Closed: Travis - Sunday afternoon.

[callmenatalie]

After a sleepless night which she spent thinking over every decision she'd ever made in regards to her relationships with Jake and Travis, Natalie couldn't take it anymore. She needed to talk to Travis face-to-face. It was bad enough that their friendship was crippled from their breakup but now bringing Jake into it made her feel awful

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[travis_briggs]

There were a lot of things that Travis wished he could start over so that he could do things differently. Maybe he would have begged his father to stay when he was eleven or run after Amanda immediately, as soon as the battle broke out. His entire life would be different-

But his past with Natalie? He wouldn't change that for anything.

"I don't know, Nat," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just- I can't be friends with you. I wish I could-"

[callmenatalie]

Before Natalie could even process what Travis had said, her body was already physically reacting. She felt her eyes sting and begin to water. "Wha-," she blinked, "What do you mean?"

What was the point of her caring so much about his relationship with Jake if he didn't care about his own relationship with her?

Suddenly, Natalie was on her feet, but she was standing still, looking at a spot a few feet past Travis's head. "I should go."

[travis_briggs]

Travis could kick himself, noticing the glassiness in her eyes and the shakiness in her tone. It tore away at him.

"Natalie, wait-" he said, scrambling to his own feet.

There had to be a better way of going about this, a way that didn't leave him completely tongue tied or her in tears.

"What I mean is- well, you're right, okay? I never moved on from our relationship. I never got over you. It kills me to be in this room with you right now because of it."

[callmenatalie]

Natalie stood there, arms folded across her chest and easily keeping her own eyes from meeting his. At least until she knew she could look at him without letting a few tears drop. She was focusing all her energy on making sure she didn't cry because that was the last thing she needed to do.

"Why?" she blurted out, voice changed from the emotion that was still stuck in her throat. "I gave you plenty of space. I left you alone."

Five years. Why wasn't he over her? What wasn't she over him?

[travis_briggs]

"It's not like I haven't tried," he sighed, voice tired and low as he tried to make sense of what she was asking him.

The things that he felt didn't make any sense, they never did. He cared about his friends like they were family and he saw his father as if he were a stranger.

He hadn't kept himself locked up in tHis flat for the last seven years but he wasn't exactly trying to make a new connection. The girls he'd seen were nice enough but they just weren't Natalie.

"For a while there I thought you were It, you know?"

[callmenatalie]

A frown formed on Natalie's lips and she looked up at him to find that he looked as terrible as she felt at that moment. "I've tried too," she offered.

Then another thought occurred to her. "You don't think that now?" It wasn't a question full of anger, but curiosity. She often wondered to herself if there was a reason she couldn't seem to move on. Why, of all people, she took comfort in being with Jake rather than seeking out new men. Jake was safe. She knew him...he knew her. They were friends. There wasn't any harm in it, in her head, because she wouldn't fall in love with him.

[travis_briggs]

"Now? Nat, I-"

Travis stopped himself short before he said something that he knew he was going to regret, making more a fool of himself than he already had. She had already barged in here on behalf of Jake and they'd somehow gotten all twisted around and started talking about them.

It messed with his head and his heart, which wasn't fair at all.

But a lot of things weren't fair.

"I don't know what you want me to say here-"

[callmenatalie]

Natalie frowned again, unsure of how to answer given that she had no idea what she wanted to hear.

"We were kids," she attempted an explanation, "Things happened quickly and then they were over. It just seems unfair."

Words were failing her, so she bowed her head and shook it slightly, trying to reform a coherent thought, "Part of me wonders if maybe we gave up too soon." Natalie exhaled, feeling nervous suddenly. Maybe she was being stupid.

[travis_briggs]

He watched her carefully, something flashing across her deep brown eyes as she spoke, as her words hit him square in the chest. Part of him didn't even believe what he was hearing.

"Natalie," Travis breathed, his voice softer now as he took a timid step towards her, half way reaching out but stopping himself short. "What do you mean?"

They shouldn't be going down this road, not after so long and how much they hurt each other, but he couldn't help himself now.

[callmenatalie]

Natalie faltered, seeing Travis make a move to reach for her and then thinking better of it somehow made her realize just how long it'd been since she felt truly comfortable with those movements.

