choices
You remind me of this treasure - some wonderful fantasy that's just out of reach.
- Alex Hunter to Neal Caffrey, White Collar Season 2 Episode 16
Recently, I found this wonderful series while watching Fox Asia. It's called "White Collar" and it's about a charming con who got his prison sentence converted to serving with the FBI as a consultant. Now, good-looking men aside, I found myself drawn to this series not only because of the witty script delivered by a fantastic cast but also because of the deep connection the characters make to our everyday lives.
Oftentimes, this series portrays what happens in each of the characters' lives - from Peter and Elizabeth's life at home... to what Neal and Mozzie do in their spare time... to each character's struggle with ethics and morality.
Recently, I've been finding myself keeping the quotes from this series because at the core of it all, it captures exactly what we ourselves struggle with in our own lives - making the right choice. And in the following conversation between Neal and Jones, I find myself thinking, "Am I strong enough to let go of something I want for something greater?"
Jones: We can't have it all, right?
Neal: No, why not?
Both: Why not? Why not?
Jones: Well, choices are sacrifices. And, inevitably, that means giving up something you want for something you want more.
In this episode's ending, when Neal lied to Mozzie and showing his dilemma with the decision of whether to go with his friendship with Peter or the treasure, I really felt for him. Here he was, a "closet billionnaire" with his plunder, staring at Peter and Elizabeth's sweet picture and debating which path he should choose. For me, it's tragic because no matter how much he wants to have both worlds, he knows that it's only a matter of time before he will be forced to abandon one dream in order to reach the other.
Peter: You got a lot to learn about women.
Neal: Oh, I've got a lot to learn. (sarcastic)
Peter: I come home to this every night. Last Sunday, I was on that couch, lying with El. She's reading and I'm watching a game... and Satchmo is asleep on my feet. It hits me. Again. I'm the luckiest guy.
Neal: I don't think that's who I am...
Peter: You just need to figure it out. And when you do... then *you'll* be the luckiest guy.
Having choices in life makes life quite the challenge. Not only that, time and again we find ourselves wanting just about everything there is to be had. However, once we reach out to it, it vanishes in a puff of smoke. And, the more that you try to reach for certain things, you find that it just slips all the more between your fingers and into nothingness. It doesn't mean we should lose hope; quite the contrary. It's always been said that, "Things happen for a reason," and you just need to give things some time.
Recently, I have been feeling a lot of doubt and a lot of hopelessness. Everytime I try to work towards a goal of mine in life, it seems like I always end up in the proverbial crossroads. Which way to take, the left or the right? Or none at all? The choice is never easy and it is almost always never clear. So, do I just sit down and think until a decision comes or do I go back the way I came from? Or go to some other completely new direction? Even I don't know... but eventually, I know I must choose and move on.
It's been some time since a certain event had occurred in my life that had probably made me wonder where I am really heading. For every few steps I take going forward, a part of me feels like I'm going the opposite way. Like Neal, I find myself weighing two options in my mind... but not yet quite figuring out which one is more important to me. And, like Neal, I just want to end the frustration that's slowly building up inside. I know I will find my way out of the maze in the end and I know that it will take time before I figure it out. When I do, I know that I'll be the luckiest *gal* there is.