the sun shines again
today, the series of thunderstorms finally ended, and the summer sun showed itself in all its bright and shining glory. similarly, my mood lifted as well, and i had a nice day, beginning with a peaceful breakfast, continuing on to a good workout, talking to mik, and some really good movies on cable afterwards. though i spent the day alone again, the mere presence of the sun lifted my spirits, and i found myself content with the stillness of the house. it's amazing what a difference the sun makes.
the next few days look bright as well. household tomorrow, and a possible trip to a festival with the martins on saturday. then i have the first day of school to look forward to on monday - not that i love school, which now, i don't, but it's just something to do. a reason to get out of the house on a regular basis.
i hope for a long stretch of good days... because it's incredibly exhausting to dip from complete and utter misery to a feeling of okayness, to sporadic happiness.
when i was in manila, i was happy most of the time, okay some of the time, mildly sad some of the time... really, i never experienced intense melancholia and desolation back home. there was never a reason to. i've never reached the kind of lows there that i did here... and i'll be damned if i ever see rock bottom again.. right now, i still wander into the trenches of sadness... but i haven't hit the jagged surface of the deepest end. i fear it as much as i resolve to stay away from it.
sometimes i wonder how this is all affecting me.. and affecting the person i am and will be. will i truly be better because of it? or will i come out of this irreversibly damaged? i suppose time will tell.
for now... i must try to keep my head up, and remind myself that though rain my fall for days, the sun always, always comes out after.
the next few days look bright as well. household tomorrow, and a possible trip to a festival with the martins on saturday. then i have the first day of school to look forward to on monday - not that i love school, which now, i don't, but it's just something to do. a reason to get out of the house on a regular basis.
i hope for a long stretch of good days... because it's incredibly exhausting to dip from complete and utter misery to a feeling of okayness, to sporadic happiness.
when i was in manila, i was happy most of the time, okay some of the time, mildly sad some of the time... really, i never experienced intense melancholia and desolation back home. there was never a reason to. i've never reached the kind of lows there that i did here... and i'll be damned if i ever see rock bottom again.. right now, i still wander into the trenches of sadness... but i haven't hit the jagged surface of the deepest end. i fear it as much as i resolve to stay away from it.
sometimes i wonder how this is all affecting me.. and affecting the person i am and will be. will i truly be better because of it? or will i come out of this irreversibly damaged? i suppose time will tell.
for now... i must try to keep my head up, and remind myself that though rain my fall for days, the sun always, always comes out after.