(no subject)
I
I am tired of living in a shame bubble.
I want forgiveness for myself more than ever.
I am worn out from punishing myslef.
I am sick of my own brain telling me that I am too terrible to forgive.
I am disgusted that things that happened over a decade ago still haunt me like I never tried to make amends or give apology.
I have always apologized, been remorseful, and tried to do better. . . Yet I still often feel as though my reputation is negative in a lot of circles.
I'm not saying that I've neve done anything to warrent that, I have. I definitely have. But. . . I don't know. This is just it, I freely admit that I have messed up and hurt people and. . . I don't know what to do about it any more. I'm not going to get the forgiveness I crave from those people, because they have written me off as unforgiveable. I need to forgive myself. It's very difficult.
My 20's were difficult.
My mental illness was out of control, and I hurt a lot of people.
I am READY to move on.
Now.
I just don't really know how.
I am tired of living in a shame bubble.
I want forgiveness for myself more than ever.
I am worn out from punishing myslef.
I am sick of my own brain telling me that I am too terrible to forgive.
I am disgusted that things that happened over a decade ago still haunt me like I never tried to make amends or give apology.
I have always apologized, been remorseful, and tried to do better. . . Yet I still often feel as though my reputation is negative in a lot of circles.
I'm not saying that I've neve done anything to warrent that, I have. I definitely have. But. . . I don't know. This is just it, I freely admit that I have messed up and hurt people and. . . I don't know what to do about it any more. I'm not going to get the forgiveness I crave from those people, because they have written me off as unforgiveable. I need to forgive myself. It's very difficult.
My 20's were difficult.
My mental illness was out of control, and I hurt a lot of people.
I am READY to move on.
Now.
I just don't really know how.