entry for august 12, 2010. no internet access that day. [warning: gets INCREDIBLY cheesy in the end]
You’re well aware that lately I’ve been struggling.. and just a couple of days ago, another stroke of rotten luck added to what had already become this insurmountable mountain of frustration… I had never felt so ignorant and victimized in my life… I’d rather not go into the details because as I am now feeling some relief, the last thing I need is to revisit the awfulness I felt over the 48 hours of my head-on collision with a car not only much tougher than mine, but a driver much savvier in the ways of the street (and by street I don’t mean the actual road). It was my corolla and inexperience, against his jeep and his cunningness… I’ve already heard so many speeches about how I did well under the circumstances, and being a good person is nothing to be ashamed of… money is just money after all, and that’s what insurance is for… but still, I, being a person that puts such a high stake on intelligence and wit, had a difficulty accepting that there may be an area that I am still completely and utterly incompetent… I don’t have to resort to deceit and trickery myself, but I should at least know how to detect it…
But now I’ve started to ramble and have digressed from the real point of this entry… the main purpose of this entry, was really to say how blessed I feel…
Because despite all the horrible things that have been happening to me lately… The things I value most are still there at the end of the day… My family, and my great love.
My parents showered me with support and affirmation in each of my conversations with them regarding the accident. The only thing that mattered to them was that I wasn’t hurt… The effects that the accident would have on my insurance policy was a nonissue.
I have always had the full support of my parents… but there was something about the way they came together on the phone that day that struck me… a tone in their voice I suppose... or maybe just the energy coming through from thousands of miles away. They were unified by the sacred sacrament of marriage 29 years ago… but something else held them together… and it was me. I embody their marriage… I embody their physical, emotional, and spiritual union. And it made me feel closer to them than ever.
Then, there was Migs… Who also, from thousands of miles away, sent his unfaltering support. Yesterday was a special day for us, you see… it was 5 years ago yesterday that he formally asked to court me. It was the first time he’d professed his love to any girl. And as I recall the fluidity of his speech, and how I wondered if he’d rehearsed it, I also fondly remember the look in his eyes, and the sound of his voice… There was a nervous quality in it, but more prominently, a hopeful one.
At the time, I wasn’t looking for a relationship - or at least that was what I had him know. What he wasn’t aware of at the time was that I had changed my mind, and was only waiting for him to make his move.
He told me he’d wait for me as long as it took. Whenever I was ready. And in the mean time, he could be whoever and whatever I wanted him to be… he’d rather have me in his life as anything than not have me in it at all. He just wanted a chance… A chance to show me how much he cared for me.
Of course, I agreed to give him that chance… and the rest, as you know, is history. We’ve celebrated that day every year in addition to our “official” anniversary when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Yesterday, I forgot about our “unofficial” anniversary… I was too preoccupied with all the ramifications of the accident… and I obsessed about all my fears surrounding the other party involved… I worried that things might turn sour, and he might come after me. I was absorbed in the administrative tasks that I had to complete… the phone calls and arrangements that had to be made.
I texted him that I was on my way to do all these things… and that I would just talk to him in the evening when the long dreadful day was complete. I neglected to greet him, or even tell him that I loved him (which is normally the first thing I do EVERY DAY)…and then he said this:
“Hey. Cheer up, silly goose. Today is a special day. Everything else is insignificant. It’s just you and me today. ☺ Smile. We’re 5 years strong and soon to be married ☺”
And suddenly, all my worries were washed away. Nothing could have lifted my spirits that day the way that this message did. And as it all came rushing back to me, I smiled. I replied thanking him for this message, telling him that I loved him, and that I was so grateful that God had blessed me with such a wonderful person to spend my life with.
I’ve loved Migs for a long time, and I’ve been in love with him for just as long.. but I must say that it’s in this time we’ve spent apart that he’s really shown me how resolute his love for me is… and how strong he can be when I am weak. To spend my life with him is going to be the greatest adventure I could ever imagine. And I am so so lucky, that I am in love with my best friend, and that he is just as in love with me.
But now I’ve started to ramble and have digressed from the real point of this entry… the main purpose of this entry, was really to say how blessed I feel…
Because despite all the horrible things that have been happening to me lately… The things I value most are still there at the end of the day… My family, and my great love.
My parents showered me with support and affirmation in each of my conversations with them regarding the accident. The only thing that mattered to them was that I wasn’t hurt… The effects that the accident would have on my insurance policy was a nonissue.
I have always had the full support of my parents… but there was something about the way they came together on the phone that day that struck me… a tone in their voice I suppose... or maybe just the energy coming through from thousands of miles away. They were unified by the sacred sacrament of marriage 29 years ago… but something else held them together… and it was me. I embody their marriage… I embody their physical, emotional, and spiritual union. And it made me feel closer to them than ever.
Then, there was Migs… Who also, from thousands of miles away, sent his unfaltering support. Yesterday was a special day for us, you see… it was 5 years ago yesterday that he formally asked to court me. It was the first time he’d professed his love to any girl. And as I recall the fluidity of his speech, and how I wondered if he’d rehearsed it, I also fondly remember the look in his eyes, and the sound of his voice… There was a nervous quality in it, but more prominently, a hopeful one.
At the time, I wasn’t looking for a relationship - or at least that was what I had him know. What he wasn’t aware of at the time was that I had changed my mind, and was only waiting for him to make his move.
He told me he’d wait for me as long as it took. Whenever I was ready. And in the mean time, he could be whoever and whatever I wanted him to be… he’d rather have me in his life as anything than not have me in it at all. He just wanted a chance… A chance to show me how much he cared for me.
Of course, I agreed to give him that chance… and the rest, as you know, is history. We’ve celebrated that day every year in addition to our “official” anniversary when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Yesterday, I forgot about our “unofficial” anniversary… I was too preoccupied with all the ramifications of the accident… and I obsessed about all my fears surrounding the other party involved… I worried that things might turn sour, and he might come after me. I was absorbed in the administrative tasks that I had to complete… the phone calls and arrangements that had to be made.
I texted him that I was on my way to do all these things… and that I would just talk to him in the evening when the long dreadful day was complete. I neglected to greet him, or even tell him that I loved him (which is normally the first thing I do EVERY DAY)…and then he said this:
“Hey. Cheer up, silly goose. Today is a special day. Everything else is insignificant. It’s just you and me today. ☺ Smile. We’re 5 years strong and soon to be married ☺”
And suddenly, all my worries were washed away. Nothing could have lifted my spirits that day the way that this message did. And as it all came rushing back to me, I smiled. I replied thanking him for this message, telling him that I loved him, and that I was so grateful that God had blessed me with such a wonderful person to spend my life with.
I’ve loved Migs for a long time, and I’ve been in love with him for just as long.. but I must say that it’s in this time we’ve spent apart that he’s really shown me how resolute his love for me is… and how strong he can be when I am weak. To spend my life with him is going to be the greatest adventure I could ever imagine. And I am so so lucky, that I am in love with my best friend, and that he is just as in love with me.