Natalie often let words pour from her mouth without thinking first, but this time she was torn. Her brain was screaming at her to shut up and to just not say the words that her heart was aching to say. Travis was standing there looking awkwardly eager to hear anything she wanted to say to him.

"You were 'it' for me," she said quickly, hoping the speed of delivery would make it easier to move through everything else. "I was mad for a while, but I'm not now. I haven't dated anyone else because I don't want to be with anyone else." Perhaps foolishly, Natalie asked, "You don't want to be friends with me because you can't see me as anything other than someone you are supposed to be with, right?"

[travis_briggs]

There was no denying that it was true. Travis had never been able to see Natalie as anything other than the love of his life, from the very first moment he had laid eyes on her. She was beautiful and outspoken, funny and intelligent, intimidating and comforting. For the last thirteen years she had been throwing him for a loop.

Today was no different.

"You're right. Of course you're right, Nat," he assured her, wanting nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her. It had been such a damn long time since he had kissed her.

But something was holding him back, the same thing that had pulled them apart in the first place.

[callmenatalie]

Natalie felt a tugging sensation in her chest that normally meant she was about to burst into tears, but somehow she'd managed to control that urge the last few years. She kept a lot inside. It was just easier than to have to explain that she felt empty most of the time. She had friends and her family and she had a job that she didn't completely hate, but she didn't have the kind of love that she'd once felt with Travis.

Fighting the urge to stop herself, Natalie started moving toward Travis, chin tilted with the natural confidence she'd had most of her life. She wanted to leap at him and have the type of passionate kiss that actors always seemed to flawlessly follow through with in all her favorite movies, but rather than forcing herself up on her tip-toes and planting a kiss on him awkwardly, Natalie wrapped her arms around Travis and hugged him.

"I needed to feel you again," she muttered her version of an apology, eyes closed tightly and hoping that he wouldn't reject her.

[travis_briggs]

His entire body stiffened as she wrapped herself around him, so completely taken off guard that he froze rather than melted against her. Then, slowly and timidly, Travis wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in, resting his chin against the top of his head the way he used to do. She still smelled the same, warm like vanilla and spices.

"It's okay," he assured her softly, hand rubbing at her back now to sooth her.

It was like he had fallen asleep and cooked up with wild dream for himself, not quite believing that any of this was actually happening. He had let his mind wonder back to Natalie over the years, cooking up different ways to win woo her and win her back, but they all seemed stupid and childish. He had convinced himself that she was through with him.

"I'm here for whatever you need," Travis promised, tightening his grip, "I missed you-"

[callmenatalie]

When the muscles in Travis' body relaxed, so did Natalie. His breath against her hair and his hands against her back instantly took her back to the last time she'd felt so close to him. Too long ago, before things officially fell apart. She pushed that memory away, fearing it would lead to tears.

His words were surprising and Natalie responded by squeezing him tighter. "I missed you," she echoed.

Now that they were in that moment, Natalie didn't want to move away. She wished she could stay there in his embrace forever and let everything around them disappear, but the hug didn't change anything. After a few long moments, she started to pull back.

"Trav-," she sighed as she tilted her head back to meet his eyes, "I should go..." Before they did something stupid. She needed time to think and to contemplate everything they'd said to one another.

[travis_briggs]

Having Natalie back in his arms brought Travis back to a much simpler time, someplace that he had been trying to move past and not miss this much. But there was no denying how incredible it was the have Natalie back in his arms like this, fitting together like they always had. If he could help it he'd never let go.

But they couldn't stay like this, it couldn't be that easy just to fall back into each other after everything that had happened.

"Oh- yeah, probably," he told her, loosing his grip but not quite stepping away.

He needed some time to think. He needed to know that she had time to think-

"Maybe we should- I don't know, try lunch next week? If you want."

[callmenatalie]

The idea of spending time with Travis didn't seem so daunting. They'd been able to clear some sort of hurdle in the last few minutes and Natalie felt better, albeit slightly confused.

Reluctantly, Natalie dropped her hands from where they'd settled on the front of Travis' shirt when she initially started to pull away and began moving backward toward the door. For the first time in nearly twenty-four hours, a genuine smile appeared on Natalie's face, "I'd like that."

She held his gaze for a few moments longer before finally turning to open the door, "Bye," she shot back before slipping through his front door.