After a sleepless night which she spent thinking over every decision she'd ever made in regards to her relationships with Jake and Travis, Natalie couldn't take it anymore. She needed to talk to Travis face-to-face. It was bad enough that their friendship was crippled from their breakup but now bringing Jake into it made her feel awful
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But his past with Natalie? He wouldn't change that for anything.
"I don't know, Nat," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just- I can't be friends with you. I wish I could-"
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What was the point of her caring so much about his relationship with Jake if he didn't care about his own relationship with her?
Suddenly, Natalie was on her feet, but she was standing still, looking at a spot a few feet past Travis's head. "I should go."
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"Natalie, wait-" he said, scrambling to his own feet.
There had to be a better way of going about this, a way that didn't leave him completely tongue tied or her in tears.
"What I mean is- well, you're right, okay? I never moved on from our relationship. I never got over you. It kills me to be in this room with you right now because of it."
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"Why?" she blurted out, voice changed from the emotion that was still stuck in her throat. "I gave you plenty of space. I left you alone."
Five years. Why wasn't he over her? What wasn't she over him?
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The things that he felt didn't make any sense, they never did. He cared about his friends like they were family and he saw his father as if he were a stranger.
He hadn't kept himself locked up in tHis flat for the last seven years but he wasn't exactly trying to make a new connection. The girls he'd seen were nice enough but they just weren't Natalie.
"For a while there I thought you were It, you know?"
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Then another thought occurred to her. "You don't think that now?" It wasn't a question full of anger, but curiosity. She often wondered to herself if there was a reason she couldn't seem to move on. Why, of all people, she took comfort in being with Jake rather than seeking out new men. Jake was safe. She knew him...he knew her. They were friends. There wasn't any harm in it, in her head, because she wouldn't fall in love with him.
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Travis stopped himself short before he said something that he knew he was going to regret, making more a fool of himself than he already had. She had already barged in here on behalf of Jake and they'd somehow gotten all twisted around and started talking about them.
It messed with his head and his heart, which wasn't fair at all.
But a lot of things weren't fair.
"I don't know what you want me to say here-"
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"We were kids," she attempted an explanation, "Things happened quickly and then they were over. It just seems unfair."
Words were failing her, so she bowed her head and shook it slightly, trying to reform a coherent thought, "Part of me wonders if maybe we gave up too soon." Natalie exhaled, feeling nervous suddenly. Maybe she was being stupid.
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"Natalie," Travis breathed, his voice softer now as he took a timid step towards her, half way reaching out but stopping himself short. "What do you mean?"
They shouldn't be going down this road, not after so long and how much they hurt each other, but he couldn't help himself now.
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Natalie often let words pour from her mouth without thinking first, but this time she was torn. Her brain was screaming at her to shut up and to just not say the words that her heart was aching to say. Travis was standing there looking awkwardly eager to hear anything she wanted to say to him.
"You were 'it' for me," she said quickly, hoping the speed of delivery would make it easier to move through everything else. "I was mad for a while, but I'm not now. I haven't dated anyone else because I don't want to be with anyone else." Perhaps foolishly, Natalie asked, "You don't want to be friends with me because you can't see me as anything other than someone you are supposed to be with, right?"
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Today was no different.
"You're right. Of course you're right, Nat," he assured her, wanting nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her. It had been such a damn long time since he had kissed her.
But something was holding him back, the same thing that had pulled them apart in the first place.
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Fighting the urge to stop herself, Natalie started moving toward Travis, chin tilted with the natural confidence she'd had most of her life. She wanted to leap at him and have the type of passionate kiss that actors always seemed to flawlessly follow through with in all her favorite movies, but rather than forcing herself up on her tip-toes and planting a kiss on him awkwardly, Natalie wrapped her arms around Travis and hugged him.
"I needed to feel you again," she muttered her version of an apology, eyes closed tightly and hoping that he wouldn't reject her.
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"It's okay," he assured her softly, hand rubbing at her back now to sooth her.
It was like he had fallen asleep and cooked up with wild dream for himself, not quite believing that any of this was actually happening. He had let his mind wonder back to Natalie over the years, cooking up different ways to win woo her and win her back, but they all seemed stupid and childish. He had convinced himself that she was through with him.
"I'm here for whatever you need," Travis promised, tightening his grip, "I missed you-"
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His words were surprising and Natalie responded by squeezing him tighter. "I missed you," she echoed.
Now that they were in that moment, Natalie didn't want to move away. She wished she could stay there in his embrace forever and let everything around them disappear, but the hug didn't change anything. After a few long moments, she started to pull back.
"Trav-," she sighed as she tilted her head back to meet his eyes, "I should go..." Before they did something stupid. She needed time to think and to contemplate everything they'd said to one another.
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But they couldn't stay like this, it couldn't be that easy just to fall back into each other after everything that had happened.
"Oh- yeah, probably," he told her, loosing his grip but not quite stepping away.
He needed some time to think. He needed to know that she had time to think-
"Maybe we should- I don't know, try lunch next week? If you want."
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Reluctantly, Natalie dropped her hands from where they'd settled on the front of Travis' shirt when she initially started to pull away and began moving backward toward the door. For the first time in nearly twenty-four hours, a genuine smile appeared on Natalie's face, "I'd like that."
She held his gaze for a few moments longer before finally turning to open the door, "Bye," she shot back before slipping through his front door.
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