her in tears.
"What I mean is- well, you're right, okay? I never moved on from our relationship. I never got over you. It kills me to be in this room with you right now because of it."
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