the time machine
The Time Machine... A movie I've seen a number of times now, and each and every time, it inspires me. I do not bother questioning the logic of the movie, as a movie critic may do, or even someone who's focus of study is applied physics. No, I see it, no, feel it, as a message to me. What if?... But not. It's a way of looking at life. Does one live one's life dwelling on what could have been, to attempt to rectify something that may or may not be within one's own limits to change, or to accept one's fate for what it is, to live in the present moment, or even to make changes in one's present to potentially alter what would otherwise be the future of one's self and perhaps some chunk of the world around you?
So of course with all these thoughts trampling through my mind, I can't help but apply these thoughts to my life at present and regurgitate the results in this limited medium.
If I were to take the first part of the movie literally, then I would think about the loves lost in my life. Granted, none of mine are dead to the best of my knowledge, but sometimes I catch my mind lingering on memories of these women of so many different backgrounds and so many different morals and ideals and goals and aspirations (or lack thereof). Some memories are sweet, some bittersweet, but sometimes I just feel this sensation of emptiness deep inside me, like my breath has been taken from me and my heart has frozen still.
And now I stop for a minute. Consider this an excerpt. A younger me would dive right into this observation without any hesitation. So this right here perhaps makes me that much more different from that younger self. Anyway... Here's the thought that disrupted me: Are thoughts like that normal? Do most people know this empty feeling, or just a few? Would this make me a poet? A philosopher? A psychiatrist? Does this make me more human? Or perhaps more alien? Or is this just something common among people with Borderline Personality Disorder? Because my younger self was not aware of this diagnosis. In whatever case, all I know is I find it somewhat difficult to find people who understand me and who can accept me. And now I've completely forgotten whatever point I was going to make. (This has been happening a lot the last few years. Honestly, it makes me a little worried). End excerpt.
Sometimes, I catch myself wishing that one of those relationships had not come to an end, but then in remembering that end, that longing and desire turns to anger and sorrow, frustration and confusion. In any case, I always seem to find myself reliving the past, but perhaps with a few changes. Maybe if I had changed how I acted or what I said in a particular situation, I would be happier now. And these altered reenactments of my past go beyond my relationships, but with any negative memory that decides to invade my mind. But The Time Machine reminds me that the past cannot be changed, and that those memories are simply reminders of life experiences learned. And to live for today and tomorrow, not yesterday. And with that, I can defeat those memories and put my mind at least somewhat back at ease.
Belief in oneself is another aspect of this movie that I enjoy each time I watch it. I may not be capable of building a time machine or saving humans 800,000 years in the future, but I do know if I could ever find my passion for any one thing, that I would be brilliant at it. But in between times, it's nice to know I am able to do most of the simpler things I put my mind to. A million little projects done, millions more to go.
But more than anything, this movie simply tells me... let go of the past. Just accept things for the way they are. Accept the world around me for what it is, unless I see a way to change the future for the better. I may not have a time machine, but I do find myself in the past far to often. But thanks to Dialectic Behavior Therapy, I am learning how to do that less often, or at least for shorter periods of time.
The Time Machine has always inspired me. If you see a chance, take it. Past loves are in the past, learn to focus on the present. And great minds can do great things. Don't let other people make you think you can't achieve your goals. And if your heart is open, there's always a chance to love again.
So of course with all these thoughts trampling through my mind, I can't help but apply these thoughts to my life at present and regurgitate the results in this limited medium.
If I were to take the first part of the movie literally, then I would think about the loves lost in my life. Granted, none of mine are dead to the best of my knowledge, but sometimes I catch my mind lingering on memories of these women of so many different backgrounds and so many different morals and ideals and goals and aspirations (or lack thereof). Some memories are sweet, some bittersweet, but sometimes I just feel this sensation of emptiness deep inside me, like my breath has been taken from me and my heart has frozen still.
And now I stop for a minute. Consider this an excerpt. A younger me would dive right into this observation without any hesitation. So this right here perhaps makes me that much more different from that younger self. Anyway... Here's the thought that disrupted me: Are thoughts like that normal? Do most people know this empty feeling, or just a few? Would this make me a poet? A philosopher? A psychiatrist? Does this make me more human? Or perhaps more alien? Or is this just something common among people with Borderline Personality Disorder? Because my younger self was not aware of this diagnosis. In whatever case, all I know is I find it somewhat difficult to find people who understand me and who can accept me. And now I've completely forgotten whatever point I was going to make. (This has been happening a lot the last few years. Honestly, it makes me a little worried). End excerpt.
Sometimes, I catch myself wishing that one of those relationships had not come to an end, but then in remembering that end, that longing and desire turns to anger and sorrow, frustration and confusion. In any case, I always seem to find myself reliving the past, but perhaps with a few changes. Maybe if I had changed how I acted or what I said in a particular situation, I would be happier now. And these altered reenactments of my past go beyond my relationships, but with any negative memory that decides to invade my mind. But The Time Machine reminds me that the past cannot be changed, and that those memories are simply reminders of life experiences learned. And to live for today and tomorrow, not yesterday. And with that, I can defeat those memories and put my mind at least somewhat back at ease.
Belief in oneself is another aspect of this movie that I enjoy each time I watch it. I may not be capable of building a time machine or saving humans 800,000 years in the future, but I do know if I could ever find my passion for any one thing, that I would be brilliant at it. But in between times, it's nice to know I am able to do most of the simpler things I put my mind to. A million little projects done, millions more to go.
But more than anything, this movie simply tells me... let go of the past. Just accept things for the way they are. Accept the world around me for what it is, unless I see a way to change the future for the better. I may not have a time machine, but I do find myself in the past far to often. But thanks to Dialectic Behavior Therapy, I am learning how to do that less often, or at least for shorter periods of time.
The Time Machine has always inspired me. If you see a chance, take it. Past loves are in the past, learn to focus on the present. And great minds can do great things. Don't let other people make you think you can't achieve your goals. And if your heart is open, there's always a chance to love again.