Come back to me... come back to me. That is my request
So he left yesterday morning. I can't believe it was only yesterday. It seems like it's been so much longer. I know this seems over dramatic, but I can't help it. Yesterday was one of the worst days I can remember having. I woke up at 1 in the afternoon, got up, wandered around aimlessly, stayed depressed for a while, then went back to my bed to sleep. I didn't sleep. I just lay there thinking about how much I missed him and just trying to figure out how I would make it without him for two weeks. I still don't know how I will manage. I never thought I would be one of those people. I used to be so independent. It's like I've forgotten how to make myself happy. I would have the occasional moment of bliss, like a split second where I would say to myself, "Emma, you can do this. He'll be back in two weeks. You can accomplish so much while he's away, and have fun with him when he gets back." But then I would get up, try to do something productive, and just burst into tears, having some small thing remind me of him. My mom could tell I was depressed, it would be hard not to. She didn't even try to appease my mood. I think she understands, she just doesn't think she would be able to help. But I just need someone to talk to sometimes. It's hard keeping everything in, like I usually do.
I can't believe it will be two weeks until I will see him, be able to talk to him, laugh with him, joke around with him, look into his eyes, play with his hair, have a movie night with him, be in his arms.. it seems so unfair. It's not like I'll even be able to talk to him on the phone or even get one stupid post card in the mail. My mom even admitted that seemed cruel for me to deal with, when she asked if there were any way we could communicate. We talked a little about it today, and she made me seem a little less pathetic. The B meet last night took some things off my mind too. Swimming, no matter how much I protest doing it sometimes, is definitely therapeutic for my body and soul. After I was done my event, I just sat on one of the lawn chairs watching all the other little kids struggle their way across the pool, attempting butterfly for the first time or mastering their pull outs. I didn't want to go home. I knew I would just get in the same old mindset of hopelessness. But now I'm home again, listening to the music that reminds me of him, sitting amongst the tissues I used up yesterday over him, thinking of yet another thing that I can do that will alleviate just a tiny bit of sadness I feel.
I admit this is completely trifling, and I know anyone who reads this will think I'm a sad excuse for an individual. I just can't help it right now. I wish more than anything I weren't this way.
~Emma
I can't believe it will be two weeks until I will see him, be able to talk to him, laugh with him, joke around with him, look into his eyes, play with his hair, have a movie night with him, be in his arms.. it seems so unfair. It's not like I'll even be able to talk to him on the phone or even get one stupid post card in the mail. My mom even admitted that seemed cruel for me to deal with, when she asked if there were any way we could communicate. We talked a little about it today, and she made me seem a little less pathetic. The B meet last night took some things off my mind too. Swimming, no matter how much I protest doing it sometimes, is definitely therapeutic for my body and soul. After I was done my event, I just sat on one of the lawn chairs watching all the other little kids struggle their way across the pool, attempting butterfly for the first time or mastering their pull outs. I didn't want to go home. I knew I would just get in the same old mindset of hopelessness. But now I'm home again, listening to the music that reminds me of him, sitting amongst the tissues I used up yesterday over him, thinking of yet another thing that I can do that will alleviate just a tiny bit of sadness I feel.
I admit this is completely trifling, and I know anyone who reads this will think I'm a sad excuse for an individual. I just can't help it right now. I wish more than anything I weren't this way.
~Emma